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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PBelle Friends forever?
  • replies: 5

So I would like to ask my fellow anxiety sufferers for some advice. I have a long time friend and used to chat everyday. This year, he went through some stuff and needed privacy, but me and my anxiety took over and I constantly asked him if he was ok... View more

So I would like to ask my fellow anxiety sufferers for some advice. I have a long time friend and used to chat everyday. This year, he went through some stuff and needed privacy, but me and my anxiety took over and I constantly asked him if he was ok and to contact me just to let me know that he was ok. This went on for months cause I was so worried. He never responded, but I kept going cause I was so stubborn, thinking that he would finally tell me. I joined Facebook and sent him a friend request and he declined. That was when it hit me that he didn't want to talk to me. I started no contact and went a couple of weeks before contacting him. Then a month. Still nothing. This friendship is worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up. I'm trying 3 weeks and are at day 5. I'm planning to call him and do small talk, not mentioning asking for forgiveness cause i have so many times. Any advice? This person means so much to me and I have always confided my troubles to him. So he knows I had issues, but have I gone to far this time? Can I fix the friendship with time and patience?

Theupsidedown My Husband had and emotional affair
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am new to this... I found out a few months back that my husband was having an emotional affair via the internet and Skype with a women on the other side of the world. I’m we have been together for 16 years and married for just shy of 8 years wi... View more

Hi, I am new to this... I found out a few months back that my husband was having an emotional affair via the internet and Skype with a women on the other side of the world. I’m we have been together for 16 years and married for just shy of 8 years with 2 children. We have been together since I was 14 and he was 15 so we we have never been with anyone else and have been in a relationship for more than half of our lives. I found out that the affair had been going on for 9 years. We have been seeing a counselor pretty much since I found out the truth. At first I felt like I was dealing with it pretty well. I did have empathy for him as I knew we weren’t communicating or connecting like we should. Now 4 and half months later the hurt is really getting to me and not too sure how to deal with it. I love him with all my heart and can’t imagine my future without him, despite what has happened we really do have an amazing relationship. Anyone else out there been in a similar situation?

Belsamuel After a year
  • replies: 1

Hi all. Not sure how to start all this. I decided to join here just to try and get some stuff off my chest. I've been thinking of Beyond Blue for a bit now, just every now and again when I feel at my lowest, but I don't think up to talking to a disem... View more

Hi all. Not sure how to start all this. I decided to join here just to try and get some stuff off my chest. I've been thinking of Beyond Blue for a bit now, just every now and again when I feel at my lowest, but I don't think up to talking to a disembodied voice over the phone yet. Just over a year ago my fiance left me, 6 weeks before our wedding. In a 2 week period we went from happily laughing, paying the last payment on the dress, planning the arrangements at the venue.... to her coming home from her hens night, telling me she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to get married but wanted to stay together because 'it's easier than breaking up', she then left for her ex-boyfriend's house and I didn't see her again for 8 days. When she got home I asked her to leave. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Here standing in front of me was the woman I wanted nothing more in the world than to grow old with and I was asking her to go. It was the first time in 10 years I got drunk. But I am the single father of a beautiful little 12 y/o girl who had a terrible upbringing with her mother and I could not put her through the uncertainty of my relationship with my ex. In a way I thank my daughter for that because without her to make me take that step I probably would have put myself through hell to keep Daniela around. In 48 minutes it would have been our one year anniversary. I've tried my best to stay strong and most of the time I've succeeded. There are some days late at night where I will feel it hit me and I'll curl up and cry silently, listening to 'say something' on repeat with headphones trying not to wake my daughter. I have tried twice to talk to people about it. My best mate went silent for a bit, made a joke and changed the subject. My mother said "Still? Aren't you over her yet?" and then tried to remind me of all the things she hated about her.... not helpful. Even on my best days I can feel it inside me. Even the little things affect me more. I mean, I'll still be the same me but the tiniest things can make me cry now. My daughter laughs and calls me a wuss and I joke it off and call her the human granite while I have tears streaming down my face when a comedy includes even just a sad song. And I just read where it says 2500 character limit, so to cut it short (yes, short) the worst times are those nights where I sit and all I can think is "She stole my happy ending from me! She stole my life when she left!" Should I seek help?

HermanV I am a Narcissic man, husband, father, son
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am living on a marriage count down at the moment. A cruel awareness trial that I see unfolding before my eyes. After 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, I am now willingly engaging myself in an excise to record deprivation/provision of love through o... View more

