Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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EdithJayne I'm grieving for my old life
  • replies: 3

Hi, today I've finally hit rock bottom. in 2015 my partners wife died. I say wife because they were still legally married despite separating ten years earlier. 5 years of knowing her I got to know her and liked her very much. We now care for their tw... View more

Hi, today I've finally hit rock bottom. in 2015 my partners wife died. I say wife because they were still legally married despite separating ten years earlier. 5 years of knowing her I got to know her and liked her very much. We now care for their two kids. I'm sad that I dislike one of them. Sad that my former life is finished, sad that I resent their child and guilty at feeling this way. I have lost my sex drive. don't want to come home some days and angry that I feel trapped. My partner misses me but I'm no longer the same. We used do do things as a couple. Spend time on trips. I just see 5 years of tantrums and chaos and I can't breathe. He's given me every opportunity to go but I don't want to abandon him. I recently lost my Dad and it's as though my grief doesn't count. He was old after all. How do I find balance and peace again?

Movinforward Dating and ghosting
  • replies: 4

Hi, this is my first post. I've been single for over three years, post divorce. Started online dating last year. I also moved to a country area. Started seeing someone in December and it has been going very well. It's long distance, but we've managed... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I've been single for over three years, post divorce. Started online dating last year. I also moved to a country area. Started seeing someone in December and it has been going very well. It's long distance, but we've managed to have a weekly date until now. Just in the past week his communication has changed in frequency and he said he'd call me back, so I left it and that was 3 days ago. I manage with anxiety, but the changes in communication have made my brain go into over drive. He knows I have anxiety too. If he has changed his mind, I would rather know so I can move on than wait for a phone call I might not get. Should I just brave it and call him? I have been ghosted before after a couple of initial dates, but this has been going on for longer and I've developed feelings for him. How do other people manage dating and anxiety?

Guest_3072 Emotionally Imbalanced Relationships
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas as to how they personally or theoretically would deal with having relationships where there is an emotional imbalance. And by that, I mean that one person emotionally is more open than the ot... View more

Hello everyone, I'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas as to how they personally or theoretically would deal with having relationships where there is an emotional imbalance. And by that, I mean that one person emotionally is more open than the other person, or one person in the relationship is more easily trusting to share vulnerable information and is wanting the other person to open up more but that other person seems to have a wall built around them and doesn't share that much information about themselves. I don't know, I feel like this is me with most of the relationships that I have with people and it goes both ways. Like with some people, they are more open with me and I keep my distance more and with others I am more open than they are. I don't know, do any of you experience the same or similar thing in your relationships with people, and is this a common thing? Gabby

Jacksgirls I don't want to be lonely but don't want to see my friends either
  • replies: 3

Hi, i don't know how many people feel this way, but it really is holding me back.. i want to see my friends all the time but somehow I manage to make up excuses not to.. I don't know why I do this and I hate the fact that I do... if anyone has any ad... View more

Hi, i don't know how many people feel this way, but it really is holding me back.. i want to see my friends all the time but somehow I manage to make up excuses not to.. I don't know why I do this and I hate the fact that I do... if anyone has any advice for me or does the same please I'd love the chat...

Cat_inapastlife Trying to support my husband with depression, but Mother in Law difficult
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I would love to hear any advice anyone can give. I have been supporting my husband through his depression and anxiety. I think he, and we, are doing well. He has opened up to me on many occasions about his childhood, and while he grew up... View more

