Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lee65 Menopausal partners.
  • replies: 2

Any current threads on advice, support for partners of menopausal women? Everywhere I look all I see advice on how to support & what not to do when your partner is going through menopause. I haven't found anything yet to help me understand or deal wi... View more

Any current threads on advice, support for partners of menopausal women? Everywhere I look all I see advice on how to support & what not to do when your partner is going through menopause. I haven't found anything yet to help me understand or deal with my feelings. I do everything I possibly can to help, I'm well read on the subject, however I still feel like I'm the problem whenever my wife gets upset, sleeps badly or has anxiety. I feel terribly ashamed when I get angry or resentful. The poor lass is going through hell.

ChronicLearner Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression
  • replies: 21

Hi All, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have. My partne... View more

Hi All, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have. My partner has suffered from depression for the last 10 years and it hasnt been the most well managed either. He recently just told me he had been diagnosed with biploar as well. In the last 6 months, my partner has changed friendship groups and I have noticed more of a change in him such as, prioritising them, doing drugs often and going away on boys weekends. He told me out of the blue this week he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, as in our lives together but he still loves me, he just wants to make sure he knows 100% sure he wants our life. I was completely shocked as this was so out of the blue. i feel like I am in limbo at the moment, do I wait for him to know he wants us 100% or do I leave assuming he doesn’t want us. I’m so lost and upset with what to do. Any advice or extra information needed, please let me know

Heartbroken_Mum Heartbroken
  • replies: 3

My teenage boys don't want to have a relationship with me due to me leaving their dad nearly a year ago (they decided to stay with him) they blame me for our family failing and I feel heartbroken I have tried to respect their wishes but it kills me n... View more

My teenage boys don't want to have a relationship with me due to me leaving their dad nearly a year ago (they decided to stay with him) they blame me for our family failing and I feel heartbroken I have tried to respect their wishes but it kills me not being in their lives when I had an amazing close relationship with them from the minute they were born I miss them so much and feel so guilty for leaving them any advice appreciated

LUCIDFOX_X Boyfriend cheated.. accidentally?
  • replies: 13

About 2 months ago my boyfriend cheated on me and kissed another girl in public at our local pub (lots of people saw it which is how I found out). When I confronted him about it he was honest straight away (& also said he was very drunk and regrets i... View more

About 2 months ago my boyfriend cheated on me and kissed another girl in public at our local pub (lots of people saw it which is how I found out). When I confronted him about it he was honest straight away (& also said he was very drunk and regrets it massively), only he didn't tell me first, it went through about 5 different people before it got to me. When I asked him if he was ever going to tell me he said "I don't know" which is a bit concerning. Wrong answer. Regardless, I stayed with him. Over the past 2 months he hasn't really done anything to justify my distrust, yet I still find myself snooping on his laptop and phone to make sure I'm not going to be hurt again. I've seen some pretty disturbing images of him with girls, including the girl that he kissed at the pub.. It makes me very sad. We are practically living together, adore the hell out of each other, but he has a history of cheating. I don't have a very solid relationship with my parents, especially my mother, and I've lost 4 of my closest friends over staying with him, which doesn't bother me too much I don't think as they did say "If you don't dump him we will be angry with you" & "We don't support you in this" which isn't typically something that "friends" do... Plus they've been treating me quite badly since the start of the year so, not a major loss I don't think. Aside from that I'm not sure what to do. I'm so scared that he will cheat again but I feel like the only option I have is to just wait and see... Which is hard because he's probably the closest person I have in my life at the moment.

Andymac Really lonely
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m a 53 year old male. I am 3 years into a separation and have been living alone for that time and my kids come over on the weekends and now my 15 year old daughter doesn’t want to come over. My 13 year old son spends as much time here as he can... View more

Hi, I’m a 53 year old male. I am 3 years into a separation and have been living alone for that time and my kids come over on the weekends and now my 15 year old daughter doesn’t want to come over. My 13 year old son spends as much time here as he can. He has been fantastic. The thing is in separation I lost my social circle and now I am alone and have been like that for 3 years. My social interaction is with my son only. I have no other social outlet except I go to the gym. I have just started a new job which is great. The bottom line is that I am lonely as hell. I come home to an empty house, the phone doesn’t ring, my family is broken and I have lost all that I was working for. Now it seems pointless . I have been to the docs, seen a physcologist , done some hypnotherapy, read books, meditate and generally do everything I can to stay up and I can’t. I am still here alone and see no way out. This is a slow torture, I don’t want to go home, I don’t need any more time to be alone or take a break and my life is dripping away. I try to find things to do to fill in my time before I can go to bed. I can’t feel lonely when I’m asleep. I have no interaction with anyone and my job is one where I spend the day by myself. I know I have to change this and I don’t know how. I’m not an outgoing person. Has anyone been like this and changed things, I can’t do the online dating which everyone suggests...

