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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mancity Marriage separation
  • replies: 10

Hi all, My wife of 20 years moved out of the family home 3 months ago to go stay with one of her female friends. It was a fairly insignificant reason but it was a case of the straw that broke the camels back. I have had long term anxiety and social s... View more

Hi all, My wife of 20 years moved out of the family home 3 months ago to go stay with one of her female friends. It was a fairly insignificant reason but it was a case of the straw that broke the camels back. I have had long term anxiety and social shyness. My wife over the years showed me lots of love and affection and totally adored me but I never really fully believed or understood it. I am was fairly paranoid throughout that deep down somewhere that she didn't really want me and wanted someone else but I do recognise that it was paranoia and that she just wanted to love me and for me to love her back. I always found my emotions difficult to deal with and could never really open up with her and probably did take her for granted over the years and wasn't particularly nice to her and did accuse her of things( infidelity) but she always stood by me. Things changed for me a couple of years ago when I was introduced to mindfulness and I had a real perception shift I allowed love into my heart and in turn was able to love it felt so amazing, but ironically at that time my wife started to withdraw her emotions from me and I couldn't understand it but in her eyes she saw it maybe she had been living with a totally different person than what she thought. But for me I found an amazing person I had been living with all this time but had not really appreciated and my love for her went to a new level. So here I'm writing this now with tears in my eyes having possibly lost one of the most amazing women in the world. She comes round to the house a couple of times a week and helps with some housework and we'll have dinner together and we did yoga together last week and we have a trip to the movies planned for next week so I'm not totally without hope but I only feel ok when I think my marriage might be rescued, I am seeing a counsellor to talk things through which is a help, I know this a ridiculously long post and thanks for reading it all but as you know how helpful it is to just get things off your chest especially by writing it down

KittyAzure In a relationship thats not a relationship
  • replies: 4

I moved into college this year with no intention of dating anyone due to a recent break up. I started sleeping with a guy who said he didnt want a relationship and I thought it was just a couple time thing but then he told me he liked me. A little wh... View more

I moved into college this year with no intention of dating anyone due to a recent break up. I started sleeping with a guy who said he didnt want a relationship and I thought it was just a couple time thing but then he told me he liked me. A little while later he said he wanted to be exclusive. Its been almost a year now. I sleep in his room every night. I love him and have brought up wanting to be in a relationship with him before several times but he always says hes happy with the way things are and he doesnt want a relationship on college because it doesnt work out. Last night I was upset about something my dad said to me and wanted a hug for some comfort but he wouldn't. He ended up calling me too dependant and then we ended up talking. I told him that I love him and he said he knows abd he doesn't like it because he doesn't want to hurt me. From the start he's warned me that I'll probably end up getting hurt by being with him. I dont remember exactly what we talked about because it was very late at night, but I remember he said that hes still looking for the one, I said thats not me is it, he said not currently. I asked him why and he said im immature, I believe he means emotionally. Hes around 3 years older than me. This really hurt me and I dont know what to do about it. He did quietly say he loves me but he wont let himself. We're kind of acting like it never happened but it's hurting me so much. I dont know what to do.

unicornprincess29 Not sure about my relationship anymore. Help?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, My BF and I are going through a rough patch lately.... and I’m not sure whether it is just a rough patch, or if this could be the end. We’ve been together for about 3 years now and we recently moved in together. I’ve had depression and a... View more

Hi everyone, My BF and I are going through a rough patch lately.... and I’m not sure whether it is just a rough patch, or if this could be the end. We’ve been together for about 3 years now and we recently moved in together. I’ve had depression and anxiety for about a year now, and he’s been super supportive of me. I don’t think I could have gotten through a lot of what’s happened over the past year without him. Anyway, things have changed between us over the past month or two. We barely used to argue, we probably argued a handful of times in 3 years, but now we argue almost every week. I know couples are meant to have fights, but I also know every week is ridiculous, and some of the things we fight about are even more ridiculous. I won’t bore you with the details, but it’s all trivial stuff. Also, during one or two arguments we’ve had, he‘s also threatened to leave me. I have talked to a few people about the details, and they don’t think I was in the wrong and they do think it’s wrong of him to threaten me like that (I agree). He rarely ever apologises and obviously that’s testament to him thinking he’s always in the right. I won’t say I think I’m always right, but even when I am, I do apologise to people after I argue with them.... because I believe it’s the right thing to do. Or, I at least sit down with someone and let them know why I reacted/felt the way I did. My BF and I don’t even talk about the fights afterwards anymore, we just kind of go back to being normal. Or if I try and talk about it, it’s just a really brief conversation. Again, I won’t say that I’m never at fault, but a lot of these fights start because my BF over the past month or two has developed a really bad temper. He hasn’t ever physically hurt me or anything, and I’m not scared of him doing so, but I am getting a bit annoyed at how short a fuse he’s had and how things go from being perfect one minute to completely horrible the next minute. I know he’s had a hard time with study and work lately, so I’ve tried to be understanding, but there’s only so much I can take as well. The hard part is that when things are going well, it’s 100% perfect and I can see us having a future together and everything. But when things are bad, it’s really hard... because there’s times when I question whether I’m even loved anymore. So what do you think.... Rough patch or something more?

