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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Skoi Do I stay or go? I need to decide for myself and my daughter... Please help!
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Though I didn't actually want to get married as I didn't love him, I grew up in a family with no love or affection but lots of emotional abuse (drugs/alcohol) so I latched on to him as he told m... View more

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Though I didn't actually want to get married as I didn't love him, I grew up in a family with no love or affection but lots of emotional abuse (drugs/alcohol) so I latched on to him as he told me he loved me. What I believe now is that maybe I was just getting into my own abusive relationship? Our 13 year old daughter has a disability and requires full time care. It's so tiring and I know I've been depressed for a very long time. My husband helps with her a lot but there are other problems: He is very loving in lots of ways but also very controlling. Something is always my fault and I have to agree or I'm being a 'c*nt' or a 'bitch'. If the conversation doesn't result in him being right he says he won't talk to me until I act maturely. He's manipulated me to get thousands of dollars from my family. When our daughter was younger neither of us could work because of the care she needed but now he can work he avoids it as much as possible. He says the money is for our daughter's future but when I got money from my family he made excuses to not work for almost a year after that. We could have invested it but we spent it all while he watched TV. He manipulated me to get my elderly Mum to sell her house and move in with us so we could have the money. I feel so horrible that I've done this to her. Now she lives with us he is civil to her face but calls her horrible names when she's not in the room, and if I defend her I get told I can take her and go find somewhere else to live, and I won't see my daughter. We don't have any friends. No-one is ever good enough for us so after he tells me what he thinks all their problems are I have to start ignoring their texts. But he can have a friend who sends him porn videos which he just laughs off. He thinks we should be working on getting rich to provide for our daughter's future so he decided to start a very-expensive-to-run business in a field he had almost no experience in. It went broke and we lost thousands of dollars. If I disagree with him about certain things then I'm 'going against him' or 'going to war' with him. I'm so afraid to leave as I know he will try to 'destroy me' (his words). I feel that if I don't do something soon I'll be broke, living with my Mum in a rented unit, fighting to see my daughter. I don't trust myself to know what's right. Am I being too hard on him? Is he really just trying to help us? What do I do?

Bluesky3000 Should I pursue this relationship
  • replies: 15

I met a guy early April this year. We liked each other. He was a bit conservative, but in the following days since we met, he texted and called me everyday. He said I was like a book and could complement a man like him. 3 weeks later, he left to WA f... View more

I met a guy early April this year. We liked each other. He was a bit conservative, but in the following days since we met, he texted and called me everyday. He said I was like a book and could complement a man like him. 3 weeks later, he left to WA for a contract job which initially was 2 months, but extended later. At the beginning, we kept in touch. Mid June, he called me. He said he liked to have a conversation with me and he wish one day he wouldn't give me a reason to upset me... He also said we missed each other and fell in love. He said this wasn't for gilling but serious....He sounded happy on the phone, but he also told me that someone at work had different opinion from him and took it personally...I could feel his work might not be that smooth...That conversation last one hour and a half.... However, after this conversation, he never contacted me. I texted him, but he never replied. On one afternoon 4 months later, I got his call. He came back from WA. His voice sounded not very happy. He said that might be because pf the warm and windy weather. I asked when he came back, he just said 'recently'. Also the week before he went for an job interview but failed...He asked what happened to me in those days, and he said he missed my voice...When I asked him why he didn't contact me, he just said 'he didn't know, maybe he had low energy and brain packed with other things...' He asked to catch up that night. On the first sight, I could see he wasn't as happy as before...He told me he had an issue with his manager, the environment he worked had bad condition...The next day, he dropped me off at my office.. I felt he wasn't as close to me as before.. Before I left, he didn't kiss me and just did a call posture... That afternoon, there was heavy rain.. I got a message from him, asking if I was ok and got soaked.... However in the following days, he never took the first to contact me...I called him asking what had happenned and if there was anything wrong between us. He said he need his own time, he didn't like himself and didn't have the right to like other people, he wasn't in that best shape to be in any relationship...I asked if he didn't want to keep going me, if so I wish he could tell me clearly.. However, he said nothing wrong with me, it was all about him... I am so confused now... Does he still like me? Does he still want to be with me? Why doesn't he contact me? What should I do now?

