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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Stuck82 Lost, exhausted and hate life!
  • replies: 17

Hi, i hope someone can give me hope that i can be strong enough. I have been together with my husband for 15 years. Married for 10 and we have 2 beautiful boys together. I met him when i was 18 and been with him ever since. I have been depressed for ... View more

Hi, i hope someone can give me hope that i can be strong enough. I have been together with my husband for 15 years. Married for 10 and we have 2 beautiful boys together. I met him when i was 18 and been with him ever since. I have been depressed for a long time but finally got help last year. I see a psychologist and i am also on anti depressants. I see my doctor monthly. I feel not as cloudy on the medication but still very down. I do the jobs that i have to do and make sure my family are looked after and that's it. I do not do anything that i enjoy anymore cause i just dont care. My husband is a child, he plays computer games, drinks alcohol alot. We have been through so much in tbe past 5 years and i have finally had enough. But i don't know what i want anymore. I feel so down. I feel like i want to be on my own but then i cant see myself without my husband. I don't have Facebook or any social media connection, i don't go to any work partys, he hates me working where i work full stop, i cant even get a tattoo. Why? Cause it upsets him! He says i am an attention seeker, a liar, dumb! I don't do any of these things cause i want him to be happy and not be angry at me (even though he never is happy) people say to me to just leave but i can't cause i don't want to upset him and give up. I feel like im not being a good wife if i did. Im going crazy cause i just want to be me and not be put down or judged. But i feel like i can't leave cause i will break up my family i have wanted so much. What do i do? Im exhausted! All i think is, whats he going to feel or think about me!? He'll hate me. I don't talk to him about anything im feeling cause i don't want to argue anymore. Im tired but i feel so stuck. I want my family but i want to be on my own with my kids. I don't know what to feel anymore. I hate my life. I hate what and who i have become! I know i need to fix it but cant. Im miserable and just so down. I feel ive given everything... there is so much more to my story but it just goes on and on. Seeing my psychologist and doctor help but not to a point where i can make a decision. When will i just have enough?

CalculatedRisk Feeling alone in the relationship.
  • replies: 24

Hello all, first post, long time lurker. Brief introduction - 8 years ago diagnosed with anxiety (and depression as a symptom of the anxiety). Went through therapy, all good now. Still on mild medication and regular visits with my GP, but for all int... View more

Hello all, first post, long time lurker. Brief introduction - 8 years ago diagnosed with anxiety (and depression as a symptom of the anxiety). Went through therapy, all good now. Still on mild medication and regular visits with my GP, but for all intents and purposes my life is good - good job, steady income, education coming along. Personally I feel great. Issue I am feeling is with my wife. We have two lovely children, both work etc. However just over 3 years ago I found she was having an emotional affair with an old friend (inter state). Inappropriate pictures/texts being sent back and forth. Long story short I force the couples counselling. So she stopped going about 8 months ago, and went haphazardly prior to then, I was committed to every session and for many many sessions I was going alone to couples counselling (definition of irony). Now for a bit longer than 3 years we've had little way of interpersonal connection (intimacy, just plain talk, time together etc). It has been a topic of contention that she can spent all evening chatting on facebook, but have no time to converse with me. Success rate for intimacy is about 5% all initiated by me, and having had/have social anxiety the constant knock-back is really starting to feel personal, especially given her emotional affair. Too much work, too tired, can't be bothered are common excuses given for any time together (including family time), but if a friend wants a visit....woooosh off she goes leaving me and the children. I'm committed in this relationship, but it feels I have a flat mate whom we share custody of the children and the bills. She is a person who I feel doesn't know the value of something until it is gone. Now I'm not looking for answers, I am here seeking comments from people who have experienced similar. How long does one usually work at a relationship problem before deciding enough is enough? If/when it is time to move on, do you really have to think about it, or does one just know when it is the right time and they just make it happen? I know it may seem harsh, but years of oodles of arguments, emails, reading, counselling.......there is only so much I see I can do to try and resolve things. Unfortunately it doesn't just impact me, it will impact the children for the rest of their life what decision I make. Relationships are a two way street requiring two people to commit, unfortunately I feel very alone with this. Thanks for reading. CalculatedRisk

Mal50 They say that opposites attract...
  • replies: 6

Hello all, my wife and I have been married for 27 years, but in many ways we are complete opposites. I'm a very patient, tolerant person, who exercises diplomacy and kindness as much as is within my ability. However, my wife is the extreme opposite. ... View more

