FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

My husband left me

Brokenhearted87
Community Member
So after 10 years of marriage my husband just left me and moved in with someone else straight away. We have three kids together and whilst our life wasn't perfect it wasn't bad. But how do I keep going. All I see is reminders of him. He's still around constantly to see the kids. I haven't slept or eaten in 4 days. Even water struggles to stay down. Please tell me this gets easier! 😭
2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Brokenhearted, I'm really sorry to hear of what your husband has done, but chances are is that it won't last, they never seem to, and if it doesn't you have to decide whether or not you will want him to return, because it may happen once again, plus you don't know how long this has been going on behind your back.
I'm sorry to say it that way, but I would remove all his possessions either by telling him to pick them up from the garage or the opportunity shop will pick it up.
If I was in your position and my wife did this, I would be horrified, cross, annoyed and be feeling betrayed, I would never want to have her back, no matter how much she pleaded, the trust has been broken and that's what a marriage runs on.
You may feel differently and I do understand this, but as soon as someone lies to me either face to face or by any other means then it's 'goodbye', I could never trust them again.
He may have his reasons but that's no excuse for doing this, so please can I suggest you see your doctor and procede from there.
The other option is to sell the home if you are paying it off and if you want him to come and visit the kids then make times when he can do this.
It's so hard for you to try and get over this at the moment, but as soon as you eliminate him as much as you can the better it will be for you, but a chunk has been taken out of your heart and for that I'm truly sorry. Geoff.

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Brokenhearted

Welcome to the forum.

Yes it does get easier but not for a while. Geoff's point about packing up his possessions to collect by a certain date is good. He has left you and cannot waltz back in at any time to see his children. These times need to be negotiated between you and him, and they must be convenient to you not just when he feels like visiting. Does he have keys to the house? Change the locks. Do you work? What financial help is he giving.

You need to see your GP immediately before you become seriously ill. You can mange without food for a short time but not fluids.

Find yourself a lawyer. Yes I know it's not the action you think of first and I am sure you do not want to do this. Go to Legal Aid for at least some advice. Or look up the Women's Legal Service in your state. They will arrange at least one free consultation but not sure how many they give you. You need to put your affairs in order now.

Do you have any friends and family who can help you? You do need emotional support at this time. Talking to someone you trust can help as they can see things more objectively. I know you are hurting and feel bewildered and lost. And it would be strange if you did not have these feelings

This is where you need your strength to get through this time. Taking the actions I wrote above will give you something to focus on and you need this. I expect you are constantly churning over in your mind all that has happened. This has the effect of paralysing you and keeping you in that dreadful place. I do know how hard this and you have my deepest sympathy. First carry out all the actions and grieve later. I know, not easy, but do it to show you are a competent woman.

OK if I have anything that distresses you please forgive me. Keep writing here for support.

Mary