Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KLJF Partner suffering severe depression decided to leave me.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figur... View more

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figure himself out. I lived with him at the time, but was happy to give him the space he needed, I would go stay elsewhere, and would not contact him unless contact absolutely needed to be made. About a week later, he had a break down, he cried for about two hours, telling me that in the week we had been apart, he had been getting into some pretty reckless behaviour, and in being away, he realised he loved me and wanted me back. We spoke all night about what he was going through- he realised that the problems weren't within our relationship, but they were his mental health. I took him back, and for the last few months, things had been fantastic- he had gotten himself a car, and we just moved to a new house together. Although there was a lot of positive moves happening at this point, he had been telling me how much he was not enjoying work, and how he had been feeling down, and didn't know why, but had been reassuring me that we were okay and that he still very much loved me. He agreed to see a psychologist, and has since been diagnosed with a severe form of depression. Last week, he made his second attempt at getting his license, and failed, and he became depressed again. On the same night, we sat and spoke for a few hours, but then he looked at me with a blank expression and said "I don't love you." I was devastated, there was no indication that anything was wrong with our relationship at all. In the past week he has still been affectionate, but is now telling me I need to move out, and is continuously telling me he never loved me. However, in the past week, he has been sleeping all day, has tried to avoid going to work, and wants to spend all day and night playing video games. He insists that he is fine, and that he "just wants to be alone." With all of the signs he's displaying, I know he is going through a depressive episode, and although I have tried to offer my love and support, he just gets defensive and angry with me, and says cruel things. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I would really appreciate any advice on the situation at hand. Could his depression be the reason he is feeling this way about our relationship? What can I do to help him without him attacking me? Thank you in advance.

CaitieLiz80 Tired of not being enough
  • replies: 5

We've been in Lennox Head for the past 8 days. It's been beautiful weather the past 3 and we have soaked in the sunshine. I sadly have had arguements with my husband and tonight's has ended with him walking away and me in a panic attack. I've never u... View more

We've been in Lennox Head for the past 8 days. It's been beautiful weather the past 3 and we have soaked in the sunshine. I sadly have had arguements with my husband and tonight's has ended with him walking away and me in a panic attack. I've never used a forum for this kind of thing so I do apologise for rambling on. I am struggling with major depression and medicated. I have a very supportive husband but I've been too much for him today and now I've messed everything up. I'm tired of never being enough and for causing him to feel as he does. I guess I would like to hear I'm not alone and perhaps some advice on where to next. Thank you.

Guest_2350 Communication issues
  • replies: 7

Hello All, I am not sure if this is the right space in the forum, feel free to move it. How do you communicate as a bad communicator with a bad communicator? How do you communicate at all? Since starting my journey 4 months ago, I have managed to "ta... View more

Hello All, I am not sure if this is the right space in the forum, feel free to move it. How do you communicate as a bad communicator with a bad communicator? How do you communicate at all? Since starting my journey 4 months ago, I have managed to "talk" to 3 people apart from my GP and psychologist. One friend I sent a message saying "I am seeing a psychologist" - when the reply came, I did not know what else to say. Another friend I told I have depression in person - and again I did not know what to add. I have tried to talk to my husband a few times. Once telling him I felt down. Then telling him I still felt down and I was worried to lose him. I tried again today, but he is a really bad talker and I think he hates feeling helpless - and he feels helpless when I am not well. I know he loves me to the moon and back and he will always be there for me, but he really is a terrible talker - and so am I... our whole conversation lasted 1 minute up to 5 minutes today... He reassures me that he loves me and that he will always be there for me and then he runs out of words - and so do I. I have not even told him that there is more than depression. So how am I going to let people in????????? I keep being told that it is easier if I have a support network, but how???