Sophie_M Statement from beyondblue Board in support of marriage equality
  • replies: 22

In light of recent developments regarding the marriage equality plebiscite, we're reprinting beyondblue's position statement on marriage equality from September 2015 below. Please use this thread for discussion and support on this issue. ** Discrimin... View more

In light of recent developments regarding the marriage equality plebiscite, we're reprinting beyondblue's position statement on marriage equality from September 2015 below. Please use this thread for discussion and support on this issue. ** Discrimination in all its shapes and forms, intentional and unintentional, is unacceptable. Discrimination is the cause for many people of their stress, anxiety and depression. Tragically, it is too often fatal when people self-harm and die by suicide. We, the Board members of beyondblue, who are professional and lay people, young and experienced, men and women, straight and gay, black and white, and who are bi-partisan in serving beyondblue, are working to reduce discrimination in our society. We know the hurt, hardship and loss that such discrimination can cause. We direct a lot of our resources towards ending that hurt and loss. Our country long ago recognised the incorrectness of discrimination when it introduced the: Racial Discrimination Act in 1975 Sex Discrimination Act in 1984 Disability Discrimination Act in 1992, and the Age Discrimination Act in 2004. Discrimination is often based on colour, race, religion, size, looks, sexuality and any one of any other factors. On sexuality, homosexuality used to be a crime; it is no longer. Yet marriage between same sex couples is still not permitted in Australia. For heterosexual Australians, entering into marriage is a choice they can make freely based on the love and commitment the individuals have for each other. However, individuals who share the same love and commitment, but are of the same gender, are not allowed to commit to each other through marriage. This is discrimination in the most obvious form. For those who love, but are not allowed to marry, their sense of loss, hurt, stigma and discrimination is profound. beyondblue is committed to being an advocate for non-discriminating communities, systems, policies and institutions, because we know discrimination is a significant risk factor for mental health conditions and suicide. Therefore same sex marriage is not a political issue but one of equity; every Australian should have the same rights under law, including the same rights to make the choice to marry or not. The continuation of the current law reinforces that inequity, stigma and discrimination are in direct conflict to the laws and intent of the anti-discrimination Acts we have listed above. Many members of Australia’s LGBTI community would like to marry in their own country. Many parents, children, relations and friends would like to witness the union of two people in their own country. Allowing same sex marriages will not make any difference to the lives of the majority, including married heterosexuals, but it will make a great deal of difference to those who seek same sex unions. No law-abiding Australian citizen should be made to feel like a second-class Australian. Yet that is what the current law clearly does. Most LGBTI people lead happy, healthy, fulfilling lives. However, LGBTI people have an increased risk of depression and anxiety, substance abuse, self-harming and suicidal thoughts, and take their own lives at much higher rates than heterosexual people. This is not because of sexuality or gender identity. LGBTI people, just like any Australian, face the same risk factors for mental illness and suicide. What is different is the violence, prejudice and discrimination they face, simply for being who they are. This adds an additional and unacceptable layer of risk. beyondblue requests all our politicians, regardless of their politics or personal feelings, to understand the ramifications of a law that through positive discrimination causes so much unnecessary hurt, pain, mental illness and worse to some. A law that is in direct conflict with other existing laws. A law we consider to be out-dated, inequitable and unfair. The Hon. Jeff Kennett AC Chairman ​ Together with beyondblue Board members: Mr Tim Marney, Deputy Chair Ms Georgie Harman Ms Jessica Dean Professor Steve Larkin Dr Mukesh Haikerwal AO Ms Fiona Coote AM Professor Michael Kidd AM Ms Johanna Griggs A/Professor Michael Baigent Mr Paul Howes The Hon. Julia Gillard Professor Brett McDermott

Flower Earth angel I'm new , sharing some feelings today
  • replies: 3

Hi it's 1am and I'm in bed, i suffer great fears about a medical procedure I need to do, i have had this fear for quiet some time it's dental related I left a friendship/ relationship with a male last week thinking he would at least ask how I am . i ... View more

Hi it's 1am and I'm in bed, i suffer great fears about a medical procedure I need to do, i have had this fear for quiet some time it's dental related I left a friendship/ relationship with a male last week thinking he would at least ask how I am . i don't really work and if I have money I go to r s l clubs and try my luck on the poker machines so I am not alone although I live with parents , I'm in early thirties , they just don't support my career choices I want to take im all over the place study wise won't b continuing and old cours ex wanted to just finish no close friends , I guess I don't think trust anyone anymore. thanks for being here and listening next wek I see a new psychotherapist .. god bless stay safe amen.

