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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Stitch82 Empty ASD Mama
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them. She’s c... View more

Hi all, I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them. She’s currently spending a few days with her aunt at the beach. This is the first break I’ve ever had from her and I thought it would help, but now I realise that I don’t miss her. In fact, I don’t feel anything about her. Or my other kids. Or my husband. Or anything, really. All I want to do is sit and do nothing, in silence, looking at my phone. I realise of course that this isn’t normal. You know all that talk about stress and how in ancient times we would confront a tiger and our cortisol levels would rise, and then we’d either go into fight, flight or freeze mode, but either way the stressor would go away and our cortisol levels would drop and we’d be ok?? Well what are you supposed to do when your ‘tiger’ is your daughter? There is no respite from the stress. We’re all told that ‘good’ parents don’t yell, or shame or smack or anything other than acknowledge their child’s ‘big feelings’ and foster a deep loving connection. What are you supposed to do when your child doesn’t care about connection, and just keeps on being a tiger?? All those feelings of rage and frustration and grief just get suppressed - and now here I am, not feeling anything about anything. Hating school holidays, not enjoying my family, just waiting for it all to end. So. Can anyone help me out with a next step to dig myself out of this hole? Is this something you see a GP or psych about, or is this just my life now? Thanks for getting this far. xx

Alyssa_Jayne Lied to by a sociopath through online chat and now depressed
  • replies: 4

I started chatting online as a way to overcome the loneliness in my life. I made what I thought was a close friend. Eventually over time it seemed we had a very close friendship. We spoke multiple times a day and we told each other a lot of personal ... View more

I started chatting online as a way to overcome the loneliness in my life. I made what I thought was a close friend. Eventually over time it seemed we had a very close friendship. We spoke multiple times a day and we told each other a lot of personal stuff in our lives (well I did). He starting to become distant about two weeks ago and being naturally insecure I kept asking what was wrong and whether he still wanted to be friends. He kept reassuring me that he was ok and that our friendship meant the world to him. He then told me a week later his computer was hacked and he had to close all his social media accounts. As he had my email he said he would contact me in a couple of days. That never happened and now I feel like a fool. The stupid thing is I miss our conversations even though I know that they are based on lies. I don't believe I was catfished but I was definitely used and now I feel hurt.

Jessplease 4 year relationship affected by 'Meth' use
  • replies: 10

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years(23-30), we are living together and building a house in 8 months. Our relationship has always had patches from the beginning but we have always gotten through. I have always had a solid job and support... View more

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years(23-30), we are living together and building a house in 8 months. Our relationship has always had patches from the beginning but we have always gotten through. I have always had a solid job and supported him through unemployment etc. He currently works as a security guard at pubs and I am so happy he is working again as this provides financial relief but .. I found out a female coworker was messaging him a lot and discussing her relationship with her partner and how she wants to leave etc now she goes out taking drugs all the time. We spoke about it and I told him I seen all the messages between them and I was uncomfortable with it. Following this the messaging reduced significantly, everything back to how it usually is. Sunday night he finds drugs at work and tells me about it, come Monday night he has used the drugs. He used to be a heavy drug user years ago but since we have been together it has been next to nothing. Monday everything is okay we have a very deep talk ( due to the drugs ), Tuesday he doesn't go out to the pub and see friends like usual - slightly moody. Now Wednesday night he is super paranoid that I am spying on him through apps on his phone, questioning every notification his phone sends etc. I am crying at this point due to him thinking it's me spying on him and I don't trust him. He then tells me he is not sure what to dowith us. *Im not spying on him- what he is questioning is the normal phone processes and permissions he has given the apps* I love him, I really do but what is going on ? What do I do ? I just feel lost and emotional

