Relationship and family issues

Partner frustrating me with marriage

replies: 4

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year ... View more

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year after I mentioned marriage again. He promised it would be 'soon' but he still hasn't done it 6 years on. I approached him more than a few times and he always has an excuse. I love him but I feel like he will never do it. He only wants to drink and smoke on the weekend, we rarely do anything fun or go on dates so we had an argument. He just went to bed instead of resolving it. Now I'm all worked up and upset. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I'm a mess and blaming myself. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Or wait? I'm at my wits end and a total mess over this frustration!

Can't catch a break

replies: 2

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is complete... View more

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is completely justified in what I was telling her. I have been having sleeping, health issues, I work two jobs, and raise two kids, which I think I suck at most of the time. I feel like I am always yelling and they are always yelling and no one is actually listening to each other. I feel completely ignored most of the time. I am made to feel like I am too dramatic by my husband, and fairly alone in most that I do. He goes to work, works hard, but then comes home and clocks off. I literally run the rest of our lives. The kids have molluscum which is contagious and can last for years and making me and them constantly anxious. Paranoid even.I stress about everything and now have sleeping issues that results in me running from my bed, in my sleep, to find my kids. Bizarre I know. I hurt my back right when I can't afford too. There is just no chance to just breath. So I pick up, I carry on, day by day, I have good days and try to focus on the positives in life everyday, but I am starting to see the cracks and looking at which way to turn. I can't keep all the balls in the air. And I drop them, everyone around me suffers just as much. I have been to a psychologist after my mum past and found him dreadful. I am trying again. I am trying to avoid medication, and treat the source, find management skills. Any suggestions? Councillor, psychiatrist, psychologist? Is it a case of just keep trying till you find one that works for you?

Feeling resentment, hurt and heartache with Siblings who take me for granted

replies: 2

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two ye... View more

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two years back when she lived with me, my wife and kids which eventually resulted in betrayal, broken trust, broken relationships, hurt and deep anger. What made it worse is my step-brothers did not support, help, assist nor take responsibility in assisting the situation given she is their blood relative nor providing the assistance and support to myself, leaving me to suffer alone in the wake of the things she had done therefore I eventually experienced compassion fatigue and emotional burn out. (Even to the point of experiencing reactive depression and anxiety.) This then created strong feelings of resentment, disappointment and anger towards my step siblings, especially my brothers. In essence, I felt used, hurt and heart broken. I know my step siblings have personal and if not mental health issues themselves such as fears of abandonment, anxiety, avoidance issues but this became a catch 22 for myself, since they would rather avoid and run away from situations their actions or lack thereof further solidifying my negative feelings towards them. Hence leading up to this day, almost two years and none of them have really made any effort to reconcile or take any action to rebuild our relationships. You can see how this further adds to my feelings of resentment, hurt and anger. For the two years it’s just been brewing, sometimes I feel compassion sometimes I feel nothing but hate and anger. Sometimes I don’t feel anything because I’m focused on other things alas ‘out of sight out of mind’. But I’ve come to this point where I’m so tired of the roller coaster of emotions and want peace back in my life. I’ve felt a strong need to resolve this myself (again) but this is where I get stuck… I will still have to see them since they are my mother’s husband’s kids so I know I can’t completely ‘walk away”. So I am writing to ask what can I do in this instance? I need peace back, I want to let go and not feel hurt nor angry anymore. Do I just simply walk away and basically do what they do? Or do I once and for all confront them and tell them that I am letting go and do just that, acknowledge their presence but basically ignore them? Or do I continue making an effort to rebuild HOPING that love will eventually reciprocate?

Parenting

replies: 4

Hi, new here. Single mom. What is the best parenting for a 20yr old high achiever son who is starting to have depression?

People need to learn what not to say!!

replies: 2

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them ... View more

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them to help even thought they promised they would. No matter how long the depression has lasted and now matter how many times you relapse for various reasons you still need support and understanding and positive reinforcement. I have to live with an alcoholic husband who is abusive verbally and emotionally and can be very cruel, and I know that people will say you don't have to live with this, but I do as I have no choice and financially can't afford to leave and I feel why should I as I have contributed to the home we own and why should I be the one to walk away with nothing. But sometimes the abuse is too hard to deal with so I take my self out of the situation for a period of time so I can regroup and put my thoughts in order in a quiet place. But on a recent occasion when I had leave the house in a hurry as the situation was escalating. I left without my purse just car keys, phone and the pretty dodgy clothes I had on and drove to a nearby car park to try on quieten my mind and think what to do next. I rang a friend just to talk as we have been friends for more than 20 years and he had reasonable advise for me in the past and he had said those words "I will be here for you" and I believed him but please if you don't mean this please don't say it. So it seems since he said this, things had changed and he didn't want for his new partner to find out about our friendship (even though it is innocent) and when I told him that things at home were bad and I had no where to go, his reply was "Oh, you can go to Target or KMart they are having a sale at the moment, that would fill in your time". This one comment has since sent me into a downward spiral and the intensity of this downward slide has been monumental. Having someone make such a trivial and hurtful comment at a time when I was very vulnerable and reaching out was just so very cruel, that I am still trying to make my way back from the depths and it has been 2 weeks now and I am still no where near being well, so just make sure your support people are aware of the power they hold with regard to your wellness.

I don't belong

replies: 8

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enoug... View more

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enough. I never feel like I'm doing the right things or doing them as best I could. My partner left for a walk tonight, two and a half hours later I call him to see where he is, playing poker. I had a terrible day today at work and not feeling good about myself, and he knows this. I must not be worth very much if he decides to go do that instead of help me through this. I just feel worthless! I' an embarrassment.

