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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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luke_c can't seem to find a decent relationship
  • replies: 6

i'm a terrible dater but would make a great family man. getting the relationship seems to be the hardest part. i'm being myself but what i do seems out of touch with what they want. it's an all too common theme. people talking to me but then blocking... View more

i'm a terrible dater but would make a great family man. getting the relationship seems to be the hardest part. i'm being myself but what i do seems out of touch with what they want. it's an all too common theme. people talking to me but then blocking me off all of a sudden. it's gut wrenching. the only relationships i've had is conditional ones that involve money, as in a girl wants me for my money and not love me for me. it feels empty. i've got the right personality traits and would make an awesome husband. i'm confident, have a good sense of humour, not take myself too seriously and enjoy life and know what i want. i'm also a super hard worker at work and have plans to buy a house in the next few years. but the thing that makes me feel terrible is when people want to know me at first and then cut me off all of a sudden whenever they don't like the look of something, no ones giving me a chance, i've been made out like to be a stalker by people when i'm clearly not. i mean i have an easier time getting along with animals and kids, they don't critique and judge you. modern society can be a mess sometimes and has some stupid rules which i never understand, remember i'm out of touch with reality. i don't know, maybe i was born in the wrong era because people have described me as a gentleman. i mean i can't see the sense of being alone every weekend (but i do martial arts during the week and have started at this new dojo 2 weeks ago). i'm in sydney and have been for only 2 months. i just want to be in a relationship with someone local, not halfway round the world if i can help it, and definitely someone who wants my money.

luft_ When you're in the wrong - what to do
  • replies: 4

I have been anxious the last 6 months after my grandmother passed away who I had cared for when sick. I admit I have been essentially both cranky and difficult to be around since. My partner and I have been together for 4 years. When he drinks he has... View more

I have been anxious the last 6 months after my grandmother passed away who I had cared for when sick. I admit I have been essentially both cranky and difficult to be around since. My partner and I have been together for 4 years. When he drinks he has become verbally abusive and aggressive. He has probably been like this twice in the past 6 months, and has been so in the past. When he doesn't drink, he is generally quite nice and we don't really have any problems. About 6 weeks ago, the night before we were meant to go on a weekend away, he had over 20 standard drinks in one evening. I had gone to meet him at a bar with my friends,& he got very angry with my friend who had said something rude to him. I asked him to leave it, and not make a scene, but he persisted, so I left and walked home. When he arrived home we had a terrible argument. He tried to 'steal' my wallet and possessions and threw a glass of water at me (not the actual glass, just the water), kicked a pot. He said all sorts of horrible things, even going so far as to call me fat (which is the second time he has said this to me - which doesn't really make sense because I am actually quite slim but it still hurt me). I decided to leave, and he followed me to my parents' car which I was borrowing, and even punched the dashboard! It was crazy behaviour, & after several hours of being insulted & being in genuine fear etc, I drove to my parents' house to stay there. He ended up driving up the next day to apologise. I was really hurt and remained so for the next 6-7 weeks. After about 6 weeks or so, he took me on holidays for my birthday - which we had planned months ago. The holiday went well, but I did feel anxious a lot of the time, but we seemed to rekindle things. The weekend after we returned I organised a birthday party. One of my friends started complaining to him that he hadn't bought me a cake, which I didn't care about. In the cab home, he said it upset him. At this point I was quite intoxicated, and started getting angry with him. When we arrived home I apparently started verbally abusing him, telling him no one in my family liked him, that I hated having sex with him (neither are remotely true), that I wanted to break up. I even deleted him from FB it seems. I can't believe I did or said any of this. We have tried talking about it but he is hurt and confided in me that he didn't know why he was with me now. I have no idea what to do - I feel what I did is 100% unforgivable.

