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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ali00 what should I do
  • replies: 1

Iv been with my partner for 10 years. during our relationship my trust had been slowly eaten away to the point where I now feel unwanted, unloved and like I'm not good enough. Iv been having dark thoughts over the last six months and they include sui... View more

Iv been with my partner for 10 years. during our relationship my trust had been slowly eaten away to the point where I now feel unwanted, unloved and like I'm not good enough. Iv been having dark thoughts over the last six months and they include suicidal thoughts. I often cry for hours at a time and think of ways to end my life. I have 2 children that I love dearly and usually snap me back to reality that they need me but when I'm in my deepest darkest place I feel like they would be better off with out me. I have been a supportimg and listening ear to my friends partner and family through thier tough times but I feel like no one gives me the time when I need support. I feel a bit like my partner has hurt me over and over and now that I'm broken and insecure I'm just an inconvenience, and that he's not prepared to accept I'm hurting because of his actions. I confided in him that I feel depressed and suicidal and he just looks at me and says nothing. Iv been feeling suicidal and poured my heart out in a text only to have him not reply "because he doesn't know what to say"is this a normal response. I feel like even though it's a difficult discussion if you love someone you would try to talk through it with them. Just to make sure they know you care. Because he doesn't this compounds my feelings that I'm not worth it. When I am at my lowest his response is often so inflammatory that it makes me feel worse..I'm kind of at my breaking point and I don't get any understanding in my own home so I wondered if anyone else experienced anything like this and how they got through it.? I'm just finding it's hard to keep getting kicked when your down. You start to loose the will to get back up again. I have been seeing a psychologist been on medication to help me sleep , anxiety meds and depression meds. i long for understanding and concern from my partner but I don't think it will ever happen and this makes me so sad because I can't comprehend how someone who's meant to be your support can be so heartless. I don't really know how to fix it.thanks

eloquentia Parental Expectations
  • replies: 1

My mother criticised me yesterday for not having a girlfriend. I am 18 years old and she said that she expected me to be taking out girls at my age. She then went on to tell me that all of my siblings had boyfriends/girlfriends when they were at scho... View more

My mother criticised me yesterday for not having a girlfriend. I am 18 years old and she said that she expected me to be taking out girls at my age. She then went on to tell me that all of my siblings had boyfriends/girlfriends when they were at school. I feel very aggrieved about this. Was my mother out of line? I can see it in my parents' eyes that they think I am a failure, and there are a lot of reasons for this (the girlfriend incident just triggered this post). Is it normal to not love your parents at all when you are a disappointment? I mean they didnt abuse me as a child, I feel as if my lack of love for them is not legitimate or justified. To be perfectly honest, it wouldn't bother me if they died. What makes it worse is that people would resent me greatly if they found out about this because they see my parents as loving and me as spoilt. My mind is a mess.

MrCheese wife of 15 years abandons family to chase men
  • replies: 6

I don't know how to convince my soon to be ex wife that jumping from bed to bed is not a good way to solve either mental health or marital issues. Our three young children are as devastated as I am but unlike me they do not spend most of the day cryi... View more

I don't know how to convince my soon to be ex wife that jumping from bed to bed is not a good way to solve either mental health or marital issues. Our three young children are as devastated as I am but unlike me they do not spend most of the day crying. I loved her so much, and I feel like I have been ripped apart by her abandoning us in order to chase other men...

Ewok I need some clarity on my situation
  • replies: 6

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who pai... View more

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who paid no attention to him at all. In fact my husband's birth was blamed for them losing their house, the mother getting worse and the father losing his well paid job. In short 10 years ago my husband stopped all contact with his family and does seem better off. He's done a lot of positive work on himself incl. men's festivals and group stuff with psychiatrists etc. I also have issues to deal with myself which I actively do on a daily basis without using any medication. My attention seeking is much better and my self worth is on the up and up. My problem is that my husband is always criticizing me under the guise of helping me. I have been the main bread winner when I work. He doesn't want to do menial work like his father but has never taken opportunities when they come up. I did offer to put him through uni. I worked for 2 years in 14/15 and told him to find out what he was good at with regards to his writing and/or public speaking both of which he has talent. He talks sometimes about how I don't have big highs and lows. How that is normal. In my world it's not normal I have come from a family of people who supress things and heavily medicate themselves with addictions. We are house sitting at the mo and money is now getting lowish. He is doing nothing towards work and uses me as an excuse ie what am I doing, in the past you have sabotaged us moving ahead (yes I agree I did). My sabotaging affects his ability to work. He doesn't drive so if he were to start a business I would need to be there to support him which I would do. Little things are now causing us major problems. There is a Stephen Fry tape here on bi polar disorder and I am wondering if he has that. Look I'm not perfect as I said I have my own issues but it's getting too much to handle for me to be alone with this anymore. If you're going to advise me to take medication or see a doctor don't bother posting anything!! I am being open honest and vulnerable and the last thing I need is for someone to tell me I need to numb it.

