Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Em_thatisme I'm angry.
  • replies: 1

Hello All,So I have anxiety. I have two small children, they are hard work and beautiful. I have a great husband. I have two lovely parents and my Dad is not well. I am larger now than I have been my adult life. I don't fit into most of my clothes an... View more

Hello All,So I have anxiety. I have two small children, they are hard work and beautiful. I have a great husband. I have two lovely parents and my Dad is not well. I am larger now than I have been my adult life. I don't fit into most of my clothes and I can't afford any new ones.I know and I have known for a long time that my day to day life will be better with exercise, less junk food and meditation.I continue not to do it.There is one thing after another. Yes, there was a falling out with my sister in-laws and other in-laws thanks to the rollercoaster of a relationship between my borderline personality disorder sister in-law and myself. Then at the beginning of this year we thought my Dad had a terminal illness and was in and out of hospital after that. Then my young son got diagnosed with Asperger's. Those things feel like one thing after another. But before those things there was one thing after another.This weekend I felt a bit better regarding my Dad and my son and I found myself going to visit my mother-in-law to see how she was. The break in the family was discussed (and I knew it would be at least touched on) and for the last few days I have been preoccupied with feeling annoyed. I'm annoyed:1. Annoyed that a group of people are against me because of the story they have been spun by my sister-in-laws illness and looking at every action of mine through judging eyes. Annoyed that those same group of people have years of in fighting but no it is me, absolutely I am the problem. Annoyed that those people are currently feeling closer together and acting closer together because they have a common enemy at the moment- me.2. Confused and annoyed because I don't know how to deal with it positively in the future. My husband is still in contact with his sister and they will see each other when she is in town. I feel anxious when I know she will be in town soon. I feel anxious when she is in town feeling kind of trapped in my house that she can arrive on my doorstep at any time. Then feeling so self conscious when she is or the other family members are there because I know every action that can be negatively interpreted will be.3. annoyed because I knew these feelings would be stirred up when I decided to visit my mother-in-law but part of me was hungry for it. I mean what the hell is that??

_emily_1 great day turned nightmare
  • replies: 3

Need to vent. Just had one of the worst days. My mother and i (25 yrs) went to melbourne for a holiday. Mum had a reunion with old work friends so i went off for a couple glorious hours and sid my own thing. I had such an amazing time, hadn't been th... View more

Need to vent. Just had one of the worst days. My mother and i (25 yrs) went to melbourne for a holiday. Mum had a reunion with old work friends so i went off for a couple glorious hours and sid my own thing. I had such an amazing time, hadn't been that relaxed in ages. I met her outside the reunion at 4.30 and she was off her face drunk. Barely able to stand. Her douche bag friends leave her with me in the middle of a city that im not very familiar with and she can barely walk. I had to take her to the nearest park, watch her struggle to smoke because of how wasted she was then lean her head on my shoulder and let her sleep on a park bench for an hour. I then have to loop my arm around her and walk through the cbd with her struggling to stay up right while she goes through mood swings from finding it funny, to being pissed off with me, to massively depressed where she would break down in hysterical sobs and yell out thats she's an aweful mother. With all the crying and stops we have to take for her to sit and cry we finally make the 15 min walk in about 50mins. When we get back to the hotel to collect our things (we stay at relatives tonight) she trys to change her pants in the locker storage room, i suspect because she wet herself. Then i somehow get her out of the hotel whilst carrying 2 suitcases and a bag then sitting outside subway forcing her to eat and drink a litre of water whilst she periodically breaks down crying whilst crowds of footy fans walk by. At about 7.30 we slowly make the walk 2 blocks down to flinders station and eventually catch the train to the suburbs. Never before have i been so lost. I didn't know what to do. Who to call. Now i have to listen to her go on about how she embarrassed herself. How shes an aweful person. How shes ashamed and hates herself. And she's gonna be really uncomfortable to be around cause she'll feel guilty. I then get to spend the next couple days trying to make her feel better It's only just hit emotionally. I can't believe she did this. I had been doing so well. The last couple years i had improved so much. Not so many lows, less mood swings, more optimistic and i stopped self harming. Now i feel aweful. I just want to go home. I know its selfish but its not fair! How could she do this to me!

