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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Brokengrl Tough time
  • replies: 26

I've had a pretty rough 6 months. I met a guy through a dating website. We immediately clicked, almost like we had known each other our whole lives. He's an educated man. Had separated from his wife several months prior to our meeting. He told me he ... View more

I've had a pretty rough 6 months. I met a guy through a dating website. We immediately clicked, almost like we had known each other our whole lives. He's an educated man. Had separated from his wife several months prior to our meeting. He told me he had been unhappy in the marriage for a long time, sleeping in separate rooms for a number of years, tried councelling unsuccessfully, so he made the decision to separate, not what his wife wanted. So we started dating. We had an excellent open relationship. Both of us have a history of depression. And we helped each other with that. I did have an insecurity, fearing he would go back to his wife, but he constantly reassured me that was never going to happen because he had been too unhappy with her for too long. He told me he loved me and never felt love like this before. I was apprehensive about telling him I loved him too because of my insecurity, but I did in fact love him, on a level I had never experienced. We decided that for our relationship to move forward, it was time for him to be clear with his wife that he was moving on with someone. Well. After talking with her, he visited me and immediately broke up with me. He walked away from me. Blocked my phone number. Deleted Facebook. Blocked my emails. Completely disappeared from my life in the matter of an hour. To say I was completely blind sided was an understatement. And it broke my heart in a big way. ( to complicate matters his relationship with his wife did involve children). I have been left frustrated with no answers and no closure. I became depressed. Shortly after this I unexpectedly lost a very close friend. And this exacerbated my depression. I do see a psych. But I struggle daily with sadness, it's almost all consuming. Functioning at work takes every ounce of energy I have. I guess I would love some advice on how to let go of the man I love. My brain knows he is gone and the relationship is over, but every day my heart hopes he will come back. I don't want to hope anymore. So if anyone could offer any advice on how to stop hoping, I would be forever grateful. I would love to feel some relief from the sadness, just for one day.

plasticinehouse Having so much trouble moving on from a guy
  • replies: 1

Hes in my industry & good mates with my boss. Party 1: I was doing my own thing, didnt rly talk to him. Later in the night, he made a comment about my attitude that showed he had noticed me. It was a big deal cause most ppl were asking if I was okay ... View more

Hes in my industry & good mates with my boss. Party 1: I was doing my own thing, didnt rly talk to him. Later in the night, he made a comment about my attitude that showed he had noticed me. It was a big deal cause most ppl were asking if I was okay (for being quiet). Yet what he said showed he didnt see it that way? Later he told me I was pretty. I cant help thinking did he only notice me cause I was so happy doing my own thing? Its like on that night i DID know my self worth. But it all went out the window Party 2: He was all flirty that night. There was a lil goodbye where I felt chemistry, then found out he told my workmate about it. He also came in my office to drop something off & asked where I was (I wasnt in that day). Party 3: My boss told me he had told him he thought I was a bit of a babe. We ended up hooking up that night. I said Id never been on a motorbike & he was like “ill take u on mine!” then he said it again as he was saying goodbye. I would NEVER imply hanging out if I didnt want to? But 2 weeks went & no contact. Next times I saw him I felt like I could amp it up + be flirty but got nothing back. Makesme feel so dumb. The next time I ignored him a bit & it got me some attention, but still Im so embarrassed. Somewhere in there i stupidly asked "will u rly take me on ur bike?" He said yes (& i knew i rly shouldnt have) & I texted him. first he replied after 2 days, I didnt see it allday & replied but then nothing. I feel SO dumb. Thing is, hes leaving the country. He told me the night we hooked up. My boss also keeps telling me hes not over his ex. THING IS i would be able to accept those things if it wasnt for the fact there was another girl ALL along. My worst nightmare. It wasnt just that he was leaving. Hes all over her insta hangs out with her. Shes getting everything I thought was gonna happen with me:( He met her before me & still said those things & hinted, i thought i was safe. It would have felt great if he was treating me that way despite leaving Its flared up all my insecurities. Theres always someone better. He was supposed be gone, but was at an event we were throwing this weekend. He came up said hi & wasnt rude. But he didnt talk to me, not like before. But i was dumb i kept waiting for a moment he might. So i missed my chance to ask one thing for ‘closure.’ Hes gone for real now. I just wanted to ask him why he said those things & hint so much. Its taking everything not to text & ask, Im not going to be THAT girl

miyone Depressed after ex cut me off
  • replies: 5

I really need help and advise. I was in this relationship. It's been patchy for a while, but sometime 3 months ago, we had a minor row. He blocked me off then, and have never heard from him. I tried to reach him for weeks, but i never got any respons... View more

I really need help and advise. I was in this relationship. It's been patchy for a while, but sometime 3 months ago, we had a minor row. He blocked me off then, and have never heard from him. I tried to reach him for weeks, but i never got any response. This manner of ending it has got me so depressed. He's ignored me on purpose. After crying for weeks, I finally did no contact to focus on myself. My friends have been helping me out and I've checked a few times with a counsellor. However, I'm still having a hard time. I took some time off to help me recover, but I'm afraid the depression will again show now that I'm back. I sent him an email this week (it's been 2 months) trying to meet and talk things out. I know and I hope this will help me come to terms with the situation so I wrote him this nice email, but still no word from him. I am so close to telling him I'm depressed and talking this out will really help me. I'm not sure it's a good idea, but I don't know what else to do. This has already affected my life before, and now I am back to crying every night. I've already tried all means to get over him, but I know in myself that talking to him / fixing this will be my only way out of this mess. Can i tell him I am depressed and that I need his help?

