Hello Jodee, welcome to the forum. That must have been a difficult first post to write, so well done for reaching out. I am sorry to hear about your husband's illness. I know that severe illness, be it physical or mental, affects everyone around the person who has it. Being the partner or carer of someone who's ill can really take a toll on you. So, please don't feel bad or wrong for feeling the way you do, it's normal and to be expected.
It seems to me you have a triple load - your husband's illness, your own depression, and his drinking. It must seem overwhelming sometimes.
As a recovering alcoholic myself (five and half years sober), I understand that your husband is using booze as a coping mechanism. That's what we do. But it can take us over to the point that we become oblivious or uncaring about both the physical and mental effect it is having on us, and on our loved ones. Sadly, the only one who can change that is the alcoholic. You can try to help him towards this by talking to him when he's sober (in a calm, straightforward way, not accusing or critical) and tell him what it's doing to you. If he wants help you can help him. But ultimately, he has to make the decision to change.
Meanwhile hun, you MUST focus on you. You can't help anyone if you are unwell. And, frankly, you deserve better than this. Please talk to your doctor and a perhaps a psychologist. You must care for yourself, that's essential.
Perhaps google Al Anon - the organisation for families and friends of alcoholics. They might be able to offer strategies to help. Other organisations for carers of cancer patients might have information that's useful too. Sorry I don't know any offhand, but if you do some googling you should find something.
Please keep talking to us Jodee, there are many people here who know depression well, for all sorts of reasons - you are among friends.
Kaz
