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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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snappdragon Should we stay friends?
  • replies: 11

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affe... View more

I've been friends with someone for about a year now, and while it started off really well, but the longer we know each other, the more problems I'm having with them. Firstly, I've found out my friend has some insecurity issues that never used to affect me but now do. I guess in order to feel valid, they always feel the need to brag or prove how great they are at everything they do. I didn't really mind at first because that's just how they are, and it didn't affect me. But in the past few months they've began to compete with me about things to prove they are "the best at it" and I've started to hate talking to them or telling them things because they make me feel inferior all the time. For example they harass me about how I pronounce words, how they can find better bargains then me, how they're better at games then me, and more. It's like everything is a competition, and if I do happen to be better at something then them, then they make out that that thing apparently sucks and they didn't like it anyway. I tried to tell them gently that it was affecting me, and they apologized, but I don't think it got through. Now it's like they brag and then add "not that I'm saying you're not good too" and it feels like a backhand compliment. They've also been making small remarks about things they don't like about me, as if trying to manipulate me in to changing. They bring up my weight and how I dress a lot, as if they have a problem with it. I tried to confront them on that too, and they said they did think I was pretty and that my weight doesn't bother them. But it's obvious it does. I usually do enjoy talking to them, and used to feel like I could tell them anything. But now it's like, they judge me a lot and compete with me, and I don't feel comfortable around them anymore. I also admit, I'm really lonely, so as bad as it sounds, I'm scared to lose them. And while I want to tell them more bluntly that I don't like what they are doing, I'm scared it'll ruin our friendship. I guess I just wish things went back to how they used to be when we could talk about stuff and they didn't put me down in the process.

CMF Am I making things more difficult then they need to be? Your thoughts are appreciated.
  • replies: 12

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He... View more

Hi there, Those that know me on the forums know my story of the last 5 years. For those that don't, here is a very brief summary. My little girls' (almost 5 yo) dad has been in and out of the picture depending on when it suits him and he has time. He is a narcissist, has been verbally abusive to me an his parents, cannot accept responsibility or blame, cannot commit, always making excuses. He is 48, still lives at home and basically makes me sick.I have little to do with him except for our daughter. He could have the balilty to be a good dad, he is very health conscious,has her best interests at heart but he is unreliable and still a baby as far as i am concerned. he comes and goes and sees here when it suits him. Two xmas' ago he verbally abused me on xmas day and we did no hear or see from him for 4 months, not even for her bday. He eventually contacted us and started coming to see her again. he was renovating a house and spent every weekend there and no time with here unless he could squeeze in 19 months here and there. He lives with his parents 2 streets away from us, i have no relationship with them and he took her to see them 2 times out of the whole year saying he was too busy with the renovation. The reno is now finished and he wants to spend time with her, this is good but the way he goes about it doesn't sit well with me. He thinks he can just walk in and take over and make up for the last 5 hears in 1 week. Little miss started school 2 weeks ago, he dame first day, but thats it despite having days off work. I am looking to return to work and asked if her could look after her sundays if i could get a job on that day and he replied 'we'll see'. Today he was meant to take little miss out with a friend and his daughter but ti was cancelled so he rang me while i was out shopping and asked if her could take her out for the day. I said yes of course as i have never stopped him wanting to do things with her. He then went on to say that maybe she could sleep at their house sometimes and he would take her to school on Monday's. Well this freaked me out. She hardly know his parents, is not yet comfortable going there , he's done nothing for 5 years and now he wants her to sleep there and on a night before school too. i don't know what game game is playing at. Told him she has just started school, is still adjusting and don't want to upset her routine just yet, she is still adjusting to school. he fobbed me off as usual saying she will be fine.

Gamwich84 PLEASE HELP! MY WIFE IS DRIVING ME BANANAS!
  • replies: 2

Hi, my name is Andy, I've been married to my wife for over 2 years but, been together for over 7. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm really struggling to enjoy her company anymore. We recently had a baby girl (3 months), I love her dearly and she ... View more

