Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Skywatcher sorry to lean on others, but I need some advice
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I'm sorry, but thankful you are here. I am going through the biggest challenge of my life. I'm 43 and married 8 years (late starter) to someone who I cherish. . although in typical bloke fashion not all that great at showing it. We have no ch... View more

Hi all, I'm sorry, but thankful you are here. I am going through the biggest challenge of my life. I'm 43 and married 8 years (late starter) to someone who I cherish. . although in typical bloke fashion not all that great at showing it. We have no children. During our marriage I've had no end of work related stress and stress relating to a sibling who suffered DV big time. Drug's ain't my scene, I drink socially and there has been no infidelity, but our marriage is pretty broken, at least that is what she tells me as we have drifted apart to the point she doesn't know who she is, what she wants etc. I am an optimist and believe you take the good with the bad because both come and go, that to me is what love and commitment is. She is however in a state of complete negativity about literally anything and everything. The important part of all of this is as rubbish as I am at showing it, she is the centre of my world. I express this in my own ways which I don't believe she sees. . . communications issues on both sides. My wife ran away from home when she was a teenager for a period of time, she has also had to use anti-depressants from time to time. This is a desperate time for us as couple, our survival as a couple hangs precariously in the balance and I fear and feel it is slipping away. She has agreed to see a counsellor sometime soon which is great. My question is, given she can barely speak to me or be in the same room as me as she is so confused and upset, I would like to ask her to also see her GP, I am worried this might seem like me saying its all her fault and she needs to get some medication. The other thing I would like to do is . . . . I would like to alert her parents to her suffering/predicament. They currently know nothing, they dealt with her running away as a child and I would appreciate their involvement, however by contacting them it feels like I am going around her and somehow betraying her or ganging up on her etc. I would appreciate any observations, guidance, ideas, experiences etc.

Tweedle Daughter in law problem
  • replies: 6

I am so upset. My son met his wife six years ago. In that time he has worked non-stop to provide a home for her, six days a week, earning over $2000 a week. They moved in together about three years ago, and he already owned two homes. He then almost ... View more

I am so upset. My son met his wife six years ago. In that time he has worked non-stop to provide a home for her, six days a week, earning over $2000 a week. They moved in together about three years ago, and he already owned two homes. He then almost single handedly renovated the home she shared with her mother so they could get more for it. She couldn’t have children, so they did many rounds of IVF which failed. Her friend offered to be a surrogate and this worked. My son was the father, using the surrogate's eggs. He married her before the baby was born, and the baby is now legally theirs and is nine months old. After years of me loving her, welcoming her and trusting her, immediately after the birth she started phoning me to say my son was being mean to her, and emotionally abusive. I supported her, and talked to him, in case she was right. I didn’t think she was right but couldn’t take the chance. After months of her ringing me and asking me to go there, with plenty of tears, which I did to support her, she has now taken the baby to live with her mother, who has encouraged her to leave. She has painted a picture of my son to everyone that is really not correct. Several of us now believe the whole thing might have been a strategy to get her a baby before it is too late (she is 47) and my son was used because he was available. I am shattered to think she could do this and my son is nonplussed because he has tried so hard, but she has spent a fortune on top level baby gear, a new car etc and he now has a half renovated house, a mortgage, and she will probably get the baby, who my son adores, and half of what he has left. I am so hurt by her actions because I did investigate my son based on her story, to make sure he was doing the right thing. I know he is not perfect, but I know he is not, as she is saying, mentally abusive. He is normally a friendly outgoing guy, but is fairly shattered and quiet now. I am scared for him, and for us, because we love the baby and don't trust his mother any more, which is earth shattering for me. So many other things have become clear, and I have trouble believing it all, as we were all so genuine. Where on earth do I go from here?

Blondie81 New mum husband with depression
  • replies: 2

I'm a new mum with a beautiful 7 month old! I've been with my husband for 17yrs. Through this time he has suffered depression on and off usually bought on by stress and anxiety of certain situations. He sees a psychiatrist mainly for medication and I... View more

