Is my Husbund asking me too much? Relationship is ending

[Shali]

It’s been six years of our mrg &v got 5mnt old Bub.My Husbund is very aggressive, bossy and manipulative. We have fights in the past and it’s get bigger becoz of his anger.After each fight he promised me that he will change but his anger is still same. Now I told him I got baby and I m not going to tolerate your anger or shout anymore as I don’t want her to grow in that environment.I m very calm in nature and try to let it go but now I hv enough.main problem Is his parents.Thy want to control our lives, thy always saying where to spend money,keep interfering in our life til now.thy also said to my Husbund not to buy anything for my family.if I go to India once a year and if I buy some presences for my family they don’t like. I have just given them presence like purse or shoes etc but they blame me that I have given money to buy gold and all the furniture in my parents house. they told that to my uncle. I m so update with this. My Husbund and I told them so many times that we didn’t gave money but still they not believing us. Now I don’t want to talk to them unless they realise they did wrong. My Husbund is asking me to call his mother after this incident and after all this drama I even called twice but she never called me or my Husbund or not to see my baby. I told my Husbund I m not gonna call them anymore if they don’t call me first. My Husbund is asking me to forget everything and keep talking and caring to his family. He told me that if you love me and if you want to live together you have to call them.My Husbund is still aggressive,when I needed him during my pregnancy, labour and post he wasn’t there. He was keep fighting with me for small thing. At the moment his brother came to live with us for study, his dad came to see our baby from India for 3 months. I told my Husbund asked them not to come this time as I will not manage with little one. Now today I have big fight with my Husbund, he is blaming me that I m not taking care of his father. I do cooking three times a day plus have to look after very fussy 5 months old. I don’t get enough sleep at night. My Husbund don’t understand me and he says u doing nothing whole day. After pregnancy I don’t have desire to sex, being tired and may be because my Husbund not understand me I don’t know.He thinks I have changed and I don’t love him.I don’t know what to do I cry everyday without reason. This it too much for me.M I nt doing right thing? Is he right?Please guide me.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shali,

s it possible for you to make an appointment with your Dr and to discuss some of this with the Dr. Especially the bit about you being so tired and your child being such a fussy eater. There may be some things the Dr can suggest to help you.

Having someone in the home for so long when you have just had a baby must be very difficult. Is it possible to have a talk with your husband with a counsellor or someone you both respect as mediator. Or maybe have a joint Drs appointment.

Is it possible for you and the baby to leave the house for a short period of time so you can have a little peace and quiet? Maybe go for a walk each day just to get out for a break.

Do you have someone who may be able to look after the baby for an hour so you can have some rest or do something you need to do?

It can be difficult in a relationship when a baby arrives and life changes so drastically for both parents. Can you try to have a quite talk with your husband? Tell him that if he becomes angry you will walk away until he has calmed down again.

Not knowing you or your husband it is hard to know what will help. Hope yo find some answers!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Shali~

Perhaps I'm being idealistic or impractical however a believe a husband's first duty is to his wife and children. Anything else including parents and other family comes second. If the family does not accept this then the husband has to draw a line and side with his wife, he has made a commitment.

Putting aside other matters such as arguments for the moment you need your husband's support, if it is not forthcoming then he is letting you down. It may well be a difficult time for him if he has to choose, but it really is the only way a marriage will work. You are having a difficult time now. The wife cannot be second fiddle to a mother-in-law or any other family member. This makes her a servant not a wife.

I had to choose, and was disinherited as a result. It was the very best thing I could have done, it made me grow up and learn how to look after my wife and child, and have confidence in myself.

Having other people in the household has to be a matter of agreement between husband and wife, not something imposed as a matter of course.

I don't really know your situation and would be silly to give you advice, I can only say how I feel about things. As Mrs Dools has said it might be useful to see a councilor with your husband.

Croix