Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Only_the_lonely Am I expecting too much in my relationship???
  • replies: 5

As long as I remember, from primary school, I as always happy to help out in the family. I remember getting up, going to the shop to buy bread, making sandwiches for my siblings, polishing their school shoes and helping mum and dad around the house. ... View more

As long as I remember, from primary school, I as always happy to help out in the family. I remember getting up, going to the shop to buy bread, making sandwiches for my siblings, polishing their school shoes and helping mum and dad around the house. I was always inquisitive about life and how things worked. I loved to get my hands dirty. Unfortunately, my dad did not teach me much, although he used to work on his car or gardening, he did not explain what he was doing and how he done it. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I am married for 20 odd years. Have two lovely daughters and I am a dedicated dad and hubby. I also work from home so I am happy to pick the kids up from school, I usually prepare dinners, work around the house, vacuum, mop, clean, hang clothes, iron clothes, maintain the yard, make beds etc. I will do any work around the home since I am always there. I have come to realise that my wife does not appreciate the work that I do. Firstly, I thought its just human nature to take each other for granted. Lately I have discovered that I am not happy as I don't feel appreciated around the house. When I do something, I make sure I do a good job of it, either being cooking, cleaning or anything else so I am no sloppy worker. I am a very sensitive person who likes simple things in life but I am also old fashioned who likes to be thanked and appreciated. I love my wife and most mornings, I make breakfast, make kids lunches, even drop them if she is getting late but I feel she is so cold. Sometimes I see her parents and I see her dad being so cold towards her mum so I think its in her genes to act that way. This morning, I made her poached eggs on toast with avocado and tea. I don't even get a thank you and its been like this for a long time. Maybe I am expecting too much but I only want a thank you and not much. Two days ago I pulled a calf muscle in the park and she let me walk back whilst she walked back home. I told her that I felt she is not empathic towards me but she said I was being sissy. I am lucky to get a cup of tea made by somebody else unless I ask, but I do it for them everyday. What do you think? Am I expecting too much as I do give a lot but only feel I am taken for granted.

YungAl Relationship Insecurities
  • replies: 7

Hello there.. I want to know that I am not alone..I am very very insecure..Im npt overweight or particularly unnattractive (according to others, not me), I am great with people, confidently spoken, I just actually hate myself most of the time. My iss... View more

Hello there.. I want to know that I am not alone..I am very very insecure..Im npt overweight or particularly unnattractive (according to others, not me), I am great with people, confidently spoken, I just actually hate myself most of the time. My issue is that I get panic attacks and particularly down when people, especially my close mates or boyfriend, talk about how attractive other girls are. I struggle to watch movies because there are almost always attractive girls in them. I dont know why I am like this..i find girls attractive as much as the next person but it really really affects me to the point I am so scared of meeting my boyfriend's mates because I KNOW they will say oh hey check this chick out blah blah and I will have an anxiety attack in front of them. Help me please ive felt this way for ten years

Kentish man Sadness, Anger, Fear, Sadness
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm new to this and am wondering what I'm to do. I've read a few other posts and see there are some really sad people out there apart from me and I truly empathise with them. Mine is an ongoing kind of long story, longer than the 2263 characte... View more

Hello, I'm new to this and am wondering what I'm to do. I've read a few other posts and see there are some really sad people out there apart from me and I truly empathise with them. Mine is an ongoing kind of long story, longer than the 2263 characters I have remaining, but it involves a wayward daughter who used ice, who broke into our house, stole articles and prescription drugs, called me a shit dad and disgusting father (for why I have no idea as I had always tried to be the opposite). My wife is recovering from breast cancer, is having a bad run of things and is still not back at work after 9 months. There is more little bits to this story, and I'm not trying to be "hard done by" here, but things are now piling up on my doorstep, the wife has forgiven the daughter, has taken to religion, and I'm the worst thing because..... I've been to a psychologist before, over the daughters behavioural problems, she wasn't able to offer me much advice apart from breathing excercises. I'm on antidepressants and feel that they are just not working anymore, or at least not enough!! My wife is now on a spending spree and keeps telling me to cut spending! I'm just very down about the whole thing now and am looking for a way out, 13 years of abuse from our daughter, now I feel as if my wife through her problems is "deserting me". After writing this down, I feel a bit pathetic, but wish I could get off the world anyway.