Endofline Depressed partner lost job 8 maths ago will not help himself with employment resorts to alcoholism
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am in a terrible situation that is escalating into financial ruin so fast. Owe heaps on mortgage more than house is worth plus other accumulated loans. Have things in place to pay it off slowly but now partner lost job 8 months ago he was given... View more

Hi, I am in a terrible situation that is escalating into financial ruin so fast. Owe heaps on mortgage more than house is worth plus other accumulated loans. Have things in place to pay it off slowly but now partner lost job 8 months ago he was given redundancy after 21 years to which has run out. Drank thousands of dollars away plus gained some assets. I am currently working but money I get no way covers all bills or mortgage. Tried selling assets but no buyers interested. Food running low he continues straight vodka hides it in water bottles all around house and outside. I look after my dad also he 81 and frail no longer drives I maintain 4 acres and do his shopping. I feel Burnt out and stressed all time but keep going somehow. Suppose to go AA this arvo but he has wiped himself out again. Signed What's next need support and guidance

InTheShadow My boyfriend and his depression
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 mo... View more

Hello, I am a newbie here. Been feeling so lonely and stressed out, but no one to talk to and then I found this forum. In the past few weeks I've been crying more than I had in the whole previous year or even two. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and in the beginning things were really great and I thought I finally found the one (was single for a few years before that). The things have progressed pretty quickly and we started staying at each other's place, exchanged the house keys, went on a couple of short holidays together, met each other's friends and parents. He was saying he never loved anyone like he loves me, that our relationship was precious and special. However he always was pointing out that he needed his personal space, so 2-3 days a week he'd spend on his own (usually playing videogames or occasionally going to a pub with a friend). Also in the beginning of the relationship he confessed that for a year before we met he had been seeing a therapist for his depression, but never took any medications, and the therapy had seemed to help, and indeed everything seemed to be fine. However in the last few weeks the things have deteriorated noticeably. He started having his 'bad moods' (as he puts it), and then he becomes really distant and shuts himself. I feel isolated, but whatever I try I cannot reach to him. He won't text me first, and if I do, will give quite dry answers. He would avoid calling me (e.g. I was away for a week overseas, and he didn't initiate a single call, only after I insisted). He doesn't seem to be interested in my life at all, and this emotional isolation drives me insane. He admits that he realizes he hurts me however "this is how he is". He refuses to see the therapist again as in his opinion they won't help (since he's already been doing it for a year and he's back to his depressed state). I cry in the shower almost every day. I get so worried that I cannot concentrate on any of my daily tasks and my mood also goes down. I don't want to see anyone except for him, and just keep staring at phone hoping to hear from him. I was freaking out so much that I even got jealous and snooped on his phone for messages from other girls trying to explain this change of behavior Though so far he's been honest and didn't give any reason for suspicions. I am really at loss how to handle this situation. I love him and want to be with him, but I feel it also affects me a lot and I am feeling miserable most of the time

Maccyb Is his depression causing him to lie ??
  • replies: 3

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and message... View more

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and messages he has received from a female work colleague, so much so that I believe he may be having an affair, when I confronted him about it, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, is this a symptom of depression??

Westernrosella Struggling to cope
  • replies: 6

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years ... View more

My 60yr old husband has worked FIFO for 10yrs, finishing up in March this year after a very stressful role. He has always suffered anxiety, hypochondria, insomnia, food issues and mild OCD in varying degrees over the years. Throughout the FIFO years he has been moody and gets angry at the smallest thing. My daughter (his step daughter) and I have treaded very carefully when he was home and it was often a relief when he went back to work because of the moods. He is unpredictable, his tone of voice is hard to decipher and doesn't provide any clue. My 82yr old Mum has also come to live with us as she cannot support herself. It has caused a lot of problems. She and my hubby don't get on, their "quirky and not so endearing ways" clash big time but I keep hoping each will just accept the way the other is but I feel like I am constantly building bridges to keep the peace. I work 3 jobs to keep money coming in, care for my daughter, Mum (has had 2 strokes since last Xmas) and my husband, who also has a painful knee. Hubby does little around the house except play darts and read books. He cooks 3 evening meals a week and mops the floors weekly and empty's the kitchen bin obsessively! He thinks this is how he's going to live his life out and as long as everyone does things his way, it will all be ok. If I suggest things are not ok - he immediately gets defensive, passive aggressive, laughs things off, says something horrible then says he was just joking - don't you know me by now Darls? Apparently I only ever want things my way, I always need to be right etc. None of us are perfect and I accept, yes, I want the towels folded a certain way so they fit in the linen cupboard! He refuses to fold anything now. Last year he saw a psych for depression but behaved as if there was nothing wrong so as a result it was a waste of time. Why don't psychs ask to see other family members to get a fuller picture? The latest thing...Mum's cat was unfortunately attacking a bird in the garden. He got angry, threw his boot at it. He missed. The following Silver Chain came to visit Mum. She took ages to answer the door, our 2 dogs were barking away and he ends up yelling at them and gets angry. Mum comes through, compliments him on his boot throwing but asked him to not do it again, that she would try supervise the cat better whilst outside. He took the request badly and said she was telling him what to do infront of a stranger in his house...he told her he would kill the cat next time.

JB66 How to prevent depression & anxiety undoing a 12 year relationship
  • replies: 9

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no mo... View more

Hi all.. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and over the last 2 years, my anxiety and depression has left me feeling like I am not connected to my partner apart from surface stuff like a quick hug and brief conversations. We share no moments of joy, laughter or pleasure as my day seems to be just managing my emotions from the moment I wake up until I get respite from sleep. I am terrified that this illness will damage our relationship and I feel like I am drifting further and further away. There is a strong urge to be alone or to escape and go somewhere in the countryside where I can be alone in silence. Is it common to feel like you don't even want to be in the company of the person you love? How can I explain to my partner that this overwhelming feeling to be alone is not about them, but the illness? I am so irritable with everything. I tried to explain the feeling last night by saying "how would you feel if you were locked in a room with your hands tied behind your back and someone was poking you all day with a stick from morning till night" Depression and anxiety feels to me like everything in life is poking me to the point of frustration, anger and sadness... with no escape. I don't want our relationship to end over an illness that neither one of us can be blamed for. My partner is very supportive and tries to understand. Has anyone out there benefitted from taking time out from the relationship to save the relationship? Thanks for reading and responding folks... blessings.