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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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elephantdance Dating someone with depression when I have my own mental health issues - please help.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. At the time had just come out of a 5 year relationship, so we took things slow but were still having a great time together, going on regular dates and having a lot of fun. Over time it became apparent... View more

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. At the time had just come out of a 5 year relationship, so we took things slow but were still having a great time together, going on regular dates and having a lot of fun. Over time it became apparent there were other reasons we were taking it slow. He explained he just wasn't happy in his life, job, etc. and felt numb. More recently, he has opened up to me further. Until he was able to work on that, he explained he would struggle to treat me how I deserve and come to love me. He's scared to hurt me, because he's been hurt himself and didn't quite recover from the pain his ex went through. He said he doesn't know 'when or if' he will come to love me in his current condition, but he thinks we're perfect together otherwise and he sees himself settling down with me and having a family. We've decided to stay together, but give him a couple of months alone with his depression so he can work on himself. I've struggled with depression, eating disorders and insecurity in the past, so of course this has been very triggering to me and made me feel like I'm not good enough. I keep thinking to cliches, like 'if he liked me, surely we could just work through this' and 'if he can't guarantee everything's going to be okay or that he will love me one day, what am I waiting around for?'. I keep fretting that he must not feel that spark with me, and he's just avoiding the hard decision of breaking up. I'd love your help - - How do I get through this period, especially over Christmas, with a lack of certainty and security? - How can I support him through his depression and meet his needs? I only truly realised it was depression recently, and realised I've been tough on him saying things in weak moments like, 'if you like me so much, why can't you just commit to me?'. - At the same time, how can I meet his needs? I feel like the current arrangement is meeting his needs and not mine - it doesn't feel like there's a compromise. Really just any compassionate words and advice would be appreciated. Thank you and happy holidays.

Alexs Relationship issues
  • replies: 3

Hey all, i'm finding myself at a point where my relationship of nearly 3 years could possibly end. We don't get along anymore, always yell, we both are hyper-alert and anxious around eachother and my trust is now heavily affected as I saw she was loo... View more

Hey all, i'm finding myself at a point where my relationship of nearly 3 years could possibly end. We don't get along anymore, always yell, we both are hyper-alert and anxious around eachother and my trust is now heavily affected as I saw she was looking up online what to do if you have a crush at someone at work, what to do if you're thinking about cheating ect ect. I'm feeling pretty rotten and it's making it hard for me to help this whole situation. I haven't been as strong and progressive as her in regards to my personal development and i think it's finally caught up to me. If we break up, i'll be devastated and I have a whole house filled with things that I own and I live her with and her best friend. I can't go back home to my folks and because i'm a student and musician, my finances are terrible. I feel hopless.

Loving_Loser Please help. Am I selfish?
  • replies: 7

My girlfriend and I have been through so much together. We met online and she moved states for me. She now lives with me and my family who are all loving, caring and supportive. From the day we met I was aware she’d been through a lot. She had lost c... View more

My girlfriend and I have been through so much together. We met online and she moved states for me. She now lives with me and my family who are all loving, caring and supportive. From the day we met I was aware she’d been through a lot. She had lost close friends, been in an abusive relationship and come out of it in one piece. I fell in love with her from the moment I saw her and never looked back. Anyway this year things have gotten worse. She gets very angry over minor things and hurts herself regularly. She’s seen a doctor but nothing helps, she no longer talks to my family and doesn’t interact with anyone other than people at work and her parents. My family haven’t done anything wrong and I just want everyone to get along but it doesn’t ever happen. I’m scared and I love her dearly. I’m anxious, scared and I’m not even wording myself properly haha. I need help I can’t handle the stress and anxiety anymore.

juleshapi torn
  • replies: 1

Hi, I live with a narcissitic bordeline with a range of concerning behaviours, mainly dark moods, flying off in a rage over minor issues, verbal abuse in front of our 10yr old, putting me down, playing victim at every turn, heavy drinker, sleep apnea... View more

Hi, I live with a narcissitic bordeline with a range of concerning behaviours, mainly dark moods, flying off in a rage over minor issues, verbal abuse in front of our 10yr old, putting me down, playing victim at every turn, heavy drinker, sleep apnea, PTSD. I want to leave but I don't know the best way to do it, he is dependent on my financially, I worry about my son mostly, his father loves him and is not cruel to him, just me, I've left it before and my suffering was worse as a single parent and the constant abuse continued. After another irrational outburst this morning after I asked him to not use my new beach towel to mop up dogs urine, he flies off in rage and brings up my past errors, getting off the subject, storms out. Criticizes readily but can't take it at all. I am so broken, has anyone been here that has some good advice, my self esteem is in tatters.

