Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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J3n Struggling with Relationship and maintaining family life
  • replies: 2

Well where do I start. About a year ago my husband started staying back and talking to a girl at work, he didn't tell me he was doing this and it wasn't until he came home late one night that he told me. He told me they were friends who just talked. ... View more

Well where do I start. About a year ago my husband started staying back and talking to a girl at work, he didn't tell me he was doing this and it wasn't until he came home late one night that he told me. He told me they were friends who just talked. Things went on and she started messaging and calling and it came to a head where he started falling for her. One of the days at work I had a gut feeling something wasn't right and came home to find her in my house. I reacted as anyone would and he assured me nothing sexual happened- he fell for her and was so messed in his head. He told me things had changed between us but yet could communicate any of what was happening to me. The worse part was we work at the same place and rumour got out and my life became terrible. We also have two kids that are involved in all this. I told him I loved him and wanted it to work. He couldn't tell me what he wanted. It turned out that one night to top things off he bumped into my dad and they had both been drinking - my dad being protective told him some unkind word and my husband since hasn't spoken or seen my parents. We tried separating much to my dislike and it was during this time that my husband got a call 6 months ago saying his father had killed himself. We are now back together but he has started drinking more each week and becomes nasty when he does - says nasty things to me. He doesn't show much feelings or affection and has trouble feeling anything. I do almost everything around the place as I don't want my kids to suffer or be without. I'm now struggling with my own depression and anxiety. I love him and just don't know what to do to help - he won't get help and won't admit the drinking is a problem. I really don't like the nasty words and just don't know how to wake him up to what's going on. My kids now ask why dad won't see nan and pop. He really doesn't see what he has done to me but is just a numb human being

BumbleB Keeping loneliness at bay
  • replies: 1

I've recently joined a meet up group and met two people who are potentially becoming quite nice new friends. However, I feel the best thing is to go through Meetups or things that I have an interest in. Eg painting, welding, , Library, bush walking, ... View more

I've recently joined a meet up group and met two people who are potentially becoming quite nice new friends. However, I feel the best thing is to go through Meetups or things that I have an interest in. Eg painting, welding, , Library, bush walking, etc and then take into account cost and travel time. My problem is that there are not many groups that meet all three criteria and I'm becoming very lonely and weepy at night. My question is how have others allayed feelings of being scared alone (hearing the house creak), and loneliness. Please don't bother to reply with "learn to love your own company" l do but I need to escape social isolation and I can't go out at night or spontaneously due to my son. How have others expanded their social circle, ( lm an atheist so no church suggestions please) I was thinking of volunteering but it doesn't grab me as I've done this many times before and haven't really expanded my friendships. Any ideas would be most welcome thank you.

MJA9 My wife and I are separating and I'm struggling to cope
  • replies: 26

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads or helps me .. 1 week ago my wife came home and told me she wants to seperate - it was out of the blue as I didn't see or know our situation was as bad as it was. we have been together for 6 years and married for... View more

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads or helps me .. 1 week ago my wife came home and told me she wants to seperate - it was out of the blue as I didn't see or know our situation was as bad as it was. we have been together for 6 years and married for 1 - she's 26 and I'm 30 - through our relationship we have had many ups and downs but always worked through them, I have suffered with myself and my depression for long periods of time in our relationship and it's come at a cost as this is what's made her decide to seperate. ive spend the last 3-4 months in a withdrawn state and shut off emotionally and physically to her, the problem is I didn't even know I was doing it so I couldn't do anything about it, she bought up little issues but I wasn't aware I was or we were this bad. I've had help before and it's improved me a lot but my biggest failure is that I get to a stage and don't think I need help anymore and so I stop and then down the track I let myself go again. she was to seperate and give each other a chance to find ourselves and see what we actually both want in life- she doesn't know if she wants to be with me and wants space to be by herself and find what she wants and needs. I don't want to be without her, I want to get help and I can be so much better to her and for us but I don't know if I can do it on my own, I need her by my side to give me the strength to do it for her. i don't know what to gain in posting this,in waiting to see my psychologist but it will take a week and I'm beside myself in knowing what to do and I'm totally broken and lost inside . we are both good people and have no bad feelings towards each other , I just want to save us but she won't give me another chance to do it . if anyone can help please let me know thanks

Miraazlife My husband is depressed and damaging our family
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am feeling sad, frustrated and angry with and for my husband at he moment. He is obviously depressed. He has put on a huge amount of weight and become seriously obese, is cranky and unreasonable with myself and our three young children, and is ... View more

