Relationship and family issues

Not sure if I want to be with my boyfriend anymore.

replies: 6

Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I could really use some help. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I’m no longer sure if this is what I want. I feel like having that doubt is already indicative enough of what... View more

Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I could really use some help. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I’m no longer sure if this is what I want. I feel like having that doubt is already indicative enough of what I should be doing. My BF and I have had a pretty great relationship so far. We’ve had some bumps along the way (family problems on both sides mainly, and I’ve had some major depression/anxiety issues) but we’ve gotten through it all. We’ve also been living together for about a year as well. He’s been an absolute rock in regards to my anxiety and depression. Lately though, there’s been a few occasions (mainly during/after arguments) where I’ve questioned whether this is right for me. Like I said earlier, that already makes me feel like it’s wrong.... but is this a common feeling people have? I really love him, but there’s been a few occasions where there’s been something that bothers me and when I try and talk about it, it’s supposedly either a stupid thing to be upset about or i just need to not be so sensitive. I do think some of the things have been trivial, but I also think that if you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be able to talk about things that bother you without being made to feel like you’re acting like a child or just being too sensitive. Sometimes I feel as though my worries aren’t taken seriously and that maybe there’s someone else out there who wouldn’t make me feel bad for being annoyed by things. I end up feeling pretty bad though because I know my BF hasn’t put up with a lot more than potentially any other BF would. The other problem we’re having is that he’s currently here on a Visa, and whenever we talk about applying for his next Visa as a couple, he brings up that he’s not sure if that’s going to happen mainly because his family is overseas etc., but it makes me upset because I’m in a position where I don’t know if this person I’m building a life with is going to decide to stay with me or just leave me. Apart from this I just find myself getting annoyed more often at things he says/does. Like things that never bothered me before about him annoy me now, and I don’t know if this is just a phase or if it’s a sign that this isn’t right for me.

Breaking up with kids

replies: 2

I suffer bad anxiety especially in my relationship.. i feel like i spend my life tip toeing to keep him happy.. i get so much anxiety with every phone call from him just thinking it will end in a fight, because when we do fight i seem to always be cr... View more

I suffer bad anxiety especially in my relationship.. i feel like i spend my life tip toeing to keep him happy.. i get so much anxiety with every phone call from him just thinking it will end in a fight, because when we do fight i seem to always be crying myself to sleep while he just gets angry an blames me for everything, i know its unhealthy but i feel like thats why ive stayed this long (7 years). Ive tried breaking it off before but my anxiety gets the better of me i cant seem to turn it off. And as soon as we get back together i feel my anxiety about what hes doing kind of subside.. i just feel so drained.. i kind of feel like im going to be depressed if i leave an depressed if i stay so i feel really torn up and stuck. I often try an picture my life when i leave.. i picture being free but then the fear of being alone in the world scares me back.. We have 2 kids together as well so its not a situation where i can just cleanly leave i know he will probably purposely make things as bad as he can with the kids i dont trust him at all i just so miserable.. i remember when i was happy i miss it, i miss the old me

Missing ex boyfriend

replies: 4

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to h... View more

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to his best friend recently and was told that the guy I was dating was very sad and hurting a lot about the break up, and was very unhappy with the situation. Apparently he is planning on leaving the family farm so he can be happy again. I miss him so much but can't talk to him as he wanted space to sort himself out. He was my best friend and we loved each other very much.

A very lonely guy fearing rejection looking for guidance

replies: 6

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've sta... View more

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've started to get on top of things after overcoming some very real obstacles like a long term relationship breakup, change of jobs, financial stress, etc. After ending that relationship (actually a good thing) I found myself very lonely. I'd lost touch with most of an already small group of friends and my life had being rapidly going down the toilet. Instead of asking for support I hid away from people. I've always been quite shy and introverted and pretty lousy at maintaining relationships. Rather than sitting at home alone which was really getting me down I decided to look for some social and activity groups to join. I’ve often found it downright scary approaching people I don’t know, especially the opposite sex. I got over that fear and did it anyway, which is great and I’m a lot more confident in that area now. There are a lot of people I see on a regular basis for activities but I’m terrified to ask people for their phone numbers or add them on Facebook where I have a small number of friends. I’m very insecure, always wondering what people are thinking. I had a couple of bad experiences where it became obvious to a couple of people who I met that I was struggling with some issues. I’ve been trying so hard this year to make new friends and also tried to reconnect with old friends. It’s just been really hard and taking a long time. I’m terrified people I meet will pick up that I’m still not 100% and not be interested. Some of the people I’ve tried to reconnect with haven’t been overly receptive. It seems like I’m always or nearly always the one who has to get in touch with people and suggest something. I feel like I’m on the right track, but it’s really slow going. It’s distracting me from other important things like work etc. Really sick of feeling lonely and want to feel wanted. I’ve been spending time trying to learn more social skills online. I’ve used up all my available govt funded psychologist sessions this year and aren’t in a financial position to pay privately. Looking for any suggestions of how I can get over this debilitating fear of rejection? Do I just need to keep on the same path and be happy with slow progress?

27 year marriage over - not coping

replies: 6

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelle... View more

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelled alone, call me stupid, I dont know. I trusted him with all my heart. It would seem now he has fallen in love with her and out of love with me. I am broken, I am trying to function for my 3 kids and for my full time job but I cannot breathe. Anxiety is taking a hold of me and I cannot function. I have a Psychologist appointment this afternoon and I am unsure they help but I am just so desperate for the pain to go away. I want to feel strong again and in control but I just want to curl into a ball and not move. I want him to love me like he did, I want him to try and fix this with me so we can be a family again. None of this is possible though and that just crushes me. How do I get through this? How do I stop from waking at night shaking and not being able to stop the vision of their relationship entering my mind. Even harder still I am protecting him and the kids don't know what he has done. Why? I don't know. I just feel alone and like I will never be happy or whole again.