I'm a new mum with a beautiful 7 month old! I've been with my husband for 17yrs. Through this time he has suffered depression on and off usually bought on by stress and anxiety of certain situations. He sees a psychiatrist mainly for medication and I don't think he's ever delved into why, or tried to find coping strategies. almost 2 years ago he suffered a break down due to work stress and has been fighting ever since for work cover (which was denied) now unfair dismissal/regulators/ fraud anything he can try to get, I think in his mind retribution. In this 2 years he's been so depressed, angry, stressed and it's like he will stop at nothing despite advice (legal professionals/friends/family) from many he won't win. This has put incredible strain on our relationship. I had little support emotion or physical from him when I had a miscarriage through this time and now with a beautiful baby I often feel like a single parent. I am so angry that he can't see past himself to see what it is doing to our family and us. I want him to see what's important/ positive in our lives and focus on that, cutting the negativity out. Often I feel guilty that I don't support him in his 'fight' but I just don't believe in it as I can see how it's destroying him. And with bub, work, household, I feel like I'm just keeping it together without adding that stress too. It's all we ever really talk about anymore, ending in an argument- he doesn't think I know how he feels; and me thinking he's selfish! And he just sleeps all the time, too tired to help out much / join in fun family things. I want us to get through this but can't see any light. I want our baby to have 2 happy/healthy parents, and I'm scared this anger /depression will kill him. Im not sure what else to do/ where to go from here.

jlr Accepting that life moves without you
  • replies: 1

I left my 27yr marriage after the best part of 20yrs of unhappiness and my partner of the last 5 yrs is a beautiful soul, friend and lover. My former husband now has a live in partner and its wonderful he has a companion so why do i feel so weird abo... View more

I left my 27yr marriage after the best part of 20yrs of unhappiness and my partner of the last 5 yrs is a beautiful soul, friend and lover. My former husband now has a live in partner and its wonderful he has a companion so why do i feel so weird about it. I met her today and she is lovely. My 2 adult kids think she is lovely and i know they wish only the best for their dad. The kids still live near their dad, I'm interstate now so they spend more time together aa a 'family' I'm not sure if I'm jealous of the other woman or grieving the loss of my relevance in my kids lives and my former husband's for that matter given that he didn't actually leave the marriage you would assume he was happy enough with me and the status quo.

leelee1994 to good to be true
  • replies: 36

Dont know what to do anymore was doing so well with my depretion and finally starting to be happy again but since i started becoming a happyer funner mum my partner has now decided he wont text me no more threw the day stopped saying i love you stopp... View more

Dont know what to do anymore was doing so well with my depretion and finally starting to be happy again but since i started becoming a happyer funner mum my partner has now decided he wont text me no more threw the day stopped saying i love you stopped hugging me even touching me or holding my hand he would only txt if i txt first would only do things if i done to him first so i stopped and now its just like im single all over again dont even get a goodnight anymore im done feeling like im nothing these days i stay strong for my kids but i dont think i can deal with this relationship the way it is i go out of my way for him and get apsalutly nothing in return what am i ment to do im doing as he does to me so he knows how it feels to be ignored bit still yet nothing at all and the only time he talks to me is about work work is all everything is to him no how are you how was your day is your depretion ok nothing just dam work ive been crying for 3 days now im just about at my wit ends he wont talk to me about how im feeling he ignores everything

SarahLulu Help with divorced parents
  • replies: 2

Hi my name's sarah and I'm 16. I need some help. So basically my whole life my parents have been divorced but I need some help so I stay at my mums on weekends and my dads weekdays. Every second monday I have late start at school so I'd like to stay ... View more

Hi my name's sarah and I'm 16. I need some help. So basically my whole life my parents have been divorced but I need some help so I stay at my mums on weekends and my dads weekdays. Every second monday I have late start at school so I'd like to stay at mums place. My dads fighting me saying no our house our rules and wont let me stay at mums because he said weeknights he wants me there and for everyone under 18 but my step sister whos one year older stays at friends all during the week and they dont tell her off. I feel they both want me to stay because then they get more money because of child support. My dad and step mum scare me a little should i be firm and say no im staying at mums or should i just say sorry to mum even though she'll be hurt and go to dads.

Guest_4DC6D4DC Friendship struggling. .. what have i done?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone i honestly don't know where ive gone wrong in my friendships. So it started out that i moved to a new horse aggistment place and was there for a while and made some friends that had the same interests as me so that was good. One specific ... View more

Hi everyone i honestly don't know where ive gone wrong in my friendships. So it started out that i moved to a new horse aggistment place and was there for a while and made some friends that had the same interests as me so that was good. One specific friend was the one who helped me abit through a tough patch with my anxiety. Ive recently moved paddocks and now they hardley talk to me. When i send a message it takes them a day or so to get back to me and when they do its very blunt or nothing to run off to continuea conversation. When i ask aome advice as they have had anxiety before and as they are older than me they have a bit more experience than me ao i thought id ask them but they pretty much shut me out and im sure they think im.annoying. recently one of my friends horses got hurt so i offerred to go down to help as they were really worried. But she just said another friend was coming but i was talking to the same friend that was suppose to be coming but she couldn't get there foe another two hours. They seem to leave me out of conversations too. I thought despite moving paddocks we could still be friends but im.starting to second guess it now Is there anyone who can give me some advice on what to do or if maybe im over reacting? AArre