Hi, my name is Andy, I've been married to my wife for over 2 years but, been together for over 7. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm really struggling to enjoy her company anymore. We recently had a baby girl (3 months), I love her dearly and she makes me happy but, my wife has the opposite effect these days. A brief history of my wife, she has diagnosed ADD & depression, her mother also had ADD & depression. My wife has been taking antidepressants for almost 15 years now and she was on prescription amphetamines to help her ADD & focus on her job in HR. She is now off those ghastly script amphetamines (thank god they made her so wired all the time!). To add to the mix she has zero communication with her family, she has had a tough life, she told me when she was young she was always the odd one out and always got picked on by her family members (including parents), they would say things like "you have a mental health problem and you need to be on these medications". She struggles to maintain friendships, I have seen her go through like 10 different friends over the years it's like she tries to find a reason not like people anymore. She feels extremely isolated all the time. There is more, but my main issue with me is, that I have to walk on eggshells around her all the time, be careful what I say, if I say something remotely relating to her it's all over and she's bawling her eyes out in the bedroom for hours and I'm the biggest a-hole around. She is constantly bringing up her family, her friends and our issues, things that have been ongoing for years. I feel we have no more to discuss about those issues as they are too draining and I find them so frustrating talking about them again. I work 6 days a week and my wife is on mat leave for a year, I'm at the stage now where I dread the thought of going home to see her, I do it to see my baby, but most of the time not to see her. It really sucks, we are seldom intimate anymore and my mental state is deteriorating rapidly, I'm generally a pretty chilled passive sort of guy, but her issues are really rubbing off on me and turning me into a person who is negative all the time, I'm anti-social now, I have few friends also due to most of our friends have been disconnected due my wife's sensitivity. We have seek help in the past, but to no avail. I was hoping things might have improved with having a baby but, it's tough and I'm getting to that stage, I'm thinking should I be in this relationship or not???

aegidius On being an uninteresting person
  • replies: 15

I'm on my own at home (unusually) and listening to music that nobody else likes. The realisation came that it's a microcosm of life - I'm interested in a whole stack of stuff that nobody else is, so I often come across as a rather boring person. I as... View more

I'm on my own at home (unusually) and listening to music that nobody else likes. The realisation came that it's a microcosm of life - I'm interested in a whole stack of stuff that nobody else is, so I often come across as a rather boring person. I assume everyone else has stuff swirling around in their heads that they don't or won't talk about, so we have all learned to shut up about it and make small talk instead. That's all fine and good and I can do it too - for a while, then it gets exhausting. It affects everything from keeping friendships to love and romance, and I'm a crashing bore at parties! There's this thing called "mutual disclosure" where you reveal something, then they reveal something else, and it goes back and forth building on this. In practice it just stops when nothing I disclose is of interest to them. Now this is relevant to me in a special way - I've retired a couple of years ago, and all the conventional wisdom is that old folks do better if they can stay socially engaged, whatever that means. That's the standard advice for everything from retirement to forestalling dementia. My future isn't bright by that measure.

ravenm The right to be angry?
  • replies: 17

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leav... View more

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leave for one year, since i have moved back into his house. However I find it very difficult to actually leave because i worry about money and how i know how he gets nasty when things don't go his way. Also i do love him and do not wish to hurt him. He has hurt me alot in the past, all to do with his drug use. He was not very supportive when my youngest was newborn, he'd be out few nights per week sometimes till 6am doing whatever drugs and i dont know what else. He promised me before baby was born he "wouldn't go out at all". I relied on him to at least be consistent (i had a newborn and a young child). I suggested he choose 2 or 3 days a week to have as his days to do whatever he likes but he could not stick to the chosen days for even one week. I felt he was disrespecting me too much and did not care about me. I moved out into a rental house but after a few months i decided to give him another chance because i wanted the family to be together and he promised me a few things. Of course, after i moved back into his house, he broke the promises. Even though i made it very clear to him before, that i was putting all of my already broken trust in him again and i would be deeply hurt if he broke these promises. And when it did happen, and i expressed my sadness he groaned and told me i was making a big deal of nothing. He continues today to smoke weed everyday, some days he smokes all day. This was one of the important to me promises he made me and broke. (He promised he'd smoke weed only a couple days per week) This leaves me with a partner who is either high or cranky and easily angered because its been too long since he had his weed. I have 2 young kids and i do not like any drug use in the home. He sometimes smokes in front of the kids or drives with them after he's just had weed. Both of which i can not accept. Couples counselling we tried once but he lied a bit and that made me feel really upset. I do not wish to do that again. I suppose more than anything i wish to hear that i have a right to be angry. Because surely relationships are supposed to have mutual trust, respect, honesty and communication? I realise this is a minor problem but it has caused me alot of sadness and confusion. Thanks for reading.

Meowface Hurting my husband - inlaws
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive... View more

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive reactions from my counsellor when i came off meds which kind of surprised me (like whats wrong with meds?? But she wants me to FEEL my feelings). Im feeling better physically but am recognising old patterns. Feeling VERY anxious at work and home. Internal shakes. Not sleeping. Clammy sweating. A huge trigger was an annual xmas holiday with the in laws where i just felt different and useless. I slept most of the holiday away. Ive become very fearful of my husbands family again and have been avoiding them. Had a huge blue with hubby on the weekend about it with him saying “you never want to leave the house”. I dont know if these are real feelings or if this is poor mental health in action. It has been a difficult relationship with my in-laws for years but like i said im having problems at work too. Common denominator=me??

