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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nadine_A Partner breaking up due to depression/children
  • replies: 3

My partner of 5 years has had depression for at least 10 years and has been on the same medication (that I know of). We each have our own children and we happily live separately for now, with an intent to cohabitate in the future. My partner has chil... View more

My partner of 5 years has had depression for at least 10 years and has been on the same medication (that I know of). We each have our own children and we happily live separately for now, with an intent to cohabitate in the future. My partner has children in their late teens that rarely come to visit/stay. We have a wonderful healthy, happy, respectful, honest and kind relationship. We never argue except for when his children visit. Initially they liked me, however they suddenly turned and for the past 3 years they disrespect me and/or ignore me. The children won't invite me to family gatherings or events. My partner doesn't like confrontation and finds it difficult to enforce respect from them. He is also fearful he will lose all contact with them. He has ended our relationship twice before. My disdain about his kids behaviour has sent his already depressed state into flight mode. Both times I should of respected his space but I was too concerned for him (and also very hurt) to leave his side during the time and we ended up reconciling (and him regretting the breakup) about 2-3 weeks later on both occasions. Recently I felt my partner was feeling down due to a financial worry. Following an exhausting discussion carried out over the last 4 days regarding his children's behaviour towards me and my request for some boundaries to be sent via email to them, he broke up with me via email yesterday stating he was leaving the country. I believe he has and has switched his phone off. He has blamed himself for letting his children cause me to be hurt and wrote he is "breaking up with me". I have no idea where he is or for how long. I will respect his space this time however I am devastated. I think the ongoing issue with his kids we can resolve together over time. Although not living together, we have a very committed relationship. As early as last week we both had discussed we were happy being with each other. Does this sound like it's a permanent separation? Do I email him in a few days? I am deeply sorry for causing him pain. I would really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

Cs2h Feel all lonely
  • replies: 3

A little bit of story on me: i had 2 miscarriage before falling pregnant with my now 16months old daughter A. Because of the 2miscarriage I didn't enjoy my 3rd pregnancy as i was always scared of having a 3rd miscarriage. Once A was born I didn't get... View more

A little bit of story on me: i had 2 miscarriage before falling pregnant with my now 16months old daughter A. Because of the 2miscarriage I didn't enjoy my 3rd pregnancy as i was always scared of having a 3rd miscarriage. Once A was born I didn't get the mother daughter bond i wanted and instead of my husband family supporting me and try to make me enjoy motherhood they actually made me fall into depression. When my SILS & BIL came to the hospital the day A was born not one of them congratulate us they went straight to see A and saying how perfect she was and they didn't even ask me "how was i doing" for 16months they have never asked me "how i'm feeling". We have asked all the close relatives to do the whooping cough vaccine and my MIL has refused to do it because in her time there was no such things as whooping cough and for her doing this vaccine was kind of affecting her pride as a person. So i've asked her kindly to not put the baby too close to her face and definitely not to kiss her and because I've asked her to do that, i've got my SIL telling me that i'm disrespectful towards her mum and that the house i'm living is not my house and the room I'm using is not my room and that my MIL has raised 6kids so she knows what she's doing and what she's saying. Also my MIL wanted us to make a big party for the 1 month of our daughter but I refused because she didn't had her first set of injection and having strangers coming to see her, hold her and possibly kiss her was just a no for me. Again my SIL saw this as me being disrespectful because my MIL couldn't show her first grandchild to all of "her" friends. From there on my SIL has just completely make me feel invisible and that only A, my husband and my In laws was important in her life. So she would greet A with a big smile while i don't get a simple "hi" every decision that i made would be questioned and will always have my SIL having to put her input on it. Or if my in laws were to say something to us we wouldn't be allow to respond back because they took it as a sign of disrespect. An example, my FIL was teaching our daughter to slap the dog and my husband have kindly asked him not to do that but my SIL would say "why you telling dad off?" My MIL have call her grandchild "stupid and selfish" she have said that she will be ashamed of her if she couldn't speak their native language. I don't understand how people can act that way as if they don't understand my feeling!

Minty Why Can't I Adjust?
  • replies: 3

My Grandson lived with me for the first three years of his life. At this stage my daughter said she felt it was time to take him to live with her - (which is 4 hours away from where I live). I had a nervous breakdown - I started to cry and couldnt st... View more