Hi Everyone, I would love to hear any advice anyone can give. I have been supporting my husband through his depression and anxiety. I think he, and we, are doing well. He has opened up to me on many occasions about his childhood, and while he grew up in a loving family his mother has mental health issues and is manipulative beyond belief! My husband grew up among this influence and I think it is one of the main reasons why he suffers now himself. He has learned behaviours from her which I can see very clearly, and he has entrenched beliefs and emotions that all stem from her behaviour and manipulation through his childhood and adolescence. In recent years (we are in our early 30's) our relationship with his parents is civil, but distant. We are by no means close. Keeping them at a distance works, because it is less strain on my husband (and me). This doesn't come without constant guilt treatments (being called selfish and forgetful, hopeless....), which we are doing well in ignoring, most of the time. As awful as it sounds, this is sadly what we need to do manage. Now that we have a baby on the way, I think it's going to become difficult to keep the distance. I am worried that her greater presence will not help my husbands mental health. Heck... my mental health is at risk here too. So I guess I'm looking for some advice for how to manage this relationship when we do want them in our lives and our children's lives, but we need to keep the distance at the same time. This will be there first grandchild, so naturally the excitement is high. I would also like to know generally, if anyone has any advice for how to deal with a relationship like this with their parents/in-laws. Thank you

Timberheart Found husband talking to other women online
  • replies: 5

I have suffered depression most of my life and am currently off medication since becoming pregnant. Things were looking up and as far as I knew I was in a very happy marriage with a baby on the way. My mental state the best it has ever been. Then I f... View more

I have suffered depression most of my life and am currently off medication since becoming pregnant. Things were looking up and as far as I knew I was in a very happy marriage with a baby on the way. My mental state the best it has ever been. Then I found my husband has been talking to numerous random women online. As far as I can tell none of these are emotional relationships but they are highly sexual. He even contacted a prostitute at the start of last year and again January this year. Luckily he stopped before actually meeting her. i have talked to him and he genuinely feels remorse. I still love him and am wanting to get pat this but I can't help but ask if that makes me a weak person? I have 4 weeks until my due date and I don't really know what to do. I'm constantly crying and cannot fathom what has happened. I'm terrified of slipping back into depression especially after my daughter is born..

Buggy89 Something's wrong
  • replies: 4

Can anyone please help me understand what's happening to me? As of last Monday I woke up with this INSTENSE anxiety and fear that told me I need to end my long term relationship. I stopped working around 6 weeks ago by choice and I am starting a new ... View more

Can anyone please help me understand what's happening to me? As of last Monday I woke up with this INSTENSE anxiety and fear that told me I need to end my long term relationship. I stopped working around 6 weeks ago by choice and I am starting a new job today but the entire time I was off my anxiety crept back in and it's to the point now where I wake up shaking. So back to my relationship. We have never had issues before. We don't have fights. It's always been very relaxed and then BOOM my mind is telling me I need to leave and it's making me feel very distressed. I know my anxiety issues have made him develop his own anxiety lately because he's always worried about me and it's making him lash out and say things he doesn't mean because he's scared and frustrated. Someone help. I don't know what's happening and I'm finding it very alarming. How can I love someone with all of my heart one day and then wake up one morning riddled with anxiety and my body telling me to RUN!!!

Skywatcher sorry to lean on others, but I need some advice
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I'm sorry, but thankful you are here. I am going through the biggest challenge of my life. I'm 43 and married 8 years (late starter) to someone who I cherish. . although in typical bloke fashion not all that great at showing it. We have no ch... View more

Hi all, I'm sorry, but thankful you are here. I am going through the biggest challenge of my life. I'm 43 and married 8 years (late starter) to someone who I cherish. . although in typical bloke fashion not all that great at showing it. We have no children. During our marriage I've had no end of work related stress and stress relating to a sibling who suffered DV big time. Drug's ain't my scene, I drink socially and there has been no infidelity, but our marriage is pretty broken, at least that is what she tells me as we have drifted apart to the point she doesn't know who she is, what she wants etc. I am an optimist and believe you take the good with the bad because both come and go, that to me is what love and commitment is. She is however in a state of complete negativity about literally anything and everything. The important part of all of this is as rubbish as I am at showing it, she is the centre of my world. I express this in my own ways which I don't believe she sees. . . communications issues on both sides. My wife ran away from home when she was a teenager for a period of time, she has also had to use anti-depressants from time to time. This is a desperate time for us as couple, our survival as a couple hangs precariously in the balance and I fear and feel it is slipping away. She has agreed to see a counsellor sometime soon which is great. My question is, given she can barely speak to me or be in the same room as me as she is so confused and upset, I would like to ask her to also see her GP, I am worried this might seem like me saying its all her fault and she needs to get some medication. The other thing I would like to do is . . . . I would like to alert her parents to her suffering/predicament. They currently know nothing, they dealt with her running away as a child and I would appreciate their involvement, however by contacting them it feels like I am going around her and somehow betraying her or ganging up on her etc. I would appreciate any observations, guidance, ideas, experiences etc.

