Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Labrox Friendship problems
  • replies: 2

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm... View more

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I don't understand what she wants from me but she says that she talks to me because she knows I won't leave her... So I kind of feel used. I talked to some internet friends about it and they said to try and use reverse psychology on her so I did. I said to her "I'm sorry." she responded to this with "it's my thing to say sorry for no reason." Then I spoke to her giving her half the story, I waited exactly 10 minutes every text. In the end I told her why I did it but now I feel really mean. I don't even know if she's telling the truth about half the things she says, I don't know if she's actually panicking because she kind of just stares into the distance. She also showed me her wrists as a confession that she'd been self harming so I was nice about it and told her why she shouldn't cut, she said they were almost a year old but they obviously weren't. There's some other things I won't talk about but I feel concerned and mean, I've been wanting to talk to someone like my counsellor but I don't want to loose her trust. I want your opinions on this, what should I do? Also I have anxiety and was previously depressed because of a loss, So i do know about some of the things she's going through, it just seems like she's trying to get my attention rather than asking for help.

sonicjaguar Loneliness eating away at me. Don't want new relationships. Feel like reality is false.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person w... View more

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person worth loving. However, I find that the idea of starting a new relationship with someone is... not daunting, but revolving around something like "Your sickness will just cause it to not work," or something like that. I have little to no self esteem. I hate myself a lot, for a variety of reasons. I also just can't see the point in a lot of things like relationships. Part of this stems from how pessimistic I seem to have become. I don't see the point because everything ends and everything dies, so why bother? Why bother trying again and again and again to find someone who I work with, who truly enjoys the same things as me, who helps me see the world in a better way, who makes me want to continue to live? Secondarily, I also have a condition that was caused by brain trauma as an infant. The condition causes me to have a delay between what I see and how I process/interact with it. This has caused me years of feeling like my entire existence is false, that I am stuck inside a dream, that everything is not real. Nothing matters because nothing actually feels real to me. Which means I find it very hard to find a reason to try. Why try when this could all (highly) possibly be an illusion? Why try when tomorrow I may wake up from this dream and forget this existence as a passing thought, a half remembered dream... It drives me mad. Like a splinter in my mind that someone placed there, it itches in my soul, nagging at me that something about this life is not right and there must be somewhere else. Sorry for the long winded post. I don't even know why I am writing here. I'm just tired of being tired. Tired of feeling the gut wrenching disconnectedness. Tired of hating myself & thinking that I am worthless, and that everything else is seemingly worthless too. All the best & thank you (even if this isn't real) for your responses.

TetherEnd Feedback from dads
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more tha... View more

Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more than me. Its been (varying degree) going on for nearly a year. I've been strong but I no longer think that's normal. I more hands on than many of my other friends, but I sit n watch while their kids lovingly dotes on their dads while my daughter is often indifferent at best. She does tell me without prodding that she loves me once a awhile but very rare. I spend time with her, take her to park, been the for primary bath since birth. I love her, but I'm a nobody. i believe it's partially because of the difference in parenting between my wife and I.. she's very care free happy go lucky won't raise her voice, where as I believe in discipline and calling her out when something's not right. We've talked about it many times but inherently I don't think she'll ever be able to support me. im always told, this is a phase and short term, she'll grow out of it. I feel like a year is too long! Any feedback or previous exp from dads or mums?

needtobealone_ Should I be alone?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I ... View more

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I would be doing a favour to my partner as I don't think she deserves to have to put up with my mental health for the rest of her life. I would not be able to cope if in 10 years time I am still in the same headspace and she is still trying to help me, in my mind I am wasting her life. I just generally think i'm worthless and deserve nothing and no one in my life. I have expressed to her how I feel many times, but I don't know if i'm scarred of being alone or just to much of a coward to break it off. Other than her, I have no friends (other than her friends) and don't see or speak to my family very often (maybe once a year, or even 2 years). I often think to break it off and just live in my car as that is all I deserve.

