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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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MargaretC Relationship with in-laws causing family stress
  • replies: 4

Hello, I've been with my partner for 12 years, and during that time I've managed to cope with my in-laws extremely rigid view of the world. However, lately I've begun to feel overwhelmed by their behaviours and attitudes (particularly in relation to ... View more

Hello, I've been with my partner for 12 years, and during that time I've managed to cope with my in-laws extremely rigid view of the world. However, lately I've begun to feel overwhelmed by their behaviours and attitudes (particularly in relation to visiting and, very rarely, caring for my two young children). I'm concerned of the impact this will have, both on my relationship with them, but more particularly, my relationship with my husband. I'm conscious of the impact this stress is having on my own health, too, as I have a history of anxiety and depression. We are very respectful of my in-laws right to set boundaries in relation to helping us, particularly with our two children. We have never expected them to care for our children on a regular basis, and only very occasionally (a handful of times per year!) ask them to help when we have an appointment or something similar. They generally agree to do this, provided we give them lots of notice. My anxiety is triggered when we occasionally ask them to assist (sometimes at 'short' notice - ie a few days!) and we are met by a clearly resentful response. They generally agree to assist, but are clearly not happy about it, particularly if the request is outside of the 'routine' visiting time that seems to fit their rigid schedule (a schedule which doesn't seem to allow much time for family flexibility, in my opinion. They don't work, and have few regular social commitments through the week. Nonetheless, they like to visit on a set weekday, in the afternoon, because it suits them). I feel quite stressed and resent their reluctance to help, even though it is asked of them so very rarely. I feel that we have very little, if any, support (and I don't consider their mid-week routine visit 'support'). My husband can see my point of view, but has learnt to live with his parents' rigidly routine nature and this doesn't stress him out. I'm not sure how to manage this situation, and it's impacting upon my own health. Any advice would be appreciated.

Gaga My daughter thinks I try to control her and tries to avoid me
  • replies: 1

I have the most beautiful and intelligent daughter. We have poured all our love and done everything she has ever asked for. Recently, her behaviour towards us has become very rude. She will talk nicely when she need something otherwise try to stay aw... View more

I have the most beautiful and intelligent daughter. We have poured all our love and done everything she has ever asked for. Recently, her behaviour towards us has become very rude. She will talk nicely when she need something otherwise try to stay away from us. I try talking to her few times and she said you try to control me. SO I asked her give me example as to how? She said you said I cannot drink, I said, I know you drink and I have only expressed my feelings and as a mother I have the right to say, but have never come and taken a drink away from you. Then she said you do not trust me. I asked her for examples and she didnt have any. She goes everywhere she wants to and doesnt even need to tell us. I am lossing my metal health and all day keep thinking about her. I really need some guidance as to how to improve this relationship.

ynwawanm Taking a break-- struggling to stay positive
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eatin... View more

Hi all, I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eating well, after several weeks of a pretty bad pattern on both. Having said that, I still do find myself struggling a bit at times. Basically, my gf of two and a half years and I have been on a break for about five weeks now. We had our own problems which had started about four months ago, pretty much stemming from not being able to find a rental property together- living an hour apart was an issue. I won't lie- I had gotten pretty complacent with things by that point, as had she. We addressed this, and decided we would try to work on making things better for ourselves. Eventually, she found place of her own, and while I wasn't moving in like I had hoped to, I'd been staying there. However her work schedule made things tough- two jobs (a FT and PT) across all seven days; this being so she could afford the rent. Stress and depression kicked in for her, big time. Seeing the bright, bubbly girl I fell in love with dissipate affected me greatly as well. I was barely sleeping and eating; the same went for her. After an issue with her housemate one morning, she stayed with me for three days. In that time, we realised things were not going to improve between us if there was no time to do it. I asked her if she needed a break to work on our own things, which we went with. We've caught up a couple of times since; at first, she told me she was miserable, not optimistic about anything in life, let alone our future. Since then, she has seemed more upbeat- I learnt that is because she had decided she would quit her retail job, getting her nights and weekends back and we could start giving us a go again. As we spoke tonight, I could tell that she had fallen back into that hole; it turns out she's going to have to stick to the two jobs for the unforeseeable future (talking months at least), as her office job may be in jeopardy. I guess I'm not sure what to do from here. That being as I do not want her to be miserable, nor I. I love this woman, and the break has really hurt- but, I want to take it for the better. But I don't know if I am chasing something that can't be, anymore. I've never taken a break before- only flat out broken up with previous partners- and I'm struggling with this, silly as it sounds. Thank you.

