Hi im new to this so please forgive me if ive posted in the wrong topic .
Where do i begin im 40 years old i began suffering anxiety from about 15 after my mother died .ive been masking it with alcohol for the last 25 years .
I was in a relationship for 12 mths up to 2 weeks ago. I was drinking every second night .the girl didnt like it but i would get irradiated and anxious every seond night .
The anxiety in the end caused me to think differently and things werent natural with us anymore .she asked me to leave third time in as many months
Its been 2 weeks but im obsessing over her everywhere i go shes in my head .all day every day ,she has told me to leave her alone ,ive sent several txts over the last 2 weeks . but for some reason i keep thinking that somehow she will come around and take me back ,its consuming my mind im struggling with everyday things and feel so alone .i sent her a txt explaining i was suffering anxiety and the alcohol was just making it worse .She didnt respond which is just compounding my obsessive thoughts i feel so hopeless i just want to be normal .i know i need to respect her decision.
Im booked for docs on tues and hoping he can do a mental health plan as i cant cope with this crazy obsessive thoughts .ive never received treatment for anxiety but im hoping finally getting help will fix my messed up brain
Being told to leave three times in as many months obviously means that she didn't like your drinking, but you were doing this to try and numb your depression and memories of your mum, however that was 25 years ago and now the alcohol has been your way of coping for a long time, so it seems as this has come first before your g/friend, please don't worry when I say this, because I was no different as I lost my marriage after 25 years.
She didn't agree with your drinking and even the greatest love between two people can survive if an addiction takes hold and overpowers any affection.
My (ex) wife was also on my mind after the divorce, but I had to come to the conclusion that no matter how much I still loved her, it was not going to get us back together.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but your obsession with her will still remain with you until you are ready to move on, or to be able to overcome this anxiety causing you to drink alcohol.
I hope that you find a counsellor who is sympathetic to your needs as it took me awhile to find someone who could resonate with me and not say 'stop drinking', because that's not going to help you. Geoff.