Tweedle Daughter in law problem
  • replies: 6

I am so upset. My son met his wife six years ago. In that time he has worked non-stop to provide a home for her, six days a week, earning over $2000 a week. They moved in together about three years ago, and he already owned two homes. He then almost ... View more

I am so upset. My son met his wife six years ago. In that time he has worked non-stop to provide a home for her, six days a week, earning over $2000 a week. They moved in together about three years ago, and he already owned two homes. He then almost single handedly renovated the home she shared with her mother so they could get more for it. She couldn’t have children, so they did many rounds of IVF which failed. Her friend offered to be a surrogate and this worked. My son was the father, using the surrogate's eggs. He married her before the baby was born, and the baby is now legally theirs and is nine months old. After years of me loving her, welcoming her and trusting her, immediately after the birth she started phoning me to say my son was being mean to her, and emotionally abusive. I supported her, and talked to him, in case she was right. I didn’t think she was right but couldn’t take the chance. After months of her ringing me and asking me to go there, with plenty of tears, which I did to support her, she has now taken the baby to live with her mother, who has encouraged her to leave. She has painted a picture of my son to everyone that is really not correct. Several of us now believe the whole thing might have been a strategy to get her a baby before it is too late (she is 47) and my son was used because he was available. I am shattered to think she could do this and my son is nonplussed because he has tried so hard, but she has spent a fortune on top level baby gear, a new car etc and he now has a half renovated house, a mortgage, and she will probably get the baby, who my son adores, and half of what he has left. I am so hurt by her actions because I did investigate my son based on her story, to make sure he was doing the right thing. I know he is not perfect, but I know he is not, as she is saying, mentally abusive. He is normally a friendly outgoing guy, but is fairly shattered and quiet now. I am scared for him, and for us, because we love the baby and don't trust his mother any more, which is earth shattering for me. So many other things have become clear, and I have trouble believing it all, as we were all so genuine. Where on earth do I go from here?

Blondie81 New mum husband with depression
  • replies: 2

I'm a new mum with a beautiful 7 month old! I've been with my husband for 17yrs. Through this time he has suffered depression on and off usually bought on by stress and anxiety of certain situations. He sees a psychiatrist mainly for medication and I... View more

I'm a new mum with a beautiful 7 month old! I've been with my husband for 17yrs. Through this time he has suffered depression on and off usually bought on by stress and anxiety of certain situations. He sees a psychiatrist mainly for medication and I don't think he's ever delved into why, or tried to find coping strategies. almost 2 years ago he suffered a break down due to work stress and has been fighting ever since for work cover (which was denied) now unfair dismissal/regulators/ fraud anything he can try to get, I think in his mind retribution. In this 2 years he's been so depressed, angry, stressed and it's like he will stop at nothing despite advice (legal professionals/friends/family) from many he won't win. This has put incredible strain on our relationship. I had little support emotion or physical from him when I had a miscarriage through this time and now with a beautiful baby I often feel like a single parent. I am so angry that he can't see past himself to see what it is doing to our family and us. I want him to see what's important/ positive in our lives and focus on that, cutting the negativity out. Often I feel guilty that I don't support him in his 'fight' but I just don't believe in it as I can see how it's destroying him. And with bub, work, household, I feel like I'm just keeping it together without adding that stress too. It's all we ever really talk about anymore, ending in an argument- he doesn't think I know how he feels; and me thinking he's selfish! And he just sleeps all the time, too tired to help out much / join in fun family things. I want us to get through this but can't see any light. I want our baby to have 2 happy/healthy parents, and I'm scared this anger /depression will kill him. Im not sure what else to do/ where to go from here.