My Grandson lived with me for the first three years of his life. At this stage my daughter said she felt it was time to take him to live with her - (which is 4 hours away from where I live). I had a nervous breakdown - I started to cry and couldnt stop, I couldnt think straight, I couldnt eat (I lost 10kls)......I had to seek help. I saw my GP, a mental health nurse and a counsellor....they all stated that I was grieving. That somewhere during those 3yrs he had lived with me ...I had allowed myself to take on the 'mother' role and I was now in grieving because someone had taken my child away. They said time would help, talking to them alot would help and I was also put on anti-depressants. My Grandson adapted faster than I did - as children do. He missed me terribly to start with but over time quickly grew close to his Mother and settled into his new life. I would go visit as often as possible. He was always happy to see me and I of course was always so happy to see him. I finally stopped crying, started to eat again, got off anti-depressants and adjusted to now being Nan....at least I thought i had. My Grandson is with me at the moment visitng. His Mother called to talk on phone and after she hung up he was upset and said he missed her - natural. I offered him comfort and we lay down on his bed and had a chat. I said something to the effect of 'its ok to miss Mum and be sad, everyone loves their Mum and misses them when they are away from them, and that Mum will be here in just a few days so I would just look after him until she got here'.....he answered back "No, I want Mum. I miss her more than I like you." And for some reason that statement hit me like a knife in the heart. That terrible pain I had felt all those years ago when he left swelled up and I nearly burst out crying. Why did that statement hurt so much? It's natural for a child to miss their Mother and want to be near them so why did it nearly rip me to shreds? I had noticed that I have been struggling for a few weeks now to 'hold it all together'. Waking up in the small hours, unable to go back to sleep and feeling so depressed. I really thought i had adjusted to being 'Nan' so didnt think that was what was bothering me but maybe I have been deceiving myself. Has anyone other Grandparents been in this position? How did you adjust? I dont want to experience that sort of pain ever again...but it seems to be grabbing me again.

Neese0891 Riding the rollercoaster
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, this seems like a great place to seek support. After landing a new job which I have been over the moon about for the last week I am having one of those days today where I am feeling quite lonely, not seeing the joy in much and crying for... View more

Hi everyone, this seems like a great place to seek support. After landing a new job which I have been over the moon about for the last week I am having one of those days today where I am feeling quite lonely, not seeing the joy in much and crying for no reason. Despite a seperation three years ago I have a wonderful life in comparison to some so when my brain switches for whatever reason it does and I feel the way I do today it just really sucks. Part of the seperation meant that I lost the sense of family. I was quite close to my ex's family, I still see most of them from time to time but it's not the same. I have family but we don't catch up or hang out with each other much, three siblings live in other states so that doesn't help. I like to eat well and exercise, I try to avoid too much alcohol (while I enjoy a night out the aftermath is not so good-alcohol being a depressant and all!) and I try to keep busy so I can never understand why I get down sometimes like today. I have a small handful of friends and know plenty of people via my local sporting club but they will never fill the void of coming home to family. I have one daughter who is grown up so she does her own thing, I do see her every week but I miss hanging out in the same house with her terribly. And then there's social media! I do try to avoid it because all I do is compare my life to everyone else but it is addictive, I guess I see it as a way to connect with others at least. Maybe on this forum is a better way to connect? I am interested in people's thoughts on whether they think social media is good for them or not?? Thanks for reading.

Ozzymaid Issues with sister
  • replies: 1

Hi All, This is my first post, and I'm looking for some advice from strangers! My husband and father bought a property for my sister to live in, it was supposed to be a long term option. She has moved out after about 18 months. My husband and I have ... View more

Hi All, This is my first post, and I'm looking for some advice from strangers! My husband and father bought a property for my sister to live in, it was supposed to be a long term option. She has moved out after about 18 months. My husband and I have learned that she never removed her name from community housing lists. This has angered me to the point where I don't want anything to do with her. I view the non removal of her name from community housing lists as a lack of commitment. Am I over reacting?

MargaretC Relationship with in-laws causing family stress
  • replies: 4

Hello, I've been with my partner for 12 years, and during that time I've managed to cope with my in-laws extremely rigid view of the world. However, lately I've begun to feel overwhelmed by their behaviours and attitudes (particularly in relation to ... View more

Hello, I've been with my partner for 12 years, and during that time I've managed to cope with my in-laws extremely rigid view of the world. However, lately I've begun to feel overwhelmed by their behaviours and attitudes (particularly in relation to visiting and, very rarely, caring for my two young children). I'm concerned of the impact this will have, both on my relationship with them, but more particularly, my relationship with my husband. I'm conscious of the impact this stress is having on my own health, too, as I have a history of anxiety and depression. We are very respectful of my in-laws right to set boundaries in relation to helping us, particularly with our two children. We have never expected them to care for our children on a regular basis, and only very occasionally (a handful of times per year!) ask them to help when we have an appointment or something similar. They generally agree to do this, provided we give them lots of notice. My anxiety is triggered when we occasionally ask them to assist (sometimes at 'short' notice - ie a few days!) and we are met by a clearly resentful response. They generally agree to assist, but are clearly not happy about it, particularly if the request is outside of the 'routine' visiting time that seems to fit their rigid schedule (a schedule which doesn't seem to allow much time for family flexibility, in my opinion. They don't work, and have few regular social commitments through the week. Nonetheless, they like to visit on a set weekday, in the afternoon, because it suits them). I feel quite stressed and resent their reluctance to help, even though it is asked of them so very rarely. I feel that we have very little, if any, support (and I don't consider their mid-week routine visit 'support'). My husband can see my point of view, but has learnt to live with his parents' rigidly routine nature and this doesn't stress him out. I'm not sure how to manage this situation, and it's impacting upon my own health. Any advice would be appreciated.