ChristineS Sense of lonliness as I've always been single
  • replies: 4

I'm in my mid 20s and I feel more alone then ever. I've seen my close friends from high school less and less, and only have a few other friends that I've kept in contact with. Besides that I've never been in a relationship, and given there's been a l... View more

I'm in my mid 20s and I feel more alone then ever. I've seen my close friends from high school less and less, and only have a few other friends that I've kept in contact with. Besides that I've never been in a relationship, and given there's been a lot of pressure from relatives, I feel quite low as that has never been a real possibility for me. I don't know if it's been me not focusing on that so much until I start to see others in relationships, or just that I've dedicated most of my life to school and work. I know it sounds a bit silly to get worked up about this, but I often feel that I've lost out on something because I've always been single, or that I'm not worth anything because of that status. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Paris000 Marriage deteriorating
  • replies: 3

As I write this this morning, I am sad, sad because my husband (who has been battling depression for six years) have had yet another "mis communication" and are not talking and the air is quite hostile. He is on medication but refuses to speak to any... View more

As I write this this morning, I am sad, sad because my husband (who has been battling depression for six years) have had yet another "mis communication" and are not talking and the air is quite hostile. He is on medication but refuses to speak to anyone. He has no friends and keeps his family at a distance only wanting me around, but I'm an worn out working around his moods and his likes and dislikes. If I voice an opinion on something he says or does he always retaliates and turns it around on me and I don't know how to deal with that and go silent. This makes him angry and he withdraws and treats me like I am either not there or like he hardly knows me. I am still tangled up in the grief of losing my mom nine months ago, to whom I was very close and am feeling very isolated and lonely. I feel powerless to change the situation as he either won't discuss the problems as they arise or simply blames me. I have tried my heart out to understand what he is going through and I feel like I am being held ransom in a way as he has already made an attempt at suicide and that stops me from raising issues as I am scared any criticism I might mention may push him that way. I feel that as he won't talk to anyone he gets no feedback as to whether his feelings, actions or behaviour are normal or acceptable. He is a very talented man and I always make a point of praising his achievements and thanking him for anything he does for me, but I rarely get any compliments from him and romance is well and truly gone. In a lot of ways it has become a marriage of a sort of friendship with these awful days in between that seem to be getting worse and as the years go by I'm not sure if that I even feel married anymore. We had no children as he never liked them and it was never a subject for much discussion. To the outside world we probably seem quite a normal couple, going about the routines of work and home life, but the reality is not so.

Mazza_75 Family separation, loneliness and anxiety
  • replies: 4

First post so hello BB Forum I'm a male and father of two in my early 40's, have separated from my family once the marriage become too broken to repair and I had suffered around 18 months of lack of attention, affection and appreciation for the hard ... View more

First post so hello BB Forum I'm a male and father of two in my early 40's, have separated from my family once the marriage become too broken to repair and I had suffered around 18 months of lack of attention, affection and appreciation for the hard working and kind person that I am. I am mindful that my actions preceding that time, and our inability to work on our marriage together, were the reason for our disconnect. My ex-wife began a platonic/emotional affair with someone who to this day she insists was just a friend, even though after being separated for a short time has "just begun dating him". This has been going on for around two months and while I honestly want my ex-wife to be happy, and I certainly don't want to ever go back to the marriage, it has left me with serious trust issues, anxiety around people's true intentions and a deep sadness of the loss of our family unit to something that I was assured wasn't happening. I've had one short term relationship (around one month) which was fantastic but unsustainable. She realised that I hadn't been broken up for long enough and I had trust and anxiety issues and she had similar feelings after not getting over a previous relationship so chose to end it , but I thought I was fine. I've then fallen into a "friendship on steroids" with someone whom I've known for a long time and have always cared for and get along with fantastically but at the moment is emotionally unavailable, but I've found myself pushing her too hard and wanting too much too quickly and she has (quite rightly) withdrawn to get some space. I think I'm trying too hard for a connection to fill the hole of loneliness and hurt that I feel, and can't help myself for expecting too much too quickly. It hasn't helped that I've had some health worries and significant change and a large uplift in expectations and load at my work as well. All this seems to make me more desperate for attention/affection to drown out my stress. So now, realising that I need to stop chasing affection and let it happen organically, I am starting to feel that pain that I've been trying to drown out. I also realise that even when I'm pursuing someone, I'm paranoid about what they think of me, don't trust the words they have said to me and need constant reassurance, and now I'm starting to mistrust feelings that I've had myself. I see a possible future with my long term friend, but how can I trust myself? Any similar experiences you could share?