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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sunflower2017 Guilt about moving
  • replies: 6

I'm currently middle aged living at home with my mum and stepdad. Laat year he was diagnosed with cancer. I was taking care of both of them and mums depression and anxiety become worse from stepdads cancer. After many fights and being exhausted i dec... View more

I'm currently middle aged living at home with my mum and stepdad. Laat year he was diagnosed with cancer. I was taking care of both of them and mums depression and anxiety become worse from stepdads cancer. After many fights and being exhausted i decided it was time to move out of town and build a life for myself knowing my stepdad was cancer free after treatment and surgery. Ive already got a job lined up and a moving date but my stepdad in the past week has been told the cancer is back and now I'm consumed with guilt and anxiety for still wanting to move. I need some advice please.

Daniela2017 My partner doesn’t understand mental illness
  • replies: 2

Hi, my partner and I have been together for 9years and have a 7 yr old son together. i have been recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar. Ive been in meds and they are helping but I still have downers and stay in bed for days on end a... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for 9years and have a 7 yr old son together. i have been recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar. Ive been in meds and they are helping but I still have downers and stay in bed for days on end and he does not understand at all.. i don’t blame him but I get frustrated when I ask for help because he thinks I should be taking my son to school and cleaning and cooking.. now usually I do when I’m feeling ok and I enjoy it !! But the days that I feel horrible I just can’t function to even go to the toilet let alone everything else. He used every word under the sun.. your lazy, you only have one thing to do and you can’t do it, why would you want another child.. the list goes on. I’m not no angel here when he starts on me I do get overwhelmed and anxious and very very angry and nasty. I was supposed to start new meds for my bipolar and my gp said you need to have someone around you to help you and I told my partner and he was not there at all and now I don’t take the tablets. I don’t have any family and have a couple of friends but don’t want to burden them. its only his family that’s around. i just want to know if people have experienced the same thing as me in their home and how did they overcome it. Any advice will be great !! I do love him so much and I just want help.

wanderlust95 Long-time ROCD
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first post on a forum like this, and its very stressful for me, but I have had this issue for a really long time now and just want to talk to people that can really relate with me on it. I've been with my partner for two years, and for... View more

Hi, this is my first post on a forum like this, and its very stressful for me, but I have had this issue for a really long time now and just want to talk to people that can really relate with me on it. I've been with my partner for two years, and for about a year now I have had intense worries, which I think I have finally identified to be ROCD. For a year now I've been obsessing over what is wrong with me, or what was wrong with my partner, or what was wrong with our relationship. I really, really love this person - but there are always thoughts coming back to me, such as; "what if you don't really", "what if your lying to yourself", "what if he isn't who your 'supposed' to be with" and so on. I have worried that maybe I'm just too young for a relationship (I'm 22), what if we are just totally wrong for each other (which utterly crushes me) and what if I'm messing up both of our lives. Through all of this, I just cannot let him or it go. When I reflect on the relationship it is actually so easy, we barely ever argue, we have a lot of fun together - but there are always these nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. It leaves me feeling so empty and like I just want to quit everything and just sit at home and do nothing for as long as possible. Its really difficult. Because this has gone on for so long without anyone to relate to, I have kind of had to learn how to just get on with it. So in saying that, some days are quite good, and I feel happy and super in love and all the rest. But theres always worries and that thought of "when will this happy period end?", and it goes back downhill. I also regularly find myself taking out all my anger on him because Im just so stressed and worried about us, I just want to know that this is the right thing to do and that we are going to last. I'm so worried that we will break up or we wont, we will get married and Ill be constantly worried that we will be divorced. My parents are divorced that its a nightmare to go through that when your young and I don't want that to all happen again. So i get very stressed about everything these days and I take it out on him. I don't mean to but it just happens, I get so frustrated and scared and I just can't help it. I just want someone to related to, to know that its not just my relationship thats wrong, its just ROCD and that I'm not the only one thats experienced this.

