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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Rainbow_fish Daily angst
  • replies: 12

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised... View more

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised probably since our first child was born 8 years ago. I understand how a marriage can often be put under strain once a child is born, however what seems to be the underlying cause of endless arguements might have to do with the differences in how we perceive things... my understanding of cleaning up vs his understanding. My idea of respect vs his idea. I don't want to bog this down with so many examples, but I'm really really struggling to maintain our marriage that just seems to be full of immaturity or sarcasm (from him) and me having to battle that in terms of wondering why he doesn't seem to want to grow up and be accountable for things that adults, parents and husbands should... he always says that it's me with the problem and I need to change, which cuts to the bone, because I feel he has lost all sight of what he has right here in front of him... a family who wants to spend time with him but he is 'too tired', or 'organised a friend to come over' or 'will do the dishes in the morning', but they're still there by nightfall next day, or 'needs to wash the car' instead of looking after the baby while I run errands. Its just a constant struggle to agree on responsibilities...and for him to be honest... it's really just that and a lack of open communication. Honestly I can say that I become annoyed when there is a million things to do, but he's browsing on his phone... I feel like I'm dealing with a teenager who is avoiding house chores or something... it makes me feel depressed because I feel I am being the only responsible adult... and as for lying, blatantly and by omission, this is something that has caused a lot of heartache for myself... if it wasn't for the kids I'd be out of here in a flash...it's not happy or healthy... but my gut and heart are saying I've invested way too much and have two beautiful children who would suffer immensely if i did. I WANTED to work on it but I am reaching that end point where i may just cave in and be consumed by a monster of a marriage. I know we need to talk, he just doesn't think there's anything to talk about... I'm in a bad place with him and the kids miss him... I honestly have nothing left to give... feeling more alone each day...

BeccaJ So alone
  • replies: 3

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best fri... View more

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best friend died of cancer a few years ago and I’ve never really gotten over it. It feels like part of me died when she did. I considered her my soulmate. I had never had a friendship in my life like that before or after. We just meshed. It’s like we were the same person and we spent basically everyday together. Now I don’t have anyone to spend my time with so I’m basically a shut in. I know what people will say to me. That I just need to get out and meet new people...it’s not that simple because I have major social anxiety. For the first 16 years of my life I was severely bullied for being overweight and had no friends. I’m now 27 and still Whenever I leave the house Now I feel everyone looking at me and judging me and I just want to go inside and hide. I don’t know how to talk to people. My brain just shuts down when I meet people and no words come out. My whole developing years were spend alone and being shut down and criticised by my peers. I just live a sad lonely existence now and I’m so alone it makes me cry. I don’t see a way out of my empty life. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

Lora21 Family being torn apart
  • replies: 5

I'm very new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice on having their family torn apart. My brother and his wife for some reason have decided to isolate the self from particular family members. We have usually been a close family and they have t... View more

I'm very new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice on having their family torn apart. My brother and his wife for some reason have decided to isolate the self from particular family members. We have usually been a close family and they have two children who mean the world to me and their grandma. contact with them is seeming less likely by the day. They are choosing when to reply to mesages, being manipulative by making it out that we are doing the wrong thing when all we want to do is see the kids... its tearing our already semi broken family apart and its heart breaking. any advise at all is so appreciated. Thank you.

melmie Can’t stop crying
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have not been feeling too well mentally, I can’t seem to sleep properly and sometimes I can’t stop crying. My father came back from a trip from Chile 2 days ago and he was gone for 5 months. In that time, I couldn’t control anything or handl... View more

Hello, I have not been feeling too well mentally, I can’t seem to sleep properly and sometimes I can’t stop crying. My father came back from a trip from Chile 2 days ago and he was gone for 5 months. In that time, I couldn’t control anything or handle it because he promised my mum and I that he’d be back by 10 days. They nearly divorced and my mum was depressed and had multiple panic attacks in that time. When he returned, he wasn’t the father that I loved. He started smoking as he was influenced by his friend. My mum told me he’d have 10 a day while he was in Chile and it didn’t bother me at all for some reason, but today I went upstairs for 5 minutes to get changed and I find him outside smoking. This was the second time I saw him today so far, he promised he’d quit soon but I doubt it. He smokes menthol cigarettes which I know are the worst and are so hard to quit. I can’t stop crying, he’s so different and, as selfish as it is, I wish he never came back. Everything is different and awkward and I’m so sad but I have no idea why. Of course I missed him, of course I’m overjoyed for him finally returning, but I can’t help but wish my life was back to normal and I was better. I can’t stop shaking and I’ve been crying for half an hour and no one knows, I’m a mess. I don’t know why I feel like this, please help me. I’m only 12, I don’t want people to think I’m doing this for attention but I want to feel better. Kind regards, Isabelle