Hello all, my wife and I have been married for 27 years, but in many ways we are complete opposites. I'm a very patient, tolerant person, who exercises diplomacy and kindness as much as is within my ability. However, my wife is the extreme opposite. She very aggressive, even vicious at times, and verbally tears strips off me because I'm not more like her. Because of my gentle demeanour I've been bullied and pushed around all my life, and even forced to do things I wasn't comfortable with (that's putting it mildly). She puts me down and belittles me every day, but I can live with that. I've been put down all my life. However, our oldest son is autistic and lacks somewhat in intelligence and it pains me tremendously when she verbally screams at him and puts him down, calling him brainless and stupid. I feel his pain! Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Loula Forgiveness and Councelling
  • replies: 6

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around ... View more

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around me. I just fully switched off. But the thing I wound toughest was talking about family that wronged me and then calling up that night for a chat. Like how does one discus there horrible childhood and then talk all nicely to the one that let those horrible things happen. It's like I'm fuming mad at them, they did this to me, I need help because of them but they are family they love me they want the best for me and I just can't be mean. It felt so weird. Has anyone delt with this before? I just don't know what to think or do about it. Part of me wants to tell them to never talk to me again I literally hate you! (I never use the word hate but that's how I feel) Then your my family I feel sorry do you, I love you, you got no one. Im just really confused

Rainforrest Alone again
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She ... View more

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She was a narcissistic unfaithful liar. I was co-dependent and compromised myself. I had an emotional breakdown and spent 12 years alone rebuilding my life. Then 2 years ago, I met someone special and it felt amazing to share love that felt uncompromised. She was so different to the previous experience, loving, kind and grateful, then it went downhill and she withdrew closed up. I'm just sad, sad it didn't work out, sad she wasn't willing to accept my past and create a future. Sad she didn't feel I was worth it I guess. I never wanted to feel this again although the circumstances are very different the heart aches the same. I am having feelings of unworthiness and not being enough for someone to stay and share life's ups and downs. I know that's not healthy but it's how I feel.

Matt1991 A late bloomer
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversatio... View more

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversations, and I cannot read nonverbal communication like body language and understanding social cues. I have been counseling for many thousands of years trying to help myself to be a normal guy to get experience of relationships and sex like everybody else who already done it before me. I used to have social anxiety, but now I am a social aspie. Since I moved to Brisbane I made lots of friends through like minded groups and that. University, out in community and so on. I have more female friends than males, this is because they treat guys with disabilities quite well as they are understanding people, and also they have similar passion for the environment that I love. More recently I become ashamed of being a virgin and late bloomer among my peers, because all of my friends already experienced it and I am not. I feel like 25 years old is very late according to research statistics. It makes me depressed when seeing myself left behind of this social human behaviour. I couldn't get dates or close interaction with women since they all friend zoned and rejected me. It hurts so badly when feeling lonely and seeing other people enjoy their times at the same time. I am generally a happy and active person. I always go out meet people through common interests and that. Every week i go out, and also I cope communication challenges depending on the environment conditions like background noise, alcohol smell and crowds. I tend to avoid these situations. I always wondered when and where I finally meet a lady for me. Ever guys had their turns, but why excluding me? Is it being an aspie turns women off?

ant56 I am 60, married 35 years but want to leave everything behind. I want to be alone.
  • replies: 3

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and... View more

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and medication have dulled me, have kicked the medication and have lost weight. But still troubled greatly. Intimacy problems in marriage, counselling again, no help, problems are mostly mine. I just want to leave everything and move overseas to be alone. I'm misunderstood, and feel I have 10 years of life left where I can try to be myself.

quiet_please Tired of being me/ too sensitive
  • replies: 4

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and... View more

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and love that a child receives from their mother. My mother was cold, selfish, mean spirited, abusive and narcissistic. My mother never did anything wrong. We were taught to never have any conflict or assert ourselves, state our needs, argue with her. Everything she said was right and whatever she said, whether it as rude, should just be “ignored”. I never learnt boundaries, to be assertive, conflict skills, self confidence. The list could go on. As such, as an adult, I struggle. I am picked on constantly by other females. They see that I am weak, not able to stand up for myself, quiet, passive and tread all over me. My family members say things to me with no respect. They know they can get away with it because I wont say anything to their face. I am always targeted by bullies. Bullied at school at work. People in public make snide remarks and roll their eyes at me. I always catch others pull faces or make comments behind my back. They think I am a snob. They don’t understand I am quiet and anxious and like to keep to myself. My friends who are supposed to lift me up and support me, say nasty things to me. Why cant they be happy for me? I have never had a close connection with another female. When I almost did as a teenager, my mother destroyed it out of jealousy. I have sisters who are both estranged due to my mothers meddling. I have no connection with them. I have difficulty with forming friendships with other females. I have attachment, boundary and trust issues. I have had generalised anxiety disorder, major depression and social anxiety since a young child. I am a misfit. I am tired of being so sensitive and having all these things get to me. I am tired of not fitting in. I am tired of not having a female support network. I am tired of women being nasty to me. I am tired of being a magnet for toxic people and people taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. My anxious mind goes over things 100 times. I feel lonely and alone

