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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Pheenstar It's so funny now but five weeks before reality hits story
  • replies: 2

This is my first post not my last and will see where it all goes ....So we did a year together and that was bad and this time we did it 4yr together with two boys 3 and 1 And it's been the same.. She's gone home to Germany with the boys for seven wee... View more

This is my first post not my last and will see where it all goes ....So we did a year together and that was bad and this time we did it 4yr together with two boys 3 and 1 And it's been the same.. She's gone home to Germany with the boys for seven weeks and there 4 left so you could say life is good at the moment... I was just about out the door towards the end but it's hard to walk out on the boys and then I thought I could get some help from afar.. The first two weeks and she's been away everyone was tested and helping me see if I was alright.. But she was gone so I was fine.. I kinda stayed strong the whole way through this but I wasn't sure another 17 yrsI wwas not.. I'm still strong and she was getting a bit worse and I think the kids are next.. It's been the same since day one..I would call it A repetitive nightmare where her whole focus was on her proving to me that I was wrong and A mix of stalk and jealousy where the conversations didn't go anywhere I'm always the same ending up in a plea for love sorry and forgiveness.. Now even to the point of a simple matter of the children being sick and because I would think one thing it was ruled out and lied about and then days later having to get to the doctors myself and fix it... Two months ago the short story those anyways I was worried about the kids and told her I wasn't interested in her problems time to help the kids but the only made things worse and just before she left put a bogus AVO out and then went to Germany.. Still I had some time to breath so it was still all good .. My friends and family worried about me And took a little bit of effort to calm everyone down ..she was saying one thing and I was telling them it's been like hell for four years straight and now it's real bad. it also become clear that instead of living with a person who just puts me down and just couldn't make sense of it I read about personality disorders and in about two minutes realised.. I kinda feel that I should've picked this up a lot Elia only week excuse I can give is in this time I did work a lot and stay in the backyard building a lot have a naturally strong generous kind personality .... And I've never treated the relationship as one with a personality disorder which will give me a complete different outlook but where will it go ... she 38

Pheenstar How do you negotiate child custody with a personality disorder
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, im neil im abdad and my partner or ex has a lovely BPD, i joined up beyond blue about 9 months ago, but was posring somewhere alse until i got banned yesterday for trying to exchange details so i can help him out, its a forum focused mor... View more

Hi everyone, im neil im abdad and my partner or ex has a lovely BPD, i joined up beyond blue about 9 months ago, but was posring somewhere alse until i got banned yesterday for trying to exchange details so i can help him out, its a forum focused more on the personality disorders and not so much the mental illness, so a shout out to the carers and the real people over there, im going to miss your beautiful reading and your support and when i got time will sneak back there for a hello, i need the forums though so i want to keep posting so i been with this disorder now 6 years and we have 2 kids 4.5 yrs and 21 month boys, i have only known about disorders since septemberand before that all i knew was she was crazy, stupid and just keep away from her unless you want to be systematically abused mentallity and leave when you think the kids can handle it.. Now im a carer of sorts to a disorder that has no meaning and are starting negotiations of child custody so we can split and try to stop the abuse, i have tried everything and it cant be stopped, It is unstopable you can say. I dont blame her,, its just one of those things, but it is not her now, i wouldnt even say i reconize it as human, That one little place in her mind has completly taken over all rational, and now she is a disorder. Me being me will be there for her probably forever and as we have kids will try and keep them safe and mentally prepared and up for what they go through and what they are about to... For me now its about stopping the abuse... i need a break and to feel sanity, i have been so focused and getting the kids right and getting her help, which doesnt come as she is more against help and protecting this thing than anything i have ever encounted, She has seen my psychologist who is very good once and hopefully will keep going, but after being told all sorts of bad advice and what to do, Its now what i thought and now confirmed that you cant fix this sort of thing, He knows shhe is what she is and there aint a dam thing he can do or say to protect me or children or help her unless its her doing all the work really and with a disorder thats the one thing it definelty can not and will not do... I still feel good but i know the abuse must stop and she is looking for a place to live and then i sell up.

