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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lacus Struggling 1st year marriage to ADHD husband
  • replies: 2

Im struggling to cope with my 1st of marriage. There are time when i have regrets or think "did i make the right decision" or "what have i got myself into" We dated for 2yr before we got engaged, and married 2yr after in Oct last year. I did have sec... View more

Im struggling to cope with my 1st of marriage. There are time when i have regrets or think "did i make the right decision" or "what have i got myself into" We dated for 2yr before we got engaged, and married 2yr after in Oct last year. I did have second thoughts during our engagement but i thought it was just cold feet. 4yr , I thought I know well enough about my husband. He was born overseas, adopted to an Aus family when he was 10. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed (not trying to be condescending just stating the fact). He had ADHD and was put into medication when he was little boy for short time, he said he doesnt need it becaus he's only lowe level ADHD. While I'm aware of his condition/history, I admit i didnt have full understanding of it or how it would affect our relationship, I was not prepared of how much harder it is to live with one. He has no passion, not good at communicating or expressing his emotion. When I try to talk to him, sometimes I have no response back, feels like talking to a wall. He cant make decisions and when i asked question, his fav answer is "i dont know". All these irritates me and frustrates me. Im definitely the one wearing the pants in this relationship and this affects our relationship emotionally and sexually and Im starting to become less attracted to him. When i bring up any issue with him, he just sits there and mop but doesnt do anything about it to change or improve. So the problem will never be solved and it'll be there like a broken record. We argue multiple times in the week, over the same thing. I tried talking to him or text him so he can read and digest it slowly but the messages doesnt seem to get through to him. I wish i could turn back the time or reset all this but i know this is not a game. I feel stuck, I cant go backwards because I promise to love him and accept him. I also dont want to leave him, and be another person that makes him feel abandons all over again. I cant move forward because nothing seems to be improving, or with his background i don't feel like there's any hope of improvement. I cant talk to my family because they can be judgemental, but that's another topic for another day. I cant talk to any of my friends about it because most of them aren't married yet. I did read that most find 1st year of marriage is the hardest one. Can someone please tell me if this is normal for 1st year or if anyone can give me any advise on how to cope with my ADHD husband. Thanks!

Shell82 Feeling alone with no support
  • replies: 3

Ok so this is my first time trying to reach out for help/advice from strangers. So we just had our second baby a few weeks ago and my whole world is wrapped up in both children ( 4 years old and 2 weeks old). I would do anything for them. I don't hav... View more

Ok so this is my first time trying to reach out for help/advice from strangers. So we just had our second baby a few weeks ago and my whole world is wrapped up in both children ( 4 years old and 2 weeks old). I would do anything for them. I don't have the typical depression signs that people always talk about after a baby. The thing that is getting to me most is when I reach out to anyone for help (family or friends) I am getting absolutely no support or understanding. This is especially bad from my husband and my dad who also lives with us. I could ask for something as simple as a nappy change or taking out the rubbish and I get "why are you so lazy" or "you can do it" or "why isn't it already done" after being up all night with two sick children, being sick myself and having an emergency cesarean). Then when it comes to cleaning the house I get yelled at again by both as to why its not done (again receiving no help). Its come to a point where I'm doing all of things I shouldn't be doing after an emergency csection and I again end up in tears (I'll hide away doing housework while crying so I dont get yelled at, critized or shamed) because I'm in so much pain. Am I wrong to ask for help?? Am I asking to mich?? Is it wrong to need support and someone to talk to?

Danni4 Affairs
  • replies: 4

My husband had sex with someone else before we got married. He also drank a lot. He became infatuated with someone younger than me and so I went and did the same thing. I became intimate with this man and then the man called it off. My husband new th... View more

My husband had sex with someone else before we got married. He also drank a lot. He became infatuated with someone younger than me and so I went and did the same thing. I became intimate with this man and then the man called it off. My husband new things weren't right and got us into counselling. We then had kids. He got drunk and held my head almost to the floor twice. He then had that same lady work for him lost interest in me and I again met someone else. That didn't work out for me. I sought counselling. He found out about the other men. He tried to kill himself. I felt I had to stay with him. I found someone new and was going to leave. That person didn't work out but my parents helped me leave. I had a breakdown. He told everyone and the kids are suffering because people don't want to be around me. I have a new relationship and am very happy. I worry a lot.