Still hurting

replies: 2

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scar... View more

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scared to get emotionally attached to some again . Abd i was eventually able to open my self up to her n told her all this, she took it all on board . The usual promises of shed never leave and i no my clinginess was part of the reason she did leave . But gooddam im soo depressed part of me hates her for leaving . Part of me would take her back in a heart beat . After she broke up with me she played mind games sayin we were completly over but talking like therr was a chance and now in last week she just ignores me i dont no wat to do . I have the constant thoughts of maybe i should just give up on life . Least i no i wouldnt have to deal with this pain . But i no i cant do that to the few people that have been there for me and were a shoulder to cry on after . How do u stop thinkin of her . Do i hold on to hope and just maybe wait n see if she makes contact . Like my minds all over the place /:

Leaving people in your life who bring you down but what if it’s family?

replies: 2

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart b... View more

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart by talking about his ex gfs and saying that he could have gone places with footy and other sports but he met me .... and it’s my fault he didn’t have a footy career she has blamed me for multiple things she has made up lies and always plays the victim but I have had enough I cut her from my social media life so she can’t turn things around and make something out of nothing but it effects my husband because wel she’s his mum .. he knows she has hurt me and he just tells me to ignore it I believe she was the reason for my depression when I had my first baby always bringing over strangers telling me I’m doing things wrong buying cots and carriers for her house telling me when she has the baby ect ect it made me so anxious and every time I know I have to see her I panic my heart races and I physically feel sick she told her family I gave my daughter to my parents because I couldn’t cope and that I didn’t love my baby there was no truth to this that was never the case she pushed me so far I believed I was a terrible mother and a failure I pushed through my sadness and inner critic and loved my baby daughter and cared for her the best way I knew how but I feel like I have to explain who I am as a person and explain every god damn time I see his family that I am a good person a kind person but they always stare at me judging me from the stories my mother in law has made up is this going to be my life forever ? Am I always going to have to fight for myself it’s so exhausting mentally and physically just when I think all is well up pops another story she gets inside my head like no other person she can turn my happiest day upside down just like that Anyone else have to deal with a toxic family member ? What did you do ? How do you cope ?

Moving on...

replies: 2

My 6 year relationship has finally ended, I had been unhappy in it the whole time. But I got pregnant after 7 months of meeting him (at 18 years old, when you think your in love and think you know the person, you make decisions without thinking about... View more

My 6 year relationship has finally ended, I had been unhappy in it the whole time. But I got pregnant after 7 months of meeting him (at 18 years old, when you think your in love and think you know the person, you make decisions without thinking about the long term consequences). So throughout the start of our relationship and for the first couple of years I spent my energy trying to change his perspective on things and teach him how I’d like to be treated as he was very disrespectful and immature when we first met and I wouldn’t settle for that or for our baby. I was lucky that he did become better in some ways, he became more loving, affectionate and a bit more respectful towards me. However, while I was pregnant, at some stage, I felt my feelings for him were deteriorating and it was causing me anxiety because I didn’t want to feel like this, I wanted to be a happy family and for things to work. I become more and more unhappy and less and less attracted to him. Our first break up was when our son was about 14 months old, but it only lasted a week or two before we got back together, we never moved back in together after that but this cycle went on, up until recently. Every time we split up, it was me telling him I don’t love him and I need to let him go because it’s killing me. He deserves to be loved and I can’t give that to him and I can’t force my feelings anymore because it’s hurting me. It was hard letting go of each other because we had a son together and he brought us together in ways. We shared something very special. Despite of me not loving him he just would not let go. It was and still is most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. I realise now it was causing me so much distress that it had a huge impact on my anxiety and depression & I was not able to grow in life. I was so stuck. It got to the point where I would shut down around him, I couldn’t talk, I was bitter and anxious all the time when I was with him. Finally he started realising that we are not going to work & got sick tired of it. He has only just moved on with someone else. I’m glad he’s moved on because it means I can now let go too and be free... well, sort of. Now comes the part where he hates me because he’s met someone else, and must see me as a threat because I’m the full time carer of our son and wants to take over and have some more control. So lately I’m full of anxiety and stress. I just want things to work out and not to be brought down by him.

Marriage or Soulmate

replies: 10

In the collaborative spirit of honesty, I beg no judgement for I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be. I've been in a marriage of 13 years with two lovely children and a partner with whom we became best friends but drifted apart as a couple. Two ... View more

In the collaborative spirit of honesty, I beg no judgement for I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be. I've been in a marriage of 13 years with two lovely children and a partner with whom we became best friends but drifted apart as a couple. Two years ago I met a work colleague with whom I started a very quick and deep relationship. She has a boyfriend as well so at the start it seemed a fairly level field. We believe we have fallen in love with each other quite deeply. As emotions run high, we have managed to hurt each other and break each other's hearts. At times it seems out of frustration of not being able to be together. This brings a destructive behaviour within both. Despite this, we both dream of a future together but as a result of the pain, it also brings out a level of exertion of control on each other (don't go out with your partner, don't post your life all over social media type of things). At times this offering and receiving of control becomes overwhelming and it terrifies me that this is the reality of what a future together is going to be like rather than tge dreams we have. Then there's my family. The thought of leaving my children terrifies me, especially during those times where my soulmate and I are at each others' throats trying to control and lay blame for each other's actions in an attempt to prevent any further pain. It is incredibly emotional both on the highs and the lows. I am not sure at this point how to move forward but what I do know is that we both have personal mental health issues that need to be addressed such that we do not cause any further pain or destruction to the other. Despite it all, I believe I do want to be with her. On the other hand, my wife and I have no animosity, we have just drifted apart as a couple. Anyone been in a similar situation?

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