Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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HamSolo01 forever alone
  • replies: 3

title says it all this will be me for life... I'm 23 and feel like it'll be this way forever

title says it all this will be me for life... I'm 23 and feel like it'll be this way forever

rational_thinker Horrendous Parenting
  • replies: 11

Hi there, This is really important for me to say and vent but I am 28 and my parents have been an absolute and total disaster. They were loving but so ignorant it is beyond belief. They were uneducated and illiterate people from a poor country and ha... View more

Hi there, This is really important for me to say and vent but I am 28 and my parents have been an absolute and total disaster. They were loving but so ignorant it is beyond belief. They were uneducated and illiterate people from a poor country and had no idea what the hell they were doing. Because they didn't have skills they ran a tobacco shop. When I was little I had birthmarks on my face and this led to me being picked on and abused by kids, as a disfigured migrant child I was then sent to one of those all boys Catholic schools- this was really difficult and traumatic for me. Did my parents realise that these kinds of issues would severely impact their only child's development and psychological make up? No! They were totally clueless! They used our home as a storehouse for tobacco and cigarettes. I grew up all alone, without siblings, without even cousins, in a house full of cigarettes. Not once did they ever warn me about the dangers of smoking or drugs- they fundamentally didn't understand or were incapable of this basic parental duty to protect and educate the child. What is the biggest farce is that they expected me to be high achieving and successful. But I had to grow up learning every bit of important information for myself- it was like walking across a minefield without a map. Nobody really taught me about STIs either, not my university and my sexually experienced parents didn't think it was important to tell their young son that there is a killer virus you can catch and you should be very careful. I am not saying that is all their fault on that one, but I've taken some risks and am scared stiff from the prospect of getting HIV. But sometimes I wonder maybe I should just be gone, or have never been born. When you are that incompetent/ignorant- you simply shouldn't have children.

b46 I don't know what to do.
  • replies: 8

My boyfriend left me 5 nights ago. We had plans to move in soon and to stay together. Things were not perfect but I had completely convinced myself that we were doing good and were going to last. I took a full time job only weeks ago so that we would... View more

My boyfriend left me 5 nights ago. We had plans to move in soon and to stay together. Things were not perfect but I had completely convinced myself that we were doing good and were going to last. I took a full time job only weeks ago so that we would have some rental security. My whole body has not stopped aching. My mind won't stop replaying every single moment we spent together. All the good moments and all the bad ones too. Every single situation that I reacted badly to. Every "I love you". Every mistake I made. Everything I could have done or said better. I have lost interest in everything. I can't listen to music. I can't eat. I have barely slept. I thought I had finally figured my life out and that I had a secure future. Now I don't even feel like I have a future. He has been hanging out with me because he doesn't want me to do "anything stupid". I feel like since I isolated myself from people in general when we started dating that I have no one. I feel like I seeing him helps me feel normal even if its just for a few hours. But then the reality hits me again and again and again and it hurts more and more. Does anyone have advice for when you don't feel like going on anymore?

Luke89 Feel inadequate to the opposite sex
  • replies: 1

Hi, not sure whether i have hit the right thread but some similar stories on here so think Im close. Reason for my post, looking for some other peoples and girls perspective here if possible. I am 28, electrician and current uni student, super fit an... View more

Hi, not sure whether i have hit the right thread but some similar stories on here so think Im close. Reason for my post, looking for some other peoples and girls perspective here if possible. I am 28, electrician and current uni student, super fit and healthy, have always had a good job, bought a house 3 years ago and have always been into sport and now competitive marathon running. Personality wise, consider myself incredibly driven, genuine, honest, friendly and approachable, all good traits i think. Problem i have is i never seem to generate any interest from girls. I know i have a lot going for me, have a great group of friends both male and female, so i know i dont have any social skill issues here. My self esteem about myself i think is pretty good but when it comes to girls i feel totally inadequate, My 2 housemates pick up girls no worries, where as i just don't. I'm certainly no worse looking than them or have any less going for me. I have been on numerous dates in the last year but none seem interested at all after the first or second date. Ive never been the desperate, needy type, as i am quite picky, so i am confident i don't come off like this, just feeling like im never going to meet anyone. This has always been the feeling ive had (except for 1 long term girlfriend in the past) and as i get older im questioning this more and more and wondering whether there is actually something wrong with me, or do i just not put myself out there enough when i see a girl that catches my eye? Any help/advice would be great, cheers guys

Rae_Rae A little bit lost
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've only just signed up so please forgive me if I do this wrong. I don't ever post things on the internet but I feel I'm left with no option. I'm writing this because I'm not sure what else I can do. I've seen doctors and specialists, physiologi... View more

Hi, I've only just signed up so please forgive me if I do this wrong. I don't ever post things on the internet but I feel I'm left with no option. I'm writing this because I'm not sure what else I can do. I've seen doctors and specialists, physiologists and psychiatrists. I'm a very very happy person. I enjoy hard work and a challenge. I have an 8 month old son who is happy and health. A husband who is great. At the end of the day I just cry and cry. There is an overwhelming sense of despair I can't shake. I've have had severe metal issues in the past but I have never felt like this. it's killing us as a family and my relationship with my partner? What can I do?

