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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jillybeans Family drama
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating featur... View more

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating features and has said some pretty awful things about my family. Now my daughter aged 30 won't speak to him because of things he said to her. It is breaking my heart. Have tried to leave him lots of times but never able to stay away long. It has caused a major rift in my family. My family think he is controlling. He has loved me endlessly and I've put him through so much but I do sympathise with my family - he has been at odds and awful to them on occasion. I am so torn I just don't know what to do any more. He has had enough. It makes me so depressed but again I blame him, not my family. We are both worn out. I should say my daughter lives interstate. She is quiet like me but refuses to put up with my husband's treatment any more. He made her less than welcome (she lives interstate) and he says it's her attitude to him that's the problem. I've tried to leave because I see no other way, the pressure is enormous. However, my brother especially is supportive of me and believe I will only be happy if I can get him out of my life. I am seeing a counsellor next week but in the meantime I am so depressed about the whole situation and can't seem to stay on one track in how to solve this mess. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

___4 I've lost the spark and romance. What do you suggest I do?!?!
  • replies: 1

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark... View more

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark & the romance I had. We barley have sex anymore. Our friendship group thinks we act like "just good mates" (which is true, they're not a huge pda person which I'm trying to adapt to still but I think that's also what's made me so cold towards them in a romantic feel. That they won't show it so I need to get back at them and not do it to them also, public or private ). I love them with all my heart and can't imagine life with out them. They're a huge support line for me and encourage me to do my best everyday but I'm so cold to them lately. I don't feel like myself and feel we're not in a good place but it's my attitude towards the relationship that needs to change but I find it difficult to. I hate the "just friends" thing and that really upset me hearing our friends think that but they only told me that, not my partner and I feel if I bring it up my partner will only say "well I do love you, you know it too but you also know I don't show it much around others but I show it to you" etc etc. and I know they do love me, I love them. But I can't help but feel so cold towards them quite often lately and it's not healthy for any of us as my partner will just think it's due to work struggles or something but it's about him but it's my fault.. Sorry for the ramble I just needed to vent..

KJL ADVICE APPRECIATED VERY DOWN & NEED HELP
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to... View more

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to take them but I'm planning on stopping as my partner feels they are changing me & I want to get back to being addicted to excersise. We were gonna have a break cause both have DVOS from police from drunken arguments but love each other very much & want to put it in the past. My partner got accepted for housing & we broke the lease as we want to be together. He says we need to be careful for the first month or two which I know but is calling it HIS HOUSE. My stuffs there, furniture, fish etc so I agreed I would stay somewhere else for the first month & can't go to rehab as he is insecure I'll be brainwashed & meet someone. I'll be there a couple of nights a week & the first week at my mums detoxing. My mum lives with grandma as a carer & is on pills & god knows what & I can stay at my dads but he is an alcoholic & I know I will drink. My partners scared of me staying at both places but would rather know where I am & be able to come see me but him saying it's his house makes me feel like like I'm gonna get kicked out every time we argue and we argue when I voice my insecurities.

Spegel My husbands depression has ruined our relationship and Marriage
  • replies: 2

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years his depression got worse and he stopped seeing his Dr.18 months ago he decided to take himself off the meds. This was a really scary time for the kids and I. His behavior was erratic and his moods were terrible. We began fighting alot more than usual and he started making threats of suicide. Often I have been scared to go into our house if he gets home before me. Our relationship has always been stressed due to his not being a 'present' father. My husband has 3 children (2 with me and an older child from a previous relationship). All 3 children lived with us. I became an instant mother of 3 the day I cam home from the hospital with my twins ans his older child was also sent to live with us while I was in hospital giving birth. This was stressful for me as my husband was very little help 'always at work or at the shops'. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and became very bitter about his lack of help and interest in his family. The years went on and things didnt change but I decided to accept them as they were thinking i wouldn't be able to cope on my own. There were some good times but as a whole my Husband still preferred to be away from the family.

