Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

diverboybrent On the verge of separation, about me and how I'm going with it.
  • replies: 2

My life partner of 10 years and I are heading down a disaster road and I'm trying to see how I can repair the damage. I mostly feel like we haven't been in a married relationship but rather a rut of being together for the sake of it. I have noticed o... View more

My life partner of 10 years and I are heading down a disaster road and I'm trying to see how I can repair the damage. I mostly feel like we haven't been in a married relationship but rather a rut of being together for the sake of it. I have noticed over sometime My wife has become more distant which made me more insecure about our relationship and in turn made me question her and it a lot. I feel like my wife is not always being honest with me (even though she is) because of the growing silence and if I ask questions to try break the silence My wife feels I'm trying to run her life So I'm left feeling left out. I have an anger problem and managed to control it over the years it's like a safety net I use instead of feeling hurt, weak or when life starts becoming out of control. I am insecure in our relationship I know that. It's because of the turn it's taken over the few years and feel I worthless because I can't make either of us happy with each other. I feel lonely and unappreciated because of the sacrifices I make to better our lives. I work FIFO and it's not an easy life to have. At the moment I am feel like my world is turning upside down I feel out of control with how things are going and hurting so much I really don't feel I can reach the end of this tunnel that's came rolling onto me. I can't see myself recovering from loosing my family, my life, and everything I worked so hard for. I feel guilt that I could not make my wife as happy or be the husband she deserves and anger towards myself for allowing my insecurities get in the way of our happiness. I have very high morals for what I believe should be part of a relationship. 100% honest and open with each other, respect each other's feelings and fully respect each other, love each other unconditionally and accept little floors each other might have. I also believe in boundaries where either one should accept when in a relationship. My personal boundaries are any of the opposite of mentioned above and my goal is to provide protection from an evil world by providing safety and security of my family, help them make decisions that affect us as a hole. I also don't believe married couples do things or act as single individuals do. I see marriage as a joint commitment where two individuals become one With all this said I feel I have failed as a husband and a father and feel maybe they would better off without a failure like me. And have a chance at a life they deserve.

myparis Angry and still trying to be respectful of his need for space in the separation
  • replies: 3

So, this is my first post here. It has been only 5 days since my Husband of 20+ years left the Family home to "find some time for himself and work out what he wants." He doesn't want to stay to try and work it out, doesn't want to seek counselling ei... View more

So, this is my first post here. It has been only 5 days since my Husband of 20+ years left the Family home to "find some time for himself and work out what he wants." He doesn't want to stay to try and work it out, doesn't want to seek counselling either on his own or as a couple of even with our Son to nurture his relationship with him. Couldn't have chosen a worse time as we were meant to have a lovely couple of weeks together for Christmas as a Family. I love him with all my heart but he has told me he Loves me in some way but can't live with me. I've dug deep, kept an eye on my depression diagnosed years ago, already organised Centrelink, seen the GP twice, touched base with Friends, had a spiritual healing yesterday, the whole gammit of what is suggested in this horrible time. He spent the afternoon in the Family home this afternoon helping to prepare food, bring presents from my Mother in Law. We took our lovely dogs to the beach to talk and work out the $$$ surprise we always give our Son Christmas day (he's 16 so money is always the welcome gift). He told me he already has been invited by a single male Friend to go out for NYE. I have no expectations that there will be reconciliation and am trying to picture a future without him but am heart broken. Would love to hear advice or touch base with others who have come out the other end of a horrible relationship separation. It's mostly amicable which is making it harder

Qwerty2017 Feeling lost but in love
  • replies: 4

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we are getting married in late 2018 I have struggled with depression the whole time we have been together and she is very accepting of this. Always trying to help out but lately I find myself tellin... View more

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we are getting married in late 2018 I have struggled with depression the whole time we have been together and she is very accepting of this. Always trying to help out but lately I find myself telling her the bare minimum or not telling her how Im feeling at all. 7 months ago I lost my great nan, although we werent extremely close its the first loss that I have been through and it was very significant to me. I went through a stage of pure emptiness, I stopped caring, it was like I was a robot just doing what I needed to do to get by and I feel this began to take a huge toll on our relationship. We lack an intimate relationship, we have been intimate once this year. I dont have a want or need for intimacy for about a year and a half now. Im still in love, Im just struggling to work on myself and dont know what to do.