Azronz How do I pick myself up and be happy?
  • replies: 1

Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything go... View more

Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything good to offer except my boring company. We started off really tight and understood each other. They were my second group of friends. My first group I was the 'last guy' and I felt I deserved more so I moved away from the group to this second one. Now I have only 4 friends I hang out with sometimes. Friend 1 always ignores me because he has some issues like I do. Friend 2 makes me more upset because he always lies about small things like leaving me hanging at a place or Infront his place because we were suppose to hang out but when he find something else to do im instantly out of the picture without notice. Friend 3 is has a narcissist personality plus he wants to fight my other friends. When I tell him I'm going home he will always give negative comments like "yeah you go". He got mad before because I didn't invite him to my party. I didn't want a fight erupting at my party... The year before that at my party I caught him in the phone talking to someone and saying " Ye what you doing? I'm at my friends party. Actually there not really my friends, what you doing want to hang out?" That really cut me. When his birthday came up I said happy birthday to him on his birthday and he didn't even invite me to his. He never said happy birthday too me. Friend 4 is still Around but he get upset easily and will sometime ignore me because I don't reply to his messages. I've also ignored himself before for abt a week because I hit rock bottom and needed time alone. It's werid because now he hangs with other people but when we was upset about me, he thought I was hanging with someone else. He now hang with friend 3 very often. I have a drug addict friend from years ago (he was clean when I met him) who lies and steals thing from my other friend and me recently. Ask for money and never pays back. Last night he came over, I told him he had leave and a huge argument erupted. Even worse my mum was slight backing him up because of my attitude towards him. I don't have a gf either. Only had 1 gf but I was just a rebound. Second girl I like slept with another guy, I think I was to slow to make a move. 3rd girl I like just wanted to be friends. To sad to build relationships now. I feel better alone but the lonlienss is killing me.

Spacedout92 Looking for advice
  • replies: 1

First time here, Just looking at options if any. Been feeling low and depressed since my highschool days. Came to the point where Im having no emotions other then feeling sad/angry alone all the time. Noone knows I've always kept to.myself these days... View more

First time here, Just looking at options if any. Been feeling low and depressed since my highschool days. Came to the point where Im having no emotions other then feeling sad/angry alone all the time. Noone knows I've always kept to.myself these days I just feel I'm.coming to the point where I'm tired and over it. I put on a face everyday at work and people around me. I don't have the energy to anymore

Ember No job. No friends. No life. Please help.
  • replies: 3

For all of my young adult life, whilst everyone else was enjoying this fun time with their friends and going out, I have been locked away in my room. It has been many years, and each day is the same. At university I made no friends and it was one of ... View more

For all of my young adult life, whilst everyone else was enjoying this fun time with their friends and going out, I have been locked away in my room. It has been many years, and each day is the same. At university I made no friends and it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. When it was over, I failed to find a job because I have no experience, no people skills and was noticeably incredibly nervous during my interviews. Everyone wants a "bubbly, enthusiastic, motivated person" and even when I try to fake it, they can immediately tell I'm not. I also couldn't approach workplaces with my CV because I'm terrified of interacting with people. I remember sitting on the bench outside of one trying to work up the courage, but my feet wouldn't move. I wished I had a support person, but I was alone as always. So with no job, financially I had to move back in with my parents and there are even less opportunities here. I'm completely isolated. My only company is my parents and I try to avoid them because every time I see them, it reminds me of my failings and how I have been such a horrible child to them. I hate myself every day and feel like a bad person because I have never done enough for them/let them down and I am still unable to forgive myself. During High School, I was relatively normal and happy. I had a group of friends and we did everything together. But I have yet to find that in the real world since. I tried going to meetup groups but it was hard going by myself. I wished I knew at least one other person. Plus, there was never anyone my age there. It seems like any interests I have attract only middle aged and elderly people. I have nothing against them, but I just wish I had friends my own age that I can connect with.I guess they only go to bar crawls and drinking nights, which I am not interested in. I feel like I have no one. I used to cry every day but now I just feel a numb level of acceptance. It has been so many years since I had a face to face real conversation with someone. Every year that it doesn't happen, it gets worse. So here I am looking online for something at least close to human interaction. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I can't find a job. I can't find friends. I can't even talk to people. I feel so empty and like things will never change. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I'm starting to lose the motivation to even try any more. My situation is depressing, but it's also comfortable and easy.

