Hi Ducky,
I have struggled with my in-laws staying for over a decade.
Like WK mentioned, time of the stay is important. It became clear to me that I could stand it only 3 days before I felt like snapping.
I clash with my MIL's. I am a quiet person but MIL is chatty. She talks non stop all day to the point where hubby and I would be off to bed and she'd follow us down to our room and would still be talking as the door shut. I like to do things on my own, she likes to be in your face all the time. She has opinions on everything to the point of arrogance. She tells me what my hubby wants, eg "hubby will want to buy a house by the water". Every good thing my kids do or trait they have can be traced back to a member of her side of the family, every fault to mine. She gossips about the others who married in to the family so I am sure she does the same about me and the list goes on.
I used to smile, grin and bear it then rant to hubby after they left which hubby hated. Then I decided to just hide away like you mentioned but was seen to be rude by them and upset hubby. Then one year it all became too much and I completely lost it. I am not proud of it but it was a catalyst to sit down the next day and chat about it. It was an awkward conversation but it went quite amicably. Now we agree that if I need space I just have to tell her (sounds simple hey!). It works, I politely suggest she goes out with the others while I prepare dinner and she knows what that means now. They also retire to bed a lot earlier than they used to which helps when we have to be up early with
I now have a chronic illness, depression and anxiety and said no to them staying for xmas (as they do every year). Even after explaining they were upset. They decided to drop in anyway for a night on their way elsewhere. It was horrific for me. They planned to stop another night on their way back. I felt so sick about it I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. I found a hotel to stay in and told hubby. He was angry & said "how do I explain that?" He felt he had no choice but to say no. They did not understand at all and he didn't until he learnt more about my illness.
Your health is more important than their feelings. I hope you or your partner consider an open conversation and educate them about anxiety. Explain why you have been hiding and what needs to change to improve things for you including the timeframe of their stay.
I hope some of this helps
Kind thoughts
