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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LonelyMama So utterly alone
  • replies: 5

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire l... View more

Im so completely alone. I'm a sole parent to beautiful children that are my life, but everyone has abandoned us and act like they completely hate us. i honestly don't know what I've ever done to make people hate me so much - but it's been my entire life. My family all get along and I'm the youngest but they won't talk to me and have always acted as though they hate me. They've been cruel. I've been made to believe that I always deserved abuse, even when my ex beat me and put me in hospital, the Courts and everyone seemed to side with him because he's a lawyer and I guess I'm just worthless. I even get blamed for him not being therefor his child, not because I keep him from them, but because they're my children which makes it ok for him to despise them too. I feel like we support so much, I'm alone working so hard for my children - and I really need some support and people I can lean on, but I have no one. I'm so shattered. I'm so scared of what would happen to my kids if something happened to me. I am so scared because I have nobody I can rely on. I am the youngest in my family, and now they all get along after years of conflict between my older siblings - I guess they have all reunited and bond over how much they hate me. I truly don't know what I've done that makes them all hate me so much.

Waterfalls Call to ex. Dumb and dumber
  • replies: 3

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was a... View more

Hi all I've allowed my emotions to get the better of me and have done something that defies logic and feel like a total tool.. I asked my ex for a phonecall, its pretty much the anniversary of our breakup - the most toxic I've ever experienced. Was all my fault the relationship died. She did everything she could to help me, even visting me in hospital for this illness. Ultimately it became too much, and then things became really toxic. I didn't give her back what she needed in the relationship. All this time I've missed her, and beaten myself up over it. I decided it would be her if I kept myself away from hey allowing her to move on and find happiness - not be crippled by my presence. However, at the weekend i get a text from her saying she was in my area seeing a friend in her new place, pretty much next door. So I go and break the logic I was supposed to be following and text back saying it would be nice to chat over the phone. The response has triggered alot of anxiety and I'm now thinking of backing out of it out of fear for my mental health. However I already know what will happen if i dont do it. Lots of self talk about being a coward etc. The response was that she is in a really good place, happy to chat but has no desire to revisit the toxic period we had together or any of the hurtful things that were spoken to each other. My translation to that is 'ill talk to you out of politeness, but take the hint, i don't want you in my life right now'. Totally understandable. Also totally understandable that she has raised her shields about me wanting a verbal. Really I had no intention of using her for a rumination session anyway. But then i questioned myself on *what* I'm actually after, to be clear on my own motives. The answer is simple, no family in this country that can help me, hardly any friends left i can talk to, some bad experiences with doctors - just feeling very alone and missing her dearly. I'm forcing myself to accept the fact there is no chance. But now there is a time set she will be expecting me to call. I'm totally freaking out about it now. I think that if i do go though with this that i just make it very simple, dont revisit anything negative, express my gratitude for being part of her life, and stress I'm not asking for ANYTHING else other than a friendly hello Don't even know what I'm asking of you guys here... created yet another self imposed nightmare. And yes I've sought 'professional' help

TinyDancer2017 How do you cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be close... View more

Hi everyone, First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out. I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be closer to him. Once I had (irreversibly) given up these things, he called me and said he had changed his mind and didn't feel like he loved me enough to uproot our lives like this. I was absolutely crushed. Even worse, I had to manage the heartbreak while looking for a new job/place to live. This happened a year ago, and I still haven't managed to shake the crippling loneliness that this series of events triggered. My self-esteem is pretty low a lot of the time, and I can't trust my own judgment (how can I trust myself if I believed that he loved me?) I don't, even for an instant, want to be back with him. But I struggle with feelings of how my life got totally derailed, whereas he - who pulled the plug so suddenly, after I had made these irreversible changes - didn't have to go through any of this upheaval. Even worse, I have panic attacks because I feel like I've wasted my 20s on someone who ultimately didn't care about me... all my friends are married now with children, and at 29 I feel I've lost any chance of this ever happening for me. Thanks for reading. I'm now 29 and I have immense panic attacks about having wasted my twenties on someone who doesn't care about me, and

