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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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kanga_brumby faceing home
  • replies: 14

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be s... View more

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be seeing them at Christmas had 2 great kids both disabled my health started failing in 2000 to the point where I am in a old age home surrounded by people with dementia there is talk of sending me back home I cannot walk far arthritis both knees no wheel chair my kids to young to care for me family who don’t care a banana I wish to go home but now to scared to because I will be alone I hate being alone loneliness is everything it’s cracked up to be there isn’t much worse i cannot move into a boarding house because either the owner/ manager or residents rip you off plus there full of junkies and drunks I am scared of loneliness I have been there before about 15 years in a flat by myself I am not a loner it’s the nights no one to talk to argue make up with. This Rant was brought to you by Kanga

user88 relationship affected by trust issues and anxiety
  • replies: 2

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happ... View more

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happen. I know its wrong to lie but I was so terrified he would judge me, but also Ive been lying to myself ever since it happened, trying to convince myself that it never happened. he didn't believe my lie, and I told him the truth. He got so mad at me for lying, and doesn't believe the truth. We are still together but he says he feels 'different' about me, and seems like he doesn't care yet he still says he loves me. I love him so much, and it hurts so much because I'm the bad person because I lied. but I still have to find a way to forgive myself for what happened to me. I wish he would understand that I lied because I was scared, and I was sexually assaulted yet I am the bad person in this because I lied. I'm so upset and I keep worrying. I already have anxiety and I am constantly panicking because I'm worried he's going to break up with me. I don't know if I should let it go, or try and find a way to work things out

james1 Exhaustion
  • replies: 24

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and d... View more

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. I won't go into detail because it's kind of irrelevant. Just ended tonight. Not exactly mutual, but it was something I had been thinking about as well and we both knew it was going to be a make-or-break. I'm just pretty exhausted because I tried really hard when I saw there was a lot of potential for a long term relationship. But in the end, she didn't feel like she could continue on because of my on-going battle with fear of abandonment, which basically leads me to do things which can feel like emotional manipulation. And even if it subsided, it would be a constant fear in the back of her mind, and she didn't think it would ever go away. So we've parted ways amicably. I'm super sad about this. And pretty devastated that it came about because I haven't been able to control my BPD traits completely. I understand where she's coming from though. It just hurts. James

Emmy. Deciding to be a parent
  • replies: 11

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop an... View more

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop and Uncle (fathers side) both committed suicide. My Grandma (mother’s side) battled agoraphobia for most of her adult life. I battle with severe anxiety & depression and avoidant personality disorder. I don’t want to pass all this on to a child. But I also don’t want to let my husband down. He says he doesn’t mind if we don’t have children but I see him noticing babies and kids and smiling. Will I be denying him fatherhood and love. Know it’s a decision we both have to make together but I’m finding I’m leaning towards no more than yes. So basically what I’m asking is, has anyone else been in a similar situation where they’ve weighed up whether or not to have children based on their mental health? Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Emmy

LeahIvy Nothing to hope for
  • replies: 8

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well... View more

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well, exercise. I am quite lonely - my mum rings me every day to chat - I feel sorry for her - we run out of topics. My siblings are mainly supportive but they have children - their own families. My few friends are mostly married/parents. It's amazing how quickly you are dismissed from these circles because of your own childless state. It is not malicious - but they catch up with their friends who have kids, when you are at work. So I need to look for new motivations I guess. My brother tells me there are other options for families - but that I need to put myself out there. Did I mention I am overweight and the thought of dating leaves me cold. I know I need to start with taking care of my health - eating well, exercising - but then I think - what for? I will never have my children. Is there anyone out there that has worked through these issues - I would welcome any suggestions for getting some motivation back or looking at things differently. At the moment - the best I have is doing it for my family who I love - because it hurts them to see me struggling.

Hannah2015 Parents!
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Not needing any answers I just need someone to hear this. My folks are going through a particularly bad breakup and it's the saddest thing because they are/have been so unhappy for most of their married life. My dad was unfaithful and my mum ... View more

Hi all, Not needing any answers I just need someone to hear this. My folks are going through a particularly bad breakup and it's the saddest thing because they are/have been so unhappy for most of their married life. My dad was unfaithful and my mum said last night that she was going to make him pay for it for the rest of his life. She told me he has character deficiencies. She brings up all sorts of examples to evidence this. The truth is he is unfaithful. He's not a great husband. I'd leave him. The way that my mum has treated him over the years has been horrendous also. She's violent and verbally abusive. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD in part due to the fact that there was never any safe spaces to be in my home/family. Im ok now and live far enough away that most of the drama doesn't impact me. But I'm so sad that these people don't know what it is to feel safe, secure and loved and cared for. How can two people spend a lifetime thinking it's ok to treat each other this way? Why can't they step up and get some help? Vent over.