Rain501 Just separated from an alcoholic after 12 years
  • replies: 7

Hi. I am going through a separation and have very few friends or family here to talk to and thought this might help. My ex and me have 2 children and have been together for 12 years. Our relationship was over about a year ago after I realised he was ... View more

Hi. I am going through a separation and have very few friends or family here to talk to and thought this might help. My ex and me have 2 children and have been together for 12 years. Our relationship was over about a year ago after I realised he was starting to get drunk every night, drunk around the kids,and not coming home after work ,he works in the restaurant industry so drinking and staying out is quite normal but not even telling me he wasn't home, he pretty much left me to take care of a baby and a 6 year old solo even while I was working and spending weekends alone. Not having family I was very depressed. We mutually decided to end things but as our lease didn't run out for another 6 months we decided to stay under the same roof until I moved back to NZ. It was tense but ok until I found out he had already started seeing other girls. Even though I knew it was over and know I am better off, I was so furious and kicked him out then realised he'd been taking money out of my savings to take girls on dates and go out drinking though this I can't proof. I am more than ready to move on, he suddenly wants to spend time with the kids after moving out which I don't completely trust him with his drinking. I just don't understand how a person could behave like this and feel so sad and angry and want him to get help but he doesn't see he has a problem. I want to cut him out of my life completely but it's very hard with the kids as they love their dad. So far I have thrown away his ring, removed his photos and taken him off Facebook but I just want to stop thinking about what he's done and focus on the kids.

The_lost_one Need help
  • replies: 4

feeling crazy I can't eat or sleep properly i have no one to talk to what should I do.

feeling crazy I can't eat or sleep properly i have no one to talk to what should I do.

Nico2 Father's affair
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a d... View more

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a divorce and blamed myself for it. My dad also blamed me calling me stupid and a family breaker. I was traumatized ever since however they remarried and things went okay until I found out again. Currently both my parents are unemployed meaning my dad is like 80% of the time overseas as he says that he feels lonely here due to not having friends and being unable to speak english. I was okay with not seeing him much as I knew my mother and him didn't get along very well. When I overheard his conversation on the phone I was angry and wanting to cry. I then had major depression issues and things were really bad for me for a while. I knew that I wasn't going to tell my mum this time as it only caused her to breakdown last time. The thought that my dad is enjoying himself overseas while my mum takes care of the family makes me so guilty that I am not telling her about my dad and it makes me feel no better than my father. I love both my parents but I'm at this point where I push myself away from both of them as I don't want to have anything to do with this. Should I keep it like this and keep the secret forever? Talking about it with my dad is not going to work. I know why he cheats. He tells the family all the time. "your mum doesn't have sex with me ever, she isn't a woman. You kids will understand when you grow older. You guys wanna know why I drink and gamble its all because of your mum". Everytime I think about what my dad says I feel sad and lonely and I'm unable to be close with my mum due to guilt. So guys what should I do?

Miss_Empath Being pushed away
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m new to this forum so will see how this goes... im a single Mum, have gone through a very tough and trying time for the last 5 years and have come out of my darkness and into the light about a year or so ago. But I find it very difficult to fi... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum so will see how this goes... im a single Mum, have gone through a very tough and trying time for the last 5 years and have come out of my darkness and into the light about a year or so ago. But I find it very difficult to find good friends. But almost 3 years ago I met this guy who I have had a fwb relationship with pretty much the whole time. In the last 5 months or so we have gotten very close in our friendship and have declared to each other how important we are. We share and talk about everything and enjoy bedroom fun too. He has had a very tough time in the last 3 years and is in a relationship that he tells me he doesn’t want to be in but it’s convenient for him for the moment cos he has a roof over his head. I try not to let that in the way of our friendship because I love how it is with us, or how it was until a little over a week ago. i can sense when someone or something isn’t quite right. I can feel their energies shift immediately. His energy shifted, I felt it, so I confronted him. He started off saying he was busy, then days later he told me he was being tested for cancer. He had cancer recently and got the all clear. I’m praying and sending all my healing and positive energies to him in the hope for good news. But, he is pushing me away he says he’s not and that he’s putting himself first, which is fantastic, but does he need to cut me off to do this?? My messages aren’t being replied to, I’m being left in the dark and I am an empath and I love and care for him so much and this is tearing me to pieces! Why must one hurt the ones that care for them and will be there with love and support at all times, whenever they need?

