Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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flower_girl1 Lonely Without Love
  • replies: 6

So. I am 26F, and I have never had a boyfriend, never been in love, never had any more than a passing crush on someone.I have been pretty busy most of my adult life so it was never an issue but now that I am no longer studying it is really getting to... View more

So. I am 26F, and I have never had a boyfriend, never been in love, never had any more than a passing crush on someone.I have been pretty busy most of my adult life so it was never an issue but now that I am no longer studying it is really getting to me. I grew up around guys, I only have brothers and most of my cousinds are guys and my my brothers friends were always around so it was just guys guys guys. That was why I have never been boy crazy I just got really sick of guys cause I always saw their bad side.I have never wanted to play the field, and the idea of dating is just terrifying. I have no desire to sit in judgement with someone and find out if I can fall in love with them. I would listen to friends who were dating and they would be like, yeah I don't really like this guy, I'm probably gunna dump him soon. I would hate to be in this situation, I dont want to be with anyone unless I love them.People ask me about dating all the time and I swear they have no idea how awful they are being!I dont know what to say to them, that I dont want to go boy hunting. I really dont know why I cringe at the idea of a guy hitting on me, or why I virtually never see a guy and think I might like.I have joined an online dating site to try and force myself to do this. But its just making me upset, I have no idea what I am looking for really but every face I see looks ordinary and un exciting.Growing up the world gives you this impression that love means true love, epic love, head over heals in love. And I dont want to settle for anything less. I feel like there is something wrong with me, evryone else seems to find this so straight forward and easy but to me its like entering the hunger games. For the longest time I just kept telling myself I don't want a boyfriend I like my independance, which is true. But what I really wish I had was someone I truely love. And I guess I am wondering if this really happens, or if people just convince themselves to fall in love with the right person.So yeah this is what's getting me down at the moment. Is it a ctually possible? Or is it just a fairy tale? Flower Girl

cocoa1 Feeling Overwhemed
  • replies: 4

Feeling overwhelmed by 3 kids 2 teenagers 15 yr old boy who is verbally abusive, 14 year old daughter who is bright but does not feel happy at school and a 11 year apergers son. Myself 49 going through menopause. Can't see the light at the end of the... View more

Feeling overwhelmed by 3 kids 2 teenagers 15 yr old boy who is verbally abusive, 14 year old daughter who is bright but does not feel happy at school and a 11 year apergers son. Myself 49 going through menopause. Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel anxious all the time.

Agnetha I seem to attract control types
  • replies: 8

Hi . My name is Agnetha. I'm originally from Sweden but I've lived in Australia for over 10 years. No children but two marriages so far with very difficult guys. The first one, he want to control every minute of my life, even I visit my friends, he w... View more

Hi . My name is Agnetha. I'm originally from Sweden but I've lived in Australia for over 10 years. No children but two marriages so far with very difficult guys. The first one, he want to control every minute of my life, even I visit my friends, he want to know what we do and say, Same if I am on the phone, he want to listen to everything we say, then he quiz me after that. He don't trust me and very jealous I think even I just look at men in the street. So I had to leave him. Now I with what seem to be nice guy at first but now he want to do the same, control every movement and very strict with me at home. He supervise my housecleaning, making sure I clean toilets to his standard and get very arngry if toothpaste lid not on or shower tile grout not cleaned to perfection. the other day, he say "why you not do hospital corners on bed?' I say "what is hospital corner"? I suffer anxiety and depression very bad and a little OCD, just a little. I thinking to leave this guy and go back to Sweden. it seem I just attract controlling guys who don't respect me. Why is that? I not aware what I do to deserve that 'cause I very kind to them, very kind indeed. thank you reading agnetha

Feelinblu Marriage again after separartion
  • replies: 9

I have pretty bad anxiety issues but at the moment and just able to cope (nearly) and hold on to my job. My marriage ended after 16years quite suddenly as my husband had an affair. Things were not great before that but ok. 6 weeks after that happens ... View more