Btahana Breakup pain
  • replies: 3

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it... View more

My ex and I split a few months ago and we just got on good terms, but everyone's left me and now my best friend is trying to get with him and all she does is post it everywhere and send me messages bullying me saying I was never good enough... was it all my fault?? I've lost everyone and now I'm on my own after everyone told me to leave him because he wasn't good for me, he used to hurt me and cheat and everything that is wrong. But as soon as I left everyone became friends with him and now I feel like giving up is the only answer... I don't understand what I did to deserve this... all I ever did was try. Feels like the end of the world when your best friend tells you to disappear because you weren't good enough for them and then proceeds to begin harassing me and making me feel like there's no point in being here anymore

pandaroll Boyfriend of 3 years struggling
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had ... View more

My boyfriend was assaulted when he was quite young and has experienced depression ever since. On occasion i have seen him upset about it (mainly when he's drinking) but he really always seemed quite well put together and as someone who has never had any challenges thrown at me in life i've not known how to look for warning signs etc. The last 3 years i have not seen a lot of issues as a result of this. in the last 3-4 months he has become extremely reserved, wont leave his house very often, cancels on plans with both myself and his friends and wont let me help him when he's down. He sees a psychiatrist/psychologist (to be honest i don't know the difference) and has recently, about 3 weeks ago begun to take anti-depressants again for the first time since he was 16 (now 21). It has become so hard for me, especially when he refuses to see me and we have now taken it to a stage where we are taking a break to give him some time to work on himself. However, I am not really ok with this and don't know what I should do because he really brings me down with him and I am now finding it hard to be happy myself, as i am always worried about him and his well-being, especially when he chooses to see his friends but will ignore me offering to be with him. I have been crying at work out of stress and it really can't go on anymore. He has not self-harmed for many years now but that is how i feel it will head if nothing changes. i really don't want this to end but at the moment it feels like my only option and I just need assistance on how to understand him/help him through his problems without seeming to controlling or clingy. Thanks, and hopefully this all makes sense..

far_west At the Cross Roads
  • replies: 8

My partner and I had been seeing each other for nearly 2 years, The sticking point is, I still own a house with my former partner, which I made an agreement when I left I would finish renovations that were not yet finished, and continue paying the mo... View more

My partner and I had been seeing each other for nearly 2 years, The sticking point is, I still own a house with my former partner, which I made an agreement when I left I would finish renovations that were not yet finished, and continue paying the mortgage till they were complete. My two young adult children 18 & 23yrs still live in the house with their mother. At first my new partner didn’t say anything, but once I moved closer to her and she moved in, she laid out her set of rules, started demanding that the only contact with my Ex was to be via email, no phone calls, no texting, no face to face meetings, no returning to the house. She had also stopped me from returning to the same city to work a casual job that was worth $15k in addition to my regular permanent job. The issue for me was, I now lived some 3 hours drive out of the city where my Kids and Ex still live, but I still work in the same city but as a shift worker. My Son works Monday to Friday and my daughter attends Uni 3 days a week. If I’m lucky I would see my kids once every 2 months when my shifts aligned up with a weekend. The back breaker for me was 3 weeks ago, my casual job, which I had not worked since December last year called and asked if I could do 2 days work, this followed with a request to work another 3 days in addition to those two days which being financially stressed I said yes too. In just over 7 days I had worked 5 additional casual work days earning myself up to $2600. My question is: have I been unreasonable wanting to keep a good open relationship with my Ex partner of 28 years for the good of my kids, or should I had followed my new partners rules to the ‘T’, and stopped fixing the house up and stopped visiting my kids where they were most comfortable . . .in their home which they share with their mother? Should I had bowed to her demands to forgo the much needed work and income, to satisfy her anxieties about me going back to the city to work my casual job? I feel I have done nothing wrong, have tried my best to see her side of the story, but to myself keeping a friendship with my Ex for the sake of my kids is what my parent did and something I don't see as being a bad thing. Am I wrong? am I missing something?

