Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Others perspectives
  • replies: 8

You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation. And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as f... View more

You stand on a verandah, a view of farms below. You focus on cows someone else sees the farmer, anitheyr the irrigation. And so it is with perceptions. We all sees things differently. And none more differently than during conflict.In fact I'd go as far to say, that our own perceptions during any conflict has one enemy....our lack of listening. We hear them but we rarely listen for we are too busy talking, dumping our own thoughts onto those we try to educate. If you ever need a friend during conflict, then that friend is "clarity". To clarify a statement from the other party means you have to ask questions, to ask questions you display interest, to show interest results in you showing care and respect.One can respect another person but unless you show it, it is like love, far less valuable without affection. Simply saying "I respect you" isnt enough...action speaks louder than words. So with us all having different perceptions during conflict or discussions we need to "paint a picture" in such a way as to allow every chance for the other party to "get it". We can talk all day, but unless we convey accurately our vision of how things are through our own eyes, how we perceive it, then conflict will remain or recur. My wife and I are big talkers. We cant get a word in! So we raise our finger when we have a reply waiting. When she talks I have to listen, I force myself to take in every word and digest it. And visa versa. This pact of effort is one of several we have that has proven to be our secrets to a strong marriage. Mental illness however can complicate the strongest bond. Lack of patience and tolerance can make things hard. Moods even worse as moodiness results is adverse reactions . My wife's dyslexia can be frustrating for me. Imagine what its like for her? So to listen to your partner and to put your own issues aside can be crutial to resolve, harmony and praise.. it feels good that you've been heard and understood.Its the best form of reaching out at your fingertips. It will turn into an art...the expert listener is always rewarded with admiration and listening is often returned because they feel guilty they have been allowed to talk about themselves for such length of time. Allowing others to express their perceptions on topics is to value their views. You are returning respect with action not just words... Tony WK

Aah Moving interstate for dream job, partner doesn't want long distance relationship
  • replies: 5

Hi all, This is my first post so thanks for having me. I've been with my partner for 3 years. That entire time, I've been doing my PhD. I've just about finished my PhD and have been offered an amazing job at a uni. These teaching jobs are very hard t... View more

Hi all, This is my first post so thanks for having me. I've been with my partner for 3 years. That entire time, I've been doing my PhD. I've just about finished my PhD and have been offered an amazing job at a uni. These teaching jobs are very hard to get so I feel lucky and excited. The problem is that it is in a city in another state. The reason why applied for the job is that my partner's family lives in that city and her dad has been unwell with cancer. At the start of the year, we talked about moving there. So now I have this job that is an amazing opportunity with a good salary that could support her if she needs to look after her family and/or she finds another job. Alternatively, the job is for a maximum of 3 years so I could come back to nsw at the end of 1-3 years and do a long distance relationship in the meantime. I have negotiated terms so that o could spend 1 in 4 weeks working remotely back in nsw. I was so excited to tell her all this but she is totally against it all. I don't expect her to be happy about the prospect of a long distance relationship but she is now saying that she wants to break up, that I have used her just while doing my PhD and that moving interstate is just an excuse to get away from her. She can't transfer her job interstate because she'd have to retrain, and she says she won't move to Vic unless I can guarantee it's forever. so, I guess I'm just writing here to see if, like she says, I am being selfish in really wanting the job. I know she wants to start a family but, as I told her, I wouldn't have done a PhD unless I was interested in pursuing my career. Surely that shouldn't come as a surprise to her? I love her but she is pushing me away and saying such hurtful things, it's hard to know what to do! I come from a broken home with an alcoholic dad, so healthy relationships are pretty foreign to me. Sorry for such a long lost, any opinions welcome!

Tears_on_my_Pillow My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends
  • replies: 4

This is my first ever post and I would appreciate any responses. I suffer from depression and find myself becoming increasingly anxious as I can see my son going down the same path. I have felt so alone and lonely for the majority of my life and it s... View more

This is my first ever post and I would appreciate any responses. I suffer from depression and find myself becoming increasingly anxious as I can see my son going down the same path. I have felt so alone and lonely for the majority of my life and it seems history is repeating itself. My son is in his mid 20s and doesn't have any friends. He has been diagnosed with social anxiety and finds it difficult to form friendships. Seeing him lonely all the time is killing me. He is very quiet and a non drinker. I don't know how to help him and this is affecting my mental health. The area we live in is regional and offers few opportunities for meeting others who are like minded and of a similar age. I am concerned at how much this is affecting my health I seem to be conscious of his situation all of the time. My heart breaks from the loneliness I see in him. I feel like I am spiralling out of control.