Hi, I am feeling sad, frustrated and angry with and for my husband at he moment. He is obviously depressed. He has put on a huge amount of weight and become seriously obese, is cranky and unreasonable with myself and our three young children, and is stubborn and won't do anything to help himself. He hates his job and is miserable because his older children to a past marriage have some big problems and he feels that his hands are tied and can't do anything to help them. His life consists of sitting in front of the television or playing games on his ipad. He encouraged me to follow my dream of enrolling full time at uni so that hopefully I can gain some decent work next year and we can achieve some other goals and look at new career options for him. I told him that to do the very intensive full time study I am now doing I would need a LOT of support with the house and the kids. He is not coping with this and when I address this he refuses to acknowledge it. Now he throws a tantrum when I ask him to look after the kids so I can study. I will not complete my studies if I don't have the support to look after the kids. I suggested going part time to make it easier but he insist I not give up my full time studies. I want to continue doing what I am doing. Now that I am doing my studies I am really happy and loving it and feel more happy and motivated myself than I have in years. I should mention that I have struggled with bouts of depression myself over the years. I sought help and treatment and can manage to lead a productive life. I feel guilty that I now feel so angry and frustrated with my husband who won't get off his butt to do anything to help himself. I have spoken to him about this repeatedly and he has assured me he will 'work it out' but still has done nothing to seek help. I feel caught about what to do. I want to help my family and see them happy but I can't do it FOR my husband, and I also want to pursue the path for myself that is helping my mental health - I have found something that I look forward to and makes me want to get up in the morning! I feel guilty and selfish, because I am thinking of separating from my husband - to give him the big kick he needs to address his problems. I would work with him and support him in anything he did to try and work through this - but I can't do it for him, and in the meantime, his lack of support and agro, down mood and apathy is affecting me and the kids in a negative way.

KLJF Partner suffering severe depression decided to leave me.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figur... View more

Hi all, My partner of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. At the start of January this year, he broke up with me, telling me that he could not see a future with me, and that he wasn't sure if he loved me or not, and that he just needed time to figure himself out. I lived with him at the time, but was happy to give him the space he needed, I would go stay elsewhere, and would not contact him unless contact absolutely needed to be made. About a week later, he had a break down, he cried for about two hours, telling me that in the week we had been apart, he had been getting into some pretty reckless behaviour, and in being away, he realised he loved me and wanted me back. We spoke all night about what he was going through- he realised that the problems weren't within our relationship, but they were his mental health. I took him back, and for the last few months, things had been fantastic- he had gotten himself a car, and we just moved to a new house together. Although there was a lot of positive moves happening at this point, he had been telling me how much he was not enjoying work, and how he had been feeling down, and didn't know why, but had been reassuring me that we were okay and that he still very much loved me. He agreed to see a psychologist, and has since been diagnosed with a severe form of depression. Last week, he made his second attempt at getting his license, and failed, and he became depressed again. On the same night, we sat and spoke for a few hours, but then he looked at me with a blank expression and said "I don't love you." I was devastated, there was no indication that anything was wrong with our relationship at all. In the past week he has still been affectionate, but is now telling me I need to move out, and is continuously telling me he never loved me. However, in the past week, he has been sleeping all day, has tried to avoid going to work, and wants to spend all day and night playing video games. He insists that he is fine, and that he "just wants to be alone." With all of the signs he's displaying, I know he is going through a depressive episode, and although I have tried to offer my love and support, he just gets defensive and angry with me, and says cruel things. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I would really appreciate any advice on the situation at hand. Could his depression be the reason he is feeling this way about our relationship? What can I do to help him without him attacking me? Thank you in advance.

CaitieLiz80 Tired of not being enough
  • replies: 5

We've been in Lennox Head for the past 8 days. It's been beautiful weather the past 3 and we have soaked in the sunshine. I sadly have had arguements with my husband and tonight's has ended with him walking away and me in a panic attack. I've never u... View more

We've been in Lennox Head for the past 8 days. It's been beautiful weather the past 3 and we have soaked in the sunshine. I sadly have had arguements with my husband and tonight's has ended with him walking away and me in a panic attack. I've never used a forum for this kind of thing so I do apologise for rambling on. I am struggling with major depression and medicated. I have a very supportive husband but I've been too much for him today and now I've messed everything up. I'm tired of never being enough and for causing him to feel as he does. I guess I would like to hear I'm not alone and perhaps some advice on where to next. Thank you.

