Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Trooper77 Wife seperation
  • replies: 2

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four oth... View more

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four other children to another father. Each of those pregnancies she would seperate from the father so it looks like there is a trend. She is not thinking straight and needs help, even though she believes she is ok. This pregnant was unexpected as I had the snip in September last year but didn't work. She also started a new job in January this year and hates me for getting her pregnant. What do I do? She is Currently living with her friend which she goes too each time she does this. She told me last night via email she is coming to Collect her beds so she must be moving into her own place. She has also told me she has left and it's over and she won't be convinced otherwise. What do I do

Out_the_window Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem?
  • replies: 3

Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time... View more

Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time of year. Do any of you have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem? I was one. It agrivates and adds to ones mental problems. Such as anxiety. And depression. Lets start a page about this. Cheers.

highlysensitivepersonhsp The five languages of love
  • replies: 6

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirm... View more

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirmation. This is when you say something positive about a person that is based on truth or some concrete example. It's not just a compliment or cliche. It needs to be honest and from the heart. The second language of love is giving gifts. Such gifts have to have meaning for the recipient. Not just roses on Valentine's Day, but something they will value and regard as special. The third language of love is performing acts of service. Some people find that doing things for others is an act of love. That's not to take advantage of people and their kindness or generosity, but rather to be gracious and appreciative when something is done for you that you want or need. Be spontaneous rather then strategic. Don't give to get back something in return. Help out to show you care. The fourth language of love is spending quality time with someone. Doing things together and really being present for that someone is highly valued as an expression of love. Really invest in the activity and give of yourself. The fifth language of love is appropriate physical touch. A well timed hug, a massage, a touch at the right time and place can convey loving tenderness, kindness and compassion. It brings you closer together. Chapman suggests that we have a preference for a particular lanaguage. Which is yours and which is your significant other's. Notice what they complain about. They might say, we never spend time together. That person has a preference for quality time. Notice which language they use with you. If they are a gift giver then they probably prefer gifts given to them as well. Reciprocate. Be conscious of such expressions of love. Observe which language is used and in what way. Test out the various styles and see what works. Have a conversation about your preference and how it is expressed between you. Be careful not to misinterpret the language and the intent. Tell each other what language you prefer and how you like to express it and experience it. Hopefully it will strengthen the bond between you and contribute to those positive strokes needed to keep a relationship going. Remember that we need five positive strokes for every negative stroke in order for a relationship to survive.

Over1t Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager
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I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss... View more

I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss having time off. Any advise on how to have this conversation with my boss? (My boss can tell by the sick note that it has been written by a Psychiatrist although my condition is listed as medical illness

Ipaint Needing help for daughter
  • replies: 2

My husband and i seperated late last year after 20 years of marriage. Neither of us were happy and we had put the children through enough the last few years with arguing. He left and is renting with my older daughter and her boyfriend. I am staying i... View more

My husband and i seperated late last year after 20 years of marriage. Neither of us were happy and we had put the children through enough the last few years with arguing. He left and is renting with my older daughter and her boyfriend. I am staying in the family home with my younger daughter until its sold. I didnt plan to but have met and fallen in love with an amazing man. My youngest daughter is an incredible girl of 19 but family was the most important thing in her life so this has devasted her. She is trying but says she cant accept all that is happening. She has always suffered anxiety and is in meds for that. . Her dad has let her down and they are not close although they are building a relationship now. She is seeing a counsellor fortnightly and i went to a few sessions where we agreed to me seeing my partner twice a week..he doesnt come to my house and she has only met him once and suffered a panic attack. My daughter and i have always been close and we spent and spend time together. She has tried to organise things to keep her busy on my 2 visits weekly.She works full time but doesnt have many friends. I am really worried about her mental state. She has threatened suicide many times, has physically attacked me and when i visit my partner she threatens to come and burn his house down etc. I slept over at my partners last week for the first time and she was up in the middle of the night vomiting with panic attacks. I was calling my partner once at night when she had gone to her room but she says i cant do that as it causes her to have a panic attack. She is booked into a physchiast at the end of the month to get her medications reviewed. I feel she needs more treatment than what she is having . I think she has depression..she cries a lot. If my partner wasnt the one i want to spend the rest of my life with , i would end the relationship. She feels its too soon but i didnt plan to meet him and fall in love. I am so worried about her and her anger is getting worse. I am scared of her at times., i thought Cognitive Behavior Therapy might help. I am desperate as its been like this for 6 months. My partner is very sympathetic but feels he is the reason for her mental illness and if he removes himself from the picture, she will get better. I love them both and dont want to lose either. Anxiety has stopped my daughter doing so much in her life....university, travel etc. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