Lynnie6 Opinions on direction
  • replies: 7

My husband has been messaging women overseas. Sharing intimate photos, video chatting, calls, talking about marriage, compliments and love and he even sent money. There are so so many of them. We have two little daughters and he is certain he wants u... View more

My husband has been messaging women overseas. Sharing intimate photos, video chatting, calls, talking about marriage, compliments and love and he even sent money. There are so so many of them. We have two little daughters and he is certain he wants us to stay together. This is not the first time. He says it's just a bit of fun and he thinks most of them were scammers. He says he's really sorry and won't ever do it again. I feel it is like an addiction. When he is in contact with all of them he us moody and withdrawn. He constantly had reasons to do things away from me. Meanwhile there was pretty much no physical touch between us let alone sex. He has always had trouble in that area. Which is what I want opinions on. I wrote another thread "crossroads" which explains our history more. But I know I love him and want our family to stay together but since I've found this last lot he has been nice and helpful. I don't know if I can or should do this all over again. I've been focusing on what he wants and needs as well since finding out yet I still feel unloved. I wonder if he looks at me like a mother rather than a lover. He says he does but this doesn't get backed up by actions or works yet these other women got plenty of beautiful words and sexy comments. They've also seen more of his penis than I have for years. Interested in other's opinions

Mila_ Not trusting my guts anymore
  • replies: 6

Hi I am new to the forum . I am 36 , 3 yrs post divorce and now dating . Circumstances of my divorce were pretty awful , finding out that my ex-husband was cheating with my friend . I also found out that my ex-husband was spreading false rumors about... View more

Hi I am new to the forum . I am 36 , 3 yrs post divorce and now dating . Circumstances of my divorce were pretty awful , finding out that my ex-husband was cheating with my friend . I also found out that my ex-husband was spreading false rumors about me to family and friends,; so that when the divorce came to light, they turned their back on me as well. We were married for 10 yrs and moved countries a few times for jobs.No children. I relied on my sisters who supported me emotionally and in 2 yrs time, my job , home, finances and the dog were stable:) I started dating last year and met a 41yr old man.I met him online and I met his family and friends too. My family believes he is a genuine, nice bloke . He is loves me, cares about me , wants a life together and if all goes well, have children etc... He lives away , so it is long distance relationship . The last 3 months, he took a long annual leave to spend time with me , for us to get to know each other . Everything went well and at the end of 3 months, he was ready to quit his well-paid job and move into the city where I am living. I am strangely still looking for reassurances. I am looking for inadequacies and faults in the situation. I don't feel the same way that "fell in love" with my exhusband. I don't feel that crazy rush of emotions which makes you dizzy. What this guy does make me feel is - comforted, loved , stable and calm. I know that I can weather a storm with him and he will never leave me in a lurch . I am confused and I feel like I may be making the wrong decision . One of my friends who is a psychologist always talks about being physically attracted to your partner. I find my boyfriend attractive,but I am not as enthusiastic about sex as I was when I was 24. All these thoughts have made me feel low. I have lost all inspiration to exercise . started binge eating and spend endless hours watching TV. I am looking for answers, not finding them , hence trying not to think about them with the above bad habits. Is it unrealistic to expect to "feel crazy in love again?"... am I settling for this relationship ? I feel horrible , unable to make a decision and sometimes wished I wasn't here anymore. Am I still suffering from the after effects of the betrayal of my first marriage? Please help... as I feel exhausted and unable to move forward in life.