SMD Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?
  • replies: 6

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a coup... View more

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a couple of years fighting insurers finally had claims accepted and now financially OK. During this time my missus put up with moving several times as our position changed etc. We have been married for 10yrs+ have known each other since we were teenagers and have a wonderful 9yr old boy. Over the last three years and due to my impairments caused by my injury my missus has got more frustrated and angry.......she cannot get over that the long hours i used to work and stress it made caused all this - I apologised but she cannot firget or forgive. I am unable to drive due to my condition and spend my time pottering around the house, taking the dog for a walk, doing hobbies etc. My missus says she no longer loves me like she used to, constantly rejects sex and the rare occasions it happens its get it over with ASAP, she regulary verbally abuses me, says she hates me, screams and yells. Aside from the evening meal and washing she does next to nothing around the home - I do most of the rest inside and outside, she does not work, my income being 75% of my former income provides a reasonable life.......I have sat down and tried to talk on numerous occasions byt just get yelled at.......it seems like I am just being used.......I do not need the rejection and abuse.......my son sees this as well - so sad. Anyway its decision time - I have told her a few months ago I do not have to put up with the abuse, she needs to forgive (doesnt have to forget), we need to reconnect sexually and emotionally........nothing has changed.....so do we break up and sell the house.......the biggest concern would be my son likely having to go to a crappy public school as she would end up in public housing with very little money (even with me paying 100% child support).......but maybe a dose of reality is what is needed for her to see how good we actually have it compared to many others? Thoughts, comments and suggestions welcome...

Ce-Ce anger & guilt
  • replies: 5

hi, im seeking advice regarding anger issues towards family. I've apparently never been a simple child, i was always known for throwing tantrums and getting super angry and as i've grown up i realise this is still a problem. most of the time my anger... View more

hi, im seeking advice regarding anger issues towards family. I've apparently never been a simple child, i was always known for throwing tantrums and getting super angry and as i've grown up i realise this is still a problem. most of the time my anger is ignited by small things, which is something i am ashamed of. I tend to over-react and I react so quickly that i never think about my actions. At the time of my anger (whether it be me slamming doors, throwing things & damaging items) i do not regret the things i do as i feel like its the only way to express my anger about a situation. I have had family members try to restrain me when i get into such situations but it will always end in a physical fight between them and myself. Now i would NEVER intend to hit a family member, or push them or hurt their feelings intentionally, however i just cannot control myself and i always destroy whatever is in my path. My biggest problem now is that all i do at night is replay those times over in my head (even from many years ago - yes this has happened more than once) and i feel so guilty about it, I dont mean to hurt them but i feel like a disgrace, i have a heavy heart and dont know how to deal with both my anger and my guilt after these events happen. the worst thing is, all i think about is how ive hurt my family both emotionally/mentally and physically and how they wont be around forever and this destroys me. I'm in need of some serious help, anything, i never want to lay my hands on my family again, i never want to say anything that will hurt them or break their hearts like i have done previously and i need to know how i can make it up to them, i will never forgive myself and when they are gone i fear that i will implode with emotion and lead to something bad (personally). How can i stop feeling guilty, how can i prevent these outbursts. can i ever forgive myself? has anyone experienced this? Ce-Ce

out_of_this__world When things fall apart how to put them back together
  • replies: 2

Recently had a split with the Mrs the battle had been going on for sometime I tried so hard to get things to work but it didn't work out. To overcome her anxiety and depression and to live a life became difficult, she would come back to me anytime bu... View more

Recently had a split with the Mrs the battle had been going on for sometime I tried so hard to get things to work but it didn't work out. To overcome her anxiety and depression and to live a life became difficult, she would come back to me anytime but when she does it doesn't work and now i feel like a broken man because I had to turn her away for health reasons and self care. I do love her but I didn't know how to fix the situation and it fell apart and I started developing mental health issues myself while with her. Also at the same time I had job issues I accidentally crashed the car and the company came after me for $1000 and I got lawyers involved because it was illegal what they where doing. They dropped it but then went after me at work so after another talk with with lawyers I decided to leave, currently studying 3 courses at the moment to try and fix the job situation. I guess I do have to admit I do not feel confident at present and have lost my way big time. The internet dating is a lot of work and if it doesn't work I feel down after. I'm 32yrs old and was looking forward to the next stage of my life and going back 5 steps and things not working have brought back the past as well. Current situation isn't great and feel like I am at rock bottom, I am finding it difficult at present but I am fighting hard. My mum and her partner also had a split during this time so she is suffering from depression so it looks like I have no hiding place it's all around me. A family issue also raised it's head at this time as well it was about the money my grandad had when he died so I had to sort that as well I have been getting smashed. Courses are full on as well but are keeping me inspired to keep going and not to fall into a hole. I have been getting counseling both with her which has stopped and by myself now, they tell me to be patient and concentrate on sorting things out and do my study. I also forgot I got scammed as well during this time and they opened 10 bank accounts in my name and it looks like a phone account as well after doing a check on credit check today worst 1 yr of my life ever. Life can be difficult at times and my theory is just to keep breathing well I guess it works because I'm here and I'm training and pushing threw it the best way I can.