Grumpy_Cat Guilt issues
  • replies: 3

Hi, Ive been with my partner since I was 18. I'm now 27. I have struggled with alcohol and drug abuse for many years and have only gotten clean in the last 8 months. In this time I have turned my life around and with a clear head I am able to see all... View more

Hi, Ive been with my partner since I was 18. I'm now 27. I have struggled with alcohol and drug abuse for many years and have only gotten clean in the last 8 months. In this time I have turned my life around and with a clear head I am able to see all the lies I have told over the years. I slept with a woman when I was 21 and didnt tell my partner untill last year. We are working through it and I also told her about many of the lies over the years. It has been a rough year for us but I am trying to give us the best chance at working. I have told her as much as I can and what I think are the things she needs to know, and I cant relive the past 7 years of everything I did wrong. But I cant break free of feeling so down and guilty. I feel so low for something that I said to a friend when I first started dating her. We were drunk and having a huge fight and I told my friend i wish she had the personality of my ex girlfriend. This was something I said after a few months dating her and it is nothing to what i think now. I think she is the greatest person in this world, but I cant escape this feeling of betrayal which puts me in such a dark place. I really don't know how to move past these feelings and stop associating myself with the person I used to be. I have made huge changes in my life lately and I feel like if I can get past these feelings I would really be able to turn my life around.

Tweety22au I'm a loner
  • replies: 2

I'm a single mum of 3 kids, I have no friends and my extended family dont care about me and my kids and don't include us in any family events. All I have is my kids. My mum doesn't live close to me any more and she isn't very supportive. I'm sick of ... View more

I'm a single mum of 3 kids, I have no friends and my extended family dont care about me and my kids and don't include us in any family events. All I have is my kids. My mum doesn't live close to me any more and she isn't very supportive. I'm sick of my life really.

KittyCat3 Anxiety for both of us
  • replies: 5

Hi, Im new to the forum but feel I need some advice. I have been living with anxiety most of my life due to my mothers distructive alcoholism. I am now married and have a child. Ive been with my husband for over 7 years and I am now feeling very conc... View more

Hi, Im new to the forum but feel I need some advice. I have been living with anxiety most of my life due to my mothers distructive alcoholism. I am now married and have a child. Ive been with my husband for over 7 years and I am now feeling very concerned about the direction of our relationship. I have seeked help for my anxiety many years ago and know what to do to manage it. My husband on the other hand clearly shows signs of anxiety from focusing on a small issue and blowing it completely out of proportion to getting so anxious he is physically sick. He has been told recently by a doctor that it appears that he has anxiety. I dont see him doing anything about it and it is very clear that it is debilitating for him. I dont know how much longer I can keep going trying to manage my anxiety, look after our child and try to deal with my husbands anxiety. I really no longer feel anything for him and we are like housemates living under the same roof. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Bjt3578 Help - I have an 8 year son, who is really struggling
  • replies: 1

Hi all. ​I am in need of some advice. If possible. ​I have an 8 year son, who is really struggling. Based on some research, to me, he has Separation Anxiety. It is mainly towards me. A bit of history, in 2015, his dad and partner (we are separated, 5... View more

Hi all. ​I am in need of some advice. If possible. ​I have an 8 year son, who is really struggling. Based on some research, to me, he has Separation Anxiety. It is mainly towards me. A bit of history, in 2015, his dad and partner (we are separated, 5 years now) took the kids for 3 months. As a nasty custody issue. So, I didn't see the kids for that time. It's now shared equal custody. But since then, my son has been up and down. At the moment (a very big down) he is constantly feeling sick when he has to go to school. He gets extremely upset, says his heart hurts (we have been to the emergency a few times as I wasn't sure what was happening). He says he feels sick in his belly also and his head hurts. He is okay going to dads, (he has since left partner, and we now are friends) but that's it. I made him a 'special book' with photos that he can have at school, but he threw it at me today saying it's just a stupid book and it won't do anything. I'm completely lost and have no idea how to help him. He has been seeing the school counselor, but I don't see any improvement. Any advice would be so much help.

