Taking a break-- struggling to stay positive

[ynwawanm]

Hi all,

I haven't posted here before but I've definitely needed help, or at least need to let all this out. I am doing slightly better than I was about a month ago, after I actually had a chat on here I've been sleeping much better and actually eating well, after several weeks of a pretty bad pattern on both. Having said that, I still do find myself struggling a bit at times.

Basically, my gf of two and a half years and I have been on a break for about five weeks now. We had our own problems which had started about four months ago, pretty much stemming from not being able to find a rental property together- living an hour apart was an issue. I won't lie- I had gotten pretty complacent with things by that point, as had she. We addressed this, and decided we would try to work on making things better for ourselves.

Eventually, she found place of her own, and while I wasn't moving in like I had hoped to, I'd been staying there. However her work schedule made things tough- two jobs (a FT and PT) across all seven days; this being so she could afford the rent.

Stress and depression kicked in for her, big time. Seeing the bright, bubbly girl I fell in love with dissipate affected me greatly as well. I was barely sleeping and eating; the same went for her.

After an issue with her housemate one morning, she stayed with me for three days. In that time, we realised things were not going to improve between us if there was no time to do it. I asked her if she needed a break to work on our own things, which we went with.

We've caught up a couple of times since; at first, she told me she was miserable, not optimistic about anything in life, let alone our future. Since then, she has seemed more upbeat- I learnt that is because she had decided she would quit her retail job, getting her nights and weekends back and we could start giving us a go again.

As we spoke tonight, I could tell that she had fallen back into that hole; it turns out she's going to have to stick to the two jobs for the unforeseeable future (talking months at least), as her office job may be in jeopardy.

I guess I'm not sure what to do from here. That being as I do not want her to be miserable, nor I. I love this woman, and the break has really hurt- but, I want to take it for the better. But I don't know if I am chasing something that can't be, anymore. I've never taken a break before- only flat out broken up with previous partners- and I'm struggling with this, silly as it sounds.

Thank you.

[geoff]

hello Ynwawanm, I'm sorry that this situation has now reached a point where the two of you are suffering from circumstances that have led from one thing to another.
Your g/friend is certainly under pressure having to work two jobs so she can pay the rent but unfortunately from all that has happened it has tipped her into depression, for several reasons, you couldn't get a flat together, even though you were living with each other for a short time, but nothing had been confirmed.
This has caused her to now suffering from depression where she won't enjoy going to work and probably wants to be on her own, but this is where you can help her, because at times people refuse to go and see their doctor when they feel caught up in this situation, but that's exactly what she should be doing, so maybe you could suggest helping her and go with her, you may even have to make the appointment yourself, because she could say she will but it doesn't happen.
The doctor may prescribe medication, normally a type of antidepressant (AD) and put her on a mental health plan, where she can she a psych for 10 free sessions, because this may worry her, especially if she has to work 2 jobs, so cash maybe short.
She can also contact Reachout, Headspace or even the local community health centre, and you have to realise that she may want to be alone and if so don't push the boundaries.
Sometimes you can just sit with her, cuddle her or be being with her where no talking is done, and don't feel uncomfortable if this happens.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.