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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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CJs_mum Depression and families stopping things happening
  • replies: 1

hi this may need a trigger warning. just wanted to know if anyone else had ever felt this way... Has this ever happened to you before? You come up with what you think is a great idea (say for a small business, a job or something to do over the weeken... View more

hi this may need a trigger warning. just wanted to know if anyone else had ever felt this way... Has this ever happened to you before? You come up with what you think is a great idea (say for a small business, a job or something to do over the weekend or even type of car you'd like, a gift for someone's birthday, booking a holiday or whatever) and everyone puts you down, stops you from doing it, physically prevents you or hurts you so much, you're forced to give up... but 6-12 or so months later those same people tell you that you should do this brilliant idea they just came up with (the exact one you had) and force you into it, only it's too late to now and they wonder why you're upset or rolling your eyes or worse, they blame you for it not working right this second and are really demanding/angry/abusive about it. Welcome to my life pretty much 24-7. I'm so sick of it it's tempting to just go back into my old mental health ward just for them to stop blocking me or at least shut up about it. My parents say "To physically and emotionally crush someone is wrong". So why does it happen all the time? Why do they do that to me? they make me question myself -I'm just being selfish, dumb or not being mature when I start getting upset. How do I get over the past? How come I'm not "mature like them"? Why am I not getting anywhere in life, stupid? Why am I so stupid? Ive seen several counsellors over the last few weeks and each one has basically said there's not much they can do. I'm not sure how to get my point across to them about how this behaviour in others affects me, to the point where I'm depressed, crying all the time and am so sick of it all...I don't know what to do. I've just been physically sick thinking about it all. i need it all to stop.....Can someone please stop this merry-go-round, I'd like to get off. Hope everyone else is ok

Becstar Hit a wall - out of ideas
  • replies: 4

Help needed I'm a mum to 2 boys (18yrs & 12 wks) i love my 18 year old dearly, the first 2 years of his life were not the best, I suffered PND & was in an abusive relationship and I was only a teenager with very little support. I really pulled my shi... View more

Help needed I'm a mum to 2 boys (18yrs & 12 wks) i love my 18 year old dearly, the first 2 years of his life were not the best, I suffered PND & was in an abusive relationship and I was only a teenager with very little support. I really pulled my shit together and got a house, studied and eventually a job and I raised my son as a single parent because his Dad didn't have the capacity to change or to put someone else's needs first Anyways my son has diabetes type 1 & iv been his carer since age 2 and that's been challenging, exhausting ect ect but I always managed very well and very rarely was my son ill or absent from school. My son has anger issues and understandedably so I give him lots of love, forgive his outbursts and most importantly I try to keep commication open, but sometimes it feels like it's not very effective and I often have to draw a line when it comes to abusive/aggressive behaviour and thankfully my son is getting better at this. So my current issues are that my son expects a lot from me and most of the time I'm ok with that except at the moment I'm really down myself, my partner passed away Christmas, my third son was born in April and needed stomach surgery 6 weeks of age and most recently my father has passed away. I currently have the flu and I'm sitting in my car because my son has made such a mess inside that there are no clean dishes and he expects me to prepare a meal every night and pay for everything (he's only on Newstart so he would literally die without extra support) I have no problem paying for good nutritious food, education ect and I do but I often say no to junk food or games i realise that this behaviour is a result of not setting clear enough boundaries at the right age so I'm prepared to keep working at these issues but nothing is working. My son is very intelligent and he treats his friends and peers with respect and is well mannered so what am I doing that's so wrong? I don't want him to feel abandoned but maybe I need to give a bit more tough love! Am i allowed to want him to help me a bit more or am just supposed to give him everything because I'm the parent? thoughts?

Chickyb My mother and our relationship
  • replies: 3

Around 2 years ago I found a new partner (who I'm still with), my mother was diagnosed with MS and I started doing less with her. We were very close but between working 2 jobs, my boyfriend, training and life in general mine and my mothers relationsh... View more

Around 2 years ago I found a new partner (who I'm still with), my mother was diagnosed with MS and I started doing less with her. We were very close but between working 2 jobs, my boyfriend, training and life in general mine and my mothers relationship started to seperate. I have mixed feelings as I should be allowed to grow up but I also think I should be there for her more. She tells me I left her and crys on occasions that we argue about the situation. I clean the house for her, end the arguments on good terms and try my best to be happy and cheery when I get home, this becomes extremely hard when I get one word answers and an ugly tone of voice. I honestly can't do anything right. For around 2 years this situation has been on my mind everyday. I'm forever feeling bad for staying out, sleeping at my boyfriends or not helping her with the shopping, I'm restless, have stopped doing things I love due stress or that I'm worried she wants me home. I honestly feel like there is a massive weight in my head. At 22 I feel like these should be the best days off my life but I'm moody, upset, depressed, anxious and horrible to my boyfriend due to my aggression. I'm honestly so distressed and confused. My partner suggested that my job could be a problem but I keep telling myself that it's my guilt from my mother.. thankyou for listening

