I think I have separation anxiety
Hi Mama P and welcome to the forums.
I'm sorry you had to wait for a reply. It isn't you personally or anything you wrote. Sometimes we just miss seeing a post. Not something we feel happy about happening.
Have I got it right. You have a 20 year old son who is leaving for the military, two younger boys and your 15 year old daughter? Has your eldest son been able to contact his sister? Some form of contact is better than none.
At 15, having the option of running away to a parent with no rules is appealing. In time she will work out that you are trying to protect her. The reality is it is your home your rules. I wouldn't let a 15 year old have a boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over either. It is your home and I don't think these rules are unreasonable.
Your daughter will work out in time that just because her father lets her do as she pleases that doesn't equate to good parenting. He is irresponsible.
I don't know about how the courts work in this situation but for your own safety it does sound like good plan to steer clear of your ex even if it means not seeing your daughter. Is it possible to email your daughter even of she doesn't respond? Just to reassure her when she is ready to come home and respect the rules within your home the door is open and she is loved.
I wouldn't even bother defending yourself against any slurs your ex is feeding her. He doesn't matter to you now. You have a new life now that he is not welcome in. Your daughter will only have to read the evidence to the court to see what sort of man her father is one day when she is ready.
I hope you can return and keep talking to us.
Thank you. Yes correct, 20y old off to military and I have 2 younger ones. My daughter turned 16 in March. First birthday without her, first Easter without her, first mother’s day without her first everything without her and it hurts so much..... I even instigated mediation and got a parenting plan in place and he pretty much ripped it up and told me I’d never see her again 😢 I do have her iCloud email address which I do send emails to saying exactly what you said, but it hurts to never receive a reply. The judge ordered my ex husband to encourage her in every way to contact her mother aka me. And I’ve heard nothing and it’s been 3 weeks since then. I’m so concerned about her. He’s violent and she’s never been exposed to any abuse before as between myself and her big brother we always protected her from it all. When I heard about the girl in the barrel murder not far from me, being a 16y old girl, all I could think about was my daughter. I really hate not knowing if she’s ok, safe or where she is. I know I’ll prob get worse when my eldest son leaves for the army, not having either one of them home hurts. I really do need someone to talk too, and I don’t like talking to people I know. I feel like I am burdening them with my problems.
Hi Mama P and thank you for writing back.
Your situation sounds so distressing. As a mum too I would be a mess. Feeling helpless is a horrible place to be.
You don't need to worry about burdening people here ok. This is a safe place to talk. I think it helps to have multiple outlets. Friends and family offline but also a medical professional and other outlets such as these forums. Have you sought out any counselling or support for yourself? It would be a very good idea.
Have you heard of Relationships Australia? They have a lot of resources tailored for situations such as yours. As well as talking here do you think you could reach out here too? https://www.relationships.org.au
It must be awful to be afraid for your daughter and also triggering for you rememering the abuse. I do think reaching out for counselling is very important.
As horrible as it sounds hopefully she will witness his violent nature and leave. In the meantime are there any extended family members you can ask to reach out to her just so the ex knows people are aware of his nature and watching out for her? Does your ex have any siblings or his parents that you can appeal to for help?
Right now though it is vital you protect and care for yourself. You have young boys who need their Mum and are just as important. If you don't feel able to reach out to friends and your family to support you it is time to make sure you have other offline supports in place.
Thanks Nat. Been through relationships Aus for mediation. I have a referral but never pursued. It’s taken me a while which I have my reasons.... but with the build up, my support team at court had DV connect make contact with me again for counselling sessions which my first was last week. So yes, getting the support.
its amazing... we actually do think alike, because all of your suggestions I have tried and done. His family are too scared of him themselves. I have written statements from them too. It’s def challenging. I’ve left a letter for her at school which she received. (He moved her school without telling me) my eldest son caught up with family and managed to talk with her which was great! She just has a bad influence at the moment which sucks. Thank you for talking to me though! It’s been nice to just let it out. Back to court next week 😞 o just want my baby safe.... especially with all the media on the young girl that died, same age as my girl and so close to home!