FairLady1 The Love of my life slipping away
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have learnt a lot from these forms,and I decided to post something myself. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time.I thought we will get married. I meet his family,he met mine.We are the PERFECT match in terms of hobbies, humo... View more

Hi all, I have learnt a lot from these forms,and I decided to post something myself. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time.I thought we will get married. I meet his family,he met mine.We are the PERFECT match in terms of hobbies, humour,understanding.Lived together for 2 years with no problems at all. I'm so happy with him.THEN he started withdrawing,being distant, wanting alone time,and getting angry out of his normal character.He mentioned he is facing a lot of pressure due to family issues,and he feels so much guilt and stress. He likes spending time in bed. For 2 months, I tried being strong for us,until he told me he cannot be selfish with me,that I don't deserve going down in his miserable life. He said he feels guilty seeing me hurt, and he wishes for a break so he can deal with it himself and fix himself.i don't think he recognizes he is exhibiting signs of depression.i have encouraged him to speak to someone it may help, and he doesn't think it will.he also had trouble sleeping, and couldn't keep still. He says he can't handle the commitment of a relationship at the moment,and wants a break so he doesn't have to worry about me. Now, I love him so much,and want him better.i have seen how he is stuggling and agreed to a break for 6 weeks maximum. We have both never been in a break, so don't have set rules except no seeing other people. I'm in so much pain because I love him so much. But in all this I have some peace,which is strange, or maybe I don't know how to feel. Just wanted to share

Milly21 Sad, disappointed and heartbroken.
  • replies: 2

I'm feeling really lonely and sad right now. I thought I was coping well after the loss of my dearest most precious person to me, my grandma. It's been 9mths and Clearly after watching an old family video with her in it, i felt incredibly emotional a... View more

I'm feeling really lonely and sad right now. I thought I was coping well after the loss of my dearest most precious person to me, my grandma. It's been 9mths and Clearly after watching an old family video with her in it, i felt incredibly emotional and so sad. My heart just aches missing her and so badly want to swing around to visit her Like i use to weekly. She was such a big part of my life. I have not been able to feel her spirit or celebrate what should be a blessing that i had. I just feel she is gone and my life is different. I've got a wonderful loving family of my own and we are doing well. However i feel empty and incomplete. I did not imagine life without my grandma despite knowing she can't live forever. I've been focusing on bonding and spending as much time as i can with my own family. I reached out to some friends leaving myself vulnerable. I got little response. If any. It saddens me even more how busy people are in this world. Mind you i am a person who devoted much of my time for others and i'd aways make time for these people. now i feel so disappointed and hurt when i need support and love that noone seems to care at all. It leaves me to feel this world is heartless and so cold. I thought I had friends an people who cared about me telling me to contact them anytime and so forth and when i do... where are they? It seems superficial and ungenuine. I can't just go out and make new friends in a click. So many things i am feeling right now. No clue what is happening and how to manage or cope with this situation.

J3n Struggling with Relationship and maintaining family life
  • replies: 2

Well where do I start. About a year ago my husband started staying back and talking to a girl at work, he didn't tell me he was doing this and it wasn't until he came home late one night that he told me. He told me they were friends who just talked. ... View more

Well where do I start. About a year ago my husband started staying back and talking to a girl at work, he didn't tell me he was doing this and it wasn't until he came home late one night that he told me. He told me they were friends who just talked. Things went on and she started messaging and calling and it came to a head where he started falling for her. One of the days at work I had a gut feeling something wasn't right and came home to find her in my house. I reacted as anyone would and he assured me nothing sexual happened- he fell for her and was so messed in his head. He told me things had changed between us but yet could communicate any of what was happening to me. The worse part was we work at the same place and rumour got out and my life became terrible. We also have two kids that are involved in all this. I told him I loved him and wanted it to work. He couldn't tell me what he wanted. It turned out that one night to top things off he bumped into my dad and they had both been drinking - my dad being protective told him some unkind word and my husband since hasn't spoken or seen my parents. We tried separating much to my dislike and it was during this time that my husband got a call 6 months ago saying his father had killed himself. We are now back together but he has started drinking more each week and becomes nasty when he does - says nasty things to me. He doesn't show much feelings or affection and has trouble feeling anything. I do almost everything around the place as I don't want my kids to suffer or be without. I'm now struggling with my own depression and anxiety. I love him and just don't know what to do to help - he won't get help and won't admit the drinking is a problem. I really don't like the nasty words and just don't know how to wake him up to what's going on. My kids now ask why dad won't see nan and pop. He really doesn't see what he has done to me but is just a numb human being

BumbleB Keeping loneliness at bay
  • replies: 1

I've recently joined a meet up group and met two people who are potentially becoming quite nice new friends. However, I feel the best thing is to go through Meetups or things that I have an interest in. Eg painting, welding, , Library, bush walking, ... View more

I've recently joined a meet up group and met two people who are potentially becoming quite nice new friends. However, I feel the best thing is to go through Meetups or things that I have an interest in. Eg painting, welding, , Library, bush walking, etc and then take into account cost and travel time. My problem is that there are not many groups that meet all three criteria and I'm becoming very lonely and weepy at night. My question is how have others allayed feelings of being scared alone (hearing the house creak), and loneliness. Please don't bother to reply with "learn to love your own company" l do but I need to escape social isolation and I can't go out at night or spontaneously due to my son. How have others expanded their social circle, ( lm an atheist so no church suggestions please) I was thinking of volunteering but it doesn't grab me as I've done this many times before and haven't really expanded my friendships. Any ideas would be most welcome thank you.

