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Why don’t I know??

Community Member

I have truely ruined my relationship with my partner and only have a small window to possibly work this out.

How is it that it’s possible to send explicit messages to someone who’s not your partner and yet have no feelings of physically doing anything with them. I love my partner so much yet for some reason I still sent these messages. We have 2 amazing young kids and I risked, and I’m about to loose,all of it over some stupid idea that sending graphically worded messages to another woman. I need to know cause I can’t sleep or eat and I need to somehow try and build some form of trust back with my partner.

I don’t know what I would do if she left me and took my children.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Trev, you maybe in a rather precarious situation here I'm sorry to say, however you will have to convince your wife that it was something you did on the spur of the moment, and promise it won't ever happen again, I know that that's easy to say but you have to convince her.
Whether this was the only time you got caught or whether you have done this type of messaging before is only something you will know the answer to.
I know if I had done something like this when I was married, I know what my wife would do, and no matter how hard I tried to tell her it won't happen again, it would take a few weeks to reconcile, and by leaving me would be to punish me, and if this does happen for you, it doesn't mean that she won't come back after lots and lots of love and caring messages sent to her.
Trust is important in all marriages, and if you lose this it has to be rebuilt in ways you know that she would accept.
I'm sorry Trev to be honest this way, but never believe it's over, a short time apart maybe something you both need. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Trev79,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

Well that's a difficult question for the day! Why don't I know? This has definitely made me think.

Certainly there is the possibility that it could be nice to do something with them (the other person) but without actually wanting to act on it. In the same way that people can have odd or different fantasies but with no intention of ever doing something about it.

Alternatively I wonder if it's something to do with the messages specifically; perhaps it's the appeal of talking a different way to someone? I imagine that it could be that you usually talk to your partner in one way (using a love-y type tone) and yet there's a desire to be more explicit that made you want to send these messages.

I could of course be way off and I'm aware of that; so I'm guessing the real concern is if you can repair the trust in your relationship. One way of doing this could be couples counselling; often this is effective because it's a way that you can both get your views across in a safe and non-judgemental environment and try and find out what's next.

If you're interested in this you could try - https://www.relationships.org.au/what-we-do/services/counselling

I hope that this helps,