Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ponyo421 Mum is emotionally blackmailing & controlling me
  • replies: 3

My mum is a single parent & is causing a strain in my relationship & mental health. I'm 29 yr old & have always clashed with my mum. I always took into account that she's raised myself & 2 older siblings by herself & she has always been my hero for t... View more

My mum is a single parent & is causing a strain in my relationship & mental health. I'm 29 yr old & have always clashed with my mum. I always took into account that she's raised myself & 2 older siblings by herself & she has always been my hero for that. However she is very difficult to speak to. I learnt at a very young age that my mum is not the person I can confide in. I wrote her a letter when I was 10 telling her that I was struggling with being bullied & felt very alone (we moved to Aust from the Phils) when she read it she yelled at me and told I was an ungreatful stupid child. Since then I've self taught myself to keep things to myself. she would not let me go out or sleep at friends houses. Work during high school. Yelled at me for not going to church. Disappointed at all my choices. No arguments I'd take it & give in to her. Ive been with my partner for 2 years his everything to me. He listens. Puts me first. I haven't been this happy. My family home is constant arguments. my mum & siblings however do not allow me to stay at his place my mums strictly wants me home doesn't matter if it's 5am I must come home & can leave half an hour later to go to my partners again. my mum has told me I have no self respect for myself & her & that I will be the death of her. She tells me I'm an idiot for spending all my time with my partner or friends. I want to move in with my partner as we are ready. But my sister has yelled at me & said mum will not allow it unless we are married & even if i Was single I'm not independent enough to move out. They still see me as a child. I started work as a public servant 3 yrs ago & deal with agressive customers daily & come home to be put down or shut off for anything I say. I cry almost every night and my mind is going through scenarios "I should just break up with my partner to make my family happy" I sleep for 3 hrs & my day starts again. It sets my day at work which lately has been affected & have taken all my leave. Ive Micro slept as I drive I am beyond tired. I see my partner everyday because my worries disappear but lately we have argued about the situation. It's causing both of us anxiety & stress i want to tell my mum I want to move in with my partner but am petrified as it will come down to me loosing my family or my partner. i don't want to marry my partner just for the sake of moving out that's not what we want. I don't know what to do how should we or I approach my mum. I'm exhausted.

sandokan wife has left me and feel ike just giving up
  • replies: 16

went to work three months ago on a friday morning, came home to an almost an empty house and my wife had left. Have since been told by her she has met someone 4 years ago and is with him and wants a divorce. I cant believe after 16 years of marriage ... View more

went to work three months ago on a friday morning, came home to an almost an empty house and my wife had left. Have since been told by her she has met someone 4 years ago and is with him and wants a divorce. I cant believe after 16 years of marriage she has gone and taken my life with her including my only child our 16 year son. I am so in shock and cannot face the world and just don't know how to get back up and live without her. I have nothing left in me i go to work and come home to an empty house and i am a real homebody and do not have any friends everything we did was with her family.

Mumma_Ree A wedge in my marriage
  • replies: 5

HI, I am step mum to 2 wonderful kids who live with my husband and I on a full time basis. The kids' mother is really starting to hurt me. Just tonight she decided that while the kids are with her only their father is to have contact with them! They ... View more

HI, I am step mum to 2 wonderful kids who live with my husband and I on a full time basis. The kids' mother is really starting to hurt me. Just tonight she decided that while the kids are with her only their father is to have contact with them! They are spending the school holidays with her and apparently my husband and I talking to the kids was taking away "family time". We were calling to say hi and see how things were going and because Little Miss had her phone on speaker we had to speak loudly. Her mother was listening in and I am now being accused of yelling and raising my voice. But hubby was doing the same! I got so angry all I wanted to do was drive over and get the kids. She left the kids in our care at the beginning of 2016 because she couldn't look after them. She was supposed to see them every second weekend but doesn't. Now she is threatening to keep them and not let them come home. She didn't have the ability to help the kids with their school work, she didn't send them to school on a regular basis and now that they are living with us they have improved immensely academically and are going to school everyday. I don't want to see them go backwards. I feel as though my hands are tied because I am not their birth mother, only a step mother. I get so angry when she tries to drive a wedge between me and my husband and I am scared that she really is doing that. I try so hard to forget about it all but when it comes to her my first instinct is to fight, not fly. Has anyone ever had to deal with this before and how did you cope? I want to be the best mother I can be to these two kids but I don't know if I can anymore. Sometimes I wonder if they would be better off if I was just to leave. Thanks for listening (reading) and thanks in advance for any advice.