Dory09 Alone. But not!
  • replies: 3

Since we lost our daughter in march, I feel like my husband and I aren't .... I don't know just we don't talk, he now has a "friend" that snapchats him all day/night, it feels like he's avoiding me, I asked him why he talks to her and doesn't talk to... View more

Since we lost our daughter in march, I feel like my husband and I aren't .... I don't know just we don't talk, he now has a "friend" that snapchats him all day/night, it feels like he's avoiding me, I asked him why he talks to her and doesn't talk to me he said it's easier with her and he can't talk to me because I get upset, ive told him I feel hurt and betrayed that he's talking to another woman, he got mad said that if I think he would cheat on me we shouldn't be together, that it's my issue not his he hasn't done anything wrong, am I over reacting? How can we fix us when we are both so broken. Thanks for listening. Xx

Trooper77 Wife seperation
  • replies: 2

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four oth... View more

Good morning can I please have some advise. My wife has just left me again while she is pregnant. We have two other children together and she has done this before in the past when pregnant. We have a blended family and my wife previously has four other children to another father. Each of those pregnancies she would seperate from the father so it looks like there is a trend. She is not thinking straight and needs help, even though she believes she is ok. This pregnant was unexpected as I had the snip in September last year but didn't work. She also started a new job in January this year and hates me for getting her pregnant. What do I do? She is Currently living with her friend which she goes too each time she does this. She told me last night via email she is coming to Collect her beds so she must be moving into her own place. She has also told me she has left and it's over and she won't be convinced otherwise. What do I do

Out_the_window Does anyone have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem?
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Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time... View more

Well well. After game one in the Origin. And who should knock at the door.... That old black dog... Wearing a NSW jersey. Lol you not. As ive heard and seen many a sports lover cone financialy depressed after a disappointing gsmbking result this time of year. Do any of you have a relative or loved one with a gambling problem? I was one. It agrivates and adds to ones mental problems. Such as anxiety. And depression. Lets start a page about this. Cheers.

highlysensitivepersonhsp The five languages of love
  • replies: 6

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirm... View more

I thought it would be helpful to share a little of what I've read on this topic and leave it to you to test the theory in your own relationships. I read Gary Chapman on the languages of love. In no particular order they are: providing words of affirmation. This is when you say something positive about a person that is based on truth or some concrete example. It's not just a compliment or cliche. It needs to be honest and from the heart. The second language of love is giving gifts. Such gifts have to have meaning for the recipient. Not just roses on Valentine's Day, but something they will value and regard as special. The third language of love is performing acts of service. Some people find that doing things for others is an act of love. That's not to take advantage of people and their kindness or generosity, but rather to be gracious and appreciative when something is done for you that you want or need. Be spontaneous rather then strategic. Don't give to get back something in return. Help out to show you care. The fourth language of love is spending quality time with someone. Doing things together and really being present for that someone is highly valued as an expression of love. Really invest in the activity and give of yourself. The fifth language of love is appropriate physical touch. A well timed hug, a massage, a touch at the right time and place can convey loving tenderness, kindness and compassion. It brings you closer together. Chapman suggests that we have a preference for a particular lanaguage. Which is yours and which is your significant other's. Notice what they complain about. They might say, we never spend time together. That person has a preference for quality time. Notice which language they use with you. If they are a gift giver then they probably prefer gifts given to them as well. Reciprocate. Be conscious of such expressions of love. Observe which language is used and in what way. Test out the various styles and see what works. Have a conversation about your preference and how it is expressed between you. Be careful not to misinterpret the language and the intent. Tell each other what language you prefer and how you like to express it and experience it. Hopefully it will strengthen the bond between you and contribute to those positive strokes needed to keep a relationship going. Remember that we need five positive strokes for every negative stroke in order for a relationship to survive.

Over1t Advise on how to disclose Bipolar Disorder to Manager
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I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss... View more

I need to be admitted into hospital for management of my Bipolar Disorder, I am coming off one medication and onto another & my Dr would prefer this done in hospital. I have a 'sick note' from my Dr and I have set up a meeting with my boss to discuss having time off. Any advise on how to have this conversation with my boss? (My boss can tell by the sick note that it has been written by a Psychiatrist although my condition is listed as medical illness