Sadoerson I'm so lonely
  • replies: 7

This is my first thread, so hey! I really don't know what to say but that I just feel so lonely. And it's been like this my entire life. Throughout my life, i've been the one chasing people and struggling to keep friendships. I've always been the sec... View more

This is my first thread, so hey! I really don't know what to say but that I just feel so lonely. And it's been like this my entire life. Throughout my life, i've been the one chasing people and struggling to keep friendships. I've always been the second choice/option for everyone I've become close to- including my childhood bestfriend rn and I sometimes even feel like my mum too. My closest sister doesn't live at home so I barely talk to her and my dad just recently passed away. As well as this, just a few months ago I got my first ever pet (puppy) that I was extremely close to, but can't live with us anymore for other complicated reasons. Along with that, at this moment I feel as if my lifelong 'bestfriend' is slowly drifting apart from me. Ever since the beginning of high school she has slowly lost interest in being close with me because of another 'best friend'. I mean they're both at a sleepover right now! This is what it's been like my entire life. It's a constant feeling of being neglected, taken advantage or granted of and being left out. I just don't know what to do anymore.

kanga_brumby Chat thread for parents of Autistic people
  • replies: 0

Hi all hopefully some of you can put our heads together if you have an Autistic child/ adult and feel there is nowhere to run or hide. you can come here have a coffee lay it down get it out get a straggly and get back into doing what we do. All day e... View more

Hi all hopefully some of you can put our heads together if you have an Autistic child/ adult and feel there is nowhere to run or hide. you can come here have a coffee lay it down get it out get a straggly and get back into doing what we do. All day every day. Few know what we do it's 48 hour days and 14 day weeks for some of us. Especially the single parents among us. Kanga

Katanne Needing advice
  • replies: 2

Hi - this is the first time of posting on a forum but am really needing some advice. My husband and I are going through a really patch at the moment and even though I still love him and really want our marriage to work I am not sure how to fix what i... View more

Hi - this is the first time of posting on a forum but am really needing some advice. My husband and I are going through a really patch at the moment and even though I still love him and really want our marriage to work I am not sure how to fix what is wrong. To cut a long story short we have two daughters who are currently school aged, I work full time and my husband works casually (he tried to set up his own business with a friend of his a couple of years ago but unfortunately this has not been successful). I believe (and this is where I need advice) that my husband is depressed about the business not being successful, his business partner really letting him down and that currently he is not really being able to provide for the family. My husband thinks that to improve his well being instead of having the girls in before and after school care (and us saving the money) that he will look after them himself in the afternoons. However by doing this he is not earning money and this then means that he is stressed about not earning any money and being able to pay the mortgage/normal bills. My wage can only stretch so far and even though I will pay for the bills that I can afford, my husband then thinks that I can't budget my money as I am not paying off the credit card as quickly as I (or he would like). We had a big argument last weekend as I had asked him to take one of our daughters to a swimming lesson which he didn't like and he said to me that once he starts to do one thing (ie picking up the girls from school) that I then take advantage of him and he can't get them into a routine (I found this really hard to hear considering that it was a once off). My husband also thinks that I am not affectionate towards him however when you have your "so called husband" blame you constantly for everything that isn't right you will not exactly want to be affectionate to that person either. He regularly says that I have changed since we got together however this as prior to our children coming along so of course things would be different now. Could someone let me know what their opinions are - as I said because we have children and because I want our marriage to work I am not sure where to go from here By the way I would be the first person to admit that I am in no way perfect and have made errors along the way but do try and do things for the family not for myself.

Emma819 How to break up with someone who is a danger to themselves
  • replies: 3

Hi I want to break up with my long term boyfriend (live in) as I feel like we should be friends. However I am afraid he will hurt himself if I do as I have gone to before and he has not taken it well. help I feel so stuck.

Hi I want to break up with my long term boyfriend (live in) as I feel like we should be friends. However I am afraid he will hurt himself if I do as I have gone to before and he has not taken it well. help I feel so stuck.

mar_k MOVING ON ...how to
  • replies: 2

when and how can we stop worrying about our children, I am sad that one of ours is unable to move on from a stressful situation.. , I know that she was unfairly criticized, but move on, I am tired now of the constant emails , you have to get an apolo... View more

when and how can we stop worrying about our children, I am sad that one of ours is unable to move on from a stressful situation.. , I know that she was unfairly criticized, but move on, I am tired now of the constant emails , you have to get an apology for me, I need it I feel sad for her , I am angry it happened, I approached that person, but heh, no resolutuion, lets move on... for our own sakes I had to in the past with tears help