LonelyMama So utterly alone
  • replies: 5

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire l... View more

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire life. My family all get along and I'm the youngest but they won't talk to me and have always acted as though they hate me. They've been cruel. I've been made to believe that I always deserved abuse, even when my ex beat me and put me in hospital, the Courts and everyone seemed to side with him because he's a lawyer and I guess I'm just worthless. I even get blamed for him not being therefor his child, not because I keep him from them, but because they're my children which makes it ok for him to despise them too. I feel like we support so much, I'm alone working so hard for my children - and I really need some support and people I can lean on, but I have no one. I'm so shattered. I'm so scared of what would happen to my kids if something happened to me. I am so scared because I have nobody I can rely on. I am the youngest in my family, and now they all get along after years of conflict between my older siblings - I guess they have all reunited and bond over how much they hate me. I truly don't know what I've done that makes them all hate me so much.

Waterfalls Call to ex. Dumb and dumber
  • replies: 3

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was a... View more

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was all my fault the relationship died. She did everything she could to help me, even visting me in hospital for this illness. Ultimately it became too much, and then things became really toxic. I didn't give her back what she needed in the relationship. All this time I've missed her, and beaten myself up over it. I decided it would be her if I kept myself away from hey allowing her to move on and find happiness - not be crippled by my presence. However, at the weekend i get a text from her saying she was in my area seeing a friend in her new place, pretty much next door. So I go and break the logic I was supposed to be following and text back saying it would be nice to chat over the phone. The response has triggered alot of anxiety and I'm now thinking of backing out of it out of fear for my mental health. However I already know what will happen if i dont do it. Lots of self talk about being a coward etc. The response was that she is in a really good place, happy to chat but has no desire to revisit the toxic period we had together or any of the hurtful things that were spoken to each other. My translation to that is 'ill talk to you out of politeness, but take the hint, i don't want you in my life right now'. Totally understandable. Also totally understandable that she has raised her shields about me wanting a verbal. Really I had no intention of using her for a rumination session anyway. But then i questioned myself on *what* I'm actually after, to be clear on my own motives. The answer is simple, no family in this country that can help me, hardly any friends left i can talk to, some bad experiences with doctors - just feeling very alone and missing her dearly. I'm forcing myself to accept the fact there is no chance. But now there is a time set she will be expecting me to call. I'm totally freaking out about it now. I think that if i do go though with this that i just make it very simple, dont revisit anything negative, express my gratitude for being part of her life, and stress I'm not asking for ANYTHING else other than a friendly hello Don't even know what I'm asking of you guys here... created yet another self imposed nightmare. And yes I've sought 'professional' help

TinyDancer2017 How do you cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be close... View more

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be closer to him. Once I had (irreversibly) given up these things, he called me and said he had changed his mind and didn't feel like he loved me enough to uproot our lives like this. I was absolutely crushed. Even worse, I had to manage the heartbreak while looking for a new job/place to live. This happened a year ago, and I still haven't managed to shake the crippling loneliness that this series of events triggered. My self-esteem is pretty low a lot of the time, and I can't trust my own judgment (how can I trust myself if I believed that he loved me?) I don't, even for an instant, want to be back with him. But I struggle with feelings of how my life got totally derailed, whereas he - who pulled the plug so suddenly, after I had made these irreversible changes - didn't have to go through any of this upheaval. Even worse, I have panic attacks because I feel like I've wasted my 20s on someone who ultimately didn't care about me... all my friends are married now with children, and at 29 I feel I've lost any chance of this ever happening for me. Thanks for reading. I'm now 29 and I have immense panic attacks about having wasted my twenties on someone who doesn't care about me, and

Kittyang 27 year old estranged sister
  • replies: 2

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and co... View more

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and constantly lying about relationships and friends as well as taking alcohol. Although she has supposedly sought help she won't let anyone in on her mental issues. She constantly attracts bad partner who physically abuse her. Recently she has estranged herself by the most unusual way of lashing out at our mother and taking out an ADVO against her. I personally do not feel her absence as she was always draining to talk to and I don't live with her. I just worry that she will end up in a worse state and it's a shame that there is very little that can be done. She seems to have this 'I'm an adult, treat me like one' facade but then she has made poor financial decisions which the folks bail her out of. Because of patient privacy and laws I cannot help her. In actual fact I refuse to help her. I feel betrayed that she allowed herself to fall down this spiral. Especially of alcohol misuse. I honestly see her as a big lie. Its like she has no respect for her own self let alone family. The real world will be a harsh reminder of her easy life at home. I just wished she would get help with whatever mental issues she has so she doesn't destroy anyone else's life. Is that so hard to get from an estranged adult?