OF Compulsive Lying Tendencies and Anxiousness
  • replies: 4

Hi, Not sure if I am in the right area here but it is my first time and I figured I will be directed somewhere or maybe here! So it has been a long time knowing I am lying to the people around me for a few years and even my boyfriend of a year now. H... View more

Hi, Not sure if I am in the right area here but it is my first time and I figured I will be directed somewhere or maybe here! So it has been a long time knowing I am lying to the people around me for a few years and even my boyfriend of a year now. He caught me out several times and I kept making excuses or perhaps admitted I was lying but I really need to put a stop to this as this has affected our relationship in a major way. In fact in the last few days, it has hit me hard. I had to take 2 days off work! He is still standing by me, in which any sane person would have left by now. I am so grateful for him and I guess my good outweighs the bad in me. I know they say if you are with a compulsive liar and they steal from you then you must steer away but I know I will not do these things ever again and need to control the lying aspect. I fear trust even though I trust him but subconsciously I probably am not and it is an involuntary thing. I have done some awful things like stole from him twice and lying about small things. The reason why I stole from him was because I was super desperate and I couldn't ask him as I feared he would get upset and not understand. I also went behind his back and borrowed money off his sister in law and told her not to tell him in whicg eventually she did and I do not blame her for that. The things I have done are very out of the ordinary for me. I grew up as an only child with an unstable mother who is constantly abusive verbally and who was an alcoholic. She has not been diagnosed with any condition but I do believe she has major depression and other issues. I am now 32 and fear I might turn into her knowing it is not who I want to be and my Dad has been slightly supportive but unable to talk to him about this as he is over 75 and he has his own issues. Currently I am going to seek help and bring my partner in to let him know I am going to get the treatment needed. He also insisted in coming and I have no quams about that. I also haven't been able to tell my parents I have been dating and living with my partner for a while because of cultural differences, moral, etc I feel like I am in a bit of a mess. But I am just seeing, do I have hope and is my partner being silly for wanting to go through all of this with me now? The trust has been broken but he has hopes and it will take time.

bjay1383 My family has "chosen" my ex over me
  • replies: 11

I have been separated from my husband for nearly 4 years. During this time he has remained close to my family. We were together over 15 years and as far as separations go, we had an amicable spit. We co parent very well and generally there are no iss... View more

I have been separated from my husband for nearly 4 years. During this time he has remained close to my family. We were together over 15 years and as far as separations go, we had an amicable spit. We co parent very well and generally there are no issues between us. I do not have an issue with him remaining in my families life. Essentially we split, they didn't. My issues are, my family have made no effort to accept my partner. We have been together for 2 years so he's not a new fixture. They are inviting my ex on family camping trips (only my family is going and my ex's partner who they have welcomed with opened arms), dinners and general gatherings. Over the last year I have received minimal invites and the ones I had been invited to, they invited my ex as well. Which he attended and I made no issue from that. I am not a terrible person and I have tried my absolute hardest to be ok with this fact but after they tried to hide a camping trip from me after I had discussed with them I feel excluded and shunned from my family while my ex enjoys their company they still tried to hide it I advised them I will not be attending Christmas with them. I might have reacted on emotion as I am very upset but I honestly feel they would just prefer it if I didn't go so he could and it would be less awkward. I have received a message from my sisters husband advising me that if I won't be joining them for Christmas over something as petty as a camping trip, not to worry about his gift (we draw names and buy for 1 family member to keep cost down) and I have really upset my sister. I have explained how I feel excluded yet they continue to "hang out" with my ex and exclude me. I was VERY close with my family and I am devastated this is happening. They feel I am controlling who they can and can't associate with. I have never asked them to cut ties and won't but I just want them to realise how much it hurts when they exclude me in preference of him. He can join in on my invites, why can't they extend the same invite for me. My partner feels this is because my family don't like him. He distances himself at gatherings and this too creates tension as they feel he's not making an effort. I don't know if I am over reacting. It is starting to create a family divide as half can see it from my perspective and the other think I am being controlling and it is pushing them further. Half can see my point are being very supportive and this is pushing the other half further and from them also

AtHomeDad At Home Dads
  • replies: 1

This thread is dedicated to all At Home Dads that may be struggling with anxiety and depression due to the stresses of family life in our modern world. Struggling with their identity as human beings, finding their place amongst family and friends and... View more