Qwerty9967 I need advice about my friendship with my best friend
  • replies: 1

Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's wh... View more

Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's what his personality is like, yet I can't help but feel as if I am much more invested in the friendship than he is. It drives me crazy and I get so anxious thinking about what he's doing and whether or not he really likes me as a person. We do fight every now and then but we always end up saying we love each other. I just don't know what to do. Do I stop texting him and talking to him to see when he messages me, even though I'm terrified he won't message me ever and it'll be the end of our friendship, or do I bring it up to him and (most likely) cause a fight between us. He knows a lot about my issues with trusting people and feeling not good enough, but sometimes it still seems like he doesn't take these things into consideration at all I also have a really bad habit of holding grudges, and so sometimes when we fight it's hard for me to not bring up things that we've already resolved from the past, often just to hurt him. And I know this is terrible, and I'm worried that now this is all getting to him and he's realising he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. I'm terrified of losing him more than anything, so any advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes my mental state makes it hard to think straight, and I think an outside opinion could really help me

Jec Life changes every 5 months and i have no control over it
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will neve... View more

Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will never be stable like it once was. Iam confused thinking how can i help myself as i dont known if i have developed a more severe mental illness from this experience. Iv always suffered with manaic depression and i think its one of the reasons why he told me he didn't want children but he got a girl pregnant after us only separating 5 months. This was four years ago and even though i moved on my life changes dramatically every 5month. I brought a house but lost my job when I bought it so i had roommate which completely stolenfrom me so i kicked them out so i do get house mates but double check them. My life went well for a bit but i travel long distance for work and lost my licence a year ago and had to live with my boss until the suspension was over but as soon as i moved there all my room mates decided to leave all of a sudden and left me with a massive financial burden when i almost lost my house so i rented it out through real Estate agent and that was a waste of time because most of it was spending money on maintenance. While i was renting it out i went from families house to another until the lease was up . I was offered a full time job and back in the house but iam worried something bad is going to happen again and i use to be close to my family but now they dont speak to me because of all the drama. My moods go up and down and i dont know why iv had so much drama all the time is this normal

everythingsintense Mother in Law issues
  • replies: 6

I've been with my husband for over 6 years and never gotten along with my MIL. She had an obsessive relationship with him beforre I came into the picture and he pulled back strongly when we got together (at 18, I was first long term GF). MIL (Let's c... View more

I've been with my husband for over 6 years and never gotten along with my MIL. She had an obsessive relationship with him beforre I came into the picture and he pulled back strongly when we got together (at 18, I was first long term GF). MIL (Let's call her Susan) used to make (bordering incestuous) comments about my partner (Let's call him Andrew) and nasty comments to me about how I was "trapping" him. She got drunk on multiple occassions and finally blew it with a nasty letter that made him cut her out completely. Andrew is very understanding but when he's done, he's DONE. He hadn't talked to her for months, not a word, when a close family member died. We went there to support them for a week but our own grief has been quite overwhelming and Andrew finds that it's worse when he's in contact with them. Susan made some comments (probably just out of grief) that reminded him why he cut her out and it's not been 8 months with no contact. Her declining to come to a major family event was a major contributing factor. I am not her biggest fan, because she has honestly caused me more grief than my troubled childhood ever could have. But the guilt is eating at me.. my husand wants to start a family and I am not sure how to handle telling my child their father won't let them see Susan? Andrews father is still married to Susan, and we speak to him probably once a fortnight, but we are not close. Most of the time Andrew ignores his calls and when FIL calls me I make up some excuse about how Andrews phone isn't working. When she is in our lives, I honestly lose the will to live. But I am sure she feels depressed without us in her lives and that triggers my guilt. Andrew says hes happier now without her clinging to him, he does not miss her. He misses the connection with his father but as long as his father justifies Susan's actions he has no desire to mend there either. I just would like to know if anyone else has had a similar situation.. Do you just put up with horrible people (that you could cut out of your lif if it weren't for that pesky blood-relation thing)? Or do you just cut them out and move on?

white knight Others perspectives
  • replies: 8

You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation. And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as f... View more