I have pretty bad anxiety issues but at the moment and just able to cope (nearly) and hold on to my job. My marriage ended after 16years quite suddenly as my husband had an affair. Things were not great before that but ok. 6 weeks after that happens I threw myself into another relationship that was very romantic and exciting. After 14 months I realised that relationship wasn't going to work and I ended it which was very hard. I was scared and lonely and so was my ex husband by that stage so decided to give it another go. That was nearly a year ago. Things are good for a while but then I start having thoughts of ending it this upsets him greatly. He has been good since we've been back together but for some reason I just don't feel an attraction towards him and it's really distressing me. We tried counselling but it was just too distressing for both of us. Don't know what to do and it's affecting my health

SeriouslyWorried Worried
  • replies: 8

She lives in fear of her life and the lives of her children. Her ex husband has threatened her, on multiple occasions, with death. Her death and the death of the children.He still stalks her. He intimidates her. His new partner, a supposedly educated... View more

She lives in fear of her life and the lives of her children. Her ex husband has threatened her, on multiple occasions, with death. Her death and the death of the children.He still stalks her. He intimidates her. His new partner, a supposedly educated woman, sends lumps of coal to her parents. The ex-husband drives 6 hours from his home, to surveil her, parking his car directly behind hers in a shopping centre of 2000 spaces, and sitting in his car until she leaves work. She is afraid, legitimately. She has broken off relationships and now is distancing herself from friends. She wants everyone to leave her alone . She believes she's in this alone and no one can help her. She believes the only outcome is her death, at the hands of her ex. I am scared for her. I am scared she is isolating herself, when she needs to be surrounding herself. But I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help someone who so adamantly refuses help. I don't want her to be pressured or overwhelmed, so I respect her wishes of leaving her be..... ....but I need her to know this is something she doesn't have to face alone. People love her. I love her. I just want her to be safe and happy and to know that whatever demons lay before her, that there will be people to stand by her side and face them. I want to protect her. But how do I help someone that's refuses it?

SamD Will my depressed boyfriend return?
  • replies: 6

A year ago I met my dream man. The first 5 weeks were amazing but one day he coldly dumped me.I tried to reconcile with him but he ignored my calls. A week later he apologised and said he wanted to be together. I said yes. 4 weeks later he did it aga... View more

A year ago I met my dream man. The first 5 weeks were amazing but one day he coldly dumped me.I tried to reconcile with him but he ignored my calls. A week later he apologised and said he wanted to be together. I said yes. 4 weeks later he did it again. His mum told me he has done this with all his previous girlfriends. I think he has depression. When I asked him, he said he had depression in the past but that talking about depression makes him depressed. After repeating this heart-wrenching cycle 5 times, I said I needed to move on. 2-3 months later I heard from him again. I had just started seeing someone else but left him for my ex. I was reluctant and repeatedly expressed my fear of him leaving. He reassured me that he loved me and never would. I made him promise that as soon as he started to feel down to tell me so we could deal with it.He agreed. We then had 6 months of pure joy. We went overseas, he said he loved me every day, and we often talked about our future together. It felt different and I convinced myself he was OK and would stay. As he knew, I have many family issues. One day I went to his house in a bad mood having just received some sad news. I tried to talk to him about it but he didn’t seem to care. He fell asleep early, and feeling frustrated I drove home instead of staying over. I regretfully called him selfish. The next morning still upset by my news and his indifference, I told him I didn’t want to see him that day and that I didn’t care if I didn’t see him again. I was mad and didn’t mean it. Later, he appeared at my house and said it’s over. He said he still loves me but in a different way and wants a happy drama-free life. I apologised profusely for what I did. He acted like a totally different person - cold, with no feelings towards me. Aside from that 1 fight, our relationship was amazing.I had no warning signs. 2 nights before he told his mum he wanted to buy a house with me and the day before everything was great. The week before he booked our flights to weddings we have this year. I think it’s the depression doing this. Since he left, I have struggled. I cry daily and feel my entire future and happiness have been ripped away from me. I will always regret how I acted that night, but maybe this was just a ticking time bomb. Past experience has told me to give him space in the hopes he will return. If he does I know we have a long path ahead. Do you think he will return, or should I move on? Perhaps he just doesn’t love me.