Wife in denial

replies: 4

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every aftern... View more

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every afternoon. We have tried to discuss this with her but she flatty refuses to accept that she needs help & says it's all my fault. She has now decided that she is giving up on our marraige of 20+ years & will find a full time jobe & leave me, even though she is truggling to maintain a part time job currently. She is happy to live in the same house & carry on until she can set herself up but she doesn't see any other option. My family & I are worried sick about her & feel so helpless & don't know what to do anymore. This is tearing us apart & she seem oblivious to it. I'm sure others have faced similar situations & I'm not the first to experience this. I would appreciate any advice or support as I don't know how long I can keep this all together anymore. Thank you

Issues in life stemming from family upbringing!

replies: 2

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can... View more

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can see how my upbringing has contributed to the issues that I still suffer from today. Parents are so important in moulding their children into the people they will become one day and they need to realize this responsibility they own. I was continually called all sorts of derogatory names that dented my self esteem and confidence day by day by day. It never really hit me until I was older the impact it had and still has. Having a parent who is a scientologist conducting weird mind altering exercises on you and making you read the literature against your wishes also doesn't help. Being the supposed bad seed in the house everything that went wrong if the other members denied it it was punishment until I confessed. Confessing to crimes you didn't commit isn't right. Every little mistake you made being such as not making bed, not hanging bathroom towel over rack evenly on both sides, putting clothes in basket folded inside out and not washing a glass etc being rewarded with lines or fines makes people into nervous wrecks and still does to this day. Being told to not tell your father anything or your going to get makes someone scared to act. Getting called every name under the sun and then ignored for 12 months when you dropout of university by the man you looked up to all of your life doesn't help you progress as a human being and person. Parents be aware your actions do have consequences for people even long after they are out of your life. Through many years of councilling my hate has disappeared but I am aware of why I am the way I am and am still trying to break through these barriers. Councilling is so rewarding and I encourage anyone to use this service it really helped me off the canvas. I don't talk to any of my family except my brother and sister which is a real shame when it comes to Christmas etc every year and you see happy families everywhere but it is what it is I guess you can only play the hand you are dealt. I believe family or not if someone is a negative influence on your life don't have them in it. This is not a sob story or someone looking for sympathy its a message to any parents out there kids are sponges and look up to you. Be someone to look up to and guide them down the right path.

Dealing with ex dating again when living together

replies: 5

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments bu... View more

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments but can’t afford it whilst she is on Maternity leave, and I am supporting us on one wage. She has just met a guy on POF and is going on a date Thursday, I thought I could handle it but my heart is starting to ache and I have been freezing up emotionally. I know breaking up was the right choice for us but I didn’t expect this to affect me soo much. I have told her it is hurting me but she says she needs this as she hasn’t felt wanted by me for quite sometime... she is right I have been emotionally absent and distant romantically and she has every right to search for her happiness. I just don’t know how to manage my feelings of jealousy, betrayal and loneliness and prevent them from affecting my decisions and ruin the chances of a more civil breakup. I won’t lie, I am imagining all sorts of ways to get back at him but know I can’t as that is not good for me or my son. Just scared as hell and I feel like I’m burning inside and don’t know how to put the flames out without destroying more in the process. Any advice or just if there’s anyone that has experienced something like this and has some good coping recommendations for me?

Not coping

replies: 2

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma ... View more

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma having been a domestic violence relationship with an ice addict for several years. My partner and I went away over Christmas to another state to spend Christmas with his family and so he could see his daughter. While we were away, I felt myself becoming quite low and feeling alone and irrelevant, like maybe he didn’t need me and he was happier being with his daughter and family. I did not get much chance to have any alone time with him and I felt like he was treating my kids differently. Unbeknownst to me his daughter had made comments about him being wiht my kids all the time and rarely seeing her which make this behaviour make sense but I didn’t know this at the time. I found myself feeling unloved and unwanted and lost in a sea of negatives, crying and hanging on to things I shouldn’t and making a drama. Long story short, the day after we got back, after telling me that he loved me to death and we could get through anything, my partner told me he was leaving me cos it was too hard to be away from his daughter and he wa a moving back. He just came home, told me And packed all his things and walked out. Since then we have had limited communication all on his terms. He came to see me on Friday morning and he told me he does want to be with me and does think it could work but I need to get better first. I’m so confused. He won’t talk to me properly. Says he’s barely sleeping or eating and neither am I. The only thing That makes sense is he thinks this is the best for me as well. Like i can’t get better with him. I’m feeling so lost and hopeless, how am I meant to get betttr when my biggest support has just walked out the door.

Stuck in the middle

replies: 3

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates... View more

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates than partners. In this time I met someone at my workplace that i have formed a connection with that I never thought I could. We both said that there is genuine love there and I believe that totally. I think about her constantly! The relationship I have with my current partner started when we were 19 and now nearly 12 years on with everything we’ve built and done together I don’t know whether I can let that all go. I’m hurting both of them and I’m literally in bits about it constantly. The stress and anxiety around what’s happening is so intense at times. Feel like I have to make a choice and the fear of making a wrong one has me completely frozen. I have love for both of them, but what do I do. Give up a very solid, and happy 12 year relationship that’s hit some hurdles. Or I feel like I could be giving up the shot at something special with someone I have an incredible connection with. Exhausted just thinking about it!

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