Pitstar In law help
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice from anyone who has successfully navigated tricky in laws. I am at the point that I don't want anything to do with my in laws as they make snide comments about me related to how much money I spend, parenting... View more

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice from anyone who has successfully navigated tricky in laws. I am at the point that I don't want anything to do with my in laws as they make snide comments about me related to how much money I spend, parenting capabilities and work ethic. We have never asked them to support us financially and we don't have debts on our cars and have paid off 50% of our home. Gossiping about me often occurs with other family members, which makes me feel uncomfortable when I see these family members at family gatherings. They are also completely inflexible about when we catch up, often insisting that we catch up during my toddler's nap time as it suits their schedule for grocery shopping etc. They are both retired. All of this really upsets me, but my husband doesn't understand my feelings as he was brought up by them and feels that their behaviour is normal for older people. My parents behaviour is almost opposite to my inlaws in that they tend to turn the other cheek and are perhaps overly generous to others, which I think means that I haven't learnt to deal with difficult behaviours from parents. I really want to do the right thing by my son to give him a chance at a relationship with my in laws and feel that I should find a way of dealing with the situation, but it has a great emotional impact on me. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you

alltoomuch Which direction?
  • replies: 3

I am a wife and mother to 2. I have had depression since my teenage years but only formally diagnosed when I was about 20. After having my first child at 26 I suffered severe PND and I have been medicated since then. I had a major breakdown in 2015 a... View more

I am a wife and mother to 2. I have had depression since my teenage years but only formally diagnosed when I was about 20. After having my first child at 26 I suffered severe PND and I have been medicated since then. I had a major breakdown in 2015 and anxiety was added to the depression. More medication, psychologists, psychiatrist appointments and things slowly settled. However last year my brother died, then an aunt, an uncle, another uncle and my husbands aunt all within 12 months. We also had to have our dog put down. It's been 18 months now since my brother died but I still find I'm not coping and feel as though I haven't grieved the other deaths. Admittedly some were easier to cope with than others but I just can't deal with anymore loss! In an effort to live life to the fullest we are travelling for 12 months next year. My main concern at the moment however is I don't know if I even want to stay married to my husband. I want to do this trip and it has been our dream for years. I'm hoping it will help get things back on track and give us a chance to focus on our family and each other. My husband shows no affection toward me at all. We haven't had sex since February. He says it isn't me but I feel so alone and unloved. I don't want to think about separating or divorce but I don't know if I can continue to live like this. I am unhappy and I have no-one to talk to about this kind of stuff.

moving-forward Who could love me
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, This is my first post and I am a little nervous. I am a divorced mother of three grown children . Two of my children are married and live in another state and one still lives at home . I would like to know if anyone else feels like th... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first post and I am a little nervous. I am a divorced mother of three grown children . Two of my children are married and live in another state and one still lives at home . I would like to know if anyone else feels like they will never be loved again? I was married for almost 20 years and have been without someone special in my life for almost 8 years now. I have been diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety and Complex PTSD in those last 8 years but have struggled with Major Depression Disorder since childhood. My self esteem bounces from a little to none . Friends tell me I am an attractive person and ask me why I am alone. How do you explain to someone that you have no self esteem without them running for the hills? I find if it hard to look in the mirror without crying. I am very unhappy with what I see. As I get older I am starting to look more like my father. My father was a very cruel person who showed no interest in me at all. We had no connection and I was terrified of him.... and his judgement. I have tried so many things to help improve my confidence and self -esteem . I struggle everyday with thoughts of everyone being better than me. I need help but have no clue where to turn. So I guess my question is..... how can I improve my self-esteem and finally be happy with what I see in the mirror?

Nadine_A Partner breaking up due to depression/children
  • replies: 3

My partner of 5 years has had depression for at least 10 years and has been on the same medication (that I know of). We each have our own children and we happily live separately for now, with an intent to cohabitate in the future. My partner has chil... View more

My partner of 5 years has had depression for at least 10 years and has been on the same medication (that I know of). We each have our own children and we happily live separately for now, with an intent to cohabitate in the future. My partner has children in their late teens that rarely come to visit/stay. We have a wonderful healthy, happy, respectful, honest and kind relationship. We never argue except for when his children visit. Initially they liked me, however they suddenly turned and for the past 3 years they disrespect me and/or ignore me. The children won't invite me to family gatherings or events. My partner doesn't like confrontation and finds it difficult to enforce respect from them. He is also fearful he will lose all contact with them. He has ended our relationship twice before. My disdain about his kids behaviour has sent his already depressed state into flight mode. Both times I should of respected his space but I was too concerned for him (and also very hurt) to leave his side during the time and we ended up reconciling (and him regretting the breakup) about 2-3 weeks later on both occasions. Recently I felt my partner was feeling down due to a financial worry. Following an exhausting discussion carried out over the last 4 days regarding his children's behaviour towards me and my request for some boundaries to be sent via email to them, he broke up with me via email yesterday stating he was leaving the country. I believe he has and has switched his phone off. He has blamed himself for letting his children cause me to be hurt and wrote he is "breaking up with me". I have no idea where he is or for how long. I will respect his space this time however I am devastated. I think the ongoing issue with his kids we can resolve together over time. Although not living together, we have a very committed relationship. As early as last week we both had discussed we were happy being with each other. Does this sound like it's a permanent separation? Do I email him in a few days? I am deeply sorry for causing him pain. I would really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.