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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Knux Starting again
  • replies: 7

Hello fellow members, I recently separated from my wife after 19 years marriage,leaving 3 kids behind and moving interstate to be with family.I was a stay at home dad and was a shift worker.The pressures of life and the fact we didn’t see each other ... View more

Hello fellow members, I recently separated from my wife after 19 years marriage,leaving 3 kids behind and moving interstate to be with family.I was a stay at home dad and was a shift worker.The pressures of life and the fact we didn’t see each other much put an end to the marriage. I have started a new job and put on a brave face at work and am liked by other employees.But for me when I’ve finished work I just shut down,feelings of despair and wondering if I can look at a lady again let alone date again.I am shy but put on a smile to hide my true feelings.At 43 Im not sure I can try again.

Rkovac Broken hearted
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I feel so happy to have found these forums. I am a 26 year old female. I work full time in a pretty stressful job (emergency services). Shift work also takes its toll on me. i was in a relationship for almost a year with a really great g... View more

Hi everyone, I feel so happy to have found these forums. I am a 26 year old female. I work full time in a pretty stressful job (emergency services). Shift work also takes its toll on me. i was in a relationship for almost a year with a really great guy who is so different from anyone I have ever met, until yesterday. We were extremely close and have never had fights or anything as we are both usually pretty relaxed. He was very kind and thoughtful. We have both had pretty bad childhoods and not perfect lives but instead it has bought us closer and he always said to me that we are a team and go through everything together. The last few weeks he has been under a lot of pressure and became distant from me, I did everything I could to help him etc. but he broke up yesterday as he feels he can't put me first anymore. These last few weeks have been stressful as we found out u was pregnant, it was not planned but we were still happy. There was complications with the baby which made me very sick and almost died and I had to have surgery the day before he broke up with me. Previous to this Rship I was in an extremely abusive relationship and very afraid to let someone in again but I did and now I feel so upset and don't know where to go from here. I feel very alone

Pebz Friends cant deal with me
  • replies: 7

I am having trouble making freinds that I feel safe with. Over the past few years i have been working hard at trying to be a good freind to someone. We work together on community projects which has been great for my wellbeing and i was excited about ... View more

I am having trouble making freinds that I feel safe with. Over the past few years i have been working hard at trying to be a good freind to someone. We work together on community projects which has been great for my wellbeing and i was excited about life and making freinds again. i recently had a break up which knocked me for six. I however have tried to be civil with my ex and we can still get on ok. My freind has been supportive when she can be through all of my breakup and i felt safe that she was a good friend of mine....which was important for me through this breakup as i needed to make freinds that were mine and not join. Yesterday this freind did something that i find disrespectfull of me and our freindship and i totally am floored at what she did. I walked in to a convo she was having with my ex and the convo was about her thinking she wants to scrap the featival that i am helping her organize. My ex isnt. My ex is actually not helping for the featival at all. This was the first i heard my freinds thoughts about it. I became upset and i admittingly did over react and voiced my fustration at the communication. I could not believe it. And to be talking to my ex about it instead?! Im so hurt and confussed. Because i got upset, she now isnt reponding to me and wont talk to me about it....this has left me feeling so isolated now and i am acessing what i have done wrong. I have worked so hard for this frienship and have been available anytime for her and she does this. It may seem no big deal really but it has thrown my trust. By her doing that, i feel betrayed. As i said i over reacted which i havent done in years, i have now also been crying sinve it happened yeaterday morning and beginning self destructive behaviour. My trust in her is damaged and i no longer feel safe with her....it has really tiggered my PTSD ( from years of an family and partner abuse. ) ive been crying since it happened yesterday morning. I dont have any other good friends were I live as its a small community and thought i was building a new life for myself. I need advice and support to work this out. I am beside myself and starting to blame myself again. I am sick of being let down by people whom i spend time trying to build freindships with. Im now getting to the point of not trusting anyone. Does anyway have any insite and whether it ia right to persue trying to work it out. Thankyou for reading my story x

Kib Mother with cancer
  • replies: 7

I live with my mum and she suffers from cancer. I feel myself breaking under the pressure because I am the only one who can help. All responsibilities rest on me. My older sister in in university and she lives a couple of hours away, so I can't ask h... View more

