Relationship and family issues

Struggling with my girlfriends depression & anxiety

replies: 1

Hi there, I've been in a relationship with this girl for a few months and its been great, we love each other and are really happy in each other's company. In the last month or two i just feel like her mood is down all the time, she seems really insec... View more

Hi there, I've been in a relationship with this girl for a few months and its been great, we love each other and are really happy in each other's company. In the last month or two i just feel like her mood is down all the time, she seems really insecure of her self and worries a lot about things that would appear insignificant to others. I text her every afternoon asking how her day is and she always responds with something bad that happened to her during the day or just wants to go home and cry, and occasionally says that she just wants this week to "end". I had a brief chat to her the other day about some things and it all stems back to her parents divorce, some other things ive noticed is that she gets really overwhelmed when there are a combination of little life problems. and has begun developing physical symptoms based on stress and anxiety. My sister has gone through a similar thing but rather serious so i can see the parallels between the two and am seriously worried. I just want to know the best way to approach this, as i care for her a lot and dont want to see her hurt herself. Should i speak to her further about it on getting some professional help, talk to her dad first who shes quite close to? Any help if greatly appreciated.

I just don't know what to do anymore..

replies: 12

My 23 year old partner has had severely bad depression and anxiety for almost a year now and it is really starting to affect me in a serious way, I've tried to help him manage it and tried to encourage him to seek help but he doesn't see that he has ... View more

My 23 year old partner has had severely bad depression and anxiety for almost a year now and it is really starting to affect me in a serious way, I've tried to help him manage it and tried to encourage him to seek help but he doesn't see that he has a serious problem. I have also dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life and I understand that its hard but he has changed into a different person, he hurts me physically, emotionally and mentally almost everyday but I still stay in hope that I can help him but he doesn't seem to want help. Half way through the year I moved out into my own unit but it didn't help and he just became obbssesed with where I was and what I was doing and I moved back in with him. We are now expecting a child and we are both very happy but he just doesn't understand anything, he yells at me when I'm tired, he yells at me when I throw up or feel sick, he doesn't let me be on my phone in the same room as him. He smashed the window of my car and slit my tyres, I believe it was to have more control over me but it was also in the heat of the moment. Another problem I'm very concerned about, he has been pulling his hair out for almost as long as he has had the other issues and it has become so bad that he won't leave the house, he gets bad anxiety if he leaves the house and he freaks out and I'm the one that has to put up with it. He always paranoid and angry and anxious and I just want him to be the bubbly carefree boy that I fell in love with. Everyday I resent him more and I want to leave but we both come from broken homes and I don't want that for my child but also I don't know if I can go another six months of pregnancy having to put up with all of this, its so overwhelming and stressful and I don't want that for my child, I don't want to wait in hope that he will change and end up disappointed. I just need some advice or someone to talk to that understands what I'm talking about. Thank you for your time..

How to let go

replies: 6

Hi I have just ended a two and a half year relationship. He wanted me to change into his idea of perfect and everything I did was wrong. It appears before I actually ended things he had already checked out anyway and two weeks after we ended he alrea... View more

Hi I have just ended a two and a half year relationship. He wanted me to change into his idea of perfect and everything I did was wrong. It appears before I actually ended things he had already checked out anyway and two weeks after we ended he already had a new girlfriend. This is not the first time it's happened to me. I feel disrespected in a way but I guess he couldn't help but move on since he had already checked out. It really hurts and I don't know how to let go and move on myself now. Thanks

Why don’t I know??

replies: 2

I have truely ruined my relationship with my partner and only have a small window to possibly work this out. How is it that it’s possible to send explicit messages to someone who’s not your partner and yet have no feelings of physically doing anythin... View more

I have truely ruined my relationship with my partner and only have a small window to possibly work this out. How is it that it’s possible to send explicit messages to someone who’s not your partner and yet have no feelings of physically doing anything with them. I love my partner so much yet for some reason I still sent these messages. We have 2 amazing young kids and I risked, and I’m about to loose,all of it over some stupid idea that sending graphically worded messages to another woman. I need to know cause I can’t sleep or eat and I need to somehow try and build some form of trust back with my partner. I don’t know what I would do if she left me and took my children.