Lepidoptera Partner problems, family problems, self problems
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am new to this site but I have been considering reaching out for some time. I feel surrounded by depression, and it can be overwhelming because I have no power to make the situation any better and perhaps make it worse. I have been with my p... View more

Hello, I am new to this site but I have been considering reaching out for some time. I feel surrounded by depression, and it can be overwhelming because I have no power to make the situation any better and perhaps make it worse. I have been with my partner for 6 years now. He has had depression and anxiety since childhood. I have been as supportive as possible, often encouraging treatment, however he has been struggling for so long he is adament nothing can help him and it has been very difficult to pursuade him to keep trying and not give up. Fortunately he is going to see a psychiatrist soon, I hope they can help, he suffers so much and the medication does not seem to be helping. My parents are also depressed, and have struggles of their own. Neither have any interest in seeking help or treatment. I think its mostly becaue they believe what is available would not help so there is no point. It may also be finances, they know seeing someone long term would take years for helpful results and feel its too much. I feel powerless to help them, I can say I care about them but not much else, just observe them being completely miserable. As for myself, well perhaps I can't complain. I feel unhappy mostly, I feel alone and isolated. But it is selfish, to be unhappy with a relationship where my partner usually wants to be left alone and pushes me away, because he is suffering. I understand his predicament, I had depression as a teenager to the point of being bed bound; I wanted to sleep away my life and ignore everything around me. Now I am able to focus on other things and interact with other people enough to have worked, volunteered and gone to uni. Of course, the interactions I had with others was always superficial. Only ever professional, my partner is also my only friend. Part of my isolation is the inability to make friendships, I am sure there is something wrong with me since so many people advise starting new things inevitably leads to supporting groups. I did not form worthy relationships at my job or at uni. Its a bit pathetic really.

Flat I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm new to this I feel I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem I've tried to help I work a lot very tired mentally and physically I'm scared of trying to survive financially independently I'm very depressed have be... View more

Hi I'm new to this I feel I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem I've tried to help I work a lot very tired mentally and physically I'm scared of trying to survive financially independently I'm very depressed have been for a long time don't think there's any thing to look forward to I have two kids they are not young but I ok after all their needs I'm just scared of future it affects me a lot

chociloni Narcissistic Men
  • replies: 7

Why are there so many Narcissistic Men out there? I know women can be narcissists too but it seems narcissism favours men more. I have not come here to man bash btw. I am recently out of a 6 month relationship with a man who initially in beginning ca... View more

Why are there so many Narcissistic Men out there? I know women can be narcissists too but it seems narcissism favours men more. I have not come here to man bash btw. I am recently out of a 6 month relationship with a man who initially in beginning came across as a total saint. He ended up being a total jerk to me just because I did not reach his expectations of being a perfect muse for him, my relationship with him just ended up being him having his cake and eating it and me being thrown away in the trash. He is manipulative and I fell for his charms. It was so painful as I thought I loved him, it wasn't working by about October / November of last year so I broke it off and he wouldn't let me, but at the same time he said he didn't want to be with me as I was too full on?? He was just childish and did not like that I broke up with him. He always has to have the upper hand. To me we officially broke up in November but he's still been contacting me all the time wanting to work things out but everything is all on his terms, like a fool I've still been talking to him. The last straw was a few days ago when I tried to be honest with him about something and he told me to " get out of his life, and sent me 4 messages in a row that were abusive. I feel wrecked. I have blocked him now on my phone and fb. I feel flattened. I guess the issue here is more why I would fall for such a man..

Qld1981 Don't know what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi I am a 34 year old female and I just feel so helpless at the moment I was in a relationship with a man for 15 years and we had 3 beautiful kids together and now the relationship is over I just don't know how to go on my kids are with his family be... View more

Hi I am a 34 year old female and I just feel so helpless at the moment I was in a relationship with a man for 15 years and we had 3 beautiful kids together and now the relationship is over I just don't know how to go on my kids are with his family because I just sunk into depression