BlackSwan101 I'm pregnant & he's gone to a strip joint
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm new here. The heading says it in a nutshell. He was open with me of his plans. Meeting with ppl who are of that scene, something he use to do before he knew me. According to him I wouldn't fit in. He told me not to wait up, may come back ... View more

Hi all, I'm new here. The heading says it in a nutshell. He was open with me of his plans. Meeting with ppl who are of that scene, something he use to do before he knew me. According to him I wouldn't fit in. He told me not to wait up, may come back late. Will be drinking, try not to drink too much or come back in a cab. He's freshly showered & shaved before leaving. Should I be worried? While I told him how I felt, he did acknowledge my feelings but he still went anyway. Is this normal? We've been together 4 a long time, I'm 24 weeks pregnant. I'm home alone trying to make sense of this. I'd hate to think what he'd do when I'm 30+ weeks preg & a lot bigger!

Josieell I'm married but I'm starting to wish I wasn't
  • replies: 2

I've been married for almost 3 years, but I'm starting to feel so alone... If I'm honest we've never really had conversations that just flow since we got engaged, and I find myself getting crushes on people I spend time with at work, people who I can... View more

I've been married for almost 3 years, but I'm starting to feel so alone... If I'm honest we've never really had conversations that just flow since we got engaged, and I find myself getting crushes on people I spend time with at work, people who I can talk to for hours on end about anything... I don't know if we don't talk because we're comfortable or stopped trying or have nothing to talk about... I never feel like a priority at home or like I matter. I have brought this up... we end up arguing every few months and it ends up there... I just know that I've been in a place for a while, where I feel so alone whether I'm with him or not. I loved being single and dating, so maybe it's a case of the grass is greener... But I know people who actively seek me out for conversation, who will come and sit next to me and talk for ages, people who I don't feel awkward talking to about absolutely anything... I don't know what to do and I feel so guilty, but mostly I just feel alone.

Rombom Feeling very alone
  • replies: 6

Hi all I'm new to page and needing help Me and my partner just spilt and we have a one year old I have no family and no support I'm lost on what to do. I don't have friends and don't speak to anyone I just thinking I need help right now but don't kno... View more

Hi all I'm new to page and needing help Me and my partner just spilt and we have a one year old I have no family and no support I'm lost on what to do. I don't have friends and don't speak to anyone I just thinking I need help right now but don't know where to turn to.

Bells101 Feeling lonely and sick of feeling this way
  • replies: 4

Today I realised how lonely I am. I mean I have a partner and a couple close friends and family but I just feel so trapped and isolated by my anxiety. I feel like there is constantly this chatter in my head and it just drains me. I find it so difficu... View more

Today I realised how lonely I am. I mean I have a partner and a couple close friends and family but I just feel so trapped and isolated by my anxiety. I feel like there is constantly this chatter in my head and it just drains me. I find it so difficult to be myself and to make new friends. On top of that I'm always so hard on myself, constantly criticising everything I do and say. I feel so lost. Things aren't so bad but sometimes I wish I just had someone to talk to and who understands me. ​

Qwerty14 End of marriage???
  • replies: 12

Hi, Been together for 28 years, brought up 2 children, but can't spend any time together without arguing. Weven been through many ups and downs. 2 years ago my daughter left home at 16, as she couldn't bear to live with us, due to falling out with he... View more

Hi, Been together for 28 years, brought up 2 children, but can't spend any time together without arguing. Weven been through many ups and downs. 2 years ago my daughter left home at 16, as she couldn't bear to live with us, due to falling out with her dad. He was verbally abusive, and aggressive, but not violent. Now it's getting me down too. He's unreasonable frequently. He calls me names and swears at me. Loses his temper. Its not how I want to live. Everything else in our lives is just coming together after years of struggle. I want to enjoy life now, make plans, have fun. But it's always miserable. If he's not falling out with me, he's falling out with our son. Of course in his head, it's always our fault, never his. I'm not a victim. I'm a strong independent woman. But I'm tired of this misery. We both take antidepressants. I have depression, and so does he, but we find that he is more aggressive/agitated if he doesn't take them, so that it the main reason he takes them. I don't want to give up on my marriage. But I'm tired of trying to reason with him. Especially recently when his responses are typically 'how can I make you stop.' It's so hurtful.