This thread is dedicated to all At Home Dads that may be struggling with anxiety and depression due to the stresses of family life in our modern world. Struggling with their identity as human beings, finding their place amongst family and friends and dealing with the stigma that surrounds being an At Home Dad in a still genderist society. This thread it is hoped to be a place for such men to talk openly about their experiences and struggles and perhaps give each other support. My name is At Home Dan, I am 44 years old, I have been an AHD for all of my marriage which will be for 20 years next year. My daughters are two very well adjusted people and are now starting their lives, my wife and I believe we have done a very good job with them, but not without our struggles. It has been very difficult being an At Home Dad in a fairly genderist society, I have been openly mocked by friends and family alike, with most believing that it is the male that needs to work while the wife stays at home with the children. It has left me with absolutely no confidence and at 44 my job prospects are limited, I have been working from home since about 2007 as an ebay seller turning a hobby into at least some money. But none of this is recognised as "actual" work by my family, in-laws have managed to even make my children believe that I have never made a contribution, yet I have done all the things that a "house wife" would have done, cooking, cleaning and looking after the children. I was diagnosed with GAD with a Chronic Depression about 6 years ago when my marriage was on the rocks and it seemed that the whole thing was going to come undone. This all happened when I started to become popular on the internet with my hobby business, more and more time was spent on this and less on my wife and children...guess I just wanted a little something for myself, some recognition...from somewhere. It was fun while it lasted but I had a choice my family or my hobby business. During my breakdown and subsequent depression I sought the support of my friends and family and discovered that I had none, I also sought the support of mental health professionals and self-help groups which were great. I sought the help from men's groups and found that they were few and far between and none of them really understood the plight of the At Home Dad. I still suffer from GAD. I thought I would post this thread and see if there were any other AHDs that may feel the same isolation and loneliness. Dan

Comments101 Family or not?
  • replies: 2

So i moved out of home this year (2017) ,where i moved they rent rooms out, my Aunty said to upgrade to a bigger room... I was hesitant for a while till she said i'll give you extra money if needed, so i decided to upgrade... Anyway a couple months h... View more

So i moved out of home this year (2017) ,where i moved they rent rooms out, my Aunty said to upgrade to a bigger room... I was hesitant for a while till she said i'll give you extra money if needed, so i decided to upgrade... Anyway a couple months have gone and when i asked for credit for my phone she said that she would not get me any because i owe her to much ($170) and Xmas is coming up i showed her something she could of got me and she said if she got the item i would owe her $200, so i'm paying for my owe gift?! Anyway i was wondering if you think if this is right or not ?? P.S my depression is really acting up because of this.

Maddy_84 Husband, no filter
  • replies: 2

So I need some advice, my husband gets home from work after we had a argument over the phone to find me, the kids and my mum, I can see he's angry, kicking stuff, yelling, carrying on like an imbecile. Then he turns around and calls my family scaveng... View more

So I need some advice, my husband gets home from work after we had a argument over the phone to find me, the kids and my mum, I can see he's angry, kicking stuff, yelling, carrying on like an imbecile. Then he turns around and calls my family scavengers in front of my mum. He has a tendency of putting my family down and making rude comments to their faces. He says if he's provoked why should he sit back and take it. I agree sometimes they deserve it but is that ok? Is it ok to put that pressure on me. I was shocked and knew this was going to make things very difficult for me. It's clear to say my mum is not happy about his behaviour or his comments and is really worried for our marriage. I never speak to his family with dis respect no matter what but he does to mine. It's made my Christmas uncomfortable and awkward. I don't know how to go about this now...

Roanna Emotional Affair Roller-coaster
  • replies: 15

This is probably going to sound like a bad soap opera but here goes. My husband recently had an emotional affair with a girl (I say girl because he is 23 and he is 32) at work. I found out, confronted him, he moved out for 2weeks during which I had m... View more

This is probably going to sound like a bad soap opera but here goes. My husband recently had an emotional affair with a girl (I say girl because he is 23 and he is 32) at work. I found out, confronted him, he moved out for 2weeks during which I had major emotional ups and downs but fought for our marriage, we officially broke up for 3 days then he came back and decided this is where he wants to be. The issue now is that they are "besties" (yes I said besties) and he's only been home for about 3-4 weeks so it's getting to me. I have told him that it hurts me the she's still around and he say he understands that but refuses to cut down on the contact he has with her outside of work even temporarily. This is the part that I hurting me the most. I know that I have to get passed it eventually but the fact that the only problem he sees with it is the one I cause when I get upset about it. I have told him that our needs to take priority and if they are such good friends she would understand that and give us our space and maybe one day we can all get along. I can compromise. Still my feelings are ignored. Not sure if I should talk to her myself, give him an altimatum, or just suck it up and get over it? We have been having some good times together over the past few weekends and our communication has definitely improved but I still feel like I'm fighting her for him. I don't NOT believe him when he says he loves me and wants to be with me, I can see in his face that he means it but not backing me up on this is a big deal to me. Not sure what I should do now.