Maitai008 Let down by friends
  • replies: 2

Hi there, this is my first ever post... I'm feeling very let down by my friends. I'm 33, I have a 3 year old daughter and am 32 weeks pregnant with the next one. I'm an American who's lived in OZ for 6.5 years now. My family and "close" college frien... View more

Hi there, this is my first ever post... I'm feeling very let down by my friends. I'm 33, I have a 3 year old daughter and am 32 weeks pregnant with the next one. I'm an American who's lived in OZ for 6.5 years now. My family and "close" college friends all live back home. I have a couple of close friends in oz, but my closest ones have moved away for 3 months and the other has just moved back to the US. I think I'm starting to show signs of antenatal depression again, so I'm aware of that, but I'm feeling such a lack of support from friends and family, that it terrifies me that no one is going to be there for me when I need them (I also hate that I "need" someone to be there for me... but there it is, I do). I'm always the one to try to organise catch ups or calls and half the time I'm just blown off with no reply. I'm so tired of being the one trying to keep in touch and caring. I feel like no one cares about how I'm doing. I've tried to reach out to new people to strengthen new friendships, but are met with the same dead ends. No responses, lack of interest. I know you can't force people to care about you and I know I shouldn't "keep tabs", but I try my best to be a friend that I'd like to have and I just get nothing back. I'm a social, caring, fun, kind person to be around... but I'm wondering if there is something about me that keeps my friends at bay? Am I being too negative when I talk to them about my depression and worries (i try to keep it in check)? But... isn't that what friends are for? Because I've felt so neglected, when I'm feeling very down and would like someone to talk to, I hesitate to call anyone for fear that I will put them off and that they don't want the burden of my problems. They probably won't pick up the phone anyway. I suffer alone or to my husband, who can only take so much of the burden. I am so sad when I think about how my close friends seem fine with our friendship drifting apart and don't care to check in and see how I am doing in my pregnancy (which isn't great, I have limited mobility from pelvic girdle pain, and obviously depression/anxiety) or return any of the phone calls I've made. I feel so alone. I feel like writing everyone off... but feel grief over losing friendships that are dear to me. I do not know how to get the support that I crave or any responses from my friends (cause deep down I know I can't make anyone feel or do anything).

Silverbelle Trying to hold it together for all my family. Maybe reached my teather
  • replies: 3

Im a stay at home mum. With an energetic, creative loving 3 year old. Just had a newborn baby. Husband struggling with anxiety and confidence issues whos struggling to get work and not coping. sister inlaws brother died unexpectedly who my brother wa... View more

Im a stay at home mum. With an energetic, creative loving 3 year old. Just had a newborn baby. Husband struggling with anxiety and confidence issues whos struggling to get work and not coping. sister inlaws brother died unexpectedly who my brother was very close to aswell. Father in law in hospital with ptsd. Mother in law not coping. Just a jist of things going on. I feel I am giving all my time and energy to all my loved ones (who all need it) I just am so tired and have nothing left and I feel I have no one who is there for me. No energy. Tears flowing.

FriesGuy90 Problems with having relationships / need perspective
  • replies: 2

To set this up, I have recently had to drop out of university due to not having enough money & have had 0 luck finding employment. Right before I dropped out, I started seeing/sleeping with this guy who was really wonderful to be around. I'm 27, but ... View more

To set this up, I have recently had to drop out of university due to not having enough money & have had 0 luck finding employment. Right before I dropped out, I started seeing/sleeping with this guy who was really wonderful to be around. I'm 27, but I've never been able to have a real relationship before so I wasn't aware that I was putting forward the idea that it was just sex/friends kinda thing. Eventually I clued on and tried to tell him (about 4 months of spending time together, sporadically) and he told me that he had started seeing someone. We talked about it which was helpful, but it still made me feel completely terrible. Having never been this intimate with someone before, I don't know if my reaction to the end is typical or if a buildup of past failures (like uni and other relationships) is starting to take its toll. For two weeks I have been really emotional & randomly crying (I rarely cry otherwise) and on other days have been positive that everything is going to be fine. I started seeing a therapist this week to talk things over but it was mostly an introductory session so I still have a lot of questions and confusion. I also don't have a lot of people I can talk about this with as they usually either were unaware of what was happening & I'd have to explain it all over or they do know and they don't think its something that needs discussing.

LC80 Fear of abandonment
  • replies: 5

As the title says I have had a lifelong fear of abandonment. My parents divorced when I was quite young, about seven I think, and my brother and I lived with a single working mother in a housing commission home in the mid to late 1960's so times were... View more

As the title says I have had a lifelong fear of abandonment. My parents divorced when I was quite young, about seven I think, and my brother and I lived with a single working mother in a housing commission home in the mid to late 1960's so times were very hard. I was the last grandchild to sit with my grandmother just before she passed away. Mum later remarried and life was easier but when I was eighteen my brother drowned and when I was twenty three my stepdad, who was a true father to us, died from cancer. Not long after my wife left me and took my two daughters. Mum remarried again and I was not accepted into her husbands family. The single thing in life that scares me is being abandoned. Due to mental health issues my second wife has been on the threshold of leaving a few times, but we are still together as she has come to understand why I acted as I did in the past. She is now nearing retirement, I am retired, and the future looks brighter. Early retirement is the up side of a public service career devoted to serving Australia. We still fight a bit but after thirty years together I think we have made a good go of marriage, despite all the pressure that my issues have caused. That's my story anyway. I would be interested in hearing yours if you feel you can share.