You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation. And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as far to say, that our own perceptions during any conflict has one enemy....our lack of listening. We hear them but we rarely listen for we are too busy talking, dumping our own thoughts onto those we try to educate. If you ever need a friend during conflict, then that friend is "clarity". To clarify a statement from the other party means you have to ask questions, to ask questions you display interest, to show interest results in you showing care and respect.One can respect another person but unless you show it, it is like love, far less valuable without affection. Simply saying "I respect you" isnt enough...action speaks louder than words. So with us all having different perceptions during conflict or discussions we need to "paint a picture" in such a way as to allow every chance for the other party to "get it". We can talk all day, but unless we convey accurately our vision of how things are through our own eyes, how we perceive it, then conflict will remain or recur. My wife and I are big talkers. We cant get a word in! So we raise our finger when we have a reply waiting. When she talks I have to listen, I force myself to take in every word and digest it. And visa versa. This pact of effort is one of several we have that has proven to be our secrets to a strong marriage. Mental illness however can complicate the strongest bond. Lack of patience and tolerance can make things hard. Moods even worse as moodiness results is adverse reactions . My wife's dyslexia can be frustrating for me. Imagine what its like for her? So to listen to your partner and to put your own issues aside can be crutial to resolve, harmony and praise.. it feels good that you've been heard and understood.Its the best form of reaching out at your fingertips. It will turn into an art...the expert listener is always rewarded with admiration and listening is often returned because they feel guilty they have been allowed to talk about themselves for such length of time. Allowing others to express their perceptions on topics is to value their views. You are returning respect with action not just words... Tony WK

Aah Moving interstate for dream job, partner doesn't want long distance relationship
  • replies: 5

Hi all, This is my first post so thanks for having me. I've been with my partner for 3 years. That entire time, I've been doing my PhD. I've just about finished my PhD and have been offered an amazing job at a uni. These teaching jobs are very hard t... View more

Hi all, This is my first post so thanks for having me. I've been with my partner for 3 years. That entire time, I've been doing my PhD. I've just about finished my PhD and have been offered an amazing job at a uni. These teaching jobs are very hard to get so I feel lucky and excited. The problem is that it is in a city in another state. The reason why applied for the job is that my partner's family lives in that city and her dad has been unwell with cancer. At the start of the year, we talked about moving there. So now I have this job that is an amazing opportunity with a good salary that could support her if she needs to look after her family and/or she finds another job. Alternatively, the job is for a maximum of 3 years so I could come back to nsw at the end of 1-3 years and do a long distance relationship in the meantime. I have negotiated terms so that o could spend 1 in 4 weeks working remotely back in nsw. I was so excited to tell her all this but she is totally against it all. I don't expect her to be happy about the prospect of a long distance relationship but she is now saying that she wants to break up, that I have used her just while doing my PhD and that moving interstate is just an excuse to get away from her. She can't transfer her job interstate because she'd have to retrain, and she says she won't move to Vic unless I can guarantee it's forever. so, I guess I'm just writing here to see if, like she says, I am being selfish in really wanting the job. I know she wants to start a family but, as I told her, I wouldn't have done a PhD unless I was interested in pursuing my career. Surely that shouldn't come as a surprise to her? I love her but she is pushing me away and saying such hurtful things, it's hard to know what to do! I come from a broken home with an alcoholic dad, so healthy relationships are pretty foreign to me. Sorry for such a long lost, any opinions welcome!

Tears_on_my_Pillow My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends
  • replies: 4

This is my first ever post and I would appreciate any responses. I suffer from depression and find myself becoming increasingly anxious as I can see my son going down the same path. I have felt so alone and lonely for the majority of my life and it s... View more

This is my first ever post and I would appreciate any responses. I suffer from depression and find myself becoming increasingly anxious as I can see my son going down the same path. I have felt so alone and lonely for the majority of my life and it seems history is repeating itself. My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends. He has been diagnosed with social anxiety and finds it difficult to form friendships. Seeing him lonely all the time is killing me. He is very quiet and a non drinker. I don't know how to help him and this is affecting my mental health. The area we live in is regional and offers few opportunities for meeting others who are like minded and of a similar age. I am concerned at how much this is affecting my health I seem to be conscious of his situation all of the time. My heart breaks from the loneliness I see in him. I feel like I am spiralling out of control.