Kyls No where to turn
  • replies: 7

I am in crisis mode atm. I have noone to talk to. My family and friends are all sick if my relaspes. I got back with a bf ive had an on off relationship with for 18 months. He promises not to drink then comes home with a six pack. i have pushed every... View more

I am in crisis mode atm. I have noone to talk to. My family and friends are all sick if my relaspes. I got back with a bf ive had an on off relationship with for 18 months. He promises not to drink then comes home with a six pack. i have pushed everyone away and dont know what to do. i cant keep living like this. im so sorry if im saying the wrong thing. I hope i dont upsrt anyone.

PBelle I hope i have done the right thing...finally
  • replies: 3

So my best friend coped my anxiety this year when I wouldn't leave them alone. We went from joking and talking for years until this year when we both had some personal issues and I went totally overboard with asking them how they were. I let my emoti... View more

So my best friend coped my anxiety this year when I wouldn't leave them alone. We went from joking and talking for years until this year when we both had some personal issues and I went totally overboard with asking them how they were. I let my emotions control me and did some stupid messages caused i was so worried. Since my friend is 81, and was very sick this year, I was so worried that my anxiety turned me into a kind of stalker with the constant messages. Looking back, I did all the wrong things and I was so stupid that I couldn't even control what I was doing and cause of all this, my best friend has blocked my number and won't even allow me to contact them to explain. So I focused on myself for awhile and can see what I have done. I was too used to talking to them everyday, so I couldn't cope with not talking to them and it has led to this situation that I am in. I let things cool down and gave it a few weeks without avail and today sent a message for their birthday also with the message "Just to let you that I realise how I have behaved this year and that I am sorry." I won't contact them for a couple of months in the hope that they will understand and see how I have changed. I just hope the sms gets through on the phone, not sure if a blocked number also prevents sms from getting through. I'm not expecting a reply just yet, I think it is going to take more time for them to heal and maybe one day we can friends again, just like we used to. But that's my story and I know that it is hard, but I feel stronger knowing that there are other people out there that maybe have a simular story to tell. I do hope that I can repair the damage that I have done with time. I'm still afraid of losing the person who I have know the last 30 years, the one person who I could always confide in without reconnecting, but others threads give me hope that i'm not only one out there with this problem.

AdamAsh Why don't my friends and family understand??
  • replies: 2

Hi there, i'm a long time listener, first time caller/poster. Had no idea if this is the right place for this but I really wanted to get some honest opinions on my thoughts, and it seems this is a far more suitable place to express them than compared... View more

Hi there, i'm a long time listener, first time caller/poster. Had no idea if this is the right place for this but I really wanted to get some honest opinions on my thoughts, and it seems this is a far more suitable place to express them than compared to a public social media forum where keyboard warriors can act like heroes. So here goes!: All my life, my friends and family have never really understood my mental health problems. I have a 67 year old mate (who has been like a father to me as i lost mine when i was 10 years old, and at the same time his ex wife took his 3 son's from him never to be seen again. I'm 36 now and for 26 years we've had this mutual friendship, this understanding if you will that life can just deal you a really consistently shitty hand. But you keep on going, you don't give up. To me, he was a father to me, and I, like a son. About 10 years ago my mate (mario) had a stroke, his new wife left him, his 2 step kids turned against him and recently they put him in a nursing home. I used to see him at least once a week. I'd take him to the club, we'd have a beer, and think about the good old days. As I grew older, my mental health became more of an issue, and I couldn't see Mario as regularly as he expected. The phone calls then started coming. Mario wanting to know why I'm not seeing him, where am I, when are you coming over. Constant call after call, voicemail after voicemail to the point where I could no longer manage the stress and anxiety that this man was putting on me. Particularly when his voicemails were quite abusive swearing at me for not seeing him. After that we stopped contact for a few years.. Recently, we reconnected. I'd just had (another) relationship failure and I'd never seen Mario since he'd been in the nursing home (approx 2 years) We cried together, we caught up on old times, and he stilled loved a beer (but now, it's red wine) I've been seeing Mario approximately twice a week and it's starting to give me anxiety again. He is expecting it all once again that I am there at his beck and call. I have no money so have had to take 2 buses and a train to see him each time (instead of a 25 min car drive) He's calling me every few hours and now is getting his (even older) friends to call asking me why I am not coming to see him. My question: Is it wrong to put my mental health as a priority number 1 and cut ties with this man again? He may not be around in another 2 years or once I've sorted myself out??