Clare1 Time heals so many things
  • replies: 2

How many times do we feel so disheartened at the thought that bad things are forever? That it will never improve, that this is as good as it gets? I came out from my transgendered closet a few years ago, fully expecting that the consequences would be... View more

How many times do we feel so disheartened at the thought that bad things are forever? That it will never improve, that this is as good as it gets? I came out from my transgendered closet a few years ago, fully expecting that the consequences would be terrible, that I was about to lose my relationship, my children, my job, maybe my life. I felt so ashamed, so selfish. I was risking so much for the sake of my own happiness. At the time, I was perfectly ready to believe that my life was at an end. And yet here I am, not only surviving, but so deeply happy and blessed that I feel like a dog with two tails! I asked for and was given approval from my managers to transition in my workplace, and have been shown the most amazing kindness and support by the 8000-odd people I work with (I sometimes feel like the class project, everybody wants to participate somehow) Six out of my seven kids are cool with it (the one who is still uncomfortable is quite possible either gay or trans, scared stiff at the prospect of having to join me)...my 16-year-old daughter asks me to come clothes shopping, my first grandson was born and I get to hold him when I want...I have lost nothing and gained the best life! And it is my belief that most of my success in becoming my real self is the simple fact that I decided to expect that I would do it with ease and grace...that I would come out proud and strong and have nothing but love and forgiveness for those who gave me a hard time. And so far, I have been abused only once in all that time... If I was asked what makes the difference, it's mostly just the passage of time....just be true to yourself, wait patiently, and watch the universe unfold as it should. Clare

AlwaysGeorgeeee Relationship Anxiety "Do I really love him?"
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, Over the past couple of weeks I've been suffering with what seems to be called relationship anxiety. I have been in a loving, amazing relationship for 2 years now. It has been going perfectly until I started asking myself "do I really love h... View more

Hi guys, Over the past couple of weeks I've been suffering with what seems to be called relationship anxiety. I have been in a loving, amazing relationship for 2 years now. It has been going perfectly until I started asking myself "do I really love him?". When I feel like myself, I love him more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I have history of anxiety and depression throughout my whole childhood and adultolescence. I would just like to read about other people's experiences with this issue and how they dealt with it. I do not want to leave my partner. I just want to be able to be true to myself and be able to love him completely without being anxious and double guessing myself. Any comments are greatly appreciated.

Bubble89 Love,Lies and Deception!
  • replies: 2

I have been with my fiance for nearly 10 years but for the past 4 months i have felt no connection physically, mentally or emotionally which has lead me to begin an affair with another man. Im torn between 2 decisions and cannot figure out what i sho... View more

I have been with my fiance for nearly 10 years but for the past 4 months i have felt no connection physically, mentally or emotionally which has lead me to begin an affair with another man. Im torn between 2 decisions and cannot figure out what i should do.i know i owe it to my fiance to tell him what's been going on but am affraid to as he owns everything we have.and the other option is just keep seeing the other man and not hurting my fiance as i still love him in some way. I am in no way trying to condone what i have done, but when i am with the other man i am my normal self and always smile.i want to be happy with my fiance again but each time i try to tell him my feelings im silenced or ignored, which does nothing for my self esteem. I know and understand that in the end one relationship has to end for the other to grow but am afraid im going to make the wrong decision and have to live with it.

Athanasia I think my marriage is over.
  • replies: 5

I haven't spoken to anyone about what's going in my marriage. My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've been crying a lot. I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm crying now as I type this. Only in the last 3 weeks ... View more

I haven't spoken to anyone about what's going in my marriage. My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've been crying a lot. I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm crying now as I type this. Only in the last 3 weeks has my husband totally changed in his demeanour. He's never been one to talk about feelings and things. Yesterday he finally said the reason he's been distant and not showing me any affection is because "he's not interested". Hearing that was like a punch in the stomach. He's been down lately about money and now it's progressed to no interest in me. I told him I believe he resents me because he has to go to work in a job he doesn't like to support me and our daughter and also that he can't do what he wants me whenever he wants. He said he doesn't resent me but the rest is probably right. How can he care so little about us? Is his freedom more important then being a husband and a father? I told him it's selfish and he said maybe he's "too soft". So basically not cut out for the responsibility. At first I was all what can I do to make you happy? Not once did he ask me how I was feeling. I'm torn between trying to figure out what it is about me that is making him uninterested or just leaving with our daughter. Is he making it out to be my fault because he doesn't want to say I just can't take all the responsibility and I want my freedom back? Or is it really all my fault? I'm going to try and discuss it further again tonight and I need to make a decision for my sanity. I can't live like this. I need to know. I feel alone. I have no friends. I'm not ready to tell my Mum yet. I know she'll understand and my daughter & I can go live with her. I'm thankful for that. Thanks for letting me get that all out.

