Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MR_2 Seperated Wife
  • replies: 6

Hi, I'm just trying to figure out if I've done the right thing. I have been married almost 20yrs & have 2 children. Events in my husbands life have recently come to a head with devastating consequences for him. His child hood was not a happy one & he... View more

Hi, I'm just trying to figure out if I've done the right thing. I have been married almost 20yrs & have 2 children. Events in my husbands life have recently come to a head with devastating consequences for him. His child hood was not a happy one & he has always struggled but recently things came to light that resulted in his pastor father being convicted of indecent assault of his sister ( a fraction of the truth ). Although not sexually my husband & all of his siblings also suffered greatly at the hand of this man. This has been an extremely difficult time & an unhealthy lifestyle has finally succumbed to what I believe may be depression. We have recently seperated due to his instability & unpredictability. He is seeking help & has his 1st appointment next week. He came to the house tonight to see & hug our children he was visibly distressed although trying to hide it from the children they noticed & my eldest 13 asked did I know if dad was OK. To be honest I have not been so relaxed, calm & at peace since we seperated but seeing him tonight made me feel extremely bad. I worry I've deserted him in his darkest hour & I'm not sure how to handle things. I love him but I'm not sure I'm still in love with him. I want to reach out to him but I don't want to give mixed messages. I need some time & I'm hoping in that time he will be proactive & get the help he needs & maybe hopefully my feelings will return. He was never going to move forward & seek the help he needs & that I can't give him while we were still together & I was managing everything but at the same time this feels so cruel. Is there anyone else out there with a similar story & some encouraging words.

Elle27 Recently broke up and just looking to talk with people who understand and may have had a similar experience
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was kind of mutual in the end but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. We were together for a bit over 4 years and in those 4 years we only ever lived in the same area for 6 months. He moved around for work ev... View more

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. It was kind of mutual in the end but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. We were together for a bit over 4 years and in those 4 years we only ever lived in the same area for 6 months. He moved around for work every 6 months and lived as far as 4 hours away from me at times. So our relationship was different to everyone else around me as we only ever got to see each other on weekends because we both worked Mon-Fri. He quickly became my priority over friends and sometimes family. My weekends would always be all about him because if I didn't see him, it would be a whole week until I saw him again. My family were very understanding of this and it was never a problem for them. However my friends didn't quite understand and started drifting away. I have generalised anxiety and social anxiety and he was always so understanding when it came to both. He was my person that I told everything to. I could see that my anxiety would frustrate him at times but he never made an issue about it. He would have to ask me multiple times to go do something new together or go meet people I didn't know before I eventually agreed to it. So fast forward to the weekend we broke up. I had a massive unexplained anxiety attack on the Saturday night and I saw the pain in his eyes as he watched me go through it. It made me feel bad and I apologised a lot. He told me how much he loved me and said there was no need to apologise. The next day I just kept crying and was really unhappy. Once again I saw the pain in his eyes. He told me that he thought that he was part of the reason behind my unhappiness because of the nature of our relationship. After 4 years together you start to think about moving in together, eventually getting married and having kids in the future. We'd had a conversation 2 years before and he stated that he never wants to get married or have kids. We stayed together and I stupidly assumed that he had changed his mind. All of his friends are at the age where they're getting married and starting to have kids. We decided that it was for the best that we break up. He told me that it wasn't fair on me to keep stringing me along when he doesn't think he'll ever change his mind. I told him that I couldn't go back to just being friends with him as that would hurt too much. We don't hate each other and I'm not angry at him. I just feel empty. I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel really lonely all the time. Can anyone help me?

Likeadream Confused
  • replies: 6

Hi, I met a guy, we spent 4 weeks together and it was amazing. We weren't going to pursue a relationship because he was moving back to his home state. 6 weeks after he left I found out I was pregnant. I moved to his home state to be with him when our... View more

Hi, I met a guy, we spent 4 weeks together and it was amazing. We weren't going to pursue a relationship because he was moving back to his home state. 6 weeks after he left I found out I was pregnant. I moved to his home state to be with him when our baby was 6 weeks old. We have now been together 6 .5 years. 3 years ago we moved back to my home state and we bought a house. I had literally been in the house 1 week (he is fifo) and he told me that he didn't love me anymore. We eventually worked things out because I didn't want to throw away our relationship. A year later he proposed and we have been happy (I think). He wants to move back to his home state next year as all his friends and family are there (I don't really have any family) I feel confused because lately I have been thinking that we are not right for each other..he isn't affectionate..or loving..he is a wonderful dad and an excellent provider (I work full time also so not just a one income family) I don't want to break up my family but my heart is hurting. It hurts when I think about our son..I don't want to hurt him. I'm just really confused as to what to do...do I break it off with him to be happy or do I stay and try and get back to being a happy family. My son is and will always be my number priority in all of this!

