Over and over again

[Mary_Ploppins]

Hi, just need to air some things as i have no one to talk to at the moment.Im trying to get my husband to move out im just sick and tired of the lies, we have been together almost 30 years.I have made him have a seperate bedroom for the past 6 years or so because he thought it was ok to wake me up for sex through the night, i have two children unplanned from that. Ive told him many times over the past two years things have to change or he is out.I have quit smoking over two years ago and he has made no effort.Im trying to get credit cards paid off but his pay keeps dropping now down to $300 a week but he is doing the same shifts as what he was doing before and was bringing home around $550. ive called him out on the BS but he says he has pay cuts. Last week i found phone credits for $80 and pawn brokers purchase for $130 which is odd as he doesnt use a phone at home its always hidden in the bedroom. he wants me to pay the bills and expects me to act like his wife but is doing all this crap. A few months ago i found a whole pile of dating and cheating website emails on his ipad. Of course he denies it all and expects me to act like normal.I have really come to the point im losing it. I dont want him here at all and want him out, im sick of the lies.I want a husband not this stupid rot i have now. The problem is i really don't know how to get him out , we are renting and live two doors away from school due to me not being able to drive much due to back problems i really dont want to move, plus i only get a disability pension so moving would be exta hard financially. Oh how i wish i could wave a majick wand and have all my problems solved. Im planning on telling him he has till the end of July to get out , as he will get his tax back so can pay for bond etc. If not im going to try to find a house for myself and the kids. I just feel so alone now as i have no one to talk to at all. I do see a Psychiatrist but im not really happy with her ive been seeing her for the past year or so but it is mostly my OCD she is concerned with.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary Ploppins,

Sorry to read you are stuck in a hard place right now. I don't have any solutions for you, but do have a listening ear.

I'm not sure how you get someone to move out if they don't want to go. It sounds like yo have made it clear in some respects that you don't want to be hassled by his behaviour.

Could you organise a counselling session for you and your husband together to openly discuss the issues with someone acting as a mediator?

If you don't mind me asking, do you have your finances sorted out? That might be something to consider if you have joint accounts.

Try talking to your Psychiatrist about what is bothering you the most right now. Write down these issues on a piece of paper and take it to your next session and tell her that is what you need to talk about right now.

Are there some things you can do with your children to help you feel better about life? Are there activities that you enjoy doing together?

Hope you manage to come up with some ideas on how to deal with your issues.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Mary_Ploppins]

Hi Dools

Unfortunetly he wont see a counselor , he wont even discuss what is going on so it makes it very hard to discuss anything with him.

Im trying to sort finances now so i can get a seperate account.

To be honest if i could afford to move out i would just leave and be done with it, it really has gotten to the point of enough is enough.

[geoff]

Hello Mary Ploppins, and a warm welcome to you.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in and also for having OCD, that's something I've had for a very long time, but from what you've told us, this marriage is now two people living under the one roof.

Finances have been questionable, he's not being honest with you, and understand how you feel.

I wonder how long is left on the lease, but if he has only signed the lease then there is no problem you can leave and there are ways for you to get your own flat, as there are emergency flats/houses you can move in to, which are furnished, depending on which state you live in, I know in Vic this happens.

Secondly, if you are on a DSP then Centrelink will help you and provide the bond money, also you can contact Anglicare for advice and they too will be able to help you, but it would be great to hear back from you, I'm here till about 6.30 am and back later on.

Geoff.

[Mary_Ploppins]

Hi Geoff

Ugh OCD ive had it since i was about 7 i think, side effect of a violent house hold. Ive been through every medication available but i get such bad side effects , insomnia usually being the top one.

I wasnt aware of centrelink and Anglicare giving that type of help, i am trying to get some information together now incase we do have to move. Im in QLD so not sure what is here.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mary Ploppins,

It is horrid feeling like you are stuck somewhere you don't want to be. I understand that wanting to leave is not always that easy!

From what Geoff wrote, sounds like you might have some options for help.

My husband didn't want to attend counselling either. I managed to talk him into attending once. He sat there the whole session mentioning everything that was wrong about me, basically told me I now knew what I had to fix and that was that.

So yer, I get the fact that you might not be able to get any answers out of him nor be able to drag him off to counselling.

Hope you manage to find some answers.

Cheers from Dools

[geoff]

Hello Mary Ploppins, thanks for getting back to us.

There are 'emergency accommodations housing in QLD' so you can type what I've put in inverted comma's or go to your council.

This housing is for a short time, so it's temporary, but may help you move out, but please talk to Anglicare.

Geoff.