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My wife Left me Sept 21st

Brad49
Community Member
After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried putting a stop to it.. But the other Guy kept chasing after her.. and she had more and more secret liasons. Until finally in September this year she decided to leave me for the other man.Its been 2 months now . I'm on meds anti depressents and anxiety pills.. I'm doing my best to move on. