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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ChronicLearner Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression
  • replies: 21

Hi All, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have. My partne... View more

Hi All, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have. My partner has suffered from depression for the last 10 years and it hasnt been the most well managed either. He recently just told me he had been diagnosed with biploar as well. In the last 6 months, my partner has changed friendship groups and I have noticed more of a change in him such as, prioritising them, doing drugs often and going away on boys weekends. He told me out of the blue this week he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, as in our lives together but he still loves me, he just wants to make sure he knows 100% sure he wants our life. I was completely shocked as this was so out of the blue. i feel like I am in limbo at the moment, do I wait for him to know he wants us 100% or do I leave assuming he doesn’t want us. I’m so lost and upset with what to do. Any advice or extra information needed, please let me know

Heartbroken_Mum Heartbroken
  • replies: 3

My teenage boys don't want to have a relationship with me due to me leaving their dad nearly a year ago (they decided to stay with him) they blame me for our family failing and I feel heartbroken I have tried to respect their wishes but it kills me n... View more

My teenage boys don't want to have a relationship with me due to me leaving their dad nearly a year ago (they decided to stay with him) they blame me for our family failing and I feel heartbroken I have tried to respect their wishes but it kills me not being in their lives when I had an amazing close relationship with them from the minute they were born I miss them so much and feel so guilty for leaving them any advice appreciated

LUCIDFOX_X Boyfriend cheated.. accidentally?
  • replies: 13

About 2 months ago my boyfriend cheated on me and kissed another girl in public at our local pub (lots of people saw it which is how I found out). When I confronted him about it he was honest straight away (& also said he was very drunk and regrets i... View more

About 2 months ago my boyfriend cheated on me and kissed another girl in public at our local pub (lots of people saw it which is how I found out). When I confronted him about it he was honest straight away (& also said he was very drunk and regrets it massively), only he didn't tell me first, it went through about 5 different people before it got to me. When I asked him if he was ever going to tell me he said "I don't know" which is a bit concerning. Wrong answer. Regardless, I stayed with him. Over the past 2 months he hasn't really done anything to justify my distrust, yet I still find myself snooping on his laptop and phone to make sure I'm not going to be hurt again. I've seen some pretty disturbing images of him with girls, including the girl that he kissed at the pub.. It makes me very sad. We are practically living together, adore the hell out of each other, but he has a history of cheating. I don't have a very solid relationship with my parents, especially my mother, and I've lost 4 of my closest friends over staying with him, which doesn't bother me too much I don't think as they did say "If you don't dump him we will be angry with you" & "We don't support you in this" which isn't typically something that "friends" do... Plus they've been treating me quite badly since the start of the year so, not a major loss I don't think. Aside from that I'm not sure what to do. I'm so scared that he will cheat again but I feel like the only option I have is to just wait and see... Which is hard because he's probably the closest person I have in my life at the moment.

Andymac Really lonely
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m a 53 year old male. I am 3 years into a separation and have been living alone for that time and my kids come over on the weekends and now my 15 year old daughter doesn’t want to come over. My 13 year old son spends as much time here as he can... View more

Hi, I’m a 53 year old male. I am 3 years into a separation and have been living alone for that time and my kids come over on the weekends and now my 15 year old daughter doesn’t want to come over. My 13 year old son spends as much time here as he can. He has been fantastic. The thing is in separation I lost my social circle and now I am alone and have been like that for 3 years. My social interaction is with my son only. I have no other social outlet except I go to the gym. I have just started a new job which is great. The bottom line is that I am lonely as hell. I come home to an empty house, the phone doesn’t ring, my family is broken and I have lost all that I was working for. Now it seems pointless . I have been to the docs, seen a physcologist , done some hypnotherapy, read books, meditate and generally do everything I can to stay up and I can’t. I am still here alone and see no way out. This is a slow torture, I don’t want to go home, I don’t need any more time to be alone or take a break and my life is dripping away. I try to find things to do to fill in my time before I can go to bed. I can’t feel lonely when I’m asleep. I have no interaction with anyone and my job is one where I spend the day by myself. I know I have to change this and I don’t know how. I’m not an outgoing person. Has anyone been like this and changed things, I can’t do the online dating which everyone suggests...