Confused, sad and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

replies: 3

Hi all, I think I’ll just cut right to why I’m here. I’m 23 married and have a 6 month old daughter. My husband and I used to live with my mum while I was pregnant but she kicked us out in January of this year. Being pregnant and out of work my husba... View more

Hi all, I think I’ll just cut right to why I’m here. I’m 23 married and have a 6 month old daughter. My husband and I used to live with my mum while I was pregnant but she kicked us out in January of this year. Being pregnant and out of work my husband was the only one providing for us and so we were basically homeless until a real estate helped us out and we got a rental property ... fast forward 9 months I had my daughter in April and my mum decides she wants to be apart of my life again.. ofcourse it’s only because I had a baby, her first grandchild. Me being me I just let it be and went on with it. So lately my husband and I are hitting a rough patch with financial problems, and we mentioned it to my mum who then mentioned we move back to her place. Naturally.. I am scared sh*tless as you can understand! She threw us out of her house when I was 6 months pregnant and 4 times prior to that. And I told her my stance on it and how I felt about it all and she says ‘ oh it won’t be that way, I promise I’ve changed ‘ now something in me wants to believe her. But, I don’t. Today, it came up again when she came over to visit and she got really defensive when I told her how I felt and how I think things will go down if we move back in with her again, she got so angry she blamed it all on me and my husband and left the house. I was upset and called my husband and he got angry at me. Now I’m just lost I’m sad, I hate myself. But I don’t let it get in the way of my daughter I feel so bad. She doesn’t need this and she doesn’t deserve to see me sad. Yet I’m in this house with no one to talk too because I don’t have anyone. And I just don’t know where to let it out. I don’t even know how to let my words out I hope someone does understand how I’m feeling and has some or any type of advice for me. Thank you!

Dont know what to do about marriage

replies: 2

Hi first time posting here so here goes. Im am having trouble deciding whether to stay married to my husband of 23 years. He loves me very much so this makes it even harder. I think I am suffering depression and have been extremly unhappy for about 2... View more

Hi first time posting here so here goes. Im am having trouble deciding whether to stay married to my husband of 23 years. He loves me very much so this makes it even harder. I think I am suffering depression and have been extremly unhappy for about 2 to 3 years now. I still love him but not in the same way, I also find that I have no desire for sex and his drive is very high and we argue alot about this. I recently had some sort of breakdown when we were talking and was vomiting shaking, couldnt stop crying, couldnt breath , couldnt even talk, it scared the crap out of me. I dont want to make the wrong decision and regret it later, we have had a very stressful 12 months financially and health wise which also makes it worse. I just feel lost and dont know what to do??

New member not sure where to start after chaotic year

replies: 2

Hi all, I'm not sure how to start posting here. I felt maybe creating my own thread was the best way ti proceed. I am struggling with severe depression at the moment due to a range of issues. I have had chronic pain for 2 years from a neck injury whi... View more

Hi all, I'm not sure how to start posting here. I felt maybe creating my own thread was the best way ti proceed. I am struggling with severe depression at the moment due to a range of issues. I have had chronic pain for 2 years from a neck injury which happened at my work place. It got to a point where I could not handle the pain or stress any longer and moved interstate in January, back to where my family lives. I had neck surgery (a c5/6 cervical fusion) in august which has helped the nerve arm pain tremendously however I seem to have become more depressed since surgery? In may this year my partner of 2 years who had moved interstate with me, told me he did not want children and never would. This was after we had been trying unsuccessfully for 1.5 years. He also told me he did not think he was in love with me anymore or ever wanted to marry me. We actually broke up last year as well for similar reasons however got back together around July last year. In this time he had severe drinking issues- he was hospitalised in a psych ward twice for self harm (the second incident in Nov was quite severe self harm). His family wiped their hands of him and asked me to look after him. I did because I genuinely loved him, however can see now that this was not a good idea. There have been talks of him possibly having aspects of BPD from his actions of being so into someone (lavish cards, extremely loving, caring) then can easily switch at a moment in stress and run. This man was telling me up until he 'changed his mind' that he couldn't wait to have our child, couldn't wait to see the child growing inside of me bla bla, I was his soul mate etc. Now I also know I was not blameless in this situation. He told me once before he was broken and damaged and from his previous actions towards me and his history (divorced twice and leaving relationships usually after 2 years) I should have known better. This is just a small synopsis of a very confusing relationship. Needless to say I have fallen into a depression where I am finding it difficult to do anything at the moment. I'm struggling with organising myself, getting to appointments, responding to messages etc. I have had morbid thoughts a lot lately and don't know how to get out of this black hole. I do have an excellent psychologist but I just don't have any energy. I feel like I am just starting to feel the grief now from the break-up as I was distracted with neck surgery soon after he left.