I live with my mum and she suffers from cancer. I feel myself breaking under the pressure because I am the only one who can help. All responsibilities rest on me. My older sister in in university and she lives a couple of hours away, so I can't ask her for help. My father is no help at all. I haven't seen him in years. And other than some cousins and an aunty, my mum and I have no one else. I have had to go to hospitals with her, doctor appointments, others cities to get treatment. It's been hard. And did I mention that I'm in high school and have so much school work too. What I'm saying is that I want someone else to help me. My friends have forgotten my problems, not to mention they have their own and I can't see a specialist to help with my problems because then I'll have to tell my mum that I'm struggling. I have no one to confide in and I really want someone to confide in. But I don't and I can't. I know that I'm being selfish, my mum has bigger problems then me, but I feel crying, screaming and shouting all at the same time. I know I can't tell anyone, they'll think I'm weak, my family doesn't show weakness, we bottle up emotions and put on fake smiles while figuring out our problems my ourselves. That's how it's always been. Not really a question or anything, I just wanted to get everything off of my chest. Thanks for reading, I guess.

Depressionsucks Frantic with fear re abandonment/breakup
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m new here and I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just dive in: I have a long history with depression and anxiety, but I think I do a pretty good job of managing it under normal circumstances. But life for the past 18 months has thrown me majo... View more

Hi, I’m new here and I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just dive in: I have a long history with depression and anxiety, but I think I do a pretty good job of managing it under normal circumstances. But life for the past 18 months has thrown me major blow after blow and my ‘reserves’ are well and truly used up. I suspect that my boyfriend of 12 months is going to leave me, and my biggest trigger is abandonment... all common sense seems to go out the window and I get completely swamped with negative thoughts, self hatred, intense fear and anxiety, and getting through even five minutes feels unbearable. If the breakup does happen I am terrified of the pain, mostly because my coping skills are already exhausted, but also because that abandonment trigger being pushed makes life unbearable. Im on here looking to see if there are others like me that understand the intense agony of rejection and loss, the desperation of those first few weeks, and want/need to talk about it like I do so we can be a support for each other I’m trying to be proactive as far as preparing myself for a situation that I very much feel will bury me, and I know from past experience that talking to others helps keep me sane and helps to keep those demon thoughts at bay. Thanks for reading x

cleo1988 Am I being a fool?
  • replies: 5

I'll do my best to keep this short I love my boyfriend, in many ways though I am isolated here. He sent me a photo in a drunken stupor on the weekend that look like lines of powder. He has told me before he's never done that sort of thing, he's not i... View more

I'll do my best to keep this short I love my boyfriend, in many ways though I am isolated here. He sent me a photo in a drunken stupor on the weekend that look like lines of powder. He has told me before he's never done that sort of thing, he's not interested etc. and told me the photo must have been lights or something? He promised me this is what it was. And that his friends whom he was with weren't into it either for the record I don't do that and I barely drink I am unsure why but I still feel uneasy. My mum and brother particularly feel he's lying having seen the image anyway, I am unsure what to do. As I don't want to be acquisitory perhaps, time will tell but I am just uneasy. I feel unsure and not good my family live on the other side of Australia, and at present I am toying with the notion of staying here permantly. Please help, any advice would be great x

darkandstormy Trying to start a dialogue with a friend and seeing it blow up in my face
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, First off, thank you to everyone here. I've been a long time reader but never posted. Basically, me and this guy have been friends since college, we're both in our mid-30s and entering into the next phase of our lives. We've always had a... View more

Hi Everyone, First off, thank you to everyone here. I've been a long time reader but never posted. Basically, me and this guy have been friends since college, we're both in our mid-30s and entering into the next phase of our lives. We've always had a contentious friendship, many fights, many core disagreements, and often general dislike. The solution to dealing has always been: it's R, he's an asshole, so what do you expect. So the story in question goes like this... we're at a mutual friends wedding and he goes out of his way to ignore me and my gf, now my fiance, coming over to the group we were with and asking a question to a couple people then leaving, also practically walking by us without saying hi. It was only until I said something that he acknowledged us, which set my fiance up in flames. A few weeks later we got engaged and I texted all my friends, including R, individually with a semi copied/pasted message. It was short and sweet, but 100% honest. He doesn't reply, I left the country for vacation, and I never got his text. I was upset, I sent him an email that was completely honest. I told him my feelings, how I contemplated why he didn't respond but ultimately decided that i didn't care and that I didn't need someone in my life who was going to treat me that way. By telling him these were my feelings I wanted to open a discussion. I never said directly "I don't want you as a friend" or "you're not invited to my wedding" but that is what he took from it. Also turns out he did respond to my text, a week later and said that his original text never sent, but that since his wife is pregnant he wouldn't be able to make the wedding, which is completely fine with me because the wedding is in another country. I just hated his response, it was cold. I called him out and wanted to make him see that by my standards he was not acting like a friend, but also neither was I. I had not put much effort into the friendship either. But I did say that I wanted to say these things rather than say nothing with the hopes that we could find common ground and build a foundation for something to grow in the future, which he completely ignored. I honestly have no idea what to do. I fear he is going to turn all our mutual friends against me, and I don't know how I am able to handle that, or if I can even handle that. Hopefully someone can help. thank you.

