Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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A103 Is it us... or just me?
  • replies: 7

Today is not a good day for me... I'm 25, married for 17 months and together with my partner for 8 years. In the last 2 years I have felt that I'm not getting what I need from my partner in all aspects of our relationship. He is a kind hearted guy an... View more

Today is not a good day for me... I'm 25, married for 17 months and together with my partner for 8 years. In the last 2 years I have felt that I'm not getting what I need from my partner in all aspects of our relationship. He is a kind hearted guy and I know he loves me dearly but he tends to bring a lot of stress and anger into our relationship and puts me on the back burner. Over the years I've found myself online chatting to other men, even starting online sexual relationships with a number of them. Am I just seeking intention or something more?? The question I face is that do I try and work out our problems knowing very well that we are not compatible or do I walk away? Im feeling very alone & uncared for at this point...

Mike17 Choices with my life relationship wise
  • replies: 6

Ive gone to post of here too many times to count, but deleted my answer while feeling my issues are silly compared to many worse struggles others go through. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 9 months ago now and have generally been struggling since. ... View more

Ive gone to post of here too many times to count, but deleted my answer while feeling my issues are silly compared to many worse struggles others go through. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 9 months ago now and have generally been struggling since. I broke up after 5 months due to lost feelings, I suffered from bad anxiety due to my lost feelings, constantly thinking of how I would need to break up with her. The relationship wasn't healthy in many ways, on both ends, and I felt like I had more to experience in life. We tried to maintain being friends and maintained a sexual relationship for months and months (Not a good idea), throughout the whole time my self doubt of the right choice ate at me every single day, and unfortunately experienced many ups and downs. She still had feelings, but I didn't think I did, but always had myself questioning if I was giving up something I wouldn't find again, and something that was really good. Now she's come to a stage of moving on, and i've really come to a panic stage of thinking ill never find something like that again. Despite my lost feelings during the relationship, and the relationship being unhealthy, she's a girl that has a lot of love to give and loved me a whole lot through my flaws, she has a great family and is incredibly gorgeous. When I try to think of moving on it makes me sick. Its the first thing I think about in the morning and it really stays with me for most of the day, I'm sick of the anxiety and constant thinking, I've lost motivation for many parts of my life and cant remember what genuine happiness feels like, I've got my HSC in 4 weeks and I can't even gather any motivation to study. I don't know what to do. Its been almost double the time apart compared to being together, and no matter how silly I think it is I can shake thinking about it. I understand a lot of it won't make sense, sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me, but maybe some advice or past experiences could help. Thanks in advance.

running_girl My relationship is over and I am struggling to deal with it
  • replies: 53

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me,... View more

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me, that I was ‘the one’, that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together, that we would get married someday…), he would simultaneously act in ways that kept me at a distance and would occasionally let slip that he didn’t really know if he wanted to be with me in the long-term. Because of this incongruence, I finally faced up to reality and told him that the timing was clearly not right for us to be together as a couple and we agreed to keep our friendship intact. We then spent the next couple of days together in a kind of in-between state – not exactly a couple but certainly not platonic. It’s now been a week since he flew back home (he lives interstate) and I’ve left two messages for him, neither of which he has returned. I am heartbroken, depressed (at times severely) and at a loss at what to do. I guess I don’t really have to do anything but keep reminding myself that it’s not my fault that things didn’t work out. And because he’s so clearly unwell, I know it’s not his fault either. My psych warned me against getting involved with him in the first place but I put her good logic aside and let myself fall completely in love. I am so sad. I know there is nothing to do but ride it out and I don’t expect anyone in the BB community to know of a miracle cure that will make things better. I guess I just wanted to say out loud (or in type on this message board) how I felt. A form of cartharsis maybe…?

BecH I don't like where I am in life anymore.
  • replies: 12

My title might sound alittle 'cup is half empty' then 'half full' sounding in my situation but simply put i just don't like who i seem to be or where i am in life anymore. Don't get me wrong there's things in my life i like or are fine. I have a crui... View more