Hi, I am living on a marriage count down at the moment. A cruel awareness trial that I see unfolding before my eyes. After 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, I am now willingly engaging myself in an excise to record deprivation/provision of love through our action for each family members. Similar to a reward board or scoreboard that a company would use to encourage certain behavior and discontinue others, each family member is free to grant a "+1" or "-1" on a democratic fashion to ensure the reward/punishment is fair. Now before you start empatizing with me. Please beware that I may be suggesting you this feeling through the way i write. Please consider that you don't know me. This said, the scroeboard has been up for 2 weeks now and I am losing the race. One more thing i haven't said is that we decided that we all would start with 50 points of family love credit. Now, in a normal situation, one would put himself to the attempt to do his best to earn points. But here I am facing the reality of my interaction in my family, which have successfully been ignored and denied for at least 10 years now, and even more. Now someone could not be blamed or lose a point for not doing a thing. One would simply stagnate with it's 50 points. But here I am, losing points for causing trauma in my family. Its time now that I tell you about me. I am not a loving, or caring, or empathic father and husband. I am better known as a Lesser Victim Narcissist as per a definition proposed by H G Tudor. It is with a very strange emotion (fear?) that I try to grasp the full meaning of this caractheristic of mine. The picture is pretty bleak at the moment from what I understand. What am I and how should the charming, maipulative, unempathic father and husband should do to retain a sense of doing the right thing for my children and my wife that I promissed to be responsible for? I have read and heard that little can be done for those Narcissist, even those who "pretend" to want to heal... "how to run from a narcissist" seems to be the prefered topic on youtube. I am lost at this point, devastated. What should i do? Consult? I am afraid of being able to charm my way around, to promiss to get better as I did to my wife so many time, but unable to foccus on making the effort to look into it. I feel deficient. Are you a man that found himself at that point of self realisation of the evil that pervades your life? Did you make it to change before to loose everything?

NotReallyOkay She told me she will be leaving in 6 months
  • replies: 5

So I've been with this girl, not really in a romantic relationship, but just really we both enjoyed each other's companionship, we eat together, shop for errands together, workout together, movies every night together. But, yesterday, out of a sudden... View more

So I've been with this girl, not really in a romantic relationship, but just really we both enjoyed each other's companionship, we eat together, shop for errands together, workout together, movies every night together. But, yesterday, out of a sudden, she said she'll need to leave this city in 6 months, it is due to various issues, she can't stand the weather here, she missed her friends in Brisbane, she hated her current job which she can't wait to quit. When I heard that she said she's going to leave, it's like she's put and expiration date to this relationship. We're staying in the same house, working at the same place, we're around each other really 24hrs a day. I can't handle what she said yesterday, I know if I don't isolate myself from her as soon as possible, it would really be a heartbreak 6 months later when she leave. I have no idea why is she being so selfish, or maybe I just expect too much out of her. Or maybe I just committed myself too much. Right now I'm really not happy, but I act like I can handle it in front of her, 24hrs. The rational me tells me to leave right now or I'll suffer even more later. But the emotional me, just really want to be around her. I can't follow her to Brisbane, I can't transfer my university scholarship. I've already sacrificed so much for her, yet she can't just hold on until I graduate and we move together. I'm hurt so bad, but I can't tell her, I can't let her know, I don't want to increase her pressure which she's been getting a lot from the shitty job she's been having. I acted like I don't mind she leave but I do really mind, a lot of it. I have no idea what I could do. Ive been alone throughout the first 23 years of my life, until I met her. I wonder how I survived through that, but I really don't wanna go back to that life again. But if she really do leave regardless of how I persuade her to stay, I'll probably isolate myself from society. The feeling of losing something or someone is worse that not having it at all. I've experienced it once during my parent's divorce, and now the second time. Stuff all these feels. I hope I can just pop a pill and be worry free, and emotionless

cookyboy12 Horrible monster in a close cousin is back
  • replies: 4

I have been very close with my cousin. For 3 years he's been well. But in Sept after living with my mum the monster in him emerged again. He became a different person leading up to starting to sending nasty texts as a means to deal with seemingly eas... View more

I have been very close with my cousin. For 3 years he's been well. But in Sept after living with my mum the monster in him emerged again. He became a different person leading up to starting to sending nasty texts as a means to deal with seemingly easy issues, drinking increased, etc. Initially mum was patient but texts wouldn't stop, so she told him he had the choice to be respectful or maybe he had friends who had better accommodation deals. He chose the latter. Because he brought his apparently new gf to 'supervise' I went there. A lot has been happening and I could've handled it better. This year's been s*** and he knows it, with a lot of grief going on and adding to my depression/anxiety, he hurt me alot, especially after being there for him and he treated my mum the way he did. So I told him to seek help with a psych before contacting me again. When he's well he's great, but now that the horrible monster is in him, I'm finding it really hard. So I tried contacting him because my neurosurgeon is sending me for an angiogram, he hangs up and sends a message that he doesn't know when he'll talk as he's a lot going on and not to contact him blah blah blah. This has just set me off again. Right now I'm pretending he doesn't even exist, which is the only way I can think of.