AusgirlX When it rains it Pours
  • replies: 5

All my life my father has been in jail. He is a thief and compulsive liar. My mother has stood by his side all our life brainwashing us kids that one day he would be this changed man and turn into a wonderful loving husband and father that we have al... View more

All my life my father has been in jail. He is a thief and compulsive liar. My mother has stood by his side all our life brainwashing us kids that one day he would be this changed man and turn into a wonderful loving husband and father that we have all needed so badly. As a child I remember if my dad was out of jail our lives where lived in secret. We could not have friends over or tell people anything about our lives as dad was always on the run from the police. This has rubbed off on all of us kids still to this day. I find it hard to form friendships and maintain them. I feel social awkward and unlike. The last 20 years it has all played out in a small country town. We where moved there after my dad broke into a bank and bought a house there with stolen money thinking he would go unnoticed. (he's a idiot). He served many years in jail after being caught and then escaped from jail and got caught again. He got realised on parole last year and my mum welcomed him home with open arms like a fool. Within a few months he was drinking and being nasty to her and slowly started sniffing around to commit crime till it all unfolded and he was on the run again. He has been caught again and is back in jail. He just had stage 4 cancer treatment in jail and is now facing being deported back to his country of birth. I honestly hope they send him. I now live with anxiety and feel so much shame. I can't even go to the local shop without feeling like I'm judged even tho ppl tell me they know we are good people. I'm also dealing with my first born child's own ongoing medical issues. After 15 years of trying I fell pregnant and I was told they found a tumor suspected to be childhood cancer Neuroblastoma but a miracle is happening and it going away on its own. I pray everyday that this continues. I don't know how to get rid of feeling judged and Ease my Anxiety. I feel like it is ingrained in me from a child. My sister is currently battling a Ice addiction and on the verge of her children being taken away from her and my brother hardly leaves the house. My mum has mental health issues and it just seems everywhere I look or turn there is bad things happening. I'm getting married next month to the love and rock of my life yet everything is negative. My partners brother is also battling a Ice addiction. So there is just issues everywhere we turn. I miss my confidence and I miss being me. I want to make friends and not shut the world out.I miss everything good

white knight Mother dearest- the tyrant
  • replies: 0

The saying goes- "tyrants never win". Hitler, Hussein, Gaddafi and many more never won. During my younger years emotional abuse was almost a routine. My loving father worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. He was totally devoted to our mother but he wa... View more

The saying goes- "tyrants never win". Hitler, Hussein, Gaddafi and many more never won. During my younger years emotional abuse was almost a routine. My loving father worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week. He was totally devoted to our mother but he was also unfortunately blind to her antics. Us kids endured threats like "you'll be cut out of our will", "I'm leaving you to fend for yourself", "I'll tell your father" etc became the norm. One Saturday I forgot to make my bed. My mother yelled as usual and I jumped out of my skin. She chastised me and I made my bed. 10 hours later our father arrived home. We hadn't seen him all week. As soon as his car arrived our mother faked her tears and met him at the front door. She told him "Tony's been a bad boy ever since this morning when he didn't make his bed, I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment". My father belted me, a hiding I never forgot. I was 11yo. The defiance began. When she slapped me I'd stand still and laugh and she'd slap me harder, then harder. It was the emotional side, the manipulation, the disapproval that wore us all down. My older brother took his life at 26yo (like my sister and I maybe he had bipolar?). We were told by our mother that it was misadventure and that other family members were to be told that even though I read his last letter. For over 50 years my sister and I were not close. The reason was "divide and conquer". Have a fall out with mother and one lost your sister and the reverse. Then one day I met with my sister and told her it must stop. I pledged that the WILL was not important to me and whatever sum I was left after she passed on, she would get half (if there was anything left). She pledged the same. We became close and this closeness was intolerable for our mother. She had ruined my wedding in 1985. I was to get married again in 2011 and she threatened to ruin my 2nd wedding. An AVO was obtained...I had a great wedding, finally. Why tell you this? Because my sister and I haven't seen our mother for 7 years and we wont ever. Such is the in ground resentment. There can be peace with a tyrant in the form of separation. Sure give it your best effort. But there comes a line drawn in the sand when you visualize the remainder of your days licking your wounds and calming your nerves, repairing the damage. Tyrants never win. They cause you to lose family, take away your inheritance as punishment and many other things...but they cant take away your dignity. Tony WK