Gigi1981 Husband chats with female colleague on facebook
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I am not sure whether I am just creating a storm in a teacup or whether I am allowed to have concerns. My husband started talking to a female colleague a few months ago. She has just left the company (yesterday) but still lives in our city. S... View more

Hi All, I am not sure whether I am just creating a storm in a teacup or whether I am allowed to have concerns. My husband started talking to a female colleague a few months ago. She has just left the company (yesterday) but still lives in our city. She has a young toddler and I am not sure she has the best relationship. A few weeks ago, she added my husband on facebook and then he told me how she told him she had a funny conversation at work. When he asked her what it was about, she said it was about being fingered at work. He thought it was pretty odd but nothing else. When he told me, I got angry (at her) because I found that sort of conversation very inappropriate to have with a male colleague, especially if he is married. He did not understand why I would get so offended. This has been an ongoing thing since because he still talks to her on facebook and obviously, before she left, also at work. How much, I do not know and I am hating myself for being so suspicious because I never had reasons to distrust my husband. However, since he is currently in another depressive phase, he has told me things, e.g. that he dislikes how society puts rules on you, for example that when you are married, you cannot have other partners. We talked about that a few times and he always professed his love for me and I trusted him enough, however, it has been more difficult for me because it makes me feel second rate. He does tell me that he finds me very attractive, both physically and mentally but the damage has been done. This morning, I saw that he was online and I could see how he had little smirks on his face when he was typing. I asked him whether he was talking to her and then added that it is perfectly fine, I just want him to be open with me. He told me several times that he was not talking to her and that he was just looking for books. I then got insight into his facebook conversation as it accidentally opened up on my laptop under his profile. In the conversation, he told her that he was thinking of her when she woke up. She answered with that she wouldn't have minded waking up next to him. He did not react to that. When I confronted him about that, he said that he finds it a bit weird and she would sometimes say such things but that he would just overlook it. He said, the reason why he thought of her was because he is currently struggling with whether he wants kids or not and he knew that last weekend, she took her son to a show. He doesn't get that I'm upset.

Justadad Overall fail in marriage but Current bedroom issues
  • replies: 2

I've read a number of threads now about simalar issues but none really come near mine so hear we go... I've never posted a thread so forgive if it's confusing. Haha Me and my wife are basicly together for our child we are completely opposite in almos... View more

I've read a number of threads now about simalar issues but none really come near mine so hear we go... I've never posted a thread so forgive if it's confusing. Haha Me and my wife are basicly together for our child we are completely opposite in almost every way but our situation keeps us together. It's just to hard to split. We just live life and move forward day by day. She Is a very sexual person so we still have sex regularly but I have a ongoing issue that keeps coming up. Sometimes well most times lately i am unable to get or if I do maintain an erection. (Only when it comes to sex) I would like to say this is because of our relastionship breakdown but I've had this issue with previous girlfriends. I don't have a medical issue I'm sure it's in my head but as its been on and off for years so I'm no longer sure what to do. i have previously tried Viagra but sometimes Id get to anxious and even that doesn't work. My wife just expects me to function, so that doesn't help. where do I go from here forget my marriage how do to get past this issue??

SweetAmara Long distance, extreme emotions and insecurity!
  • replies: 13

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Over that time we have been through a lot together and up until recently everything had been mostly positive. In recent weeks, the strain of the "what-ifs" has gotten to ... View more

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Over that time we have been through a lot together and up until recently everything had been mostly positive. In recent weeks, the strain of the "what-ifs" has gotten to me, which as a result my boyfriend has distanced himself from me. This is because he is the one planning to me and with very little physical evidence (as wrong as it is) I just don't know how/when it will work. Despite being told it'll happen in February. He and I have also recently started new jobs, so our window of time together has closed drastically, since he's in a Florida time zone and I am in SA. Before it was quite easy for us to talk. With this distance, he's been working security really late, then going and hanging out with friends so regularly that I haven't really been factored in. This really bothered me a few days ago when he was out with his friends for 12 hrs on my day off and I waited at home patiently to spend time with him. The joy of social media was seeing it all pop up on my news feed and feeling incredibly isolated. We later solved this issue and attributed it to bad communication and I explained that I felt insecure because it felt like he had "moved on" with his life. It also brought up a lot of old issues for me as well. We've since reconciled and I feel like we're on the road to recovery. We're texting and calling etc. But my anxiety (as much as I trust him and have for the past 2 years)