Only_the_lonely Narcisstic mother
  • replies: 3

Hello. I am 48 years old. My parents divorced when I was teen age and I was forced into work since I was 15 years old. My elder brother and I was the scapegoats in the family and my brother and I gave all our pay packets (back on the 80's we got paid... View more

Hello. I am 48 years old. My parents divorced when I was teen age and I was forced into work since I was 15 years old. My elder brother and I was the scapegoats in the family and my brother and I gave all our pay packets (back on the 80's we got paid cash with payslips if some of you may remember). Later we did feel unworthy not getting anything from our mum so we approached our employer and he agreed to make two pay packets so one for mum ($100.00), and $25.00 for me. I think it was around this time that my mum lost her love for me but only viewed my brother and I as bread-winners in the house. Saturdays, my brother and I would wake up and take the clothes to the laundrymat, walk kilometres to buy groceries and carry them back. We used to take our younger siblings to weekend game practices whilst my mum just sat back and relaxed. She used to get angry when we missed any of our routine chores. I remember I bought mags for my first car which I bought in a payment plan. She told me to leave the house. We did not have anyone else in Australia ,no friends or family members. I would cry many times. Today, I am married for 21 years, have 2 girls and a loving wife but I have been barred from family members because of my mum. She does not love me enough to except my wife as well. She wants money from me and if I don't provide, she would complain to my younger siblings who then send rude text messages to me. I have raised this issue with her but she brushes it off saying ,,,no..no!! its not what you think. She does not care about how I feel. I have tried to be a good son and gave her money even behind my wife's back as I wish to honour my parents as the bible says but my mum gives me so much grief. Even today it pains me and I cry without anyone knowing as I work alone. Mum often says if I don't do as she wants then my kids will get to me as Karma will prevail. I love my kids and I give them lots of love and kisses all the time. I will ensure that I am nothing like my parents. I do wish well for my siblings but I am keeping away from them as nothing I will say, will make them makes sense as all they are trying to please is my mum. My elder brother, has also stopped contacting mum as we cannot win and we are always branded the "bad sons" after committing 15 years to them. I lost my youth due to my commitment, never dated as my mum made sure we did not have money. Am I doing the right thing here??

Nickname_16EBF092-F51D-42 Waves of shock 6 months on- husband cheated
  • replies: 4

It's now been 6 months since I discovered my husband had been cheating with other women (mfm also) mostly online sex. We have gone through an enormous amount of counselling individually and as a couple. In short we are staying together, he loves me, ... View more

It's now been 6 months since I discovered my husband had been cheating with other women (mfm also) mostly online sex. We have gone through an enormous amount of counselling individually and as a couple. In short we are staying together, he loves me, he is now deeply affected by his actions and we are slowly getting through it. We have been together for 26 years and since then I have never been involved with another man.Our financial issues are also a huge burden, which we are trying to address. Only our doctors know our situation, to tell friends and family would be catastrophic. i absolutely love him and am very slowly trusting and forgiving him - it's just excruciating. I have never experienced depression and anxiety so bad,even during having my first child. My psych described the situation as a trauma which I dismissed at the time but due to what has been happening maybe she is right. I am having episodes where the smallest of things can trigger utter despair, like going back to when I first found out. And it's not when I'm feeling particularly low - even on good days. It might be something like ironing a shirt I know he wore when he saw one them / the shirt now in the bin. Or the mention of an OS trip (one where he was there earlier and meet a woman (very young) and then met me at our rendezvous hotel). i have a high level of anxiety when I go out with my husband - what if he sees someone from that life? I can't trust myself with what I'd do. I'm not violent and very much a law-abider ... But I understand the ferocity of anger that can lead to hurting someone. When these shocks happen, at the time I can't stop it, it's like a spiral of despair. Somehow the mask goes on and I carry on, but if im on my own I end of the couch crying constantly. how do you stop these memories? How to deal with the triggers? Why is the pain still so severe. I didn't ask for any of this, it's not my fault.