4 seasons in one hour: long-term relationship breakup

replies: 15

My partner of 27 years suddenly announced 2 weeks ago that he's leaving our relationship: demanding shared care of our kids- a young adult son with significant disabilities; and an adult daughter on the autism spectrum, who lives at uni, but needs as... View more

My partner of 27 years suddenly announced 2 weeks ago that he's leaving our relationship: demanding shared care of our kids- a young adult son with significant disabilities; and an adult daughter on the autism spectrum, who lives at uni, but needs assistance with self-organisation and mental health. I'm still struggling to comprehend why now; without warning. He thought I would be relieved: I still want 'us'! I'm 7 years younger, he's in his mid-50s, and wants the last section of his life to be how he wants. I knew we were in a slump, but things were going to be more manageable once my course ends. I have 5 weeks left of a teaching degree, finishing my final prac. I'm struggling, with poor supervisory support & feral students: triggering my anxiety. I've studied since 2011, due to parenting and work and must finish to support myself. I've had depression/ anxiety through adulthood, managing with GP intervention/ medication and occasional counselling; my dad died this year from cancer, my mum is in a home. We were going to sell our house and move to the bush: I'd work and he'd reduce his hours; our son would attend a day-program. He strung me along: telling his family and our daughter a month ago. His family egg him on: the matriarch did the same thing to his dad. He's moved out and we're now in a cycle of 4 nights each with our son. He only opens up in relationship counselling: he can't see my view that this is selfish, narcissistic and destructive. I'm accused of stifling his need to be in a band, meet with friends, family etc. His unorthodox work hours have restricted any couple time, or to have a life away from the grind: yet he's always completed computer games, copious novels and has guitar lessons, while I've worked, studied or looked after the house. He's frowns on respite to lighten the caring load. Despite this, I want us together. I admit I can be moody under stress, but that was going to end. I want 'us' back, but this puts him off even more. His plans restrict my ability to return to my home-city, with my siblings, mum and support network (once prac is done); I've found a solicitor - apparently I'm rushing in, that there's time for arrangements later, he doesn't want lawyers involved. I'm afraid of going in hard, but I have rights, as does our son. I'm managing negative self-talk by exercising, meditation, private counselling and my GP. I need guidance to control my roller-coaster feelings, to work out what needs to be done and what is going on.

Im new, and friendless.

replies: 15

I've had anxiety and depression for years, the depression from a car accident at 18 months of age. Been tossed from dr to dr from moving around alot as dad was in the army, so we moved every two years. Depression destroyed my first marriage. Im now 5... View more

I've had anxiety and depression for years, the depression from a car accident at 18 months of age. Been tossed from dr to dr from moving around alot as dad was in the army, so we moved every two years. Depression destroyed my first marriage. Im now 54, and its been a roller coaster ride for me, because every different doctor has a different treatment. Im also on disability for having lupus, fibro, polymyalgia, asthma, depression and anxiety. My new hubby has advanced prostate cancer, and has been told that once his chemo stops working, [ and it will], he wont have too long left. My hubby is my carer. If he dies, i will be dying along with him, as no one wants me, and i cannot live without him. Even now, we cannot afford to live, and cant even afford to die. I dont know what you can say to help me. I usually cry myself to sleep every night.

Anger and frustration

replies: 13

If one or both partner have any mental or lets say emotional issues I believe in my experience, anger and frustration climbs to breaking point then the downward spiral begins. Add to this typical pressures of modern living. Total commitment might be ... View more

If one or both partner have any mental or lets say emotional issues I believe in my experience, anger and frustration climbs to breaking point then the downward spiral begins. Add to this typical pressures of modern living. Total commitment might be well intended but is it enough for the long term? What is required to endure the yelling, the silence and disappointment. Prevention far outweighs cure. Putting strategies in place, planning by rules for when these events arrive is far more wise than hoping events dont come around. Defusing an arguement within the first 30 seconds my wife found was her best idea. As soon as I'd begin to raise my voice she knew she had to work quickly to snuff out the spark before the fire began. She also recognized a combination of shaking my head left to right and being silent was a good indicator of the pending vulcano. We cant dismiss the direct approach.."I'm getting frustrated with this conversation" can lead to (from the other party) " I'm sorry, I didnt mean for you to get upset, we're only talking". And in those situations skin contact can make a world of difference, sadly I've seen couples argue at a distance without much chance of such contact when the moment could be seized. My wife and I sit close enough on our lounge chairs with a small coffee table between us. Close enough to reach over and hold hands. This can occur if abrasive words are said. We agreed if a hand is held, the matter is resolved...no more ramblings. It also happens when I see her upset commonly when animals are hurt on TV. Of all the basic things one can have in a relationship to keep the bond alive that set up is on par with hugs and favours, flowers and any consideration. Some refuse counseling. A trained counselor can ask a simple question to make you realise you are being unreasonable. Eg past partner of mine was frustrated I had a hobby (model planes) that I enjoyed a few hours every second evening. But she didnt have any interest of her own. The counselor asked her "and whats your passion" to which she had no reply but it made her realise it wasnt my passion that was the issue, it was that she didnt have one of her own. But as for arguement resolution 7 years ago my wife and I came up with a plan of our own when anger was well under way. It has worked for us on every occasion a full blown arguement has come about. It is detailed in the following thread. Simply google it. Topic: relatiionshop strife?- the peace pipe- beyondblue Tony WK

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Struggling with my girlfriends depression & anxiety

replies: 1