Endofline Depressed partner lost job 8 maths ago will not help himself with employment resorts to alcoholism
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am in a terrible situation that is escalating into financial ruin so fast. Owe heaps on mortgage more than house is worth plus other accumulated loans. Have things in place to pay it off slowly but now partner lost job 8 months ago he was given... View more

Hi, I am in a terrible situation that is escalating into financial ruin so fast. Owe heaps on mortgage more than house is worth plus other accumulated loans. Have things in place to pay it off slowly but now partner lost job 8 months ago he was given redundancy after 21 years to which has run out. Drank thousands of dollars away plus gained some assets. I am currently working but money I get no way covers all bills or mortgage. Tried selling assets but no buyers interested. Food running low he continues straight vodka hides it in water bottles all around house and outside. I look after my dad also he 81 and frail no longer drives I maintain 4 acres and do his shopping. I feel Burnt out and stressed all time but keep going somehow. Suppose to go AA this arvo but he has wiped himself out again. Signed What's next need support and guidance

InTheShadow My boyfriend and his depression
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 mo... View more

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and in the beginning things were really great and I thought I finally found the one (was single for a few years before that). The things have progressed pretty quickly and we started staying at each other's place, exchanged the house keys, went on a couple of short holidays together, met each other's friends and parents. He was saying he never loved anyone like he loves me, that our relationship was precious and special. However he always was pointing out that he needed his personal space, so 2-3 days a week he'd spend on his own (usually playing videogames or occasionally going to a pub with a friend). Also in the beginning of the relationship he confessed that for a year before we met he had been seeing a therapist for his depression, but never took any medications, and the therapy had seemed to help, and indeed everything seemed to be fine. However in the last few weeks the things have deteriorated noticeably. He started having his 'bad moods' (as he puts it), and then he becomes really distant and shuts himself. I feel isolated, but whatever I try I cannot reach to him. He won't text me first, and if I do, will give quite dry answers. He would avoid calling me (e.g. I was away for a week overseas, and he didn't initiate a single call, only after I insisted). He doesn't seem to be interested in my life at all, and this emotional isolation drives me insane. He admits that he realizes he hurts me however "this is how he is". He refuses to see the therapist again as in his opinion they won't help (since he's already been doing it for a year and he's back to his depressed state). I cry in the shower almost every day. I get so worried that I cannot concentrate on any of my daily tasks and my mood also goes down. I don't want to see anyone except for him, and just keep staring at phone hoping to hear from him. I was freaking out so much that I even got jealous and snooped on his phone for messages from other girls trying to explain this change of behavior Though so far he's been honest and didn't give any reason for suspicions. I am really at loss how to handle this situation. I love him and want to be with him, but I feel it also affects me a lot and I am feeling miserable most of the time

Maccyb Is his depression causing him to lie ??
  • replies: 3

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and message... View more

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and messages he has received from a female work colleague, so much so that I believe he may be having an affair, when I confronted him about it, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, is this a symptom of depression??

Westernrosella Struggling to cope
  • replies: 6

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years ... View more

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years he has been moody and gets angry at the smallest thing. My daughter (his step daughter) and I have treaded very carefully when he was home and it was often a relief when he went back to work because of the moods. He is unpredictable, his tone of voice is hard to decipher and doesn't provide any clue. My 82yr old Mum has also come to live with us as she cannot support herself. It has caused a lot of problems. She and my hubby don't get on, their "quirky and not so endearing ways" clash big time but I keep hoping each will just accept the way the other is but I feel like I am constantly building bridges to keep the peace. I work 3 jobs to keep money coming in, care for my daughter, Mum (has had 2 strokes since last Xmas) and my husband, who also has a painful knee. Hubby does little around the house except play darts and read books. He cooks 3 evening meals a week and mops the floors weekly and empty's the kitchen bin obsessively! He thinks this is how he's going to live his life out and as long as everyone does things his way, it will all be ok. If I suggest things are not ok - he immediately gets defensive, passive aggressive, laughs things off, says something horrible then says he was just joking - don't you know me by now Darls? Apparently I only ever want things my way, I always need to be right etc. None of us are perfect and I accept, yes, I want the towels folded a certain way so they fit in the linen cupboard! He refuses to fold anything now. Last year he saw a psych for depression but behaved as if there was nothing wrong so as a result it was a waste of time. Why don't psychs ask to see other family members to get a fuller picture? The latest thing...Mum's cat was unfortunately attacking a bird in the garden. He got angry, threw his boot at it. He missed. The following Silver Chain came to visit Mum. She took ages to answer the door, our 2 dogs were barking away and he ends up yelling at them and gets angry. Mum comes through, compliments him on his boot throwing but asked him to not do it again, that she would try supervise the cat better whilst outside. He took the request badly and said she was telling him what to do infront of a stranger in his house...he told her he would kill the cat next time.