Gaga My daughter thinks I try to control her and tries to avoid me
  • replies: 1

I have the most beautiful and intelligent daughter. We have poured all our love and done everything she has ever asked for. Recently, her behaviour towards us has become very rude. She will talk nicely when she need something otherwise try to stay aw... View more

I have the most beautiful and intelligent daughter. We have poured all our love and done everything she has ever asked for. Recently, her behaviour towards us has become very rude. She will talk nicely when she need something otherwise try to stay away from us. I try talking to her few times and she said you try to control me. SO I asked her give me example as to how? She said you said I cannot drink, I said, I know you drink and I have only expressed my feelings and as a mother I have the right to say, but have never come and taken a drink away from you. Then she said you do not trust me. I asked her for examples and she didnt have any. She goes everywhere she wants to and doesnt even need to tell us. I am lossing my metal health and all day keep thinking about her. I really need some guidance as to how to improve this relationship.

ynwawanm Taking a break-- struggling to stay positive
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eatin... View more

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eating well, after several weeks of a pretty bad pattern on both. Having said that, I still do find myself struggling a bit at times. Basically, my gf of two and a half years and I have been on a break for about five weeks now. We had our own problems which had started about four months ago, pretty much stemming from not being able to find a rental property together- living an hour apart was an issue. I won't lie- I had gotten pretty complacent with things by that point, as had she. We addressed this, and decided we would try to work on making things better for ourselves. Eventually, she found place of her own, and while I wasn't moving in like I had hoped to, I'd been staying there. However her work schedule made things tough- two jobs (a FT and PT) across all seven days; this being so she could afford the rent. Stress and depression kicked in for her, big time. Seeing the bright, bubbly girl I fell in love with dissipate affected me greatly as well. I was barely sleeping and eating; the same went for her. After an issue with her housemate one morning, she stayed with me for three days. In that time, we realised things were not going to improve between us if there was no time to do it. I asked her if she needed a break to work on our own things, which we went with. We've caught up a couple of times since; at first, she told me she was miserable, not optimistic about anything in life, let alone our future. Since then, she has seemed more upbeat- I learnt that is because she had decided she would quit her retail job, getting her nights and weekends back and we could start giving us a go again. As we spoke tonight, I could tell that she had fallen back into that hole; it turns out she's going to have to stick to the two jobs for the unforeseeable future (talking months at least), as her office job may be in jeopardy. I guess I'm not sure what to do from here. That being as I do not want her to be miserable, nor I. I love this woman, and the break has really hurt- but, I want to take it for the better. But I don't know if I am chasing something that can't be, anymore. I've never taken a break before- only flat out broken up with previous partners- and I'm struggling with this, silly as it sounds. Thank you.

Btahana Breakup pain
  • replies: 3

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it... View more

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it all my fault?? I've lost everyone and now I'm on my own after everyone told me to leave him because he wasn't good for me, he used to hurt me and cheat and everything that is wrong. But as soon as I left everyone became friends with him and now I feel like giving up is the only answer... I don't understand what I did to deserve this... all I ever did was try. Feels like the end of the world when your best friend tells you to disappear because you weren't good enough for them and then proceeds to begin harassing me and making me feel like there's no point in being here anymore

pandaroll Boyfriend of 3 years struggling
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had ... View more

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had any challenges thrown at me in life i've not known how to look for warning signs etc. The last 3 years i have not seen a lot of issues as a result of this. in the last 3-4 months he has become extremely reserved, wont leave his house very often, cancels on plans with both myself and his friends and wont let me help him when he's down. He sees a psychiatrist/psychologist (to be honest i don't know the difference) and has recently, about 3 weeks ago begun to take anti-depressants again for the first time since he was 16 (now 21). It has become so hard for me, especially when he refuses to see me and we have now taken it to a stage where we are taking a break to give him some time to work on himself. However, I am not really ok with this and don't know what I should do because he really brings me down with him and I am now finding it hard to be happy myself, as i am always worried about him and his well-being, especially when he chooses to see his friends but will ignore me offering to be with him. I have been crying at work out of stress and it really can't go on anymore. He has not self-harmed for many years now but that is how i feel it will head if nothing changes. i really don't want this to end but at the moment it feels like my only option and I just need assistance on how to understand him/help him through his problems without seeming to controlling or clingy. Thanks, and hopefully this all makes sense..