Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Guest_989 No attachment to my kids
  • replies: 23

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have... View more

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have no desire to see them, or be apart of their lives. I don't come from a broken home, my folks are still together and I have normal relationship with them and my older sister. When I lived with my kids, I never had an attachment to them, or bond it's not something that occurred after they left. I would avoid coming home, and when I was at home would distance myself from them. I always felt uncomfortable, nervous, anxious around them, and felt forced spending time with them. I was undiagnosed BPD, and struggling heavily at the time. But now that I'm in control of my emotions, and am quite happy in myself....I still do not want to be apart of their lives. I declined to see them today, even though I was off work I don't really think about them, nor do I miss them. Im seeing a BPD specialist psych for the first time on Wednesday, and hoping she can shed some light on this, because I know as a person this is not right, but seem to be rather carefree about the whole thing I know there is many people on here with BPD, both males and females. Is this a typical trait for borderlines? Or is there something else at play here? Confused, but not emotional.

Yando Lost for what to do in my relationship with my wife???
  • replies: 1

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility trig... View more

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility triggering all manner of arguments (minor ones) which now end in threats of divorce... to force a win in her favor when she knows I love her and want to be with her. On top of that she now acts like I am a useless 'participant' in our marriage when in fact I am the only one attempting to have a conversation, she likes to hear and be informed and learn everything about my day every evening, then when I ask about her day all I get is a measly three word answer that 'It was okay", then her leaving the conversation is dead in the water. I then get constant criticism that I know nothing about what is going on in her life, where I have to remind her that I continuously ask and get no communication to be informed about what is happening in her day-to-day. Of course as you can imagine this is extremely frustrating for me, I am trying my best to be supportive and loving and I am not given any information to know what is going on in her life. I now am not only expected to work full-time to support my two kids of my first marriage but also are expected that I must do the entire housework (indoor and outdoors) as my career is not as important as hers. She comes home and expects dinner prepared and laundry done so she can just relax (we both have desk jobs dealing with clients). I am starting to feel emotionally exhausted, apparently everything is my fault and I don't listen (hard when there is nothing to listen to). What advice can you give me?

Brownm My Dad making me feel down
  • replies: 1

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

Midnight6 Married for 11 years and falling for another man
  • replies: 4

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't re... View more

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't really realise it till i started seeing a psychologist because i knew I was changing as a person cause i could finally see what i had been putting up with and i thought their was something wrong like i was the crazy one. Eg are, him not wanting me to work or wear makeup to work, not have fb or any social media, treating our children horribly with verbal abuse and the list goes on I have depression and was on antidepressants but went off them about 4 months ago. I felt like they numbed me too much and i couldn't make a real decision. Today i live confussed and totally exhausted from life. My brain doesn't switch off. I don't know what I feel anymore and i don't know what i want. I have been talking to a guy at work and i can't stop thinking about him. We are only friends but deep down i want more. I dont even know if i love my husband anymore. I dont know if i feel sorry for him or what it is or whats still keeping me here. We have started seeing a marriage counselor but deep down i say to myself that of all things ive been through with him and all the hurt and resentment I have, it just cant be undone. We are intimate but i dread it , i cringe when he comes near me...this isn't normal is it?? I fantasize about this other man all the time. I know it's wrong but i cant help it. Im scared that if i leave my husband ill regret it or something. I have sat down and told my husband that i have lost feelings for him and i that I dont know if i can get them back or even if i want them back. I don't want to hurt my husband but i need to be truthful to myself. Im so confused. And just to add i have felt these feelings even before i started talking to this other man. I have wanted to leave for a long time but we said we would give it a shot with the marriage counselor. I just dont know who i am or what i want anymore. And i don't want to keep being in this marriage and dragging my husband along. Im just so unsure of my feelings and what to do.