Needingadvice89 Sex & Depression
  • replies: 9

Hello,This is my very first post so please bare with me as I ramble and write my novel.My fiancé and partner of 8 years has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently, he had his suspicions and so did I but was reluctant to seek help for a v... View more

Hello,This is my very first post so please bare with me as I ramble and write my novel.My fiancé and partner of 8 years has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently, he had his suspicions and so did I but was reluctant to seek help for a very long period of time, I must say I am really proud of him for taking a step in the right direction.For years our sex life has slowly dwindled and it's been difficult for me to cope with. During this time many significant things have happened that have hindered it including children and a long term affair on his part before the depression began. I have a much higher sex drive than he even before the issue arose but we managed to meet in the middle but for the last say 4/5 years sex has been relatively non existent.Majority of the time there is no real intimacy, no excitement and it's all one sided. To put it bluntly I am completely and utterly unsatisfied but I will take what I can get when its offered once in a blue moon, generally once every 6-8 weeks.I really desperately want to get the spark back but with every "I'm tired", "I don't feel like it", "tomorrow babe I promise" I lose confidence and hope and it has become really soul destroying to continuously be rejected.Ever since the depression has been confirmed he is using that as the excuse. He will say he's sick, there's something wrong with him. My issue is that I feel like he's using it as a means of justification and avoidance on an issue that is long ongoing, nothing I try works.We still spend time together, talk, cuddle on the lounge and tell each other that we love each other it's just the sexuality and sexual intimacy that is lost, I don't even remember the last time we tongue kissed (is that what it's called nowadays? Ha!)So I suppose my question is, will it always be this way? What can I do to help? Should I continue to bring it up or just accept its done for? I can't go on this way and I desperately want to make it happen with him. Is it possible to work on this issue while he is receiving treatment or should I just accept defeat?I don't know the right way to deal with it and I feel the more I bring it up the more he pulls back but I just so desperately want it fixed. I love him so much and I want to support him in any way I possibly can and I am so hoping there is a way we can overcome this!

Manda_M mother in law trying to ruin my wedding.. and my life!
  • replies: 5

I am getting married in a months time. At this stage my partner's family (mother, sister and brother) are saying they are not coming, and are really trying to push my partner not to get married (they are trying to get everyone to say they will not go... View more

I am getting married in a months time. At this stage my partner's family (mother, sister and brother) are saying they are not coming, and are really trying to push my partner not to get married (they are trying to get everyone to say they will not go). They have taken the smallest disagreement and turned it into world war three - with the aim of calling off the wedding. I have received verbal abuse from my partners older brother and mother, they have spread lies to my partners extended family trying to get them not to come to our wedding (basically doing anything and everything they can so that we cancel our wedding). The abuse they have hurled at me has been personal, nasty and has nothing to do with the issue at hand! It all started in November last year when my mother in law asked for $10,000 from my partner and I (side note - this woman has never worked a day in her life and has bludged off other people her whole life - she owns 3 houses so is not in need of money) I think she asked for this money to be nasty and provoke an argument before our wedding. I text my mother in law and said "Hi, Michael has said you have asked for $10,000.. sorry we are saving for a wedding so you will have to wait until after the wedding. Also are you contributing to the wedding? "(note a couple of years ago my partner was supposed to receive a very large sum of money from his wealthy uncle but his mother received a discount on a house from him instead so my partner missed out on the money all together - the uncle did not want to give the discount to my partners mother, but my partner does whatever his mums says so said it was ok for her to get the discount instead). Anyway we let it slide for a month or two, when things didn't improve we decided to make the flight to my mother in laws place for me to 'apologise' for telling her she couldn't have 10k. This was a mistake- it was just an excuse for her to verbally abuse me and try and call off the wedding. She said things like "no one will think you are beautiful at your wedding, all they will see is that the church is half empty and that there must be something wrong with you" - she has since kept insisting on more apologies (to the sister and brother now!). We only have a month to go to.. I find myself constantly thinking about what was said and the drama - it is disrupting my work, my sleep and my whole life in general! What are some coping mechanisms to deal with these people? Was what I did really so bad?

Debzmites Relationship advice.........
  • replies: 3

I'm 35 and I've been single 5 years. I had a nasty boyfriend who just used me and haven't been interested in dating or even slightly attracted to any men until November. I met this man who is unhappily married and 18 years my senior all of a sudden I... View more

I'm 35 and I've been single 5 years. I had a nasty boyfriend who just used me and haven't been interested in dating or even slightly attracted to any men until November. I met this man who is unhappily married and 18 years my senior all of a sudden I found myself interested again. Although nothing happened and I do enjoy his company, it's the first time I've felt relaxed in a mans company, ! Anyways, just the other day another man caught my attention and I found myself noticing how attractive he is, intelligent and more. Plus, he's 20 years my senior. Yea, started to worry me. Anyways, I have been wondering now how do I attract an intelligent mature man like that. I'm thinking my BPD is an issue in here somewhere. All I keep thinking is how I want to go to a health retreat, lose weight and win lotto so I have something to offer. uuggghhhhhh why can't life be simple!!