Whitma99 Feel lonely but married
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm mark I am 38 and have been married for 7years and have been together for 9 my wife and I used to have a great sex life and was passionate but now a lot of the time I have to initiate for anything to happen. I do house work help out as much as ... View more

Hi I'm mark I am 38 and have been married for 7years and have been together for 9 my wife and I used to have a great sex life and was passionate but now a lot of the time I have to initiate for anything to happen. I do house work help out as much as I can but when it comes to times of us doing anything I get I am tired so don't expect much. There is no passion from her or interest from her most of the time. I love my wife and I don't wanna her to feel pressured but men feel love by having that physical contact and a lot of time I feel like she is doing cause she feels like an obligation or something. I want some excitement and passion I don't know what to do.

Tfgirl Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm new to hear and I guess I'm reaching out to anyone! My son who's 8 is in such a bad place. My ex and I separated when he was 1 and he lived with me until 11 weeks ago when he was telling me he wanted to live with his dad! I explained to him th... View more

Hi I'm new to hear and I guess I'm reaching out to anyone! My son who's 8 is in such a bad place. My ex and I separated when he was 1 and he lived with me until 11 weeks ago when he was telling me he wanted to live with his dad! I explained to him that it will not be the same as when he goes every fortnight. There is school and more rules.. I thought this would make him happy as he was always angry, constantly yelling and thinks everyone doesn't understand him. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, it involved him moving schools and now him seeing me every fortnight.. he comes over and starts off ok then he goes back to this angry boy again.. I'm so confused and can't have him come back home as I can't cope with the stress as well as my parents who I live with both are effected by it and end up sick over his attitude.. my daughter who's 10 resents her brother and doesn't go to her dads because she doesn't have a warm relationship with him and his new wife is not the nicest of people.. I'm soo lost

Carolyn_Rae Self
  • replies: 13

Hi, My partner of 2 years and I have just returned from our first overseas trip. Whilst it had its high points it also had its low points. He is used to travelling overseas by himself and towards the end of the holiday he got angry and impatient towa... View more

Hi, My partner of 2 years and I have just returned from our first overseas trip. Whilst it had its high points it also had its low points. He is used to travelling overseas by himself and towards the end of the holiday he got angry and impatient towards me and said that he is better off travelling by himself. Upon return to Australia, we stopped by for two days to see my family. This is the first time he has met them and when we got home he asked me if my dad felt that my partner was worthy of my presence. I reassured my partner that yes, of course. Since then, my partner has been impatient, frustrated and picking fights with me - saying that I float along in life, that he is wanting to find someone else, that one minute he says that we're going to save up for a boat and then forcing me to change my mobile phone provider to one that he wants me to use (not much cheaper) and the next minute saying that he now wants to get a loan because he doesn't want to wait the 5 weeks to save up for the boat - a 5 metre run-about boat. I don't have my drivers license (learners only) and he did try to teach me how to drive but lost his patience and had me do an overtaking manuver in a 100 km/h zone but ended up doing 120 km/h and some other illegal moves. In the end, I stopped taking driving lessons with him (because of this). Admittedly my partner is 44 years old and hasn't been in a relationship this long. He has PTSD, depression, anxiety and smokes weed to calm him. I get that we had spent so much time together on the holidays that by the time we came home we wanted to do our own thing/s, but where I'm confused is that he would ask me to come with him to the doctors, movies etc and then in the next breath want nothing to do with me. All I wanted to do is finish reading a good book, get a haircut and do the grocery shopping and housework. I'm so confused.

C_E_B Breakup Blues
  • replies: 3

Hi I have joined for some support, I'm 24 and have been suffering depression for many years. Had a relationship breakdown 5 months ago and I had to move back to my parents house which was hard. This has really affected my mental health, confidence an... View more