Jas-kay Handling a relationship without affecting it when you are healing from depression and anxiety.
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have mild-moderate depression and I see a psychologist occasionally. I seem to be having this in waves from moderate to mild to feeling ok. One thing is for certain. I feel myself that I am not easy to deal with for a partner in a relations... View more

Hi all, I have mild-moderate depression and I see a psychologist occasionally. I seem to be having this in waves from moderate to mild to feeling ok. One thing is for certain. I feel myself that I am not easy to deal with for a partner in a relationship. Due to my condition at times during the past 3 months that I've been this way I have been more prone to negativity towards myself. I had low self-esteem, self-worth and joy in life. From time-to-time I would experience lack of sleep and cry for no reason at all. Or feel like I'm a terrible burden upon my partner due to the way I am. I tend to overreact more easily than normal, need reassurance of some things, overthink more often and talk more negative in general. I feel like this has started to affect my partner. He opened up to me and told me it's been not easy on him but bless him he's been so understanding and respectful. However he is human too and has at times been resentful, frustrated and annoyed at me without me knowing. I wish I could be that nice, funny girl he loves and I am sometimes when okay but we have had so many constant arguements due to my reactions from my condition that I feel so frustrated at myself. I feel like my condition will ruin my relationship and I am so scared. I break down so much. He doesn't even know. I love him so much but I can't control this fully. What do I do? I feel so bad for him and worse when he had curiously asked how long he thinks I might be like this. I know I'm not easy but I feel so scared to lose him that I'm considering a bit of distance so I don't overreact or create drama to lead to small arguements as I've done. Atm I'm healing myself and getting more okay than 3 months ago. Any advice guys? I would really appreciate it.

possumbottom How do I handle this ?
  • replies: 2

My lovely friend has a new boyfriend and has constantly bombarded me with things they have been doing together and things he has bought her. I am very happy for her but what I don't like is the constant reminders she has a boyfriend and I don't, I'm ... View more

My lovely friend has a new boyfriend and has constantly bombarded me with things they have been doing together and things he has bought her. I am very happy for her but what I don't like is the constant reminders she has a boyfriend and I don't, I'm so close to losing my temper with her and telling her what I really think but force myself to shut up. It's oh he got me this and we did this and he got me that and everything I post on facebook she comes back with a bf related reply. I had to laugh as she picked up I wasn't happy and said i was depressed and she would send her bf over to fix the problem ( my brother) and I thought if I hear about him one more time I will scream. Any ideas ?

Joshhh Relationship I need to hear your thoughts
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, This is my first post on this forum so I'll try my best to keep this short and to the point. I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. We met when we were 19 in the same music course that we were attending. We had been living with... View more

Hey guys, This is my first post on this forum so I'll try my best to keep this short and to the point. I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. We met when we were 19 in the same music course that we were attending. We had been living with my mother for the last 3 years while playing in the same band and working part time. Now we live together in another state away from family and friends in order to pursue our dreams. For a while I've been going through this inner struggle, even before we moved, with maintaining the relationship while having doubts about our musical journey but wanting it to succeed. Although, I'm starting to lose the motivation and passion for music and the relationship. Or maybe it's the other way around. I feel like this whole thing has been unsuccessful and dragging on for too long. Even though I really cherish some of the memories, mentally it has been a real struggle. Through many failures and having family issues I'm currently unemployed and dealing with depression which I now realise was always around since highschool. Even if we were successful I don't think the lifestyle of being in a band and a relationship together is something that can easily be maintained. Even though I really don't want to give up, there is so much pressure. So I've decided to attend a course in another profession which I feel optimistic about. I'm in this phase of my life where decisions like this can change the rest of my life. So I want to hear what some of the beyond blue members think. Sorry about the rant and if there's anything you want me to clear up let me know. Thanks for reading.

soul83 Problems with intimacy and disagreents *Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 3

I constantly keep a dim view on porn. I don't like it but I can understaand that if a couple were to watch it together and consent to it, then it could be used to spice things up. But I take issue with my wife wanting to watch videos to get her in th... View more

