Not coping...2 weeks after a break up

Boeing747 · ‎07-10-2017

My partner broke up with me out of the blue after nearly 3,5 years together just over 2 weeks ago. I have been a mess. I got on a flight the very next day to Bali and holed myself up in a hotel room to stop/block out the pain. Somehow I managed to get through 2 nights of hell to come back to Australia. He subsequently went to family in the ACT. He got back Wednesday and we have been communicating as we own a unit together and there is much to resolve. Before he got back I made a decision to move into a share house as it was not going to be good for my healing. The last 2 days have hit me badly and I am back to being a crying mess. Yesterday was the first time he actually saw me in such emotional pain. His reaction seemed cold and without feeling. He keeps saying he wants us to emerge from this as friends (and so do I) but I am sore so deep inside and am walking around in an absolute zombie state. My appetite has disappeared and I have lost 6kgs since he broke it off. I am utterly devastated and simply do not know how to cope with the anxiety and feeling of loss/grief. I am sick of hearing the clichés that time will heal your broken heart etc. It sounds empty, hollow and meaningless. I just want to move forward but seriously feel stuck right now.

white knight · ‎07-10-2017

Hi 747, welcome

Cliches are from people because they are powerless to help you. Understandable but frustrating.

He is cold because he has made his mind up.

Ive had my heart broken 3 times. It never gets easier. However I did try a number of ideas that ended up working.

They are mentioned in the following threads. I hope you improve over time and see a future eventually.

Use google

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: coping with grief- beyondblue (there might be bits relevant)

Repost anytime

Tony WK

TinyDancer2017 · ‎07-10-2017

Hey there,

So sorry to hear about what you are going through - sounds absolutely heartbreaking. I had a very similar thing happen to me last year (break up out of the blue after a 4 year relationship) and I know it totally sucks. It's an absolutely agonising place to be in, though it sounds like even in this horrible darkness you are making really measured decisions - eg. giving yourself the space you need. One thing that worked for me was going totally no contact. I know this isn't really an option if you need to communicate about the unit you own, but I think you need to prioritise your healing/well-being over being friends at this stage. Do you have any friends you can stay with/turn to - even just to be around, not necessarily to interact with?

I don't want to give you any clichés. Just know that it's OK to feel how you are feeling, and if you need to vent this is a safe space of people who understand.

All the best.

Jessicatherese94 · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Boeing, I agree with TinyDancer - if you need some time away from him and to not talk for a certain period of time you are within your rights to ask for that. Two weeks is very recent for a break up, and I think you should prioritise yourself first. You don't have to think about eventually being 'friends' right now, just work on getting through each day. Do you have any close family or friends you could stay with or talk to during this time? I had a similar situation happen when someone I really loved broke up with me and even though it's so hard, you will get through this. Again, it's only been two weeks so don't be too harsh on yourself about how much it hurts. Love hurts and is a really difficult thing, but it's gonna be okay. Look after yourself, try and do some exercise or go to lunch with a friend. Please let me know how you're going.

Boeing747 · ‎09-10-2017

Thank you for your words of support. Sunday & today have been much better but I am conscious that the rollercoaster of emotions will hit me again for some time to come. He has offered to help me move out which is kind but I also don't know if I want him to know where I will be living etc. I am trying my best to own all the emotions that come with this process but the anxiety seems overwhelming. My doctor has prescribed small doses of medication to overcome the anxiety but this is only a short term fix.

I am trying my best to only focus on the now and not on tomorrow or next week or next month. I honestly believe that time will heal me but I just wish it was not this painful.

white knight · ‎15-10-2017

Hi boeing

You seem to be handling it logically.

Time heals. You are doing ok

Tony WK