Brittanyann Seeking marriage and loneliness advise
  • replies: 3

I ask this here as I feel I don't know who to turn to.. I apologise for the length. I've been with my husband since high school, 8 years in total and married for a few months now. We have only ever really known each other and both our lives revolve a... View more

I ask this here as I feel I don't know who to turn to.. I apologise for the length. I've been with my husband since high school, 8 years in total and married for a few months now. We have only ever really known each other and both our lives revolve around each other.. we moved interstate and have moved a lot over the years so we are away from family and never really made friends. We moved to our current spot about a year ago and for the first time I've started to settle and make friends. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and struggle making friends so this is great for me. But it's brought up a number of issues... over the years I've doubted our relationship, our compatibility and whether or not I'm really "happy" with him but never left because well I don't have anyone else... he was the only person who put up with me who took care of me and understands me especially as someone with BPD. So, the new friends brings issues... one I'm attracted to one of them (though not the first person over the years) in a "I can see myself with you" kind of way. Granted plenty of people do that but this... this has me concerned... over the years my husband and I have had issues in bed or opening up to each other. We don't "treat" each other and have had plenty of fights about being too comfortable around each other.. we are more like married roommates.. so for this I see myself with someone else as a romantic thing , I see that excitement that comes with being with someone again. It feels safe in a way my current relationship doesn't.. two draws me to my main point... I don't know myself without my husband.. my whole young life has revolved around him.. he has been my friend my partner and my family.. I feel as though I have no one BUT him.. I never got to go out, be young or be on my own.. so how do I give something like that up for the off chance at something better? How do I know these feelings are just phases or if it's legitimate? How do I risk "finding myself"? I feel as though if I say I'll be miserable but at least I'll have someone... and if I go I'm taking a risk that might make my life worse. Ive been really depressed last few weeks about this and I have spoken to my husband about it and bless him he respects what I want to do but the problem is I don't know what to do... I'm really lost, I feel really alone and I get these horrible gut feelings of loneliness. I'm scared to leave I'm scared to go... I'm afraid of being alone and out of control...

Shell09 Seeking marriage advice
  • replies: 8

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. ... View more

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. We fell pregnant straight away and my husband got a job as FIFO. Things were great, and our second son was born. About a year and half later, he wanted to finish FIFO and start working locally. I explained to him he couldn't just finish work straight away as we had no savings and my wage was not enough to support all of us. He then found work but as casual and decided to finish FIFO. As months went on, work began to slow down for him and he wasn't bringing much of a wage in, while both children were in daycare full time as I was working Monday-Friday. We were really struggling as my wage wasn't covering everything and he just kept spending money we didn't have as he applied for a overdraft account through the bank. We then received eviction letter and I had to ask my mum for money. About a month later he ran into some inheritance money of approx $15,000. I kept asking if he had the money yet and he kept saying no - I knew he did as I have access to his bank account. A week later he decided to tell me he had the money, he paid up to date for rent, and all the other bills we were behind in. For about 3 months he spent all of the $15,000 plus the $10,000 of his wage - with nothing to show for now. He turned mentally abusive towards me in the past 1-2 years and I've just put up with it because it's easier to deal with. I've tried to talk to him, explain how I'm feeling, I've left with our boys a few times but have came back to him, we have tried marriage counselloring but he wasn't interested in / nor put any input. I've tried speaking with his family, and they have no advice. His mum left his dad and brother when he was 2 years old, and his dad hasn't been the best role model either. His dad constantly puts him down, no positive feedback from him, or even helps financially. His constantly seeking his dads approval but doesn't get it. His close to his dad and calls him at least 5 times a week as he lives in another state. I'm needing more support with our children as he doesn't help often and he gets cranky and makes me feel guilty when I have my own time which is not often Im needing help on how to help him communicate and overcome his past As it's effecting our marriage. We're only 25 years old