Countrymusicgirl Friends and family are making me angry
  • replies: 0

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been suppo... View more

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been supportive in the past. Now there is my sister off living her life, never calls, hardly comes around because of work. She has helped with money but that's all. Im having resentment towards my sister. Now my friend. My best friend of 10 years I want her to stop- she tells our other friends how I am. If I wanted them to know I would tell them. Shes like I've told this person. Every appointment I go to she wants to know details. And if my partner doesn't ask me she turns around 'I'll be questioning your relationship' from that I have lost respect for her. And I dont know how to confront her about it. She wants me to go over seas on a holiday and shes like you should go. I made excuses really the reason why I dont want to go is because I'm going to be an crazy if i go while my boyfriend is stuck. And she is making me feel bad for it. The resentment feeling towards my sister, and my the anger and lost of respect I have for towards my friend. What do I do? I want to ask my sister to take care of mum for the day. But I'll feel selfish for asking. I want to tell my friend to back off, stop caring to much but I'll be worried that will hurt her

BunnyMuffin The Madonna Complex
  • replies: 16

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking ... View more

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking at other women for sex, but not love. He has not had sex with anyone is 3 years (even after we split up...) I am so confused by this all. We broke up over 6 months ago because he said he "didn't look at me like that anymore" and had been having "urges". Then 2 months ago he came to me crying saying he has only ever been happy with me, that he loves me and it is "just the sex thing" that is stopping him from being with me. He feels like he is throwing away his one chance at happiness. He has started seeing a psychologist about his issues but I haven't been able to find much support or advice for myself about it all. I have started having panic attacks and anxiety because of all of this. I am seeing a psychologist myself but I'd like to know if anyone has experienced this time of thing themselves? I believe it is called The Madonna Complex.

Pill_Bill Sawdust Caesars with anxiety.
  • replies: 1

Hello. I've joined up to try to find some info about anxiety and how people cope with it. To be more specific, I want to find out if it's common for some people with anxiety to resort to habitual tyrannical behavior towards others, as a way of keepin... View more

Hello. I've joined up to try to find some info about anxiety and how people cope with it. To be more specific, I want to find out if it's common for some people with anxiety to resort to habitual tyrannical behavior towards others, as a way of keeping their anxiety at bay. I know a family in this posiiton. One of the children, ( named "X", age, over 20), has chosen to be a recluse for the past 15 years. Lives with the father, who barely tolerates X and wants X out. X refuses to go back home to the mother, but phones her frequently to demand food be brought to the father's house. In these phone calls, X is always hostile, calls the mother by her name, and says, "You'll only come here if I say you can!" Phone calls begin with, "What have you got to say for yourself?!" X demands to know what the father is "up to", and insists that the mother keep X informed. However, the parents are divorced and the father has remarried. The mother repeatedly tells X that she can't influence the father in any way, but X keeps insisting. The dynamic of the family is such that X behaves like an absolute tyrant, dictating terms to the mother daily, while utterly refusing to make any attempt to leave the father's house. X rarely eats and never showers, and never leaves the house ever, but refuses to tell anyone in the family the reason(s) for this choice. The behavior and demeanour of X is unvarying hostile and belligerent and angry almost to the point of hysteria whenever the mother tries to explain her situation. The mother has told me that anger is the dominant tone of all the conversations, and that they always contain a demand, a command, or some vague ultimatum unless X's demands are met. So my question is; is this kind of behavior common to people with anxiety disorders? Personally I suspect it is a coping mechanism which the person adopts in order to feel at least some trace of control over life. If this is the case, then I would think that there might be a certain way of responding to the behavior that might alleviate the person's distress and maybe even begin to lead to a "cure" for the anxiety. At present, both parents simply accede to all the demands, commands, and threats because to do otherwise inevitably causes an hysterical "shut-down" of X. They worry about the potential for suicide, of course, if they lose touch with X completely. Hope I've made this clear enough for a response. Thanks.