MezMerrit Is Empty-Nest Syndrome a real thing?
  • replies: 8

I can't decide if I drove my kids away by wanting/trying to remain a part of their adult lives or if there's bigger issues I'm unable to process that makes them avoid me. I have tried my hardest, but I don't get along with my daughter's partner or hi... View more

I can't decide if I drove my kids away by wanting/trying to remain a part of their adult lives or if there's bigger issues I'm unable to process that makes them avoid me. I have tried my hardest, but I don't get along with my daughter's partner or his family (which is where she lives, she is 26yo). Things have gotten so messy I can't even drop in for a visit without the threat of the Police being called - not because I'm unstable or anything but because THAT's just how much they don't want me around. Meanwhile, I'm paying one of her bills to help her out. It has been 2 yrs since I last saw her or my grand children. My son (28yo) has been moving in and out of home since he was a teen. During his last 2 stays he battled me at every turn about helping to pay for groceries and bills etc eventually moving out again because, apparently, I 'drive him nuts'. I know he's homeless again and most likely needs my help again but he isn't prepared to compromise. It has been 5 months since I saw him last. We've traversed this same cycle for more than a decade and I keep throwing them more rope because they're both ASD. The thing is: I'm also ASD and I'm not taking money from anyone else or taking advantage of others to get by. And I think they're getting a bit too old to keep makes excuses for them. I'm tired of being stonewalled and then, eventually, trapped within another cycle of the same. Has anyone else experienced this? Has anyone else been able to change the cycle? If so, how?

HamSolo01 Sick of being single
  • replies: 5

title says it all and im genuinely worried its just going to start getting worse... its the cause of a great deal of anxiety tbh.. just over it idk what to do because im genuinely sick of this crap... Never before have i felt THIS bad about it.. Toda... View more

title says it all and im genuinely worried its just going to start getting worse... its the cause of a great deal of anxiety tbh.. just over it idk what to do because im genuinely sick of this crap... Never before have i felt THIS bad about it.. Today at uni im going to try to sit near a girl ive seen sitting on her own the past number of weeks... Thing is when crunch time comes i know i bloody wont.. i feel like such a panzy.. its just getting worse honestly.. Even just sitting next to her is borderline impossible.. I feel like a lonesome loser who wont get anywhere in life and im over fakery and im over feeling alone...

Savage I am am close to retiring, but my 3rd wife is sucking my life out of me.
  • replies: 2

The last 2 months. Monday 4th April. Bought a new house Tuesday 5th April. Sold the existing house Wednesday 6th April. Got Fired. The past 2 months have been unbearable. I have gone from earning $200K+ 2 years ago to nothing today. I'm trying to fin... View more

The last 2 months. Monday 4th April. Bought a new house Tuesday 5th April. Sold the existing house Wednesday 6th April. Got Fired. The past 2 months have been unbearable. I have gone from earning $200K+ 2 years ago to nothing today. I'm trying to find a job, but because of my age and physical condition (muliple fractures of vertebra, hip replacement, 2 torn roar cuffs, 3 cracked sculls and the rest, then I just can't find a position. On the 6th April I gave up drinking so as to appease my wife and have a clear mind. This last week, one week before settlement has been horrendous. The solicitor has cocked up the whole process. It looks as though they have not been diligent in uncovering this until the last minute. They expect us to take out illegal Title Insurance to cover this. This is a solicitor telling me to break the law. Tonight. Settlement is tomorrow. $1,420,000. Solicitor is still negotiating for the 3 pm settlement. Asked my wife to bring home some wine. Drove in the driveway and heard a smashing of bottle, then proceeded to get a verbal then physical abuse from my wife. She dropped a bottle, but I am to blame. She hits me and expects me to just take it on the chin. In Conclusion. With the tabs I have at home I can do it right now. The only problem is, I have a daughter that I care for her future. HELP! Now the problem. My wife has not the intelligence to have a single conversation without bringing up 'getting a job'. My past 40 years of life I have been taking precription medications. All she thinks is that I should take some ginseng and sleep!!!!!!!!!!

