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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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shattered__to_pieces heartbroken and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi..so im not sure how to start...all i can say is im struggling really bad with anxiety and depression..in the last 5 wks alot of my life fell apart..the man i was totally inlove with and with for 6yrs left me for another woman and moved straight in... View more

Hi..so im not sure how to start...all i can say is im struggling really bad with anxiety and depression..in the last 5 wks alot of my life fell apart..the man i was totally inlove with and with for 6yrs left me for another woman and moved straight in with her had been 'cheating for i dont know how long' how do i get through this help pls. There is so much more to it all but i dont know if i put it all in 1 post or if i just gradually let it all out as im talking to people...i have put doing this off coz i though i was coping but im not..i also have 2 beautiful little girls involved in all this my heart actually really feels like its breaking..my brain doesnt hardly atop thinking about him and her..and im so lonely its unreal

CMF Maintaining civil relationships after being badly hurt
  • replies: 64

I was divorced with 2 kids then met someone who didnt have kids but always wanted them and still lived at home. We had a very slow growing relationship, he didn't want to commit completely for several reasons but said wasn't seeing others.he had a ex... View more

I was divorced with 2 kids then met someone who didnt have kids but always wanted them and still lived at home. We had a very slow growing relationship, he didn't want to commit completely for several reasons but said wasn't seeing others.he had a ex who still called him every week, he said they still caught up as friends and that she slept over still but nothing between them. I definitely didn't want to see others, dating is not my thing. he told me yo start as friends then if things progress you officially commit to each other, you actually say it. our relationship grew, he ever met my kids, didn't think they should be exposed to anything. he was and still is a commitment phobic. I feel like im rambling, talking all over the place - sorry I have so much on my mind. all of a sudden things just fell into place for us, it was just right and we both knew it without having to say anything, then out of the blue he accused me of infidelity. I was knocked for six! I had 2 kids, worked part time and when I wasn;t working was with him. it was ridiculous. he refused to believe me I took a week off work to sort this out he badgered and badgered me, I was not going to walk away from him for something I didn't do, then gave me an ultimatum, give him an admission or we cant move forward. I was so defeated, I couldn't take anymore of his badgering so I made up a story - YES- I gave a FALSE ADMISSION. but I had no story to back it up so I let him make up the story and I just agreed to whatever he said. the reasons I gave were valid i.e the the ex girlfriend always ringing etc( but he then denied ever catching up with her), I could have done it but I didn't. I was prepared to wait for the "official commitment" which never came. Funny thing is in my gut I knew he ws going to do something that would ruin us. we stayted together for another 12 months, neither of us could leave. he accused me the whole time of infidelity, we fought, we yelled, one day I finally walked away I found something o his phone re his ex I couldbt take it anymore and I walked away. we didn't speak for a few days then he rang and we saw each other and bang - I'm pregnant! he wanted the baby but not the relationship - just friends.he accused me the whole pregnancy of seeing someone else- seriously! we have a beautiful girl but I cant forgive him. I found more on the internet re his ex - an rsvp to a party when we were seeing each other. he denies going but cant explain it. so stuck.

Tyron Putting your spouse first.
  • replies: 9

Hi All, This is not something I usually do. I mostly bottle it up but need to get it out and this is my only form, as I have no one to talk to. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we were happy. As of the last few years. She has always put our ... View more