wildheart Lost
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone, Ok deep breath, here goes... I am reaching out to someone, anyone who knows what it is like to feel stuck and lost at the same time. I am going to be very honest and say that it has been my choices that have put me in my current situatio... View more

Hi Everyone, Ok deep breath, here goes... I am reaching out to someone, anyone who knows what it is like to feel stuck and lost at the same time. I am going to be very honest and say that it has been my choices that have put me in my current situation. I have recently moved into my ex partners house after a years seperation. We got in contact again and he was not doing to well so (relationship breakdown) and I honestly thought I could help him get through his dark time, while dealing with my own darkness, I have been in the house for 2 weeks and I feel so isolated and alone. I dont have anyone to talk to, I am really hoping just to talk to someone, anyone that has been or is going through a similar situation...

Herms Lost and no one to talk to
  • replies: 2

Hi there, It's my first time asking for help online. I don't even know if it will help but here goes. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm from Melbourne, she lives in Spain. I've been travelling back and forth to be with her. Last... View more

Hi there, It's my first time asking for help online. I don't even know if it will help but here goes. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm from Melbourne, she lives in Spain. I've been travelling back and forth to be with her. Last time I was there for a month was back in March 2017 - and we both agreed that next time i should be there for at least 90 days. I just got here (Spain) 2 weeks ago with the intention of staying for 3 months but already things are going downhill. We already had a fight yesterday and she said some really hurtful things to me. Even though we have already made peace since then, I still can't get over the things she said to me and now I feel unwelcome here. I feel like I'm interfering with her life as opposed to being part of it. Her attitude was already off for the past week before the fight - silent, moping around the place when she's usually bubbly and full of energy with everyone else. This makes me feel even more unwelcome. I have other problems to deal with (financial, mostly) and so does she. But I'm starting to wonder whether she is really someone I should pursue a relationship with. All I want is someone to settle down and start a family with. She told me the same but from what I'm seeing she's mostly interested in partying with her friends and wasting her days tanning on the beach - even though she is also going through financial troubles. I really don't know who to talk to or what to do next. I have no friends here in Spain and I don't even speak Spanish. This makes me feel even more isolated. My instincts tell me to get on the first plane out of here and never return but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Thanks for listening/reading. If anyone has any word of advice it would be greatly appreciated. Herms

101 Mum with mental illness
  • replies: 2

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank d... View more

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank drove & crashed her car. She has trashed our home she won't leave us alone: I need to get her help but the cops think she is fine but she isn't ! I have video footage of what she says to us. What can I do she needs to go back to a mental hospital but she won't admit herself

Mrslayla Difficulty moving forward
  • replies: 3

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am strugg... View more

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am struggling with it. The trust is of course gone and I'm left constantly feeling like I'm not good enough and wondering how he could do that to me if he loves me? Add to that my other son has been diagnosed with autism and I have found that very hard to constantly hear negative things said about him from all the specialists he is seeing. Roght now I feel like I'm not coping, crying all the time (when no one is around) and just wanting to run away. I feel so much guilt saying that because I am a mother and I love my children but I feel as if I'm not enough for anyone and just not doing anything well.

Guest_829 letting other people be
  • replies: 4

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assu... View more

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assumptions or huge generalisations because you cant really tell too much about anyone based on what you see in front of you. so im going to let people be as wrong as they want to be and im going to be more respectful of peoples rights to live their life their way.i'm going to stand back and let them make mistakes,speak their minds,talk about all kinds of things and be as loud as they want and im going to stand back and let them go..i've lived long enough and been around enough to know were all differant and brilliant and flawed and im not going to make anyone feel bad for doing the things that make them happy.im stepping back and letting go

Irish_Lady Cheating
  • replies: 4

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so ... View more

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so between the tiredness, stress and been overwhelmed with having my first son and then feeling pregnant for a second time so soon after my first I haven't wAnted to have sex and now half of me feels like it's my fault and the other half is like no I didn't do anything wrong. What do I do now?

Mephistopheles Guilt and reconciliation
  • replies: 4

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im ... View more

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im often on the receiving end of verbal abuse in the instances that come to mind. Selfishness as being dependant upon someone financially. As well as being emotionally neglectful and introverted with my partner. I go into a survival mode either out of habit or to attain respite. This has got me questioning my own ethics. I had feedback from one such ex and I had a breakdown as a result accompanied by overwhelming guilt and selfloathing. Im not a narcissist nor do I wish to inflict any injustice on others but I fear that I might be what I detest.