JJ56 The Age Gap
  • replies: 2

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way fro... View more

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way from where I currently live and over the years the friends I had have just faded away to the point where I now have no really close friends. I know that's my own fault, after my marriage broke down I totally dedicated myself to my children at the expense of everything else and I locked everyone out because I just didn’t want to feel that sort of pain again. Several years ago I met this woman and we formed a very close friendship, even though she’s 20 years younger than me, we got on really well, similar mind set and such. I have always had feelings for her, but she’s always made it clear that we would never get together because of the age thing, even though she has said several things that that made me believe that she had feelings for me. I was always happy to just be friends, but several months ago that changed and my feelings just got stronger, before Christmas we were seeing each other 3 to 4 times a week and talking every day, but something has changed, since Christmas she doesn’t seem to want to be around me and it’s breaking my heart. We still talk and see each other on occasions but nowhere near as much. I think about her every minute of every day (good and bad) and I’m so frightened that I’m going to lose her, but I can’t tell her how I feel, the reality is that I always knew that eventually I would lose her, but it doesn’t change the feeling. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate on my work, it’s affecting everything in my life and the worst of it is that I know that if she goes, for the first time in my life I’m facing the prospect of being totally alone. And there’s the crux of the matter, I’m trapped in a world of my own making, this is not what I wanted for my life, this is not where I wanted to be, I feel like I’ve built a house with no escape, no doors that lead to a better place and I’m just constantly feeling sad and alone. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want this anymore, but I can’t find a way out.

cherries04 Superannuation confusion
  • replies: 8

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regard... View more

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regarding my ex partners superannuation. Initially I hadn't thought much about the super as I was happy that my autistic son was getting the help we needed and my ex partner and I were able to co-parent without fighting. Our marriage was officially terminated Oct 2017. It has now dawned on me that I only have 12 months from the date to try and obtain my portion of the super that I would be entitled to. After much thought I do not feel it is fair that I walk away without my portion of the super, after caring for our son (who is severely disabled) for so many years, sometimes by myself, often with no help at all. I had moved away from my family and left a stable job. I am now a full time student. Going to uni is something I had always wanted to do however after the divorce it seemed my only option as I could not get a job anywhere. Due to enrolling in full time study and my son going with his father a bit more so that I have adequate time to study I am no longer on the carers pension. My current partner is amazing and works hard to keep a roof over our head and food on the table however we live paycheck to paycheck and I can't afford a lawyer to try and obtain my portion of the super. I've spoken to legal aid and they advised me they do not offer legal aid for these types of settlements. I've also spoken to citizens advice bureau and they don't seem to know much about how to help my situation either. I'm so lost and confused with all of this superannuation stuff. Now facing the reality that I may not be able to get my portion of it due to not being able to afford a lawyer. I just don't understand how he seems to walk out of this unscathed with his whole super and $80k per year job, meanwhile I'm nearing 30 with no super of my own and only just beginning uni studies. So many people say the system is designed to screw men over but in all this I seem to be the one who was really screwed over... Getting a bit down about it all. I am happy with my current fiance but because of my previous relationship with my sons father I feel like I have to be constantly planning for when things "inevitably" go south and once again I'm on my own- that means getting my portion of the super that I am entitled to...but I can't seem to get it