Sandy centre Heartbroken and Confused
  • replies: 3

Hi there i am not sure where to begin but the crush that I have had for 9.5 years told me in October that he didnt want to ruin our friendship and then asked me if I was a bit disappointed and the final words werehe would be there for me?? The relati... View more

Hi there i am not sure where to begin but the crush that I have had for 9.5 years told me in October that he didnt want to ruin our friendship and then asked me if I was a bit disappointed and the final words werehe would be there for me?? The relationship had been an emotional affair for the past 14 months before October. I am still married and my husband guessed who the man was that I had a crush on.....thankfully I have never slept with my crush.... i feel so bad because I have now seen my crush twice this week at work things and the last time was in October.... but I know I still have feelings for him..... . By the way My crush has only recently been divorced in the last couple of months.....my husband and I have been married for 10.5 years i just feel really awful and depressed af what I have done to my husband and confused because I know that I have strong feelings for my friend.... If anyone has any suggestions to deal with this that would be much appreciated. kind regards Sylvia

Julz01 Putting my domineering mother into care
  • replies: 19

Last week I put my mother with dementia into care. It's been tough she keeps asking when she is going home. I take her beloved dog in to visit & she breaks down every time. I keep telling her a couple of weeks or I don't know when she's going home; t... View more

Last week I put my mother with dementia into care. It's been tough she keeps asking when she is going home. I take her beloved dog in to visit & she breaks down every time. I keep telling her a couple of weeks or I don't know when she's going home; truth is she can't go home she has let self care lapse, wanders in her pyjamas fortunately nice strangers have brought her home. Yesterday was a bit traumatic she would not let go of her dog & stood at the front door demanding to go home, the centre had to go into lock down. Fortunately the centre have approved her dog to stay for a trial. I had to leave at a side door & staff took over an hour to coax her back to her room. I didn't want her to go into the high security wing because so many of them are much further gone then her but the centre have made me feel we are running out of options. I feel traumatised by the events of yesterday, I feel incredible guilt for removing her from her home & I feel overwhelmed that I have to soon make efforts to sell off her assets to pay for care. I had my depression & anxiety under control since hospitalisation 14 months ago but it's creeping back up & I have started drinking again, which I know I have to settle so my plan is next week when I go back to work routines after holidays.

jason600 Dealing with a Breakup
  • replies: 3

Hi my name is Jason i am a 49 year old male ,and 5 weeks ago my partner of 10 years told me that she wants to have a six month break from the relationship.I was and am devastated.I could not believe it we had been through so much with each other .We ... View more

Hi my name is Jason i am a 49 year old male ,and 5 weeks ago my partner of 10 years told me that she wants to have a six month break from the relationship.I was and am devastated.I could not believe it we had been through so much with each other .We had tried IVF 3 times and failed which did put some strain on the relationship.In previous relationships the end had always been pretty cut and dry , but my ex saying she needs 6 months to go on a spiritual journey to find out if she can rekindle the love is messing with my head , to the point where i think i am going insane.She has moved in with her mother and i have left the home to move in with friends , just need the company.Hopefully someone out there can tell me that the emotions i am feeling are normal.I have become very anxious ,will i ever meet anyone else , constantly thinking will she come back ,one minute i am happy then i will be consumed by negative thoughts ,other times i have mini panic attacks and have to be calmed down by phoning friends.I love surfing and swimming but motivate myself to go to the pool or beach.My friends tell me to ignore the six month time frame and just believe it is over for my sanity.Well i hope someone can tell me what i am going through is normal and any advice would be truly welcome. Many Thanks JASON

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