Slick17 BPD Breakup
  • replies: 2

So my ubpd ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple months back. It wasnt like any normal breakup either.I It started when i picked her up from the airport after she had her graduation from University interstate for 2 nights (unfortunately i couldnt a... View more

So my ubpd ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple months back. It wasnt like any normal breakup either.I It started when i picked her up from the airport after she had her graduation from University interstate for 2 nights (unfortunately i couldnt attend, which i think was a trigger for her). I picked her up did everything right by her, opened the door for her gave her a kiss and bags in the car, i was being a right gentleman. We then went and picked up lunch and at this stage everything was perfect. Whilst she was interstate i was doing all the household chores (cooking, cleaning,washing shopping). When she got home she seen how i had hung up her work clothes on the washing line, and she went ballistic! She kicked me out the house, i left peacefully thinking she needed time to cool off. I came back a few hours later and she told me to find somewhere else to stay the night (on the eve of our 2 year anniversary). The following day i messaged her a happy anniversary message, and thats when she replied with ill give you an hour to get all your stuff out of the appartment and leave OUR car keys behind. I did everything as she asked very peacefully (even left flowers and a brand new watch), as at the time i thought she was having a tantrum. A bit of background on the relationship. I started living with her after 6 months of dating and from there she just gained more and more control over me. After 12 months of dating we moved interstate for her career, to which i knew no one in the state and she had family which we were living in their apartment. She had me cornered, if i did something she didnt like she would threaten to kick me out and i would have to grovel back because i had no where to go. And she knew that. Another key note is she has really unstable relationships, and only has the one friend. All friendships have ended the same way as ours. The abuse in that relationship was unbelievable, but i still miss what we had. When it was good it was amazing, when it was bad she was the devil. I have threatened, punched repeatedly and manipulated. I have once asked her after an episode about why she attacks me, she replied with "because it doesnt hurt you". After all this i still want to help her. It wasnt until i sought out a psychologist that they suggested she is bpd.

_erehmai Lost, need directions.
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage... View more

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage.. I'm living out of home with my sister who currently needs someone to stay with her to help look after my niece and pay for rent... (I get centrelink couldn't work with my condition) if my Mum moves out with her boyfriend I'll be paying a lot more money then if i went to a share house..but I'm in a pickle because if i did that I'll be leaving her to suffer... when also her partner just moved out a couple of weeks ago, so she would be paying full rent on her own being a single parent. I pay alot of money with my condition Physio/Chrio/pain killers/strapping/knee braces,deep heat/heat packs/remedies etc. so $195 a week just makes me want to cry I'm having a lot of identity crises and not knowing who i am and what I'm here for and thatone racks my brain a lot. I'm having a lot of relationship problems with my partner not being able to let go of the past and accepting I'm willing to push my self through this depression and pain Also family issues with lots of drama and fighting and hate and My mum not being around I'm lost if i should go and be happy on my own for once counter my happiness or stick by everyone and help what they need. I know this isn't that detailed but that's the run down of my life at the moment, i could literally write a book about it. I need help on if i should keep my sister from falling and my partner and my family or me fall instead?

Siuwen Depressed and Angry
  • replies: 6

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get s... View more

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get super drunk at night. When I confronted him, he started yelling, throwing stuffs and calling me ugly names. He asked for forgiveness and I have forgiven him a few times but like a cycle it keeps happening. This happened again 2 weeks ago. Whats worse is my older daughter who is 4 years old wake up and witnessed this a few times. I am thinking of leaving him and get full custody of my kids but my older daughter keeps screaming and crying don't want him to leave. Its really hard for me because my daughter is very forgiving. Once he apologised, she is attached again to him. He keeps saying he will change and we should work it out. So once again, I stay but I have not been eating or sleeping well since it happened. I want to leave but I am stuck because of the kids. Last thing I want is making them grow up without a father but a part of me says he won't change. I am scared it will repeat itself again. I am so helpless. My family is overseas. I move here when I married him. We have been together for 18 years in total and only the last year, he started this crazy alcohol habit.

lost_empty feeling so lost & alone
  • replies: 10

Hi I'm new here. My partner just broke up with me after being together for 14 years & I can't stop crying. I'm haunted by the memories of things we've done together & all the things we were yet to do. I don't have any close friends she was my life my... View more

Hi I'm new here. My partner just broke up with me after being together for 14 years & I can't stop crying. I'm haunted by the memories of things we've done together & all the things we were yet to do. I don't have any close friends she was my life my love my best friend now I feel my life is over

Downandout92 Broken and feeling hopeless
  • replies: 4

My partner and I work together in a very male dominated environment where reputation for females is very important. We recently separated and he began to spread horrible rumours about me that are not true to his mates/the guys that we work with. What... View more