Busybee Advice/recommendations for a family therapist to help with children's difficult behaviours
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have just joined with the hope of getting some advice or recommendations. This quest to find help has lasted us 3 years, GPs, a Child Psychologist, Parenting Courses and a Family counsellor and I keep getting told the same thing...."you're doin... View more

Hi, I have just joined with the hope of getting some advice or recommendations. This quest to find help has lasted us 3 years, GPs, a Child Psychologist, Parenting Courses and a Family counsellor and I keep getting told the same thing...."you're doing fine, you're not our 'typical' clients, this will pass, your daughter is lovely - it must be the family dynamics, sorry we can't help" We are not fine. There is no mental health diagnosis, substance abuse, physical abuse, she's doing well at school, we are still married, as one professional said "you are what we aim other clients and their families to strive to" We have many children, but our issue is find effective parenting strategies for our 10 year old daughter. The hardest thing is outside the home she is a bright, happy, courteous girl who I am so proud of. But she strives for perfection and is concerned about how others perceive her. She is a people pleaser. In the home she is negative, enraged, defiant, sometimes hits her siblings and us. She has no respect for myself or my husband, doesn't care how we perceive her. She screams, hits, avoids daily chores, blames everyone else for her behaviour. She is anxious about being late for school (we are NEVER late). She tells us she sees "dead people". We've read books together, we have crystals, we have apps to divert anxiety. Basically everyone says she's a great child. And she is. Her behaviour isn't great though. All the learned techniques go out the window, we fight, yell, say things we don't mean. Cry. Lots of crying. I'm hoping someone can recommend a Family therapist who will help ALL OF US. Not just see her. I am holding on to hope by just a thread. I am spent. Busybee xx

Matchy69 I feel totally worthless
  • replies: 6

I am constantly abused with text msgs by my ex.She makes me feel like totally worthless person.She has to have my number as we kids together and if i dont reply to her msgs she just keeps sending more nasty ones and tells me she is going to do it for... View more

I am constantly abused with text msgs by my ex.She makes me feel like totally worthless person.She has to have my number as we kids together and if i dont reply to her msgs she just keeps sending more nasty ones and tells me she is going to do it for the rest of my life.I spend most of my days crying and i cant go through another year of this.

rdfreak Just wanting support and to know I'm not alone
  • replies: 3

Hi all, New here. Thanks. I feel very alone and a failure at my own life and I keep messing up everything good that comes my way. I was in a relationship for about eleven months with a man from America. We had known each other for 20 years online and... View more

Hi all, New here. Thanks. I feel very alone and a failure at my own life and I keep messing up everything good that comes my way. I was in a relationship for about eleven months with a man from America. We had known each other for 20 years online and had spoken on and off throughout the years. In jan 2017, we finally decided to take things to the nex level. When we were together in person, we felt so right and very natural. we were so much in love. . Unfortunately, I' can get a little insecure at times, and I was that way when he got a female housemate to help pay the bills. We'd have discussions over it and sort things out. Later on however, I started to ask why his family is still so close to his ex which he attempted to help me deal with, saying it's not about them, it's about us etc. but alas, my insecurities got the better of me and after a while, in fact, a month before he was due to come out here to live, he broke it off. I've beaten myself up over this since then and would write him emails trying to figure out whether we could work it out, since, distance was also starting to cause friction naturally and we both admitted, we had no doubt, things would be easier to sort out once the distance could be closed. He said he was sorry, he acknowledges the distance and he will always regret the decision. I finally began to feel angry as I realised that him pushing me away and such had him just as responsible as me. I bashed myself enough and it takes two to tango. Like me, he has depression so I'm assuming he could no longer cope though he never communicated with me to let me know what was going on in his head. If he could have waited one month, which he was once happy to do, we could have sorted this so easily. He completely gave up on me and I'll never understand why since he would always tell me how much he loved me and he would always be there. I try and surround myself with friends and I do see a Counsellor once a week to a fortnight. I'm still in shock that it's all over just like that; I thought we were meant to be, and so did he until he snapped. I can't believe I'm left alone again. I wish I said things differently and we wouldn't be in this situation. How do you move on from blaming yourself for stuffing up your happiness and hence feeling worthless and failing at life? Thanks for reading; Sorry about the Length P.S apologys for the bad formatting.

ForMeToKnow Marriage counselor advice
  • replies: 5

I went through a rough patch with wife lots of yelling at the same time developed an unwanted crush on a colleague. Nothing at all eventuated not even mild office flirting as I am the boss it would not be appropriate and would be immediately noticed.... View more

I went through a rough patch with wife lots of yelling at the same time developed an unwanted crush on a colleague. Nothing at all eventuated not even mild office flirting as I am the boss it would not be appropriate and would be immediately noticed. I was having trouble though so I wrote an SOS email to a friend about how I found it tricky to work with this person. In the meantime things got much better at home and we agreed to go to counseling but didn't book it. Two days back my wife's phone ran out of battery and she used my phone and found the SOS email So things are not so good at home now my poor wife has a broken heart and we have booked marriage counseling. Any tips on how to get the best out of marriage counseling as the guy in the wrong? FMTK