Kittyang 27 year old estranged sister
  • replies: 2

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and co... View more

Hi All, looking forward to supporting people here. Even if I cannot be helped. I have a younger adult sister who has been under my parents roof for many years. I have barely felt connected to her in almost a decade. She has been very deceitful and constantly lying about relationships and friends as well as taking alcohol. Although she has supposedly sought help she won't let anyone in on her mental issues. She constantly attracts bad partner who physically abuse her. Recently she has estranged herself by the most unusual way of lashing out at our mother and taking out an ADVO against her. I personally do not feel her absence as she was always draining to talk to and I don't live with her. I just worry that she will end up in a worse state and it's a shame that there is very little that can be done. She seems to have this 'I'm an adult, treat me like one' facade but then she has made poor financial decisions which the folks bail her out of. Because of patient privacy and laws I cannot help her. In actual fact I refuse to help her. I feel betrayed that she allowed herself to fall down this spiral. Especially of alcohol misuse. I honestly see her as a big lie. Its like she has no respect for her own self let alone family. The real world will be a harsh reminder of her easy life at home. I just wished she would get help with whatever mental issues she has so she doesn't destroy anyone else's life. Is that so hard to get from an estranged adult?

Weightofshame Trying to find an answer to me behaviour
  • replies: 4

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it... View more

Hi, im not sure where to begin but where I can get help. i have anxiety issues and depression and have been diognosed with having a borderline personality disorder. i have a need to collect things and I have had porn in my life for a long time and it is now at the point of destroying the life I have and also the woman I love, my wife. porn doesn't help either, because I find and like pictures, images, videos that look like my wife. ive assaulted my wife while she sleeps, and got caught. All the trust is gone cause I broke it by my actions. i truely love her, but this has pushed her too far. we went without sex for nearly 2 years after we got married and it drove me insane, but I did not cheat or seek it elsewhere. my problem is, that I have no self control and she deserves better from me. i don't know what to do next... I need help!! I love her more than anything in this world.

Kid_in_denial Better off alone???
  • replies: 12

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky ... View more

Hi. I have a lovely diagnosis of complex ptsd which was only formalised as of last week. I came out of a struggle with postnatal depression to a medication addiction and now fighting the hardest battle. My entire life on a plate. I have a very rocky relationship with my mother and when I decided to tell her about my diagnosis she told me she does not believe in mental health. She does not believe in therapy. She is ...... old and has been around longer to know more about me and about life. Then she hada weird scream and cry and left my house like it was her struggle. I have always know she has poor insight with MH. I should have been diagnosed in my teens. She wouldn't have read the signs. I told her I need to cut her from my life as her opinion is not at all helpful and she cannot keep it to herself. I am mid 30s and she still comes to my house and treats me like a teenager. I have my own kids. I don't know if this was necessarily the first option but she won't come around and I think it is damaging for me. Now my partner and I are at war as he refused to read up about it and it was insulting. He cannot see where I am coming from, just calls me self centred. I am the last person in my house who is thought about. I have actually become agoraphobic due to my poor self image and ability to cope with emotionally heightened situations. Any suggestions? S

Lostsoul14 I feel alone & lost
  • replies: 5

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and secondary depression end of last year after a year of symptoms and not knowing what was wrong with me. I finally went to see a therapist and she really helped me try to open up and realized that I'm not the only one a... View more

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and secondary depression end of last year after a year of symptoms and not knowing what was wrong with me. I finally went to see a therapist and she really helped me try to open up and realized that I'm not the only one and not to feel guilty about it. however, I'm trying to open up about this to my husband but every time I do he shuts me out, doesn't talk to me, doesn't hug me and then I feel like its all my fault and I'm the terrible person. I don't want him asking any more questions because he asks then he takes it out on me by how he reacts. I'm starting to feel that I'm going to have to deal with this on my own but I don't think I can. I don't know what to do or anything, i feel so lost, lonely and to be honest I've lost who I am. I'm really struggling and I have no one. Both sides of my family know but they dont know how to deal with it either so it feels like they are just stepping back. Please help, I really need help

Broken_forever Why is life so cruel
  • replies: 2

I can't recover from my break up. Its been a year since the man I loved so much left me for another woman. Its killing me. We were together 16yrs life was amazing we had an awesome tight loving family. Our kids were the happiest kids. We all loved li... View more