lizzie50 Hit rock bottom
  • replies: 2

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the c... View more

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the change but i just feel so tired and upset that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. I cant fathom what his done to me, i lay awake at night crying and overthinking everything that happened wondering what is wrong with me to love a person that destroyed me. I want him to reassure my thoughts and tell me what i think and feel about us is the truth and his nasty words aren't. I dont understand how i can open up and be so honest with someone and them turn around and accuse me of everything I am not, everything he accused me of is actually what his done to me and how he is as a person. He has told his friends and family that I am crazy, he told me i have ruined his life and that i meant nothing to him at all and he will find someone so much better than me cause he cant think of anything good about me. I had still tried to contact him as i wanted closure, he ended it randomly and it didnt make sense. He then threatened to get a restraining order against me, he said that shows how much he hates me and how little i mean to him if his willing to do that. i had a really bad night 2 nights ago, feeling lost and worthless i went to a park him and i use to go and hangout. I messaged him and he ignored me and it made me feel heartbroken all over again that he doesnt even care for my wellbeing. I dont understand how he can do this to me, how he can one moment talk about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever to a few hours later tell me he hates me and doesnt care if i exist or not. I wish i knew how he was truly feeling, i wish he listened to me, i wish he owned up to his mistakes. He ran away from me cause his a coward and honestly a loser. I feel so silly constantly going on about it, but i just feel like im getting worse.

Holi What to do
  • replies: 9

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything r... View more

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything regarding the boys, we have been homeless three times and now the boys grades have fallen badly, they have had huge amounts of time off school, which i couldn't help.im on depression tablets for a few years now, but i really finding it hard to cope, and there school just keeps kind of threating me that they wont pass year 10, we live along way from the school and dont really have close friends, there not social at all, and im really losing it, worried about there schooling and its my fault.

Bluebird84 What is the right thing to do??
  • replies: 4

I am trying to figure out the short version of my problem....in a nutshell, I love my husband, he is so wonderful to me, does so much for me, very romantic and loving, pretty much everything you could want a husband to be. The problem is, he is not t... View more

I am trying to figure out the short version of my problem....in a nutshell, I love my husband, he is so wonderful to me, does so much for me, very romantic and loving, pretty much everything you could want a husband to be. The problem is, he is not the kind of step father I want for my son. In the beginning it was hard because he is very strict, we fought, we compromised and got through it. Now, i feel he is picking at my son. Saying negative unnecessary comments. Calls him names in regular conversations. Its really getting to me so I can just imagine how my son feels. Everytime the subject gets bought up my husband gets defensive and mad and then we fight and at the end of it somehow I am in tears feeling like I am the bad person. It is my job to protect my son, I know this. Am i being selfish? Should I leave?? Is it really not as bad as i think it is?? Am i just making excuses??? Help please.

Lang3 In-house Seperation
  • replies: 48

A lot has happened during our 10 yrs of marriage and 15 yrs if being together. Before our wedding there was an issue with my wife and my parents. This red never really sorted out. On our wedding night there was a huge argument and for the next ten we... View more

A lot has happened during our 10 yrs of marriage and 15 yrs if being together. Before our wedding there was an issue with my wife and my parents. This red never really sorted out. On our wedding night there was a huge argument and for the next ten we didn't see it speak to my parents this has left a huge place in our lives and has had a big effect on me we have 4 children all under 8 whilst happy in our marriage I have always found it hard to talk about my feeling towards the wedding issue let say a cloud that we never really spoke of 18 months ago i gained a promotion at work and changed jobs during this time my wife had had some health issues breaking her leg 3 weeks after the birth of number 4 and then mid last year she found a lump in her breast. Whilst the outcome was always positive this had an effect on my wife during this time out communication dropped off Unfortunately during this time I began communicating better with a collegue at first I thought I didn't think anything of it until she told me she had feelings for me (also married) which I reciprocated. We only saw each other a couple of times after but sent a lot of messages my wife discovered this after about three weeks for what ever reason I couldn't cut the communication with her and it when on for another 3 months until i finally said I need to work it out with my wife after the discovering the affair my wife wanted to work it out and make us work at the time i didn't know what I wanted after the initial discovering I opened up about missing my family etc we have since had some contact with them very strange at the moment my wife still wants nothing to do with them problem now is my wife and I are in an in-house separation and my wife doesn't know what she wants she keep taking about seeing other people and she wants to be happy I am really paranoid about her leaving me for someone else I want our marriage to work but I think it is too late we have and still are involved in marriage councilling both together and individual I know I did the wrong thing but I feel everything wrong with our marriage is my fault how do I get my wife to try again and how do we find the love for each other I am struggling with it all and find it hard to talk to friends etc due to the fact of what I did I'm embarrassed about for both my wife, kids and I support required lang3