Hi all,
I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them.
She’s currently spending a few days with her aunt at the beach. This is the first break I’ve ever had from her and I thought it would help, but now I realise that I don’t miss her. In fact, I don’t feel anything about her. Or my other kids. Or my husband. Or anything, really. All I want to do is sit and do nothing, in silence, looking at my phone.
I realise of course that this isn’t normal. You know all that talk about stress and how in ancient times we would confront a tiger and our cortisol levels would rise, and then we’d either go into fight, flight or freeze mode, but either way the stressor would go away and our cortisol levels would drop and we’d be ok?? Well what are you supposed to do when your ‘tiger’ is your daughter? There is no respite from the stress.
We’re all told that ‘good’ parents don’t yell, or shame or smack or anything other than acknowledge their child’s ‘big feelings’ and foster a deep loving connection. What are you supposed to do when your child doesn’t care about connection, and just keeps on being a tiger?? All those feelings of rage and frustration and grief just get suppressed - and now here I am, not feeling anything about anything. Hating school holidays, not enjoying my family, just waiting for it all to end.
So. Can anyone help me out with a next step to dig myself out of this hole? Is this something you see a GP or psych about, or is this just my life now?
Thanks for getting this far. xx