Guest_2350 Communication issues
  • replies: 7

Hello All, I am not sure if this is the right space in the forum, feel free to move it. How do you communicate as a bad communicator with a bad communicator? How do you communicate at all? Since starting my journey 4 months ago, I have managed to "ta... View more

Hello All, I am not sure if this is the right space in the forum, feel free to move it. How do you communicate as a bad communicator with a bad communicator? How do you communicate at all? Since starting my journey 4 months ago, I have managed to "talk" to 3 people apart from my GP and psychologist. One friend I sent a message saying "I am seeing a psychologist" - when the reply came, I did not know what else to say. Another friend I told I have depression in person - and again I did not know what to add. I have tried to talk to my husband a few times. Once telling him I felt down. Then telling him I still felt down and I was worried to lose him. I tried again today, but he is a really bad talker and I think he hates feeling helpless - and he feels helpless when I am not well. I know he loves me to the moon and back and he will always be there for me, but he really is a terrible talker - and so am I... our whole conversation lasted 1 minute up to 5 minutes today... He reassures me that he loves me and that he will always be there for me and then he runs out of words - and so do I. I have not even told him that there is more than depression. So how am I going to let people in????????? I keep being told that it is easier if I have a support network, but how???

Slick17 BPD Breakup
  • replies: 2

So my ubpd ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple months back. It wasnt like any normal breakup either.I It started when i picked her up from the airport after she had her graduation from University interstate for 2 nights (unfortunately i couldnt a... View more

So my ubpd ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple months back. It wasnt like any normal breakup either.I It started when i picked her up from the airport after she had her graduation from University interstate for 2 nights (unfortunately i couldnt attend, which i think was a trigger for her). I picked her up did everything right by her, opened the door for her gave her a kiss and bags in the car, i was being a right gentleman. We then went and picked up lunch and at this stage everything was perfect. Whilst she was interstate i was doing all the household chores (cooking, cleaning,washing shopping). When she got home she seen how i had hung up her work clothes on the washing line, and she went ballistic! She kicked me out the house, i left peacefully thinking she needed time to cool off. I came back a few hours later and she told me to find somewhere else to stay the night (on the eve of our 2 year anniversary). The following day i messaged her a happy anniversary message, and thats when she replied with ill give you an hour to get all your stuff out of the appartment and leave OUR car keys behind. I did everything as she asked very peacefully (even left flowers and a brand new watch), as at the time i thought she was having a tantrum. A bit of background on the relationship. I started living with her after 6 months of dating and from there she just gained more and more control over me. After 12 months of dating we moved interstate for her career, to which i knew no one in the state and she had family which we were living in their apartment. She had me cornered, if i did something she didnt like she would threaten to kick me out and i would have to grovel back because i had no where to go. And she knew that. Another key note is she has really unstable relationships, and only has the one friend. All friendships have ended the same way as ours. The abuse in that relationship was unbelievable, but i still miss what we had. When it was good it was amazing, when it was bad she was the devil. I have threatened, punched repeatedly and manipulated. I have once asked her after an episode about why she attacks me, she replied with "because it doesnt hurt you". After all this i still want to help her. It wasnt until i sought out a psychologist that they suggested she is bpd.

_erehmai Lost, need directions.
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage... View more

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage.. I'm living out of home with my sister who currently needs someone to stay with her to help look after my niece and pay for rent... (I get centrelink couldn't work with my condition) if my Mum moves out with her boyfriend I'll be paying a lot more money then if i went to a share house..but I'm in a pickle because if i did that I'll be leaving her to suffer... when also her partner just moved out a couple of weeks ago, so she would be paying full rent on her own being a single parent. I pay alot of money with my condition Physio/Chrio/pain killers/strapping/knee braces,deep heat/heat packs/remedies etc. so $195 a week just makes me want to cry I'm having a lot of identity crises and not knowing who i am and what I'm here for and thatone racks my brain a lot. I'm having a lot of relationship problems with my partner not being able to let go of the past and accepting I'm willing to push my self through this depression and pain Also family issues with lots of drama and fighting and hate and My mum not being around I'm lost if i should go and be happy on my own for once counter my happiness or stick by everyone and help what they need. I know this isn't that detailed but that's the run down of my life at the moment, i could literally write a book about it. I need help on if i should keep my sister from falling and my partner and my family or me fall instead?

Siuwen Depressed and Angry
  • replies: 6

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get s... View more

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get super drunk at night. When I confronted him, he started yelling, throwing stuffs and calling me ugly names. He asked for forgiveness and I have forgiven him a few times but like a cycle it keeps happening. This happened again 2 weeks ago. Whats worse is my older daughter who is 4 years old wake up and witnessed this a few times. I am thinking of leaving him and get full custody of my kids but my older daughter keeps screaming and crying don't want him to leave. Its really hard for me because my daughter is very forgiving. Once he apologised, she is attached again to him. He keeps saying he will change and we should work it out. So once again, I stay but I have not been eating or sleeping well since it happened. I want to leave but I am stuck because of the kids. Last thing I want is making them grow up without a father but a part of me says he won't change. I am scared it will repeat itself again. I am so helpless. My family is overseas. I move here when I married him. We have been together for 18 years in total and only the last year, he started this crazy alcohol habit.