I constantly keep a dim view on porn. I don't like it but I can understaand that if a couple were to watch it together and consent to it, then it could be used to spice things up. But I take issue with my wife wanting to watch videos to get her in the mood. She doesn't bother to think about me or let me take initiative. She turns to videos instead. I feel like I'm just an object that helps her whilst she watches the videos. I'm saddened by what she does but she can't see it is killing me every time she watches them. In the 8 years we have been together, I can't recall the last time we tried to spend more time in trying to explore each other etc. It tends to be focused on her getting turned on by the videos instead. I cannot recall the last time she was excited by me. She never is. She needs the videos tp serve that purpose. She is pregnant with our first child. She says she loves me and she shows no other overt signs that say she wants to leave or get rid of me. She does on occassion get angry and swear at me. She has also hit me. Help what should I do? I feel powerless and like I don't matter.

whiteXXwolf How do i let the only bio-logical family I have left go?
  • replies: 10

This is my first time writing on a forum so I'm not sure where to startand, unfortunately, i ran out of character very fast I am 27 in under a month and I've been in a toxic environment my whole life. I grew up extremely poor with both parents heavil... View more

This is my first time writing on a forum so I'm not sure where to startand, unfortunately, i ran out of character very fast I am 27 in under a month and I've been in a toxic environment my whole life. I grew up extremely poor with both parents heavily addicted to injecting methamphetamine among other drugs so I was constantly subject to a neglect, malnourishment, abuse and at both houses holds (if you could call them that) just in different ways. My biological mother split from my father when I was three years old shortly after giving birth to a daughter. At 13 my father returned to the state so I jumped ship straight away as i knew even at that age my mother didn't really want me. We lived in a horrible poor environment from 13 -14 moving constantly, hiding my father from the police, him not coming home for days, him and his friends stealing and pawning anything I had. But I still felt so much more loved around that than i ever did around my mother. When i was nearly 15 my father was sent to jail for a home invasion among other things so I was left living alone but was forced to return to my mother when I was kicked out. He got out about a year later and a few month later died and was once again abandoned as she didn't want me originally and this was just more for her so I was left living alone at 16. I had dropped out school after that as I didnt have a place to live let alone worry about school. I had a hard 8 years but decided i wouldnt become them and started to study to go to university after 5-6 years of trying i was finally accepted to one in a diffent state so I packed up and moved asap, and a month before i was to start i had a seizure and broke my back in a place i knew noone. I was in hospital for a long time and not one person called to see if I was alive, could walk, nothing. I knew then that noone loved me but kept denying it as i didnt want to see the truth. There is so much more and so much more she has done to me but I couldn't write it. I dont have any friends and shes the last of my family so I guess i keep trying to ignore all the things she's done and pretend they havnt happened or arnt as bad as they are. She recently betrayed me again after I tried to reconcile with her and i think that was the last I coud take. I dont think I love her anymore, I just dont know how to let go because its the last thing I have and ive tried so hard for so long to make it work even though i know shes evil and its wrong.

Jessicat Loneliness
  • replies: 2

Hi. Lately I have been feeling incredibly lonely and the feelings that come along with it have made me feel really depressed. I have a lot of good in my life right now. A loving partner and a beautiful child. Study is going well and we are saving for... View more

Hi. Lately I have been feeling incredibly lonely and the feelings that come along with it have made me feel really depressed. I have a lot of good in my life right now. A loving partner and a beautiful child. Study is going well and we are saving for a holiday. However I recently had to leave my best friend, and my only friend. She was distancing herself so much from me and her bad habits were starting to really hurt me. The relationship had become one sided so I decided to take a step back for a while for my own well-being. Since then I have felt increasingly lonely. I have tried to reconnect with old friends with no luck, and making new friends is proving to be really hard too. I am becoming so depressed that I am struggling to look after my 2 year old. My old best friend also had a young child that my child loved and there is guilt surrounding that too where I feel like I have let my daughter down. Ultimately I am mourning the loss of a friendship and am struggling so much with the loneliness. I so desperately want to make some new friends to meet up with for coffee and play dates, or have girls night outs.. I want a close friend that I can lean on when things get rough. I'm struggling and I don't know how to go about meeting/forming new friendships, and how to get over my old one. I'm just really lonely and it's hurting so much.