Ewok Help my sister
  • replies: 5

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place wi... View more

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place with an anxiety ridden partner who smokes dope and drinks and they also have a friend of his boarding with them as well who also smokes. She also went to rehab.I go and stay with her every now and then. The first time I stayed she seemed like she was coping. However she drinks every day (but she says she's not an alcoholic), smokes dope sometimes (I feel she probably wouldn't do this if it wasnt around), smokes ciggies takes medication, and does colouring in all day between Facebook activity and over eat she is obese. She goes straight from bed to the couch and always makes announcements. I'm gonna take the dog for a walk etc. The poor dog never gets a walk!After my last visit her laziness is a lot worse drinking starts at 8am etc.I know I can't fix this but I feel hopeless. She lies to me as well. I know I'm dealing with an addict and not my sister.

Claire_A Don't know what you've got til it's gone
  • replies: 4

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it... View more

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it coming and it left me reeling. We had been friends for many years before we started dating and, knowing I would be moving interstate for university, I was reluctant to ever start a serious long distance relationship for fear of losing my best friend. But we went ahead and unfortunately that is what happened. We are both incredibly busy with our degrees and our uni lives and I can accept that long distance is a huge strain on any relationship, particularly when there is no end date in sight. I understand that he called it off in order to focus on his own life and friends but I'm having a hard time accepting that it's really over, especially seeing as now I've lost the person I loved more than anything and my best friend. Last semester my anxiety sky rocketed due to increased classes and I became quite depressed. He didn't know how to deal with it and I was continually frustrated by his inability to fix what I was feeling, although realistically the only person who could help me was myself. Because of this, I'm really blaming myself for the relationship ending- what if I'd tried harder, been more understanding, told him how much I really loved him etc etc. I feel like I pushed him into a position where his only choice was to get out and now he seems fine and I can barely breathe let alone function as a normal human and focus on work and classes. I'm trying my hardest to be positive and see this break up as an opportunity for a fresh start but it's hard to deal with the constant waves of grief and regret that keep threatening to overwhelm me and the constant hope that we will get back together. I know it takes time but if anyone has any tips on dealing with these situations in the short term I would love the hear them.

JaimeLouise13 Over reacting??
  • replies: 4

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I coul... View more

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I couldn't understand him or his friends. Not thinking too much about it I left and thought he will make his way to me or worst case I'll collect him on way home. My husband found his way to me eventually with a friend, he was acting strange... not his normal drunk self and suspect he was on something stronger. I asked him... he said no... i asked his friend he said nah he's drunk a bottle.. and then left in his car. Mean while my husband acting strange but I trusted them both and went with it. Next morning he didn't have a normal hang over... i said wow lastnight I could have sworn you where more then drunk... he laughed it off. Thought nothing again as I trusted him. Following weekend I was told he and my girl friends brother had tried cocaine. I said no he said he was just drunk. When I returned home I asked him nicely and said there was a rumor he was on cocaine... he was acting strange again but said no... i trusted him with his answer. That night I was sick to the stomach thinking... my husband was a lier... i felt like the biggest bitch for doughting him but my gut said he lied. Today as I could feel my heart breaking and my eyes swelled with tears I told my husband I didn't believe him. I called him a lier to his face.... i cant described the pain my heart felt. He then replied that he had tried cocaine and my heart broken again. I don't mind the reason behind him trying it. But the lie of not coming clean when asked 4 times is hurting me.. The hate I have for his mates for leaving him with me and my daughter whilst he was high hurts.. and that his mate (who was in our wedding) lied to my face. What happened if he reacted badly and he hurt either of us or worse went into a coma and I didn't know what to tell the ambos. Or died and I found out through bloods he had taken drugs without telling me. I feel as tho I can't trust his friendship group anymore nor him after lying for so long.... Am I over reacting??? I can't sleep and when thinking about it i actually want to throw up. My heart has a consistent pain since yesterday and its getting worse. We have the best relationship so I'm so confused...