My title might sound alittle 'cup is half empty' then 'half full' sounding in my situation but simply put i just don't like who i seem to be or where i am in life anymore. Don't get me wrong there's things in my life i like or are fine. I have a cruisy job with good perks. My partner of 10 years is my fav person in the whole world, i love him completely and he loves me and our time together is when i really feel like i am happy. Its everything else i'm not sure about. 2017 is a 1 year in numerology and that aparently means 'new beginnings'. It was earlier this year i started questioning my friendships. I can honestly say now i don't know if i actually like any of the people i call 'friends' anymore (most of these are through a sport i play as a hobby). So much so that i constantly make excuses to not hang out with them. In saying that i have made some new acquaintances through a new hobby i have recently started in addition to my sport and much prefer to hang with them instead or even my partners friends. We used to travel alot in my sport and i no longer want to do that anymore (would rather save the money to go on trips with my partner and travel the world). I don't even know if i enjoy going to training anymore though i still enjoy the sport itself (there are no other clubs in the area for this sport to join though if its the club that's the problem). I used to go to the gym alot and i have since cancelled my membership and prefer to go for walks by myself instead. I'm viewed as kind of a punk looking chic with piercings and dark clothes but recently have considered taking some of them out and have bought a ton of new natural looking clothes. My partner and i went to Japan earlier this year (2nd time) and he said he would love to move there and to begin with i was like NO WAY would i leave my life here but then i really thought about it and (i looked into this) if it was so simple to move over there, i would in a heartbeat with him. When i think about how beautiful the place is and how i wish i could live there I sometimes cry. I don't know who i am or want to be anymore. A girl i used to consider a friend said at the beginning of this year "its ok you're just growing out of where you are in your life right now. change is fine" but i seriously don't know where or what I want to be. I feel sad and lost sometimes.

Saber14 Marriage turmoil
  • replies: 3

I've been with my husband for 4 years and been married for 18 months. We've been living separately since May. In the weeks prior to this happening we'd been arguing quite a lot and very heated (never violent). I have quite severe anxiety and I also h... View more

I've been with my husband for 4 years and been married for 18 months. We've been living separately since May. In the weeks prior to this happening we'd been arguing quite a lot and very heated (never violent). I have quite severe anxiety and I also have low self esteem so would react quite jealously to any contact he had with female coworkers or friends etc. We would also fight about housework and how he'd never really contribute to it, how I would always have to manage the finances and that he would spend a great deal of his time playing an online computer game. I didn't realise things were as bad as what they were until it got to this point. I come from a family with a very large exposure to mental illness and always believe in trying my hardest to make things work. I had been seeing a psychologist roughly 2.5 years ago and taking anti depressants however stopped seeing the psychologist once we were married as the issues sort of faded. Last August we decided to start trying for a baby so I stopped taking my medication and it all seemed to go slowly south from there. I didn't realise my anxiety had gotten so bad until it was too late. I ended up having 3 weeks off work as I couldn't really handle doing anything. During this time I think my husband started to pull away. He told my mum that he couldn't stand to look at me because I seemed so distant and he didn't know what to do. I started taking my medication again however it was no use and he moved out. I asked him for marriage counselling but he wouldn't agree - he has never liked discussing his feelings. I've begged and pleaded with him to not give up on us. He says he wants to have space and work on himself. He doesn't want to talk to each other unless its money related until December at which point we will discuss what happens from here. Ive asked him if he'll consider the idea of us starting to date each other again to re-discover why we fell in love in the first place - he's told me this is a possibility but nothing is set in stone. In a recent argument we had, he told me 'this is why we're not together; you're too up and down for me'. This really hit me hard because up until recent times he has been very loving and supportive. I feel like he's become a shell of himself. His family agrees that he seems depressed and not himself and that he's making a mistake. Ironically my relationship with his family has improved since our separation. Its hard to feel like there is still hope in our relationship.

Dwyer_the_Depressed Social interraction help
  • replies: 2

Hi all, after a fairly rough patch I am trying to come out of my shell abit. I don't have any practical family support close by. Even though I am on medication, and have a great GP that has a genuine interest in mental health trying to help, I still ... View more