Sammy_A New Relationship
  • replies: 6

I have just started to date this guy who has severe depression and PTSD and I'm a bit wary if I am ready to fully commit to the relationship. I am a happy and healthy person, however I'm worried by getting into this relationship it could change who I... View more

I have just started to date this guy who has severe depression and PTSD and I'm a bit wary if I am ready to fully commit to the relationship. I am a happy and healthy person, however I'm worried by getting into this relationship it could change who I am. I have been researching about depression and strategies to cope with their illness and I believe I would be able to deal with it. But there is a side of me that is confused if I want to take all his worries and issues. From what I've read I understand there will be times when depressed people would push you away, resent you, hide away.. What do you do in those type of situations especially if it occurs at the beginning of the relationship? This guy has had a previous relationship that messed him up even more, which he has told me is preventing him to fall in love again to avoid being hurt.. what can I say to reassure him I'm not like his ex or ever will be To top it all off going away for a two month trip at the end of the year.. Should I get into a relationship with him before I go or after I come back?? I would love to hear what you have to say Thanks

Nene Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me
  • replies: 8

I was married for 30 years. Lost my eldest son 13 years ago. He was the child of my first marriage. Have another son from this marriage. He is 29 married with 3 children. Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me. There were issues bet... View more

I was married for 30 years. Lost my eldest son 13 years ago. He was the child of my first marriage. Have another son from this marriage. He is 29 married with 3 children. Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me. There were issues between my daughter in law and me. She doesn't want him to contact me. I don't see my grandchildren now. My husband blames me and we separated on March 30 this year. Last Friday he told me he is planning to have other relationships. Well that's ok, he has moved on but the woman he wants to embark on a relationship with is or rather, was quite a close friend of mine and she is a very close friend of my sister. I feel quite betrayed. He thinks I am being unreasonable and that I'm "ruining his life." I don't know what to think how. I feel guilty that I let him know I was distressed about it. I insisted that he let her know that he had disclosed to me who she was. He told me that she didn't want me to know about the possibility of their relationship. I would really appreciate any thoughts about whether my reaction was normal.

dazed_confused completely lost it. not coping
  • replies: 4

Yesterday my ex partner who we share 3 children together stole my last bit of cash in my wallet. I asked for it back all day he said he would put it in the letter box but instead brought cake from the cheese cake shop then demanded to come in i let h... View more

Yesterday my ex partner who we share 3 children together stole my last bit of cash in my wallet. I asked for it back all day he said he would put it in the letter box but instead brought cake from the cheese cake shop then demanded to come in i let him in then asked for my money back for he said he didn't have it. So basically he bought weed and cake with my childrens money. I kicked him out then that's where i lost it. I locked myself in my room and couldn't stop screaming over the phone about my money i screamed that loud and long the neighbours call the police. Im at the point now that I can barely muster up the strength to look after my 3 children I dont want to see or hear them at this point in time I want them to go away. I don't want to leave my room or see my kids. Its not their fault but I cant stop feeling depleted abused, used, stupid he walked all over me and didn't care about his own children why should I care for them if he doesn't. Thats not a full feeling I think that but I love my kids I'm just not coping I was completely fine yesterday now Im severely depressed. Pleasr tell me how to fix this I need to be there emotionally for my kids but right now I cant. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

My_names_jane Ive lost my best friend
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im new here. Over the course of three or four years I have become sadder and sadder. I feel hopeless, I have no energy because I am always tired, Im not funny anymore- I used to be so funny and laughed at anything. I used to get compliments and p... View more

Hi, Im new here. Over the course of three or four years I have become sadder and sadder. I feel hopeless, I have no energy because I am always tired, Im not funny anymore- I used to be so funny and laughed at anything. I used to get compliments and people always applauded my work and opinions. I was a strong person. I used to be decisive and confident. However certain events have crushed me. I just can't get back up. I can't get me back. My greatest support person has literally dumped me. My mum. She just seems to have gotten sick of me. My mum was my absolute best friend in the world but now has contempt for me. She used to love me, but now she makes me feel like a burden. When I vent to her about someone I know or something that happened at work, I do so because I just want to vent and have a gossip with someone i trust. I just want to get things off my mind instead. Instead she gets mad and wrongs me. She takes sides against me and says that I am to blame always, that Im being too sensitive or I am over reacting. She befriends people who openly dislike me, and just because they are polite towards her, which you one would expect, she says they are lovely and that I have created the problems or its in my imagination. The more she tells me not to "whinge" the sadder I get. Who else can I talk to so openly and honestly? Because of the words she has said to me I find myself doubting myself. Ive lost my confidence. Now I find it awkward to be around people. If your own mother thinks your and person what must others think? I find I am afraid to say the wrong thing or make the wrong decisions. This has affected my work. Im afraid of making hard decisions, when I tell her about work, she accuses me of being reasonable and a bad manager. When I try to explain the bad behaviour of fellow employees she tells me Ive done the wrong thing, although I was given a responsibility because I am decisive. She doesn't respect me. She has taken to laughing at me in front of family and friends about the way I dress and my weight and thinks its funny and gets furious when I say I don't think its funny. She calls me names like mental and sick. I love my mother, but I can't help but think that she is the cause of my sadness and feelings of hopelessness. And the worst thing is, I have isolated myself, and if it weren't for work, I live the life of a hermit, because i'm afraid of being hated or laughed at.