My partner and I work together in a very male dominated environment where reputation for females is very important. We recently separated and he began to spread horrible rumours about me that are not true to his mates/the guys that we work with. What these guys don't know is that he was actually unfaithful to me and all these things that are being said are not true and extremely hurtful. I've tried to ignore the looks and the whispers but it's very hard when you're constantly feeling judged at work. He did a similar thing to another girl at work a few years ago and her reputation is still tarnished because of it. Just the ratio of males to females means that their story is the one that gets heard and believed. I don't need people to know the truth I just need the lies to stop. I love my ex partner very much so the breakdown in relationship really broke me on its own but this maliciousness is bringing me down even further. I had to move out of our house and leave behind my dogs that I love and miss very much. I am miles away from my close friends and family so I have never felt so alone and hated by everyone in my entire life. Right now it's hard to see how things are going to get better and the hopelessness feeling won't go away.

Tillycat Advice: Do I stay or go?
  • replies: 10

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and toget... View more

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9. My husband and I have a similar profession but I gave it all up to allow him to pursue his career when we got together. I completed study in something else (which I don't really enjoy) to enable him to continue doing what he wants. His job was not a normal 9-5 job which means he travels and spends many nights out. I am at home alone. This year one of those jobs has fallen through, he wants to return to uni to study to become a teacher to give us a more stable financial position in order to start a family and save for a house. It is just that he has had to put the course on hold to finish of paper work to get his citizenship which he has been saying he will do for the last 6ish years. We have spoken about having a baby so many times and that we would start trying but never have. We have have spoken about buying a house but it never comes to anything. It is all just words to me now. Even trivial things like "I will wash up" or "I'l take the bins out" and it is still sitting there 2 days later waiting for me.To top it all off he has been writing inappropriate (sexual) things to female friends on Facebook. It has happened several times before when we first got together and a maybe 3 or 4 times since then. I have told him each time that it makes me feel so bad and low and is a betrayal of our relationship. He is secretive of his phone and Facebook accounts. I brought it up with him again and he says he just doesn't think he doing anything wrong at the time but can see how it would make me feel. I don't know if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I have given up everything for this marriage and relationship but I am not getting anything back. I am always his number one supporter. He supported me when I was at uni but not to stay true to my main life goals and dreams. I am tired of his empty words and promises. I feel like it is now or never for me. If I stay will it be like this forever? I see a psychologist and she has told me straight out to leave. We saw a marriage counsellor together but I felt like it was dealing with his issues not ours. He is trying to implement some things but a bit of me feels like it is too little too late.

Sue78 Lost & confused
  • replies: 2

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not... View more

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not help either.His work stress was impacting him.We started counselling & it was working.We went on a belated honeymoon in June.Came back happy & normal.But soon his stress,his mother & friends got the better of him.The same issues came back in worse form.I could not stop the rot.I went overseas in Dec to visit my mum for a month.During that month his mum told me he was screaming & shouting at his staff & his father,he was working too much,wasn't eating or coping.He did not keep up good communication with me which made me angry & anxious.He informed me he was depressed.He had earlier during our honeymoon told me he is having a midlife crisis.The day I got back he told me we have 11 months left before we go our own way.He told me to get out.It was midnight and I had just stepped into the house.I tried to calm him down & suggest we sit & talk like adults.He refused.I had noticed he had moved to the other room.We never had any intimacy issues so I was shocked.I tried to stand by him being concerned of his mental state but he spiralled.After nearly 12 months of emotional & verbal abuse & couple of attempts to discuss the separation I moved out.When I was moving out he was a raging lunatic.I had to call the cops.We were on the same page re kids & had purchased kids items together but when troubles started last April he pulled back.I had suggested he gets counselling for his stress but he did not.His mother & friends were too influential.Even though at one point I was his confidante & ally,now I am no one.His fury was tremendous & I copped the brunt of it.Anxiety attacks started & I went into depression.I was seeing a psychologist & he was supportive to some extent but he was such a mess himself.He signed up on dating & sex sites.He has been hitting on his female friends & chatting up random women. We are both 39.He owns his own businesses & I have a good job.Now it has been over a month since I left the house.He knows I don't want this separation.He has not once contacted me - neither have I contacted him.Am missing him so much.I thought by now he would have contacted me even if just with angry words.What is going on? Is it all over? Is there no hope? any insight & advise will be so appreciated. Thanks in advance.