Hi All, This is not something I usually do. I mostly bottle it up but need to get it out and this is my only form, as I have no one to talk to. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we were happy. As of the last few years. She has always put our children and other family members infront of me. I work 6 to 7 days a week and don t ask for much at all. She doesn'ttreat me like a man or even a husband. A marriage is a partnership that is constantly being refine, for later years when the kids move out of home, so you can enjoy eachother. Sometimes I have problems expressing my feelings and it turns into an argument, even though thats not what implying. My wife puts everyone before me and this is quite depressing. It has affected my way of looking at life and I start to think, why do I bother with my relationship, only to know that Im at a defalt last. It would be nine to be put first for a change. When I try to talk about my feelings. I told that Im being silly and I need to man up and be a man. The kids are even treating me like this, as they see what my wife is doing. I love my wife and still in love with her. Not sure what to do because I sometimes think why do I bother. I feel that all Im here to do is work, eat, sleep and pay the bills. My wife contributes as much as she can financially, but it would be nice not to work all of the time and for here to get a job to help me out. I know that Im not perfect and I have flaws too. When I try to talk about issues, she shuts me down and will be in denial that she may have issues too. Im thinking of us going to our doctor and discussing about finding a Counselor. Not sure if this is the right thing to do, since we cant discuss this together. I really dont want this of take hold of our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.

Sunny3 Family therapy
  • replies: 6

My parents want my whole family to go to therapy due to conflicts among us which are not getting resolved. I have agreed to go however I want to take my partner with me as I am very anxious talking to people I don't know and talking about my feelings... View more

My parents want my whole family to go to therapy due to conflicts among us which are not getting resolved. I have agreed to go however I want to take my partner with me as I am very anxious talking to people I don't know and talking about my feelings (In the past for sessions with a psychologist for just me they have attended and it made me feel at ease). My parents have refused to let them come and their only reason was 'we do not have a problem with them' and so they do not need to be there. I have explained the reason why I want them there and asked them if its because it would make them uncomfortable but they said it wasn't and that it is because we are not married yet they are not considered family and therefore cannot come. My parents have also said that they are there to support me, however as the issues are mainly related to me not feeling their support/respect for my feelings I would like my partner to attend). I am an living at home as I am in second year of TAFE and my partner (of 2 years) and I take turns sleeping at each others house so we basically live together. I'm not sure what to do as I really don't want to go without my partner's support but also feel guilty as parents are saying if I don't come without them then i don't want to sort out the problems.

blossom4298 It has all come to an end...
  • replies: 3

A week ago my husband told me that he no longer wanted a relationship with me. He had just come back after being on a job for 8 weeks. We have two beautiful children ages one and four my only concern is for them as I felt that our relationship was he... View more

A week ago my husband told me that he no longer wanted a relationship with me. He had just come back after being on a job for 8 weeks. We have two beautiful children ages one and four my only concern is for them as I felt that our relationship was heading to an end ...didn't think it would actually happen but boy was I wrong. At first he moved into the backroom which we both found really hard so today we both agreed that it would be best if he moved out. So he decided to start straight away and didn't come home till later that night once the kids were asleep to get his clothes etc. I moved out with my husband when we were 18 (now 34) and haven't been on my own since... so now what do I do that I have a house and two kids to look after all by myself. I also have a 10 year struggle with depression, is much better now but obviously with this new venture I am very concern with loosing my shit completely.

jd25 found my daughter
  • replies: 2

20 years ago my girlfriend was heavily pregnant with our daughter, when she left to go back to Victoria we were both young i was 17 she 21, i lost contact with her shortly after my daughter was born, for a long time i have been searching the net for ... View more

20 years ago my girlfriend was heavily pregnant with our daughter, when she left to go back to Victoria we were both young i was 17 she 21, i lost contact with her shortly after my daughter was born, for a long time i have been searching the net for any trace of her to mo avail, a few days ago i found a message on fb from my daughter saying she was looking for her father, the message was sent 4 years ago, I've only just seen it now, i replied but haven't heard back, don't know what to do my heart is broken

Quiettall Redefining your relationship in retirement or when one returns from long absence due to work
  • replies: 5

Hello I have been pondering recently about how one redefines a relationship with your partner after returning from a posting away from the household. As an example, I have had 2 long (3 month each) postings overseas working in different cultures to w... View more

Hello I have been pondering recently about how one redefines a relationship with your partner after returning from a posting away from the household. As an example, I have had 2 long (3 month each) postings overseas working in different cultures to where I live back here in Australia. I have returned to find a real confusion or sense of disillusionment about how Australians put so much value on their possessions over their relationships and more meaningful issues in life. I find it hard to sit and participate, let alone listen to the mundane conversations that go on between friends or family members, who have not experienced working and living in poor conditions. It is a real adjustment and for me, has shone some interesting lights on what are important in my life, and how I want to re-examine those issues with my partner, although she is more than happy to just cruise along, oblivious to the wider world. Although I missed home andwas glad to be back, I sometimes find myself thinking I now am in a mind space which is more comfortable with less, and being able to dfo more meaningful things in less fortunate community situations. I would be really interested in other peoples' views, who may have experienced similar things.