MJA9 My wife and I are separating and I'm struggling to cope
  • replies: 26

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads or helps me .. 1 week ago my wife came home and told me she wants to seperate - it was out of the blue as I didn't see or know our situation was as bad as it was. we have been together for 6 years and married for... View more

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads or helps me .. 1 week ago my wife came home and told me she wants to seperate - it was out of the blue as I didn't see or know our situation was as bad as it was. we have been together for 6 years and married for 1 - she's 26 and I'm 30 - through our relationship we have had many ups and downs but always worked through them, I have suffered with myself and my depression for long periods of time in our relationship and it's come at a cost as this is what's made her decide to seperate. ive spend the last 3-4 months in a withdrawn state and shut off emotionally and physically to her, the problem is I didn't even know I was doing it so I couldn't do anything about it, she bought up little issues but I wasn't aware I was or we were this bad. I've had help before and it's improved me a lot but my biggest failure is that I get to a stage and don't think I need help anymore and so I stop and then down the track I let myself go again. she was to seperate and give each other a chance to find ourselves and see what we actually both want in life- she doesn't know if she wants to be with me and wants space to be by herself and find what she wants and needs. I don't want to be without her, I want to get help and I can be so much better to her and for us but I don't know if I can do it on my own, I need her by my side to give me the strength to do it for her. i don't know what to gain in posting this,in waiting to see my psychologist but it will take a week and I'm beside myself in knowing what to do and I'm totally broken and lost inside . we are both good people and have no bad feelings towards each other , I just want to save us but she won't give me another chance to do it . if anyone can help please let me know thanks

Miraazlife My husband is depressed and damaging our family
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am feeling sad, frustrated and angry with and for my husband at he moment. He is obviously depressed. He has put on a huge amount of weight and become seriously obese, is cranky and unreasonable with myself and our three young children, and is ... View more

Hi, I am feeling sad, frustrated and angry with and for my husband at he moment. He is obviously depressed. He has put on a huge amount of weight and become seriously obese, is cranky and unreasonable with myself and our three young children, and is stubborn and won't do anything to help himself. He hates his job and is miserable because his older children to a past marriage have some big problems and he feels that his hands are tied and can't do anything to help them. His life consists of sitting in front of the television or playing games on his ipad. He encouraged me to follow my dream of enrolling full time at uni so that hopefully I can gain some decent work next year and we can achieve some other goals and look at new career options for him. I told him that to do the very intensive full time study I am now doing I would need a LOT of support with the house and the kids. He is not coping with this and when I address this he refuses to acknowledge it. Now he throws a tantrum when I ask him to look after the kids so I can study. I will not complete my studies if I don't have the support to look after the kids. I suggested going part time to make it easier but he insist I not give up my full time studies. I want to continue doing what I am doing. Now that I am doing my studies I am really happy and loving it and feel more happy and motivated myself than I have in years. I should mention that I have struggled with bouts of depression myself over the years. I sought help and treatment and can manage to lead a productive life. I feel guilty that I now feel so angry and frustrated with my husband who won't get off his butt to do anything to help himself. I have spoken to him about this repeatedly and he has assured me he will 'work it out' but still has done nothing to seek help. I feel caught about what to do. I want to help my family and see them happy but I can't do it FOR my husband, and I also want to pursue the path for myself that is helping my mental health - I have found something that I look forward to and makes me want to get up in the morning! I feel guilty and selfish, because I am thinking of separating from my husband - to give him the big kick he needs to address his problems. I would work with him and support him in anything he did to try and work through this - but I can't do it for him, and in the meantime, his lack of support and agro, down mood and apathy is affecting me and the kids in a negative way.

KLJF Partner suffering severe depression decided to leave me.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figur... View more

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figure himself out. I lived with him at the time, but was happy to give him the space he needed, I would go stay elsewhere, and would not contact him unless contact absolutely needed to be made. About a week later, he had a break down, he cried for about two hours, telling me that in the week we had been apart, he had been getting into some pretty reckless behaviour, and in being away, he realised he loved me and wanted me back. We spoke all night about what he was going through- he realised that the problems weren't within our relationship, but they were his mental health. I took him back, and for the last few months, things had been fantastic- he had gotten himself a car, and we just moved to a new house together. Although there was a lot of positive moves happening at this point, he had been telling me how much he was not enjoying work, and how he had been feeling down, and didn't know why, but had been reassuring me that we were okay and that he still very much loved me. He agreed to see a psychologist, and has since been diagnosed with a severe form of depression. Last week, he made his second attempt at getting his license, and failed, and he became depressed again. On the same night, we sat and spoke for a few hours, but then he looked at me with a blank expression and said "I don't love you." I was devastated, there was no indication that anything was wrong with our relationship at all. In the past week he has still been affectionate, but is now telling me I need to move out, and is continuously telling me he never loved me. However, in the past week, he has been sleeping all day, has tried to avoid going to work, and wants to spend all day and night playing video games. He insists that he is fine, and that he "just wants to be alone." With all of the signs he's displaying, I know he is going through a depressive episode, and although I have tried to offer my love and support, he just gets defensive and angry with me, and says cruel things. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I would really appreciate any advice on the situation at hand. Could his depression be the reason he is feeling this way about our relationship? What can I do to help him without him attacking me? Thank you in advance.