Sharny Advice on when or if our children should be told about mum's mental illness
  • replies: 9

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could advise me as to whether or not my children should be told about my mental illness. It is really important at the moment due to the age of my eldest in particular of 13. I feel the need to now know firmly whether or... View more

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could advise me as to whether or not my children should be told about my mental illness. It is really important at the moment due to the age of my eldest in particular of 13. I feel the need to now know firmly whether or not this would be to his detriment or make him understand some of the things he witnesses from time to time. I don't wan't to make a mistake regretting it later on if I think it could of benefited our family but I don't wan't to make a huge mistake either. At the moment both of our children are doing very well socially and at school so I don't want to destroy anything. Recently I went back to my psychiatrist after using natural therapies only for sometime, but now things have changed a bit and the kids were asking about the appointment. I'm worried that keeping my mental health issue hidden will only make it harder if I'm ever not doing as well in the near future. My instincts tell me to leave the children out of it but thoughts keep prevailing that it might help the kids see another part to mum. Any advice would be appreciated, Sharny.

leela19 Sister committed suicide, nephew terminal illness diagnosis and 6 months postpartum
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy ... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy then a traumatic labour and delivery where both she and I were at risk, but in the end both came through OK. My husband and I then muddled through the newborn stage, as you do and fast forward to June when my bub is 3 months old and we found out that my nephew has been diagnosed with severe Duchane Muscular Dystrophy. So we now know that he is unlikely to live past his mid twenties and will end up being a full quadraplegic before then. I have been focusing on trying to be there for my brother and his wife - Not to mention my 4 year old nephew... Soon afterwards my daughter became unwell, we had no idea why but in the end needed surgery - which had to occur whilst my husband was overseas so my step-dad came to help us during that time as she recovered. My husband was back in the country for three days when the unmentionable happened and my big sister committed suicide... I had to support my entire family through the time, arrange the entire funeral, support her young children and husband, write the eulogy and try to hold everyone together whilst my bub was still recovering herself. At the funeral, my biological father and step-mother caused a massive scene and to cut a long story short - We have now fallen out and I will never speak to them again... So I feel as if I am also grieving any possible relationship with my father... I then became unwell - landed myself in hospital, had to suddenly stop breastfeeding in order to recover and returned to work 3 weeks ago. I was thrilled to go back to work, as a bit of an escape - but then I found out this week that a promotion I should have automatically be appointed to, I am not even being given an interview - presumably because I just had a baby. It has been the final straw and I now am officially not coping. I am booked in to see the GP later in the week to discuss post-natal depression but I don't even know if it is depression or just my whole world crashing down around me. I don't know how to grieve - to actually try to deal with my emotions. At the moment I am just focussing on keeping on going... Has anyone else had everything pile up like this? I just want to know that one day life will eventually return to normal and maybe one day I can feel better...

Shadow750 Really Need Help/Advice....Mentally being torn apart
  • replies: 8

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work ful... View more

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work full time. I cannot always be available. I feel like I’m depressed, torn, confused and just feeling guilty…..I knd of dont even know really how to express how I feel. I feel I have all these competing obligations but in all this there is no time for me. I pay all dads bills, am executor to the estate of mum and my uncle I try to see dad twice to three times per week and call him daily. But he says he’s bored, or all he’s done is watch TV each day and so I feel guilty or maybe a powerlessness over my situation. Selfishness comes to my mind....can I and should I do more ? Dad and I were never really close but he now needs me. I have tried to organise home help but he doesn’t want it. I’ve suggested community groups where they take you out for a few hours but he’s not interested. As an only child all the burden falls on me. And I feel like I have to please my wife, my dad, work and it’s just too much. Am I selfish ? Am I just whimping out ? Am I just whinging ? I do know all this mental anguish is a negative. I dont want to sound like a victim here but the competing interests make life hard. I dont think I have depression but sometimes I just want to scream out STOP, this week is mine all mine to do what I want. I've been trying to do this since mum got sick with dementia so maybe about 10 months I've been trying to juggle these balls. With mum now gone it's intensified or maybe I've made it intensify within myself. I really am confused and have decided I need to get counselling, there’s no point talking with those who know me because they have a biased view and need to speak with somebody that sees me as a blank canvas. Any advice would really be appreciated. Thanks for reading this.