July Past friend who hurt me trying to make contact after 3 years.
  • replies: 6

I had a work colleague/ friend whom I met at work , we were very close and worked together a lot , in fact everyone said we were joined at the hip, we also had similar histories . We were friends for about 5 years prior to this work incident. There w... View more

I had a work colleague/ friend whom I met at work , we were very close and worked together a lot , in fact everyone said we were joined at the hip, we also had similar histories . We were friends for about 5 years prior to this work incident. There was another person at work who was very lazy and not liked, my friend in fact stated how she couldn't be trusted . I used to get a lot of weekend shifts with this woman, I talked to her as a normal work colleague and nothing else . Anyway I had a lot of personal family issues going on at this time and my friend knew , but I didn't tell anyone the details , not even her . I was having anxiety and depressive episodes and to top it off this "woman" at work went to my friend and said a lot of untruths "apparently what I had said ". I was blindsided by my "friend" as she went ballistic at me in front of 5 other workmates , I was humiliated and devastated that someone I trusted and was a friend, believed this woman over me. She knew I was under stress from the issues but allowed her anger to overrule any common sense . I was so hurt , eventually I broke down at work told my supervisor and HR became involved , this woman was given a written warning for the distress she caused me , I had to take 4 months off work because I couldn't face seeing my so called "friend"and was scared she would verbally abuse me again , I was a nervous wreck. I eventually moved on to another job within the same facility to get away . Anyway yesterday I ran into my "friend" at work , after not speaking to her for 3 years . We said hello , how are you, then I thought I am going to be the better person , just act normally , we spoke about general things for 20 minutes then she said it would be nice to get together for a coffee and chat ? I was anxious but agreed, we again exchanged numbers , when I got home from work she text me saying ,"It was so nice to see you today, I have a lot of apologising to do ... I am in two minds , she really hurt me by believing someone whom she "dislikes" over our friendship which caused me great distress and my eventually leaving. I have to admit I have avoided her and I assume she was told by HR to not approach me after the whole incident. Part of me wants to resolve it for my own peace of mind but I am unsure how to handle it . Thanks . July

Elise101 Anxiety and Depression ruining relationship
  • replies: 8

My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years, but around the 2 year mark whilst travelling abroad for a long period of time, i remembered a previous sexual encounter i had with another boy a month before my partner and i got together and fe... View more

My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years, but around the 2 year mark whilst travelling abroad for a long period of time, i remembered a previous sexual encounter i had with another boy a month before my partner and i got together and felt very upset that i had done that, even though my partner and i weren't dating yet, but had been talking for a while and i really liked him. I then told him about what had happened which he was very understanding about as we weren't yet dating. i got very home sick and anxious and wanted to come home at this point, but also felt like i was withdrawing from my partner because of how i was feeling and started to question if he was the one/if i loved him or if it was just lust. I stuck out the trip but it was very difficult for me, i was so depressed, felt sick to my stomach and just wanted to get away from him even though he was nothing but caring and supportive of the whole situation and tried to understand how i was feeling/how to help. We came home and things were much the same, but eventually got a little bit better as i was surrounded by my family who also gave their support and in a more comfortable environment. But still now (6 months later) these thoughts still pop into my head. Its not everyday but they're there, and sometimes i want to be alone and not be in a relationship but know its only for the reason that if i leave my relationship i won't have these thoughts overwhelming me everyday. I can sometimes be horrible to him and push him away but he just tries to be there. We almost broke up last night because i had an overwhelming day with thoughts and just knew i had to leave to get away from the thoughts, but i stayed because i know that i'm only feeling like this towards him because of my anxiety and depression. We have also been living together at my parents house since being home which might also be effecting us as we have never lived together and are spending more time together than usual. I know that i love him and want to be with him, its just a matter with how to move on from worrying about these thoughts as i keep trying to put the puzzle together as to why i got like that overseas and dwell/get depressed about it all, and then get anxious when i think about us travelling/moving out together in the future. I can't be happy in the present because i'm too busy worrying! Please help.