Hellokitty01 Feeling lost
  • replies: 2

I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone who has been abusive verbally towards me, cheated on me, and made me out to be the reason for. I believe I’m a good person and have tried to my best ability to be there for him. I honestly feel so lo... View more

I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone who has been abusive verbally towards me, cheated on me, and made me out to be the reason for. I believe I’m a good person and have tried to my best ability to be there for him. I honestly feel so lonely and feel like I’ve lost myself and who I used to be. I feel like he doesn’t understand me. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Do I frustrate him so much that this is how he treats me? It doesn’t matter how I express how I feel he never seems to understand where I’m coming from. If anyone has been in a similar situation and can shed some light for me that would be greatly appreciated. thank you x

Helpless_one Can't cope with break up *Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 2

,I have been in a relationship for 3 years I have kids but not to this man, the other day I kicked my fiancé out, its all my fault, I'm so alone I think I was co dependant on his alcohol issues why else would I feel so horrible?he was great he loved ... View more

,I have been in a relationship for 3 years I have kids but not to this man, the other day I kicked my fiancé out, its all my fault, I'm so alone I think I was co dependant on his alcohol issues why else would I feel so horrible?he was great he loved my kids I pushed him about his alcohol problems he would never drink around my kids or his own, when the kids were not around it was alcohol poker machines and sex constantly, I hate sex now because it was all the time he was a sex addict too &drink so much, &here it comes yes in the past he was violant he did abuse me but I think he learned his lesson cause in the past year he hasn't laid a hand on me, it was more emotional abuse, any normal woman would run for the hills,why do I feel so bad why can't I be happy I finally said enough is enough.Well that's why I'm here I can't cope & I need help, I went my doc after work today as I'm struggling to even get out of in bed eat sleep shower anything. My doc put me on anti depressant, i feel like my heart is gone I'm a empty shell and I'm so scared of my future I'm scared of him moving on.what is wrong with me ? Even to sign up to this was pain everything is so hard here's..about me, I have no family except my kids who I adore, I have one friend who has a partner and can't be there for me I meditate at night to try soothe the waking up in shock, when I do sleep I wake up with terrible anxiety and panic attacks.please give me some advice, I'm petrified I miss him yet still am strong enough to stay away I'm forcing myself, I'm 33 I'm not a kid yet I feel like one, hurting crying wreck, Xmas is coming and I will be alone I don't get my kids till the day after Xmas, I feel maybe I fed on the fact he needed me too I know leaving him was the right thing to do just my heart doesn't seem to know that, work is horrible but I force myself to go even if it means hiding in the toilet to cry, it's not just crying that I can't take its the emotional pain. I know to take up hobbies, make friends, excercise, eat right & do all those things but I can't even do them to be honest if it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't even be alive right now, I do meditation, to help me sleep, I've thought about al anon meets though they seem pointless if I'm not with him anymore. when asked how I am my response is well I'm still breathing.I work with all men and every one of them is married, I'm the only girl so I can't even cry to anyone

prairievole "One day someone will come along" turned out to be a lie. How do i cope now?
  • replies: 22

I decided to make a this post because i just finished reading a post by a young woman who had her first experience being used by a guy. Many of the posters said encouraging, comforting things AND many of them also said something to the effect of "som... View more

I decided to make a this post because i just finished reading a post by a young woman who had her first experience being used by a guy. Many of the posters said encouraging, comforting things AND many of them also said something to the effect of "someone will come along who appreciates you", "one day it will happen i promise" and "when you least expect it you'll find love". I'm so angry when people say this because sometimes it's not true. And it makes people like me feel even worse about ourselves because if most people find love after many bad experiences, then there really must be something wrong with me, because i still haven't. I'm 32, so i have maturity to help me in these experiences. I'm good looking and outgoing and friendly (not that that matters at all). I'm educated and reasonable and have researched many different approaches to interacting with men. Yet not a single guy i have ever engaged with has ever wanted anything more from me than using me for sex just a few times (if i'm lucky) or just once if i'm not. I have tried soooo many different approaches - i've tried meeting people organically, meeting them online. I have been on dozens of dates. I have tried being clear about what i want. I have tried being more relaxed and 'going with the flow'. I have tried setting boundaries. I have tried just living in the moment and appreciating someone's company. I have tried being elusive. I have tried being upfront. I have tried not caring. I have tried with wildly different men from different walks of life, and different appearances. Not a single man that i have been interested in has ever been interested in me. Sometimes they are upfront about it after a date. Sometimes they lead me on for sex. Sometimes they deliberately lie (for sex). How do i cope with this? Knowing that there must be something wrong with me. I have tried so many other avenues for finding happiness but realised in my early 30s that all i really wanted was to give love, be loved, and have the chance at having a family. And still people lie and tell me "it will happen". If they'd told me that 10 years ago, i'd have believed them. If they told me that 5 years ago, i'd still have believed them. But now, it's proven to be false.