kanga_brumby faceing home
  • replies: 14

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be s... View more

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be seeing them at Christmas had 2 great kids both disabled my health started failing in 2000 to the point where I am in a old age home surrounded by people with dementia there is talk of sending me back home I cannot walk far arthritis both knees no wheel chair my kids to young to care for me family who don’t care a banana I wish to go home but now to scared to because I will be alone I hate being alone loneliness is everything it’s cracked up to be there isn’t much worse i cannot move into a boarding house because either the owner/ manager or residents rip you off plus there full of junkies and drunks I am scared of loneliness I have been there before about 15 years in a flat by myself I am not a loner it’s the nights no one to talk to argue make up with. This Rant was brought to you by Kanga

user88 relationship affected by trust issues and anxiety
  • replies: 2

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happ... View more

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happen. I know its wrong to lie but I was so terrified he would judge me, but also Ive been lying to myself ever since it happened, trying to convince myself that it never happened. he didn't believe my lie, and I told him the truth. He got so mad at me for lying, and doesn't believe the truth. We are still together but he says he feels 'different' about me, and seems like he doesn't care yet he still says he loves me. I love him so much, and it hurts so much because I'm the bad person because I lied. but I still have to find a way to forgive myself for what happened to me. I wish he would understand that I lied because I was scared, and I was sexually assaulted yet I am the bad person in this because I lied. I'm so upset and I keep worrying. I already have anxiety and I am constantly panicking because I'm worried he's going to break up with me. I don't know if I should let it go, or try and find a way to work things out

james1 Exhaustion
  • replies: 24

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and d... View more

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. I won't go into detail because it's kind of irrelevant. Just ended tonight. Not exactly mutual, but it was something I had been thinking about as well and we both knew it was going to be a make-or-break. I'm just pretty exhausted because I tried really hard when I saw there was a lot of potential for a long term relationship. But in the end, she didn't feel like she could continue on because of my on-going battle with fear of abandonment, which basically leads me to do things which can feel like emotional manipulation. And even if it subsided, it would be a constant fear in the back of her mind, and she didn't think it would ever go away. So we've parted ways amicably. I'm super sad about this. And pretty devastated that it came about because I haven't been able to control my BPD traits completely. I understand where she's coming from though. It just hurts. James

Emmy. Deciding to be a parent
  • replies: 11

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop an... View more

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop and Uncle (fathers side) both committed suicide. My Grandma (mother’s side) battled agoraphobia for most of her adult life. I battle with severe anxiety & depression and avoidant personality disorder. I don’t want to pass all this on to a child. But I also don’t want to let my husband down. He says he doesn’t mind if we don’t have children but I see him noticing babies and kids and smiling. Will I be denying him fatherhood and love. Know it’s a decision we both have to make together but I’m finding I’m leaning towards no more than yes. So basically what I’m asking is, has anyone else been in a similar situation where they’ve weighed up whether or not to have children based on their mental health? Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Emmy

LeahIvy Nothing to hope for
  • replies: 8

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well... View more

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well, exercise. I am quite lonely - my mum rings me every day to chat - I feel sorry for her - we run out of topics. My siblings are mainly supportive but they have children - their own families. My few friends are mostly married/parents. It's amazing how quickly you are dismissed from these circles because of your own childless state. It is not malicious - but they catch up with their friends who have kids, when you are at work. So I need to look for new motivations I guess. My brother tells me there are other options for families - but that I need to put myself out there. Did I mention I am overweight and the thought of dating leaves me cold. I know I need to start with taking care of my health - eating well, exercising - but then I think - what for? I will never have my children. Is there anyone out there that has worked through these issues - I would welcome any suggestions for getting some motivation back or looking at things differently. At the moment - the best I have is doing it for my family who I love - because it hurts them to see me struggling.

Hannah2015 Parents!
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Not needing any answers I just need someone to hear this. My folks are going through a particularly bad breakup and it's the saddest thing because they are/have been so unhappy for most of their married life. My dad was unfaithful and my mum ... View more

Hi all, Not needing any answers I just need someone to hear this. My folks are going through a particularly bad breakup and it's the saddest thing because they are/have been so unhappy for most of their married life. My dad was unfaithful and my mum said last night that she was going to make him pay for it for the rest of his life. She told me he has character deficiencies. She brings up all sorts of examples to evidence this. The truth is he is unfaithful. He's not a great husband. I'd leave him. The way that my mum has treated him over the years has been horrendous also. She's violent and verbally abusive. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD in part due to the fact that there was never any safe spaces to be in my home/family. Im ok now and live far enough away that most of the drama doesn't impact me. But I'm so sad that these people don't know what it is to feel safe, secure and loved and cared for. How can two people spend a lifetime thinking it's ok to treat each other this way? Why can't they step up and get some help? Vent over.

Pitstar In law help
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice from anyone who has successfully navigated tricky in laws. I am at the point that I don't want anything to do with my in laws as they make snide comments about me related to how much money I spend, parenting... View more

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to get some advice from anyone who has successfully navigated tricky in laws. I am at the point that I don't want anything to do with my in laws as they make snide comments about me related to how much money I spend, parenting capabilities and work ethic. We have never asked them to support us financially and we don't have debts on our cars and have paid off 50% of our home. Gossiping about me often occurs with other family members, which makes me feel uncomfortable when I see these family members at family gatherings. They are also completely inflexible about when we catch up, often insisting that we catch up during my toddler's nap time as it suits their schedule for grocery shopping etc. They are both retired. All of this really upsets me, but my husband doesn't understand my feelings as he was brought up by them and feels that their behaviour is normal for older people. My parents behaviour is almost opposite to my inlaws in that they tend to turn the other cheek and are perhaps overly generous to others, which I think means that I haven't learnt to deal with difficult behaviours from parents. I really want to do the right thing by my son to give him a chance at a relationship with my in laws and feel that I should find a way of dealing with the situation, but it has a great emotional impact on me. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you