I can't recover from my break up. Its been a year since the man I loved so much left me for another woman. Its killing me. We were together 16yrs life was amazing we had an awesome tight loving family. Our kids were the happiest kids. We all loved life every memory is an amazing one right up until he left. He threw me and our family our hopes our dreams our future away like trash. Now he hates me won't talk to me and has our kids apart of his new life. He doesn't care for me at all. Doesn't care that I'm struggling to raise his kids. I already suffered anxiety now I'm suffering deep depression along with physical effects from stress etc. Life is hard I have no family to help me. My kids are suffering behavior wise from their dads sudden departure and then being thrown into his new life. I can't take it anymore. My kids are all I live for but it hurts so much sending them to him and hearing how amazing their lives are while I'm broken so bad. I see no future anymore my days are dark. Its hard to even fake smiles for my babies. I find it hard to get up and do even what needs to be done. I hold back tears when attending school events my ex and I were so involved in their schooling now he couldn't seem to care less he has them for one and s half days then sends them home. He won't talk to me at all so he doesn't seem to ask about anything that's going on with them. He won't help with money either he cries poor but yet my kids explain a different version. He knows how expensive kids are but yet tells me through other people like I said he will not even talk to me on the phone he has no job so no money so can't help. So I have major financial worries on top of everything else. I really don't know how much more I can take. Everything goes wrong to nothing but bad thing after bad thing has happened all year like car breaking down fridge blowing up no air conditioner kids have missed out on excursions the list goes on. How some one could turn so incredibly cruel I will never understand all I done was love him. He chose someone else why does he have to hurt me so much. He's hurt his kids so much to and all that seems to matter to him is his new gf new life and her kids. I'm seeing psychologist on medication doing what I can to get better but I feel like I'm drowning trying so hard to keep my head above the water. But I'm so tired exhausted unhappy I'm just about ready to give up

kitty8 mother in law advice
  • replies: 2

Hi, I need some advice about my in-laws who are possibly the most controlling and manipulative people I have ever met. My husband and I have had counselling to work through some of the problems with them, and if we didn't have a child who should be a... View more

Hi, I need some advice about my in-laws who are possibly the most controlling and manipulative people I have ever met. My husband and I have had counselling to work through some of the problems with them, and if we didn't have a child who should be able to see her grandparents from time to time, I probably would avoid them even more than I do. they seem to prefer indirect communication (are passive aggressive) and are also intolerant of opinions and views that differ to their own. Basically if they don't like what we say or are doing, they pester my husband until he gives in and agrees with them, and then we still do what we think is right even if it is different to their opinion and they don't like it that we don't take their advice. They also gossip with all the extended family. Because of these behaviours we try not to tell them much about our lives, or ask them to help us out much. What happened most recently was they were staying for four nights with us, and helped us out with some work in the garden, and looked after our daughter for 2 days while we were at work. then today when they left (we went to work in the morning and left them at home after dropping our daughter at day care) they left our front door was wide open! we are lucky that we weren't robbed as the front door must have been open for hours as they left to drive back to Sydney in the afternoon. What likely happened was they got carried away doing things in the garden and our house (that we didn't ask them to do) which meant they were running late and in their rush, left the front door open. leaving the front door open is just the last straw. the in laws are not that old ( in their 60's and perfectly healthy so it wasn't due to old age or forgetfulness or anything really) My in-laws passive aggressive behaviour tells me that they do not respect my husband (their son) and me as responsible adults and I am at a loss as to what to do. when we got home my husband rang his parents to tell them they had left the front door wide open and the house unlocked. they were a bit angry on the phone, saying that we had not thanked them for all the garden work (but they had done way more than we had asked for help with only a few small jobs). It may not sound like much, but I kind of at a loss as to what do, other than to see them even less than we do now, but I am mindful that my 3 year old needs to see her grandparents. how often do you think is enough for exhausting interstate visitors?

Mummyworried27 Worried about hubby
  • replies: 3

My hubby has been having a very stressful time lately. At the end of July he started getting numbness and pain in his left arm. Dr thankfully ruled out life threatening problems, but still waiting on hemochromatosis gene test results plus MRI on the ... View more

My hubby has been having a very stressful time lately. At the end of July he started getting numbness and pain in his left arm. Dr thankfully ruled out life threatening problems, but still waiting on hemochromatosis gene test results plus MRI on the neck results. On top of that at the end of July I called enough to his father's lies and broken promises (same promise broken to our 7 yr old ASD son for 2 years). So I told his narcissist father he wasn't to have anything to do with our 3 kids, but hubby could keep contact if he wished. Only I've seen his father is using him as a pawn now in txt messages and hubby I can see is feeling guilty but is trying to be the loving son. (He also told his father about his arm problem on the 1st August and not once has he asked how it's going). I think he could have depression but not sure how to get him to the psychologist as when he went last time with his anxiety he reckons it wasn't much help.