JB66 How to prevent depression & anxiety undoing a 12 year relationship
  • replies: 9

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no mo... View more

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no moments of joy, laughter or pleasure as my day seems to be just managing my emotions from the moment I wake up until I get respite from sleep. I am terrified that this illness will damage our relationship and I feel like I am drifting further and further away. There is a strong urge to be alone or to escape and go somewhere in the countryside where I can be alone in silence. Is it common to feel like you don't even want to be in the company of the person you love? How can I explain to my partner that this overwhelming feeling to be alone is not about them, but the illness? I am so irritable with everything. I tried to explain the feeling last night by saying "how would you feel if you were locked in a room with your hands tied behind your back and someone was poking you all day with a stick from morning till night" Depression and anxiety feels to me like everything in life is poking me to the point of frustration, anger and sadness... with no escape. I don't want our relationship to end over an illness that neither one of us can be blamed for. My partner is very supportive and tries to understand. Has anyone out there benefitted from taking time out from the relationship to save the relationship? Thanks for reading and responding folks... blessings.

ACK I didn't bond with my son and now I feel lost
  • replies: 2

Hi needing some support and reassurance. ever since my son was born I have felt I never bonded with him, I have daughter from a previous relationship and I am extremely close to her, with my son I don't feel I have the same bond as i have with my dau... View more

Hi needing some support and reassurance. ever since my son was born I have felt I never bonded with him, I have daughter from a previous relationship and I am extremely close to her, with my son I don't feel I have the same bond as i have with my daughter. I feel that everyone is against me. It started when I gave birth to my son and we were living with the in-laws, previous to that I had my own place and was independent. When I gave birth to my son at the hospital the MIL suggested me to go home just 4hrs giving stating that its unhygenic, so she had her connection at the hospital and so we left, I was just a blind mice listening to her, I come from an asian background and so does my partner, this should have been the red flag for me, but i was happy that my inlaws were happy. Than about the first few nights they would take my newborn son from our bed to theirs to sleep with them saying you need some rest, you need to sleep, I felt powerless as I have never experienced this situation before and coming from a asian backgraound I was raised to respect and never talk back. I felt heartbroken and very sad, I told my partner after he watched them take him from us that night and told him I can't sleep without him I feel very sad and i was teary expecting for him to stand up for me towards his parents and get him back but he didn't and so everytime they took him I felt so alone like I new he wouldn't do anything and everytime i think about it hurts me I missed my chance to bond with him. There were times were my son would cry at night and cough and she would come in the room and accuse us of not loving him and not looking after him and she would take him away, those times I would just leave the room and sleep next to my daughter leaving my partner to argue with her. The final toll when they had friends come over and my son would just go to her and call her and her friends were curious and the MIL said he doesn't call for mum, it really hurts me all the time. So we moved out and now we deal with the inlaws sleeping over at times and my son always wants to sleep to with them and it hurts me. Now that we pay rent and my partner decided to go back to Uni I am stuck working full time to part time hrs and my partner is mostly home with our son, he is 3 and half years old I really don't feel a connection I am so hurt I dont know what to do, I am tired, exhausted, I cant to talk to my partner because it will just end up in a fight, I feel really really lost