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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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InnerPeace19 Depression and Relationship problems
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. I am new, this is my first post. I have suffered depression for more than 2 years . I am a highly sensitive person too and the issues my family (who live overseas) are having, make me feel sad all the time. This has made a huge impact on... View more

Hi everyone. I am new, this is my first post. I have suffered depression for more than 2 years . I am a highly sensitive person too and the issues my family (who live overseas) are having, make me feel sad all the time. This has made a huge impact on my relationship with my husband. We were having issues before but now I just feel that he should support me in this difficult part of my life but instead he continues to watch porn and be selfish. I have threatened him to leave before but he has promised me he will change but he doesn't. He is deep down a good man and I want to understand him thinking he doesn't do that in purpose but he hurts me, he hurts me very much when he watches porn and thinks about only him and is just with his phone all the time playing games and chatting. I had an episode of anger this weekend and he called my dad because I said I was feeling very lonely. His intention was so my dad could tell me that he loved me and appreciate everything I do for them (I am my dad's moral support and I also helped them financially) but he also told my dad he had slept with prostitutes before and that I haven't forgive him. My dad said something to me after that it got me thinking .. that my husband is like a wolf on sheep's clothing. I kind of knew this but haven't had the strength to leave him .. because I love him Now, with my depression I just feel this relationship is toxic and is giving me more grief and regrets than happiness... I can't trust him. I just don't have anyone to talk to, he is the only person I confide in. We don't have any family in Australia and I don't have many close friends. I almost lost one of them the last time they tried to support me with this situation I really feel the need today to talk with someone ... or to write so someone can read this Thanks in advance for your insights

Callumm Estranged young man
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is callum, im 36 and a single man, ive been estranged from my mother and siblings for 6 years, due to abuse from a young age. I never hear from my father as he is a alcoholic and a child trapped in the 70s. There are days i feel really lon... View more

Hi my name is callum, im 36 and a single man, ive been estranged from my mother and siblings for 6 years, due to abuse from a young age. I never hear from my father as he is a alcoholic and a child trapped in the 70s. There are days i feel really lonely, for example Christmas and bithdays. I struggle with mental illness on a dayly event. I don't work which is hard because ive worked all my life. Back in my 20s i had friends and had so much fun, but now i dont as everyone has either gotten married and had kids or moved on with their lives. So i feel frozen in time. So i guess this is me trying to cope and stay connected.

Leonie230 Struggling.
  • replies: 11

Hi all My partner went overseas to spend time with his family as hes not from here and it wasnt anything out of the norm for that to happen. He visited there every 18 months or so. I stayed here because financially we cant do that trip as a family - ... View more

Hi all My partner went overseas to spend time with his family as hes not from here and it wasnt anything out of the norm for that to happen. He visited there every 18 months or so. I stayed here because financially we cant do that trip as a family - we have two children - every 18 months. He went for 4 weeks. Its now been 10 months and still not home. The intial months passed as a blur. He told us he was staying overseas and not returning...our world collapsed. Didnt see that coming at all. To say we're still struggling here is an understatement. Im going to see a therapist as this anxiety and feelings of rejection and the anger are still there. I feel I am overloading my loved ones for advise and what to do and thought Id be in a much better place by now. Hes returning back here in a few weeks. He misses his kids too much. I dont have a clue how Im going to handle it when it happens. Thanks Leonie.