Hi I have joined for some support, I'm 24 and have been suffering depression for many years. Had a relationship breakdown 5 months ago and I had to move back to my parents house which was hard. This has really affected my mental health, confidence and I feel angry. I dated someone and took on his child as well I gave my everything to him and his son. I was besotted by him and some days he was a good boyfriend and he was funny and made me laugh but other days he wasnt interested in the relationship or a future together and if I tried to discuss anything he would loose his temper. Long story short we broke up and he didn't seem to have a care in the world and I have not heard a word from him since it all, I thought after he would realise he made a mistake. While I accept it's over I feel stupid and like it's affected my confidence in myself because I was so besotted by someone who does not care. I feel like this breakup has got me into a rut I feel down all the time when people ask me how I am I say good but I know it's a lie. I am so tired all the time I spend a lot of time asleep when I'm not working because i don't wana deal with anyone or talk to anyone. I'm a nurse and I use every ounce of energy I have to get myself through a shift and put a smile on my face even though inside I feel empty and negative. I know I'm very depressed and in a rut but I feel ashamed to talk about it and I always think in my head I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow but it never happens. I think some advice or someone who understands would be really good I just want to be happy and feel normal again

Ava2017 Struggling to cope with relationship breakdown
  • replies: 4

My partner of 9 months dropped a bombshell on me 6 weeks ago when he told me that "I'm his best friend, the only one he trusts in the world, that he cares about me deeply, but he doesn't believe in love and therefore isn't in love with me". I left a ... View more

My partner of 9 months dropped a bombshell on me 6 weeks ago when he told me that "I'm his best friend, the only one he trusts in the world, that he cares about me deeply, but he doesn't believe in love and therefore isn't in love with me". I left a marriage of 14 years with three small children 7 years ago, and have never been as down and struggling to cope as I am now. Everything about our relationship was fantastic. We had an immediate connection, he was even the one who drove it to a great extent, calling me a few times a day. He had a busy life anyway, but always found time to drive up to me for a night during the week, every weekend we would spend together. We'd talk on the phone for hours. He was great with my kids, everything he did and said showed me that he loved me. He was talking hypothetically about a future together. Then about 5 months in I dropped the "L" word, and he started checking out on me. I don't think he was even aware that was what he was doing, but the hand holding dropped off, the little things fell away bit by bit. He told me that he'd managed to "Ruin every relationship he'd ever had and didn't want to screw this up" But that's exactly what he ended up doing anyway. He has always had self-esteem issues (why I don't know because he has a great job, although he's not super happy, he is a good guy) and he does suffer from the odd bout of depression. I have this deep conviction that he does love me but he is just afraid to admit it, afraid of the responsibility of it perhaps, and afraid that he would mess it up if he stayed in it. By ending it now, in his head at least, he get's to keep me as a friend rather than run the risk of losing even that later if he did something to the relationship. It is because of this conviction that I am struggling to get through or let go. I haven't stopped crying for 6 weeks, but I have stopped eating. I can't face the thought of food. Combined with the prospect of major surgery this coming week, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to handle the "friends" thing, and he is proving to be a trusted and loyal friend, and has promised to be with me every step of the way. I will be immobile for 6 weeks so I can't start anything in the way of exercise, hobbies or anything right now as I will have no way of continuing for at least that time. I'm lost and I need some tips for coping. I would appreciate all the advice/opinions you have to offer. Thank you.

BoHellova "I'm Tired" excuse for poor behaviour
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I have exhausted most avenues.. and find my self here. My husband has been "tired" for over two years now. I have begged and pleaded for him to get help. Its really hard living with someone who is negative, grumpy and apathetic 95% of the time. I fin... View more

I have exhausted most avenues.. and find my self here. My husband has been "tired" for over two years now. I have begged and pleaded for him to get help. Its really hard living with someone who is negative, grumpy and apathetic 95% of the time. I find myself thinking about leaving him... I am a happy person, optimistic but I have started not enjoying being around him. He is draining me and our boys with negativity. I wouldn't be thinking and feeling this way if he started to take some responsibility for his health and behaviour, I would be supporting him. I am exhausted trying... I know he has to be the one to want to seek help but at the sake of our family? Torn, scared, feeling alone and with no options.

Mumma2be1 Partner left me and im 9 months pregnant
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My partner left me and we are bout to have a baby. He says it's because of my aniexty and behavior of the hours his worked. Im absolutely devastered and so lost. Im waiting now to give birth and it feels like its never going to happen. I cant go over... View more

My partner left me and we are bout to have a baby. He says it's because of my aniexty and behavior of the hours his worked. Im absolutely devastered and so lost. Im waiting now to give birth and it feels like its never going to happen. I cant go over my due date i need my daughter to help me through this tough time. She will make me smile again