PattyGM Discover infidelity 9 years ago but still feel depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi, I decided to tell my story because for 9 years I have been suffering alone and it is getting worst. After 3 years of marriage I got pregnant right when we were about to go to study abroad. We both had been awarded scholarships to go to Spain, so ... View more

Hi, I decided to tell my story because for 9 years I have been suffering alone and it is getting worst. After 3 years of marriage I got pregnant right when we were about to go to study abroad. We both had been awarded scholarships to go to Spain, so we decided to go and have the baby there. I left first as I had an interview to present and he was supposed to join me in Spain two weeks after. The night right after my interview I had a horrible dream and when I woke up I decided to check his email, something that I never did because I trusted him 100%. To my surprise I found three horrible emails where he was saying goodbye to this other woman in the most romantic way, she did the same and basically they were thanking each other for the wonderful time they had had together. I almost die of sadness, being 10 weeks pregnant I only wanted to stop that pregnancy but I did not do it. He came to Spain and somehow convinced me that it was nothing, that there was not sex involved, that he "lost his mind" and that that relation only lasted one month. I forgave him but still felt that what he told me was not the truth. I got the phone number of this woman and asked directly if she had had sex with my husband to what she said yes. I faced him again with the new information and he accepted it. Since then we are still together (9 years have passed), we had another baby, but I have regular periods of depression, I feel that not all the truth was said, that he is lying to me on everything he says. I became the most obsessive person checking his email every single day, his mobile, his wallet....this is going to sound weird but somehow I have the hope of finding something else. Perhaps I am looking for a excuse to convince myself I do not want to be with him anymore. The maximum I have found along these years is porn pictures or videos, which has stolen my self-esteem completely. I have lost the desire to live, I continue with my life because two children are a huge responsibility and I continue working hard and doing the best I can only for them. However, almost every night I pray it is the last nigh of my life, I just want to disappear. We look like a normal family, but I just feel totally empty. I fear so much being without him, but I fear even more that he will cheat on me again. I do not want to tear this family apart because I do not want my children to suffer. I am losing control of my own mind, just too depressed. I need help...

anonymous175 30 Day Contact Challenge
  • replies: 8

I have decided to do a 30 Day Contact Challage. I realised I have spent my entire life contacting family and friends. Organising events etc... I am tried of this and no one seems to reciprocate. Thus I decided not to contact anyone for 30 days in the... View more

I have decided to do a 30 Day Contact Challage. I realised I have spent my entire life contacting family and friends. Organising events etc... I am tried of this and no one seems to reciprocate. Thus I decided not to contact anyone for 30 days in the hope that I could determine who in fact wants to talk/spend time with me. I am in week two of this challenge and no one has contacted me. I feel sad and deverstated. Has anyone done/been through a similar experience? How did you deal with it at the time? What did you do post the challenge/experience? Help

anonymous175 Facebook & 'Friends'
  • replies: 6

I really struggle with Facebook. I have several 'Friends' that are toxic and/or I don't want contact with anymore. The issue with this is I live in a small country town therefore it's hard to do something about it. I have already 'Unfollowed' these p... View more

I really struggle with Facebook. I have several 'Friends' that are toxic and/or I don't want contact with anymore. The issue with this is I live in a small country town therefore it's hard to do something about it. I have already 'Unfollowed' these people, but feel it's time to cut ties for good. Do anyone have any suggestions regarding my dilemma?