Joker1 Helping a teen
  • replies: 2

I have an older teen struggling to find a place in the world, unable to go to school due to not finding it educationally fulfilling, and not knowing where to turn to about finding suitable part time work. are there any suggestions of who to talk to a... View more

I have an older teen struggling to find a place in the world, unable to go to school due to not finding it educationally fulfilling, and not knowing where to turn to about finding suitable part time work. are there any suggestions of who to talk to and how to offer her a path of assistance. ? thankyou

allyjane85 My depression is ruining my relationship
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new here and in all honesty I'm quite new to having depression. I've always had ups and downs and felt things very deeply.. but after a combination of events over the last few years (an affair by my parent with a close family friend and ... View more

Hi all, I am new here and in all honesty I'm quite new to having depression. I've always had ups and downs and felt things very deeply.. but after a combination of events over the last few years (an affair by my parent with a close family friend and a toxic relationship with someone who constantly picked out my flaws) I have found myself in a very dark place and I can't seem to get out. I have seen a psychologist but I don't think she is right for me. I am going to book in this week to get a new referral. The worst thing is the way this is affecting my boyfriend, he is so kind and understanding and patient. This should be a happy time for us, we are both in our late 20's and living together. I have just come to the realisation that I have been treating him very poorly. I don't love myself, I look at myself and I hate who I am both physically and mentally. I believe no one likes me. Because I don't love myself some days I feel that I don't have the strength to love anyone else. I have no energy to do anything. I have been nasty, I criticise him constantly when all he does is support me. This weekend he finally cracked, he told me I am not nice to him and I don't make him feel good anymore. I am devastated that I have been treating him this way. I guess I have known that I have been doing this. The only way I can explain is it's like I have 2 brains- 1 is hateful and says mean things and is stressed all the time about stupid things and the other is trying to stay calm and tell the other that it's being awful. I don't know if this makes sense? I guess my question is, can depression make you a mean horrible person who can't feel love some days- or is this just who I am? Any advice would be so appreciated. I don't want to lose him and I wouldn't blame him for walking away right now.

Lost89 7 yr relationship over, not coping
  • replies: 1

My relationship of 7 years ended 3 months ago. My depression got all too much and I pushed him away. Up until 3 weeks ago he wanted to reconcile, now when I am ready to let the walls down he says he still loves me, I'm his number 1 but he needs time ... View more

My relationship of 7 years ended 3 months ago. My depression got all too much and I pushed him away. Up until 3 weeks ago he wanted to reconcile, now when I am ready to let the walls down he says he still loves me, I'm his number 1 but he needs time and is confused..... I am so heartbroken, I feel worthless, and sad that he all of a sudden doesn't want to fight for us. 7 years is too long to just throw away. He says he doesn't think he can make me happy. I wish I could show him that he can and does make me happy ( I just wasn't good at showing it) I'm not sleeping, not eating. I am just so heartbroken and lost.

Char2344 Extreme Anxiety in my relationship
  • replies: 9

Hello everyone, I've started getting extreme anxiety within my relationship. I have been with my partner for a year now, he's 28 and I'm 25 and for the most part we have had a very loving, supportive relationship. He is incredibly trustworthy and gen... View more

Hello everyone, I've started getting extreme anxiety within my relationship. I have been with my partner for a year now, he's 28 and I'm 25 and for the most part we have had a very loving, supportive relationship. He is incredibly trustworthy and genuinely an awesome guy, I love him very much. About 6 months ago however, I started to have doubts about him. He's really good looking and I started to think about whether I was good enough for him. I started thinking that he didn't love me and that he wasn't happy. Constant reassurance therefore, is a huge part of our relationship. Recently, this has developed into thoughts that he's cheating on me. I started to look through his phone and emails without him looking until he eventually caught me/ I gave myself away. I found some emails from a colleague (in hindsight nothing too bad) but now it's in my head that he's spending time with her. I also get very bad panick attacks when he goes out with friends or on work trips which makes me feel controlling. I don't want (or even need!) these things in our relationship. whats even more surprising is I have the past in cheating. I got with him whilst I had a boyfriend. I feel guilty a lot and wonder if this is all to do with self-trust and self-love issues. My head is constantly telling me that my boyfriend is going to hurt me or betray me although i have no real evidence he is going to do that. I just want this cycle to stop or else I'm going to destroy something that means the world to me. Has anyone experienced something similar or can help me with how to stop or relieve these thoughts? Appreciate any help. Thanks x

james1 Feeling like you should, but don't want to, end a relationship
  • replies: 5