Hannah23 Not sure if I want to be with my boyfriend anymore.
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I could really use some help. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I’m no longer sure if this is what I want. I feel like having that doubt is already indicative enough of what... View more

Hey everyone, this is my first time posting on here and I could really use some help. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I’m no longer sure if this is what I want. I feel like having that doubt is already indicative enough of what I should be doing. My BF and I have had a pretty great relationship so far. We’ve had some bumps along the way (family problems on both sides mainly, and I’ve had some major depression/anxiety issues) but we’ve gotten through it all. We’ve also been living together for about a year as well. He’s been an absolute rock in regards to my anxiety and depression. Lately though, there’s been a few occasions (mainly during/after arguments) where I’ve questioned whether this is right for me. Like I said earlier, that already makes me feel like it’s wrong.... but is this a common feeling people have? I really love him, but there’s been a few occasions where there’s been something that bothers me and when I try and talk about it, it’s supposedly either a stupid thing to be upset about or i just need to not be so sensitive. I do think some of the things have been trivial, but I also think that if you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be able to talk about things that bother you without being made to feel like you’re acting like a child or just being too sensitive. Sometimes I feel as though my worries aren’t taken seriously and that maybe there’s someone else out there who wouldn’t make me feel bad for being annoyed by things. I end up feeling pretty bad though because I know my BF hasn’t put up with a lot more than potentially any other BF would. The other problem we’re having is that he’s currently here on a Visa, and whenever we talk about applying for his next Visa as a couple, he brings up that he’s not sure if that’s going to happen mainly because his family is overseas etc., but it makes me upset because I’m in a position where I don’t know if this person I’m building a life with is going to decide to stay with me or just leave me. Apart from this I just find myself getting annoyed more often at things he says/does. Like things that never bothered me before about him annoy me now, and I don’t know if this is just a phase or if it’s a sign that this isn’t right for me.

Michelle2000 Breaking up with kids
  • replies: 2

I suffer bad anxiety especially in my relationship.. i feel like i spend my life tip toeing to keep him happy.. i get so much anxiety with every phone call from him just thinking it will end in a fight, because when we do fight i seem to always be cr... View more

I suffer bad anxiety especially in my relationship.. i feel like i spend my life tip toeing to keep him happy.. i get so much anxiety with every phone call from him just thinking it will end in a fight, because when we do fight i seem to always be crying myself to sleep while he just gets angry an blames me for everything, i know its unhealthy but i feel like thats why ive stayed this long (7 years). Ive tried breaking it off before but my anxiety gets the better of me i cant seem to turn it off. And as soon as we get back together i feel my anxiety about what hes doing kind of subside.. i just feel so drained.. i kind of feel like im going to be depressed if i leave an depressed if i stay so i feel really torn up and stuck. I often try an picture my life when i leave.. i picture being free but then the fear of being alone in the world scares me back.. We have 2 kids together as well so its not a situation where i can just cleanly leave i know he will probably purposely make things as bad as he can with the kids i dont trust him at all i just so miserable.. i remember when i was happy i miss it, i miss the old me

Anna_Mac Missing ex boyfriend
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to h... View more

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to his best friend recently and was told that the guy I was dating was very sad and hurting a lot about the break up, and was very unhappy with the situation. Apparently he is planning on leaving the family farm so he can be happy again. I miss him so much but can't talk to him as he wanted space to sort himself out. He was my best friend and we loved each other very much.

YoYo_Steve A very lonely guy fearing rejection looking for guidance
  • replies: 6

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've sta... View more

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've started to get on top of things after overcoming some very real obstacles like a long term relationship breakup, change of jobs, financial stress, etc. After ending that relationship (actually a good thing) I found myself very lonely. I'd lost touch with most of an already small group of friends and my life had being rapidly going down the toilet. Instead of asking for support I hid away from people. I've always been quite shy and introverted and pretty lousy at maintaining relationships. Rather than sitting at home alone which was really getting me down I decided to look for some social and activity groups to join. I’ve often found it downright scary approaching people I don’t know, especially the opposite sex. I got over that fear and did it anyway, which is great and I’m a lot more confident in that area now. There are a lot of people I see on a regular basis for activities but I’m terrified to ask people for their phone numbers or add them on Facebook where I have a small number of friends. I’m very insecure, always wondering what people are thinking. I had a couple of bad experiences where it became obvious to a couple of people who I met that I was struggling with some issues. I’ve been trying so hard this year to make new friends and also tried to reconnect with old friends. It’s just been really hard and taking a long time. I’m terrified people I meet will pick up that I’m still not 100% and not be interested. Some of the people I’ve tried to reconnect with haven’t been overly receptive. It seems like I’m always or nearly always the one who has to get in touch with people and suggest something. I feel like I’m on the right track, but it’s really slow going. It’s distracting me from other important things like work etc. Really sick of feeling lonely and want to feel wanted. I’ve been spending time trying to learn more social skills online. I’ve used up all my available govt funded psychologist sessions this year and aren’t in a financial position to pay privately. Looking for any suggestions of how I can get over this debilitating fear of rejection? Do I just need to keep on the same path and be happy with slow progress?