running_girl texting woes
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I have recently joined this forum (have a post in the Welcome section) and have gotten to the point where I need to ask for help in dealing with anxiety over a potential new relationship. I am trying to cope with being single at the mome... View more

Hi everyone, I have recently joined this forum (have a post in the Welcome section) and have gotten to the point where I need to ask for help in dealing with anxiety over a potential new relationship. I am trying to cope with being single at the moment but have a close friend who has recently re-entered my life. At this time we’re primarily communicating via text. There are mutual feelings there but I’m finding it really difficult to know where I stand or what the future holds. In other words, I’m finding it really difficult to wait for things to unfold in their own time and texting seems to exacerbate this. Obviously, texting leaves a lot to be desired as a path to building intimacy. However, at present, that is our main way of keeping in touch as we live a fair distance away from each other. My problem is that I tend to panic when I don’t get a quick response or any response. Of late I’ve had a fairly good grip on my anxiety, but it’s starting to raise its ugly head again due to this issue. Can anyone relate? Can anyone share how they’d handle their emotions if in this situation? I just want to feel like I’m on an even keel again - or a relatively even keel, as I don’t think I’ve ever been even in my life rg

Unsubscribed When mum moves in....
  • replies: 4

Hi, so a few things i just need to get off my chest really, as I've dealt with most of the issues. My mother has moved back in with me, my partner and our son. This is fantastic, not only financially but for my son as well. My partner and mother get ... View more

Hi, so a few things i just need to get off my chest really, as I've dealt with most of the issues. My mother has moved back in with me, my partner and our son. This is fantastic, not only financially but for my son as well. My partner and mother get along so that's not an issue. The issue lies in the fact that for a number a years (probably 10) my mother has been loosing her independence, and it's driving me crazy!!! I am an independent woman because of the way i was brought up, sent to boarding school, lived on my own, got myself a job after being homeless, always relying on number one. I got a boyfriend, 14 years ago, ever since my mother has tried to be a mother, quite successfully i might add. What i can't comprehend is the fact that when i was 16 and homeless she wasn't there, when i was going through the emotional upheaval at 18 she wasn't there and if she was she didn't have the compassion or the time. I used to ring my ex-bf's parents to pick me up from town if i was 'drunk' and needed a lift in fear of her punishment. I know everyone changes with age (apparently) but now that i'm in my 30's with a successful career and the whole bit, she is becoming the mother that i needed when i was 16...now is when i need that strong independent mother, so i can get on with my life as it is....(sounds so harsh). There is so much more to this story and i am exhausted...i guess i'm finding it difficult to study full time, be a mother, partner, daughter and have my career.....Anybody want to give me advice on what to cook for dinner tonight??? Thanks for reading....

Guest_128 Think about you????
  • replies: 3

How do people,your partner,children,family,friends,work associates? etc Think about you,or what do you think,they,think? For so so so long,I always thought my thoughts were right! These days I am finding that I have/had no flickering idea! I will try... View more

How do people,your partner,children,family,friends,work associates? etc Think about you,or what do you think,they,think? For so so so long,I always thought my thoughts were right! These days I am finding that I have/had no flickering idea! I will try and keep it brief fantastic family upbringing (I think) trouble at school,always thought I was black sheep. 16 pregnant,to a married 36yr,18 married to a different AH, bashed,19 divorced,21 meet the love of my life(Italian),2 girls later, worked started business with/for husband, renovated houses manually,birthday party with every kid in class,every year, canteen,reading classes,sports, and finally private school cause I couldn't help.blah blah blah. As the yrs go by,I have no respect from my children especially the girls,son 27,girls 19 and 16. Hardly any friends???????? Cause I call it how it is, Comments,and actions What would you know,you don't do anything, You don't own this house,Dad does,you don't work. Why is the sandwich toaster dirty,it's your job to clean it. Where have you put my jeans. There is nothing to eat. Dont speak,you embrace us. I don't need your opinion cause it's worthless. Nobody knows what I have done. I am sick of people thinking I am nothing I don't even know what I'm asking Later