Anna_Mac Boyfriend has depression and broke up with me
  • replies: 2

Hi. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me last week as he is suffering with depression. I have tried numerous times to get him help but he wasn't interested. I didn't get a say in the ending of the relationship and whether I'd like to keep dating ... View more

Hi. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me last week as he is suffering with depression. I have tried numerous times to get him help but he wasn't interested. I didn't get a say in the ending of the relationship and whether I'd like to keep dating him even though he is suffering. He suggested we don't speak for several weeks. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get him back so I can look after him and also how to get him to seek professional help? Thanks

Guest_3072 Combating Loneliness and Building Friendships (PLEASE HELP)
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Lately, I have been feeling extremely lonely. I'm the kind of person that people contact only really when they need or want something from me. In all my life, I don't think I've ever had a true friend. I basically only really have my fam... View more

Hi everyone, Lately, I have been feeling extremely lonely. I'm the kind of person that people contact only really when they need or want something from me. In all my life, I don't think I've ever had a true friend. I basically only really have my family and a few acquaintances that I see (from university) and we catch-up over dinner or a movie sometimes. In addition, I also had a casual sex partner previously that has turned into a 'casual friend' I guess (let's call him Michael). Anyways, I find myself yearning for intellectual and emotional intimacy and mutual understanding socially. I feel like I just have 'situational' people in my life, none of whom I really click with and have common interests with. I want to feel important and close to someone and when I was texting Michael last night about it, he basically said that the way he builds friendships with people is to see if they match or vibe with him to see if they are worth each other's time. He said that the people in his life, he can't really say if they are important to each other, but that they are interesting to hang out with and they can learn from each other. I like what Michael said about being worth each other's time but really, I don't want to spend time with people if we both don't view each other as important (because I would feel like a fill-in, like they are just hanging out with me "just because" and don't really care about me). I want genuine friendships, not just "hang out" or "bitch buddies". I just want someone to talk to, really get to know and be appreciated and loved. I'm going to look up groups on meet-up and places to go and volunteer. Socially, I am a part of a Toastmasters club but not much else. Any tips or comforting words would be appreciated! Also, I've kind of dissected Michael's message to me in questions to kind of act as a guide socially. Here they are: 1 Do they match/vibe with me? 2 Are we worth each other's time? 3 Are they interesting to hang out with? 4 Can we learn from each other? 5 Are we important to each other? What do you guys think? Any advice?

dani1980 Where do I even start....
  • replies: 2

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. I... View more

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. It was hard for me to get through the separation, working full-time, being a newly single parent. I sought help from a psychologist and was taking medication to treat anxiety. I had an ex from a long time ago, before my ex husband and we reconnected. He was lovely and kind and said all the right things. Everything went well for a about 7 months. Until he became depressed. His ex-wife had cheated on him, he has 4 children with her, and I think there are someone unresolved feelings there. January this year, he became distant, didn't want to spend time together. This was hard for me to accept, because I have very deep feelings for this man. I hung in there until July this year. He was very distant, didn't seem to care at all about me, or my feelings. Was no longer affectionate, we never saw each other (his choice) and I found it very hard to understand what I had done. He kept saying that it was nothing that I did. We eventually broke up in July, because I couldn't take it anymore. I have unresolved questions for him. I love this man. I knew when entering a relationship with him that he had depression, he had told me that straight up. What I wasn't expecting was to be completely discarded. No feelings from him whatsoever, overnight. I wanted to remain friends with him, because even though our relationship towards the end, was terrible, I still see the person that he doesn't see. Its been 4 months now. We see each other maybe once a month, I still have feelings there, he doesn't seem to. This has sent me into a major depression. I am currently medicated with 2 different types of depression tablets, morning and night. I feel like I have lost the love of my life and I can't seem to let go of him. But he is so numb and non-emotional about everything in his life. I don't know what to do. He will not seek help. He says that he has been on a variety of different medication before with no effect, and he doesn't feel that a psychologist helps. He has been to see a few before. He doesn't have anyone in his life, and he says that no one ever stays. I don't want to be the one that also leaves, I want to be there for him. But I also want a relationship with him. What do I do?

Hailsm Parenting with no support
  • replies: 9

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & we... View more

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & well behaved & I felt blessed to have amazing kids. My son asks a million questions a day & my daughter is high needs. This week they have been ferral, my son hurting his sister, fighting, screaming pulling everything out everywhere to the point where I yelled at my son yesterday & felt terrible about it causing me to be in tears all afternoon my husband came home from work & I just cried because I'd had enough & was relieved to see him. He then turns around & says I need to do something about it & don't let things get to me & stop speaking to the kids like I hate them. Saying I have a problem, he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, is medicated and it's like he's implying I have the same. I don't feel like I speak to them like I hate them but I'm the only one that tries to discipline them with out me doing so they would have zero discipline, he sees me at the end of the day when I'm over it and he has stayed back at work for 1 - 1.5 hours drinking beer each day while I cook dinner & we eat without him. He says it's my behaviour that makes the kids naughty because I tell them not to do certain things. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't win if I tell him he needs to tell the kids no more he thinks I'm accusing him of doing nothing and he gets cranky with me saying he does alot more than other men. I have no support from family or friends and I rarely get a break. I told him I don't like him drinking everyday and he told me I need to be more responsible of my emotions and take responsibility of my own actions and don't worry about it. He then goes to work again and I'm left home with the kids to ponder his words over in my mind which leaves me feeling hurt and unappreciated. I feel like he should give me some support and understanding instead of just accusing me of having issues that I take out on the kids and him, yes I feel stressed at times but what stay at home mum doesn't, surely it's normal to get annoyed by your children every so often. I can't be perfect and happy all of the time, I seriously wish I could, that would be the best life ever and I don't believe anyone lives like that. I feel like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, as soon as I do I'm criticised for it which gets me down