Hi all, after a fairly rough patch I am trying to come out of my shell abit. I don't have any practical family support close by. Even though I am on medication, and have a great GP that has a genuine interest in mental health trying to help, I still find it pretty hard to interact in social activities. one of my problems is due to health/meds, quite often I get a bad tremble in my hands. happens a little when I am on my own but is very noticeable in public gatherings such as a work function. carry 2 glasses/bottles from the bar to the table it is quite easy for me to spill about half on the walk. Carrying one glass or bottle isn't too bad as I can hold it with both hands which helps minimize the tremble/shakes. Then it is the quizzical looks and funny comments from work mates etc that makes it even worse. So not only do I want to escape that particular event, it then makes me not want to attend other social events. Even when I am at a social gathering and not eating or drinking, I still have a lot of anxiety issues being around a large group of people for a while. I would like to meet other people that have their own mental/general health issues hopefully so I can relax more in a social gathering knowing that everyone else has their own social problems and isn't going to make jokes etc about my probs. I moved to a small rural town in central qld 2 years ago for work, so no existing support base of friends around either to make it easier to go out and meet people. I joined the local golf club, but because of all of the above, I tend not to eat or drink there. So this all makes it very hard to go out and meet people and make friends, so when I am at not at work I tend to stay home, draw the curtains and close out the world. Any help or advice is much appreciated

Brokenhearted87 My husband left me
  • replies: 2

So after 10 years of marriage my husband just left me and moved in with someone else straight away. We have three kids together and whilst our life wasn't perfect it wasn't bad. But how do I keep going. All I see is reminders of him. He's still aroun... View more

So after 10 years of marriage my husband just left me and moved in with someone else straight away. We have three kids together and whilst our life wasn't perfect it wasn't bad. But how do I keep going. All I see is reminders of him. He's still around constantly to see the kids. I haven't slept or eaten in 4 days. Even water struggles to stay down. Please tell me this gets easier!

Pheenstar Thoughts on this disorder
  • replies: 2

Hello, kinda looking for a comment and also putting it out there a little my situation Im neil , father of 2 and have a bit of a situation and I feel am taking care of it, the most responsible way I can , but your thoughts. Partner is a undiagnosed m... View more

Hello, kinda looking for a comment and also putting it out there a little my situation Im neil , father of 2 and have a bit of a situation and I feel am taking care of it, the most responsible way I can , but your thoughts. Partner is a undiagnosed malignant narcissist with our kids in her care, Total ban on seeing them, and its day 70 now... and day 110 with very mimimal contact at the start... Over the next day or two I am going to expose her who she really is, and expect the right result... Will be in the kindest most honest way possible, with only evidential based stuff, but even that will be very offencive to someone mind state that knows her... mY eldest is nearly 5 and I am and had the feeling, he was at best only able to last about 6 months, before the risk he is broken or mentally scarred was to great... its a very rare and ridiculous situation.. Also , being 5 is still young to be hurt mentally, but is is the kind of boy that freezes with abuse, not a screamer type kid, also, his intelligence is really high and compassionate... I'm will be putting pressure on loads of different organisations, and mental health , to also start to think about the situation as a matter of urgency .. but I'm happy to discuss anything or here of any other avenues, that can work, nothing standard, that all been well and truely examined.... Its called exposure, and I can see it working if done right, but concern is the damage possibly caused on the way out, that for me is totally un necessary

Ell87 Not too sure how much more my self esteem can take?
  • replies: 6

hi everyone I am new to this and I just don't know what to do anymore with my partner as our relationship seems to be slipping away quickly.... Here's my story.... we we have been together about 3.5 years... He has had issues with substance abuse (dr... View more

hi everyone I am new to this and I just don't know what to do anymore with my partner as our relationship seems to be slipping away quickly.... Here's my story.... we we have been together about 3.5 years... He has had issues with substance abuse (drugs, pills etc), alcohol and because of this experiences extreme lows after a big night.... Lately he has been getting help from a psychologist which was his decision and I am proud of him however he has taken steps back and as soon as he sees his mates he can't control himself, has a huge night and then doesn't move from the couch for a week and I am left to do everything and cop the verbal abuse.... Let me mention the smallest things I do trigger him off eg I took MY glass of wine off him as I was drinking it... This resulted in me basically being kicked out for a week...I've been told so many times of late he hates me, I'm a disgusting fat pig and it's unfortunate I am me.... This is only the night of the drinking etc and the day after if I try and do anything for him or ask if he is ok.... I don't know how much more of it my self esteem can take before I break. I know he is depressed and I love him so much I want to help him through this but how do I make him understand this isn't ok the way he is treating me? He has all the traits of a narcissist and always seems to think I am the cause of all this hatred because I'm lame and don't do drugs or get blind drunk.... I never get an apology for his actions. He has always thought the world owes him.... Lately even just drinking seems to trigger a depressive episode... When he is clean minded and there are not drugs involved he is amazing fit and healthy.... We go on hikes, holidays, make plans and goals.... I want this man to stay... I need to think about changing the way I communicate with him.... Please help