Scoot040 Not coping with part time employment
  • replies: 2

Hi at the moment i have been unemployed for over 12 months but managed to get some part time work as a security guard but it's only 3 nights a week for 5hrs each night . Originally i was employed by local council for 27 yrs until i had carpal tunnel ... View more

Hi at the moment i have been unemployed for over 12 months but managed to get some part time work as a security guard but it's only 3 nights a week for 5hrs each night . Originally i was employed by local council for 27 yrs until i had carpal tunnel syndrome and had 3 operations to correct it but the council decided to place me on a injury management program to find a place within council to suit my condition for 3 mths until they find a full time position or they would let me go after the 3mths. I have tried applying elsewhere with no luck, i have done courses to further my career in security but nothing has come up and now waiting for weapons licensing to issue license so i can gain employment in cash in transit field but taking forever and missing out on work . Not sure how much more i can deal with people not responding to job applications even to say you didn't get the job would be great. Any advice would be great i do have a hobby but now have to stop that because i can't afford to do it any more

Tboy Trying to find a partner
  • replies: 3

Hey I'm going through a rough old time right now. I'm 41, single and really want to settle down, it's just so damned hard. I know I have it all together in other areas of my life, my career, family, friends etc, but dating.....boy, very tough. I turn... View more

Hey I'm going through a rough old time right now. I'm 41, single and really want to settle down, it's just so damned hard. I know I have it all together in other areas of my life, my career, family, friends etc, but dating.....boy, very tough. I turn to the dating coach/pickup community for help but sometimes I just feel freakin worse and they haven't helped but hindered. The dating apps are just useless, I also paid $20 to use RSVP and the girl I was talking to disappeared...wtf?.... I had a brief affair last year with a girl who'd just come out of a bad marriage, I was hoping that we would get together in the end, but no, she thinks we're incompatible.... so that hurt a bit The other thing is that it's affecting my sleep patterns and I'm waking in the middle of the night every night in a terrified state that I'll never find anyone, it really is unpleasant, I have no idea why that is happening. I'm doing everything I can to help myself, positive self-talk mantras, going to counselling next week, meditation, exercise ......I just get so upset sometimes. On a lighter note , I posted on here in 2013 on the same topic and found myself in a relationship in 2014...so there is hope for me... Just needed to share

lolita12 Long relationship and (recent) issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I was referred to this forum by a counsellor at university. I am currently in a long term relationship with my partner who I have been with for a very long time. We both love and respect each other. Short summary: I have been with my par... View more

Hi everyone, I was referred to this forum by a counsellor at university. I am currently in a long term relationship with my partner who I have been with for a very long time. We both love and respect each other. Short summary: I have been with my partner since high school (so a very long time) and recently feel like we have been having a lot of dramas. I am also in exam period at the moment so the added stress is definitely not a good thing because it distracts me. We have both had friends (girls and boys) throughout the years, but he has recently gone back to uni to study a science degree and made a female friend which I initially had no problem with. Over the course of friendship, I feel like he has substituted the attention he would usually provide me for other things (possibly including her). They talk everyday and not only that, but almost all the time everyday. She has disclosed some personal things to him as well which is when I felt the "budding" friendship was a bit too much. I have male friends as well but I know where the boundaries are. Basically they became friends whilst she was going through a breakup and I feel like she's very comfortable with that friend attention she gets from him. He doesn't see the problem with it but I feel like it's because he fails to see how he is neglecting my needs as a girlfriend. I have anxiety and I feel like this heightens it. The fact that after all these years together he doesn't know where to draw the line in a friendship. They also text at odd hours of the morning (e.g. 1 am or 2am). I don't know if Im reading too much into it but it really affects my mood. To be frank, I get anxious about not having a boyfriend whenever I think that maybe we both need a break. But other times I am fine with that thought because I am exhausted by thinking about all the problems especially at this time. It feels like everytime we take a step forward, we take 3 steps back too. He also labels my concerns as insecurities, which I think it may be but I was speaking to someone today and they said if it was a legitimate concern of mine then it shouldn't be undermined simply as an insecurity. i have seen a counsellor over other recurring issues I have had (last year was tough for me). And i am all for lending a helping hand but I think there are some underlying issues there. I have also been very emotional over these issues (and others) and cried a lot over it yesterday

Bellakarina Pregnant and unsure what to do
  • replies: 2

I have just got pregnant from a work colleague. We are both single and both had a one night hook up with me falling pregnant. He wants me to have an abortion and i dont think i want that. So unsure abd so broken about it

I have just got pregnant from a work colleague. We are both single and both had a one night hook up with me falling pregnant. He wants me to have an abortion and i dont think i want that. So unsure abd so broken about it