Always___Never I'm all alone
  • replies: 9

I live with my xpartner & our 2 children, who have learning difficulties & ADHD, I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks, my life has been a nightmare, we broke up around 2 years ago, after 12 years of being together, due to he's bad anger problems, hi... View more

I live with my xpartner & our 2 children, who have learning difficulties & ADHD, I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks, my life has been a nightmare, we broke up around 2 years ago, after 12 years of being together, due to he's bad anger problems, him playing mind games with me & being a compulsive liar. Ect. Firstly this is how the last two years have been, -he paid a guy a lot of money to get a lot of people to follow & watch my every move. - he gave the guy my photo & my personalised number plates, and told them if they can catch me with anyone, they'll get a lot of money. I found out he'd paid them $1,000 at first because of a bank statement I'd seen ) he admitted paying them 2,000. -he had put a gps on my car, monitored my phone, had listening device within the home,had a camera in my bathroom, Made the only friend I had, not be my friend anymore,as every time we were out she was seeing people follow & watch me For the last 2 years this has happened to me, last year i got a restraining order by the courts for him not to have me located and followed, but they allowed him to stay within the home, He always tells me he has stopped, but they must be still doing it, he also tells me if he didn't care he wouldn't be here, and he loves me, He tells me, I'm beautiful, and it upsets him not being with me, then he'll tell me I'm a waist of talent,, I'm mental, I'll never be well off & he will be I'm so alone, confused & scared in life, I am now suffering from bad anxiety, and am having the worst thoughts now, i have no one to talk to, & just need friendly advice

Lolly1986 Separated from partner of 6 years and now starting a new relationship
  • replies: 1

I am 30 years old, and last July I decided to leave my partner of 6 years. We had only gotten married in November 2015. She decided that a 'too close for comfort' friendship that bothered me and made me question her faithfulness was more important th... View more

I am 30 years old, and last July I decided to leave my partner of 6 years. We had only gotten married in November 2015. She decided that a 'too close for comfort' friendship that bothered me and made me question her faithfulness was more important than me and our relationship. So after trying and trying to resolve issues, I left for the benefit of my health and spirit. 4 out of those 6 years were spent trying to conceive, which for a same sex couple is difficult to say the least. All I've ever wanted was to have kids of my own, but fertility issues held me back. After doctors appointments, surgery, drugs, diets, detoxes...I threw in the towel. This has all taken a serious toll on me, mentally, emotionally and physically. And now I have started a new relationship, the topics of marriage and kids comes up. Although it excites me it also scares me because I dont want to be a failure again. I often wonder if my ex gave up on me so easily because I just couldn't fall pregnant. maybe my existing emotional baggage, depression and anxiety was too much. I want to be happy and healthy, with my new girlfriend, and feel confident about the future. I go through ebbs and flows of emotion about my self worth, I fear being left again, not being able to trust properly. The baby 'stuff' is a raw nerve and as friends around me start families I cannot cope. I feel like a big ball of emotion that needs to explode but then the next day I will be calm and happy. It's so inconsistent. Right now is a down day. I feel like crying non stop but I dont know why. I don't want to go home, I dont want to be around people, I dont want to sleep, I just feel lost and irritable.

Quiettall Appropriate response to bombastic older brother
  • replies: 7

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for... View more

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for 10 years, after my other siblings got sick of him ringing up on a very regular basis, going on about his wonderful road safety campaign, and how he was going to have it nationally accredited, and all States will be forced to adopt it. His claims are somewhat exaggerated (for example, he alleges the State motorist association is supporting him suing the State transport department for $3m for not adopting his version), but when I or others question his judgement or statements, he gets very angry and abusive. Two days before Christmas last year (after 10 years of not hearing from him or his wife), he rings out of the blue, wanting to reconnect with family. I gave him my updated list of siblings' phone numbers, which he then proceeded to ring to "update them" on his progress. Most of them have phoned me saying nothing has changed...he is still as bombastic and misguided as ever. As each one challenges him (he is 67) that he should drop the issue and relax and enjoy retirement, he abuses them, hangs up, and then rings me, telling me how selfish and ignorant my siblings are. It turns out my wife and I are the only one he rings now...unfortunately every second day. I have tried to gently suggest to him that we want a relationship with him and his wife, but we dont want to be dominated by his campaign. He seems not to have taken the message, so we have had to check the phone when it rings, and limit answering his calls if they come in more than once a week. I am not sure what else we can do. He is pushing to come and visit our house for a meal, but I genuinely fear that the whole event will be dominated by his issue, and if we try to get him off the topic, he gets aggressive and abusive. I dont want to expose my wife, nor myself, to this behaviour in our home. So we have suggested meeting somewhere halfway for lunch, so we can limit the damage and exposure. Any thoughts or suggestions here?