Acceptance_is_key Managing BPD and my relationship
  • replies: 6

Firstly I like to state I am in therapy for BPD along with that I have anxiety and depression! I have been this way as long as I can remember growing up I have become more aware of how I am yet don't seem to be any better. I was always free a quick f... View more

Firstly I like to state I am in therapy for BPD along with that I have anxiety and depression! I have been this way as long as I can remember growing up I have become more aware of how I am yet don't seem to be any better. I was always free a quick fix, my theopist has told me it's something I need to learn to cope with not something that can be fixed. I'm in a rut ATM have gained 7kilo keep binge eating hating my appearance. I have really bad mood swings all or nothing approach, black and white thinking! I can't seem to chill ever. I care to much or to little. Current situation I have been seeing a guy for the last 8 months now since my last partner. My last partner left because of how I am and I pushed him out the door. The new partner puts up with everything his so good to me but I won't fully commit myself to him though we have been seeing each other for awhile now. I get anxious every time I think his going to leave me and I pull him back in. The push & pull bullshit. I go from wanting more I be alone by myself to attached to him the next. its so exhausting for both him and I. I can't act all loving towards them then switch like a light and not want anything to do with him. I think it's better if I was alone and I feel selfish for keeping him around when he is so nice to me I always put him down and throw it in his face. Maybe I'm so scared to be alone? Maybe I don't feel down want to be with him but I avoid it ? I feel a rush of anxiety hitting me whenever I actually think I pushed him away. But maybe I need to do it and get over myself I don't talk to any friends or family because it's always the same shit with me every time. I feel like a trap guys when they meet me in all nice then a few months in the real me appears. Advice or anyone els ever get this and what do you do about it! Thabk you !

Dandannydandan Depression and Breakups
  • replies: 6

Me and my ex got together 2 years ago. I was on a working holiday visa here at the time, worked part-time in a job I liked with a good group of people (all backpackers). I was fun, spontaneous and happy. Then I got a new job, it was getting towards t... View more

Me and my ex got together 2 years ago. I was on a working holiday visa here at the time, worked part-time in a job I liked with a good group of people (all backpackers). I was fun, spontaneous and happy. Then I got a new job, it was getting towards the end of my visa and I was stressing about having to leave the country and my girlfriend. My work then said they would sponsor me and I thought "great". Work started stressing me out, it was a very demanding job and I don't handle stress well. There were A LOT of problems with my visa lasting 12 months (it initially got rejected), the friends I had all left, and it started making me depressed. I withdrew and lost the fun me I was, I was a misery to be around. She tried to pick me up but it didn't work. We loved each other and talked about moving to NZ together. She was getting unhappy with things in her own life and my unhappiness added to that. We both hated confrontation so it all built up. Then 8 months after all the problems started she broke up with me. Saying that we were both unhappy, she wasn't in love with me anymore and that we seemed more like best friends. We split up for 2-3 months, it was tough, then one night she drunk texted that she missed me. Soon after that my visa got granted and we agreed to meet up to celebrate (she knew how much the visa meant to me), and unintentionally spent the night together. We agreed to hang out and see how it went and after a few weeks we started dating again. Soon after that I got made redundant, which also affected my visa. The new friends I had had all left and it started the depression cycle again. I don't think I really got over it from before. A couple of months after this happened she broke up with me via text (no call or face-to-face) to say that it felt too much like before, she wasn't in love with me anymore and saw me again as more a best friend. I was going through a cancer scare at the time. She knew I was getting the results 2 days after she dumped me, and she still hasn't asked how it went. She said she was willing to meet up and talk about it all, but she never did. This was a month ago and it's been 2 weeks since last contact. It's her 40th birthday coming up I was thinking about sending her a gift and flowers (I brought it a while ago). I'm not expecting a response or get back together, but I know this birthday is a BIG deal for her and she's been stressing over it, and I'd like to still wish her well. I don't know what to do?

Humbug Relationship advice
  • replies: 1

Hi. I have been with my partner for 10 years (married for 7) and we have 4 beautiful children together. Since the birth of our last child 15 months ago I pushed my husband away and felt a lot of resentment towards him as it was my life that kept chan... View more

Hi. I have been with my partner for 10 years (married for 7) and we have 4 beautiful children together. Since the birth of our last child 15 months ago I pushed my husband away and felt a lot of resentment towards him as it was my life that kept changing and he seemed able to continue on doing whatever he pleased whenever he pleased. I lost most of my friends and was sucked in to motherhood so I have one good friend and thats all. I have no idea how to go about making new friends or where to begin finding any. I got him a cruise for christmas and he's just been on it, while on the cruise a girl he met sent him a picture of her room number, i saw it and couldn't contact him as no reception on a cruise. So i panicked. I couldn't eat, drink or function properly since saturday. He has never given me any reason to doubt him. I ended up messaging him this morning asking how the cruise was. He answered every question I asked except how the cruise was and said we would talk tonight when he gets home. I panicked and messaged said girl. Who told me nothing happened and they were just mates. Then proceeded to tell all his mates he was with. Now he is so angry with me and I caused all this problems over my own stupid anxiety! What can I do? How can we get through this??