KerryW 27 year marriage over - not coping
  • replies: 6

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelle... View more

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelled alone, call me stupid, I dont know. I trusted him with all my heart. It would seem now he has fallen in love with her and out of love with me. I am broken, I am trying to function for my 3 kids and for my full time job but I cannot breathe. Anxiety is taking a hold of me and I cannot function. I have a Psychologist appointment this afternoon and I am unsure they help but I am just so desperate for the pain to go away. I want to feel strong again and in control but I just want to curl into a ball and not move. I want him to love me like he did, I want him to try and fix this with me so we can be a family again. None of this is possible though and that just crushes me. How do I get through this? How do I stop from waking at night shaking and not being able to stop the vision of their relationship entering my mind. Even harder still I am protecting him and the kids don't know what he has done. Why? I don't know. I just feel alone and like I will never be happy or whole again.

Manny1967 Wife in denial
  • replies: 4

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every aftern... View more

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every afternoon. We have tried to discuss this with her but she flatty refuses to accept that she needs help & says it's all my fault. She has now decided that she is giving up on our marraige of 20+ years & will find a full time jobe & leave me, even though she is truggling to maintain a part time job currently. She is happy to live in the same house & carry on until she can set herself up but she doesn't see any other option. My family & I are worried sick about her & feel so helpless & don't know what to do anymore. This is tearing us apart & she seem oblivious to it. I'm sure others have faced similar situations & I'm not the first to experience this. I would appreciate any advice or support as I don't know how long I can keep this all together anymore. Thank you

DJPTigerland140414 Issues in life stemming from family upbringing!
  • replies: 2

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can... View more

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can see how my upbringing has contributed to the issues that I still suffer from today. Parents are so important in moulding their children into the people they will become one day and they need to realize this responsibility they own. I was continually called all sorts of derogatory names that dented my self esteem and confidence day by day by day. It never really hit me until I was older the impact it had and still has. Having a parent who is a scientologist conducting weird mind altering exercises on you and making you read the literature against your wishes also doesn't help. Being the supposed bad seed in the house everything that went wrong if the other members denied it it was punishment until I confessed. Confessing to crimes you didn't commit isn't right. Every little mistake you made being such as not making bed, not hanging bathroom towel over rack evenly on both sides, putting clothes in basket folded inside out and not washing a glass etc being rewarded with lines or fines makes people into nervous wrecks and still does to this day. Being told to not tell your father anything or your going to get makes someone scared to act. Getting called every name under the sun and then ignored for 12 months when you dropout of university by the man you looked up to all of your life doesn't help you progress as a human being and person. Parents be aware your actions do have consequences for people even long after they are out of your life. Through many years of councilling my hate has disappeared but I am aware of why I am the way I am and am still trying to break through these barriers. Councilling is so rewarding and I encourage anyone to use this service it really helped me off the canvas. I don't talk to any of my family except my brother and sister which is a real shame when it comes to Christmas etc every year and you see happy families everywhere but it is what it is I guess you can only play the hand you are dealt. I believe family or not if someone is a negative influence on your life don't have them in it. This is not a sob story or someone looking for sympathy its a message to any parents out there kids are sponges and look up to you. Be someone to look up to and guide them down the right path.