Ant71 I s it Lack of sex that's bringing me down
  • replies: 1

Hi like a few of the posts on here I have a marriage that has a low sex drive. We have been together for 29 years and when we do make love it is still great but it is not as frequent as either of us would like. We cannot get our libidos to line up I ... View more

Hi like a few of the posts on here I have a marriage that has a low sex drive. We have been together for 29 years and when we do make love it is still great but it is not as frequent as either of us would like. We cannot get our libidos to line up I love my wife very much still and I know she love me to. I do shift work and I find it turns out that she will be in the mood and I fall asleep not knowing only to find out the next day that she is frustrated. Other times I will be all over her only to find out the moment is gone. This can end up going on for months and ends up with us both pulling our hair out. We have tried some things to help but things just don't seem to work out. We have tried to schedule it but we both hate that way to organised and not in the moment. Neither of us are into the date night thing again to organised. We have done the sexting thing and that worked for a while but now we find that by time we go to bed the moment is gone. I have got to the point where it is affecting my moods and I find myself more depressed than normal. I guess I wanted to know if anyone else has had something like this and what they found worked. I would particularly be interested to find out if any of the ladies have any suggestions as a woman's perspective would be great thanks

MR_2 Seperated Wife
  • replies: 6

Hi, I'm just trying to figure out if I've done the right thing. I have been married almost 20yrs & have 2 children. Events in my husbands life have recently come to a head with devastating consequences for him. His child hood was not a happy one & he... View more

Hi, I'm just trying to figure out if I've done the right thing. I have been married almost 20yrs & have 2 children. Events in my husbands life have recently come to a head with devastating consequences for him. His child hood was not a happy one & he has always struggled but recently things came to light that resulted in his pastor father being convicted of indecent assault of his sister ( a fraction of the truth ). Although not sexually my husband & all of his siblings also suffered greatly at the hand of this man. This has been an extremely difficult time & an unhealthy lifestyle has finally succumbed to what I believe may be depression. We have recently seperated due to his instability & unpredictability. He is seeking help & has his 1st appointment next week. He came to the house tonight to see & hug our children he was visibly distressed although trying to hide it from the children they noticed & my eldest 13 asked did I know if dad was OK. To be honest I have not been so relaxed, calm & at peace since we seperated but seeing him tonight made me feel extremely bad. I worry I've deserted him in his darkest hour & I'm not sure how to handle things. I love him but I'm not sure I'm still in love with him. I want to reach out to him but I don't want to give mixed messages. I need some time & I'm hoping in that time he will be proactive & get the help he needs & maybe hopefully my feelings will return. He was never going to move forward & seek the help he needs & that I can't give him while we were still together & I was managing everything but at the same time this feels so cruel. Is there anyone else out there with a similar story & some encouraging words.

Elle27 Recently broke up and just looking to talk with people who understand and may have had a similar experience
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was kind of mutual in the end but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. We were together for a bit over 4 years and in those 4 years we only ever lived in the same area for 6 months. He moved around for work ev... View more

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was kind of mutual in the end but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. We were together for a bit over 4 years and in those 4 years we only ever lived in the same area for 6 months. He moved around for work every 6 months and lived as far as 4 hours away from me at times. So our relationship was different to everyone else around me as we only ever got to see each other on weekends because we both worked Mon-Fri. He quickly became my priority over friends and sometimes family. My weekends would always be all about him because if I didn't see him, it would be a whole week until I saw him again. My family were very understanding of this and it was never a problem for them. However my friends didn't quite understand and started drifting away. I have generalised anxiety and social anxiety and he was always so understanding when it came to both. He was my person that I told everything to. I could see that my anxiety would frustrate him at times but he never made an issue about it. He would have to ask me multiple times to go do something new together or go meet people I didn't know before I eventually agreed to it. So fast forward to the weekend we broke up. I had a massive unexplained anxiety attack on the Saturday night and I saw the pain in his eyes as he watched me go through it. It made me feel bad and I apologised a lot. He told me how much he loved me and said there was no need to apologise. The next day I just kept crying and was really unhappy. Once again I saw the pain in his eyes. He told me that he thought that he was part of the reason behind my unhappiness because of the nature of our relationship. After 4 years together you start to think about moving in together, eventually getting married and having kids in the future. We'd had a conversation 2 years before and he stated that he never wants to get married or have kids. We stayed together and I stupidly assumed that he had changed his mind. All of his friends are at the age where they're getting married and starting to have kids. We decided that it was for the best that we break up. He told me that it wasn't fair on me to keep stringing me along when he doesn't think he'll ever change his mind. I told him that I couldn't go back to just being friends with him as that would hurt too much. We don't hate each other and I'm not angry at him. I just feel empty. I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel really lonely all the time. Can anyone help me?

Likeadream Confused
  • replies: 6

Hi, I met a guy, we spent 4 weeks together and it was amazing. We weren't going to pursue a relationship because he was moving back to his home state. 6 weeks after he left I found out I was pregnant. I moved to his home state to be with him when our... View more

Hi, I met a guy, we spent 4 weeks together and it was amazing. We weren't going to pursue a relationship because he was moving back to his home state. 6 weeks after he left I found out I was pregnant. I moved to his home state to be with him when our baby was 6 weeks old. We have now been together 6 .5 years. 3 years ago we moved back to my home state and we bought a house. I had literally been in the house 1 week (he is fifo) and he told me that he didn't love me anymore. We eventually worked things out because I didn't want to throw away our relationship. A year later he proposed and we have been happy (I think). He wants to move back to his home state next year as all his friends and family are there (I don't really have any family) I feel confused because lately I have been thinking that we are not right for each other..he isn't affectionate..or loving..he is a wonderful dad and an excellent provider (I work full time also so not just a one income family) I don't want to break up my family but my heart is hurting. It hurts when I think about our son..I don't want to hurt him. I'm just really confused as to what to do...do I break it off with him to be happy or do I stay and try and get back to being a happy family. My son is and will always be my number priority in all of this!