Can’t make friends at uni 😞
I start back uni on the 26th of February and I am very nervous about it. I am studying nursing, which I love, and I actually enjoy going to classes, but I have no friends at uni. I will be in my second year this year. I am shy and worry people won’t like me but I try to hide my shyness and will be friendly to people. I have noticed a lot of the friend groups were already formed since most of the students were fresh out of high school and came from the same high schools. I am about 10 years older than them and I have nothing against being friends with younger people or older people.
In my first semester, I started becoming friendly with a girl because we shared our stories about our depression and anxiety. The more I started hanging out with her I noticed it started to be a one sided friendship. She would always talk about herself and how hard her life is which is fine, I would listen, but when I tried to talk she would be fixated on her phone and wouldn’t listen to what I have to say. I also started to notice she would put me down (I guess that’s the right word). For example, she told me my boobs didnt look very big, said I was a bitch for having long eyelashes and during prac classes she would pick on everything I was doing. I tried to just ignore everything. She would always try to compare grades too. There was also a time she said to save her a seat in a lecture but she would see another friend then go sit with them while I sat alone. The final straw for me was when we finished a class and I asked her to wait 2 minutes for me while I see the teacher. When I came out of the classroom she wasn’t there. I decided I go back to my car. As I started to walk off, I saw my “friend” powerwalking away with another friend of hers. I very upset by that. She is a 28 year old woman too. I felt like a loser. That’s something girls would do to me in highschool. I am worried about seeing her at uni again because I hate confrontation and awkwardness.
I have a great group of friends outside of uni and I still like meeting new people and creating new friendships but I also struggle making friends at uni. It would be nice to have someone to sit with on a break, talk about the class with and to study with but I don’t. I always feel like other people see me as a loser or I’m weird or a bitch because I am shy.
Welcome back, it has been a while.
I honestly think there are many at uni that are exactly as you. True some come though as a group from secondary establishments and some seem to have a knack for socializing, however that are an awful lot for whom study is the main thing, with friendships if they do come do so purely by chance.
The girl you talk about seems immature and not realy capable of entering the friendship as you might expect. I would suspect that talking of such personal things as depression might make you feel there was more of a close relationship than actually was the case. Here behavior simply highlights her shortcomings and is really no reflection on you. Some people are like that unfortunately.
Being shy, and having anxiety, can make one feel others are regarding one, and doing so unfavorably, "weird, bitch or loser" s you say. However it really is your mind taking over. The impression you actually give I'm sure will bear no relation to those thoughts at all. Unfortunately my saying that will not do much to help, even though true:(
Perhaps joining a formal study group (see your lecturer) or taking part in one of the uni interest groups (drama, debating, walking etc) might be an option.
It's good you have friends outside uni. I'm sure things will improve.
I'm also 28 and planning to go to university as well. Technically it's a second visit since I already got my first degree fairly soon after graduating high school. I was a very shy person back then (still am) and I struggled to put myself out there.
You say that you have a good group of friends outside uni so I believe there aren't any serious problems with your ability to socialise. Enjoying the company of people (rather than hating it) definitely helps!
I think it's clear that you dodged a bullet by distancing yourself from this toxic individual. The name calling generally stops at high school but I found that many people at uni were very immature, pretentious, spoilt and just not worth your time. Having said that, there are also many wonderful and passionate people too.
There are usually people who hang out by themselves (many aren't social butterflies) so it might be possible to strike up a conversation with someone sitting on their own? They may be feeling the same way as you and would enjoy the interaction.
In my experience, I found people got to know each other quite well when they were forced into groups with people they didn't know for an assignment or practical. I remember a super quiet guy in my class who was forced into group work with another girl and now the two are married. If there are tutorial sessions too perhaps you can sit near someone, it's easier to break the ice when everyone's focusing on a task (completing assignment) rather than on socialising.
All the best.