sadangel34 Depressed and confused
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have a bit of a personal question. Will explain a bit first. I've been married to my darling husband for 11 years and we've been trying to have children ever since we got together, sadly with no success. I've also been diagnosed with d... View more

Hi everyone, I have a bit of a personal question. Will explain a bit first. I've been married to my darling husband for 11 years and we've been trying to have children ever since we got together, sadly with no success. I've also been diagnosed with depression and Fibromyalgia, which means im on pretty strong medication. I've found that because of the tablets I don't feel like making love to my hubby anymore. I love him as much, if not more, than ever, but the urge just isn't there and this makes me really sad and more depressed than ever. My question is: what, if anything, can i do, to try and jump start my libido again? I h8 feeling like this and its not fair to my hubby.

Ashchick Loneliness as a mum
  • replies: 9

Hi all, first time poster. Looking for words of advice to help me see the light. I'm a single mum of 4 and battling addiction to cigarettes, alcohol and cannabis. It's been a long time of self realising I need to be clear of all these clutches to rea... View more

Hi all, first time poster. Looking for words of advice to help me see the light. I'm a single mum of 4 and battling addiction to cigarettes, alcohol and cannabis. It's been a long time of self realising I need to be clear of all these clutches to really move on in life. My biggest issues are feeling low. I have always been treated horribly by men I guess partly due to my own self esteem and confidence issues I get ran over. The last one gave me a std and it's almost ruined my life( just as I was getting better!!!) I always cop the blame and hurt. Anyway i just don't want to be lonely anymore. I don't want a relationship because I am not in the right mind frame and will be hurt again. I just want social connections and someone to talk to. It's hard to just get about an about with 4 little kids. I can just see myself falling back onto bad habits to combat my loneliness. I have my mum and sister but that's all. Don't see them enough.. I can't talk to them about these issues either. I'm also anti social in my ways as I've just become quiet and miserable... Thank you

Seekparadise Lost friendship
  • replies: 1

In the past few years, 2 of my closest friendships have ended & I don't feel any sense of closure. Sometimes I think reaching out to them will help, but there are a hundred reasons why I can't do it. I don't think I could bare the vulnerability. I th... View more

In the past few years, 2 of my closest friendships have ended & I don't feel any sense of closure. Sometimes I think reaching out to them will help, but there are a hundred reasons why I can't do it. I don't think I could bare the vulnerability. I think I just need to write this to get it out of me and to tell somebody because it's hard to talk about. My first friend was like a sister to me. We were intensely bonded. We moved in together after we both broke up with our boyfriends and did everything together. But while I was quite depressed and really struggling, she got a new boyfriend really quickly who just sorta.. came over one night and never left. He just moved in. Nothing was said to me. I know she was struggling mentally at the time from trauma in her past and I was really sad because she felt totally distant, barely hanging out, barely even talking when we walked past each other. When I told her I wanted to move out, she went ballistic on me and attacked me. Things were up & down for a bit, I held it together for her birthday but really I just wanted out. I felt rejected and depressed, because we were so close then all of a sudden it was like she didn't need me anymore. She said I would always come first, and then it was like I had to awkwardly beg her to even watch tv together. The day I moved out, I packed my stuff alone. The next morning, my Dad came to help me move my things. Her and her boyfriend were literally stepping over me as I packed boxes on the ground, not speaking to me.. it was just so weird. She didn't ask where I was going or anything. I felt awful & alone. So I got in my Dads car, and left without saying anything. She sent me pages and pages of messages, listing all the things I'd done wrong in our friendship. I just couldn't believe how self- righteous she was, and I left feeling so whiplashed. She left me with the entire electricity bill to pay on my own and refused to pay her share and tried to even get money out of me for another supposed bill that didn't exist. I'm so conflicted. In some ways I miss her dearly. In other ways, I feel sick when I think about her. I feel intense guilt for leaving it the way I did. But I didn't know any other way to do it or cope with it. I never replied to her message. I was so shocked and hurt by everything she said, and in my mind, there was no going back from that for me. She was vicious and manipulative and cruel. But I also doubt how 'true' that is. We were friends for almost six years.