Hello, I'm looking for...advice or just another opinion. Okay so I guess the relevant background information: I'm 25, male, and have had two long term relationships at about 4 years each. I suffer from some form of borderline personality disorder and... View more

Hello, I'm looking for...advice or just another opinion. Okay so I guess the relevant background information: I'm 25, male, and have had two long term relationships at about 4 years each. I suffer from some form of borderline personality disorder and one of the things for me is an inability to understand that in a relationship, I am not the other person and the other person is not me. To me, we should be the same person. Anyway, fast forward a bit and I'm a bit more aware of my thinking I try to understand the words that constitute healthy relationships, like "boundary" and "individuals" and "respect" and the idea of "me-time" and differences. I am also currently in a now-two month relationship with someone who's supportive without being overly...helpful? She asks questions, listens to answers and is non-judgmental (or at least that's what I'm trying to believe, which is quite difficult for me). Now, I'm coming up with a wall that I seem to come up against each time: I want more. I think I can explain what those health relationship words I talked about mean, but I can't explain how they feel. And because I don't really know them, the relationship feels inadequate. I think I know that every relationship will feel that way until I can learn what boundaries are, but it's hard to shake the desire to run or scare her off. It could also come from a place of fearing a relationship. So where I'm at now is I feel like I want to explain these things to her, but I'm worried that it'll feel like emotional manipulation to say these things without being able to offer any guidance about what I want, since I don't actually know why I want to say that either. So I guess my question is how do you deal with relationships that you don't want to end, but feel like you should, and you don't know if it's because of your mental illness? James

Peter01 How can I make this right?
  • replies: 2

Hi,my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off... View more

Hi,my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off. I told her I would do everything in my power to make it up to her and I'm worth a second chance. We have been plagued with problems through the last year, medical issues, kids behavioural issues, ex partners making things hard, financial worries just to name a few. again I have not been easy to deal with because of my wanting Her to always make me feel better and say the right things, she obviously had her own issues and was not Able to give me what I needed so we fell into the Pursue-withdraw cycle instead of me at the time being able to say "hey this is the woman you love and you need to start working together and supporting each other"we used to have a crazy good sex life and I've always missed that, in the past 6 months there have been 2 occasions where we have gotten pretty drunk and later that night in bed she has initiated something sexual which I responded to but in fact she was more or less asleep and does not remember that. she has lost all trust and thinks that I could do this to her at any point, I think it had scarred her so badly she now has drepression. It all came to a head recently when she told me she thinks of it everyday and it's too hard for her and she does not want to be with me anymore. I love this woman more than anything and would do anything for her....In he past 2 months I have tried to make it all about her, cooking ,cleaning , foot rubs just constant attention to show she is worth it but it has not worked.can anyone help?

Peter01 I need help
  • replies: 3

Hi, my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it of... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off. I told her I would do everything in my power to make it up to her and I'm worth a second chance. We have been plagued with problems through the last year, medical issues, kids behavioural issues, ex partners making things hard, financial worries just to name a few. again I have not been easy to deal with because of my wanting Her to always make me feel better and say the right things, she obviously had her own issues and was not Able to give me what I needed so we fell into the Pursue-withdraw cycle instead of me at the time being able to say "hey this is the woman you love and you need to start working together and supporting each other" we used to have a crazy good sex life and I've always missed that, in the past 6 months there have been 2 occasions where we have gotten pretty drunk and later that night in bed she has initiated something sexual which I responded to but in fact she was more or less asleep and does not remember that. she has lost all trust and thinks that I could do this to her at any point, I think it had scarred her so badly she now has drepression. It all came to a head recently when she told me she thinks of it everyday and it's too hard for her and she does not want to be with me anymore. I love this woman more than anything and would do anything for her....In he past 2 months I have tried to make it all about her, cooking ,cleaning , foot rubs just constant attention to show she is worth it but it has not worked. can anyone help?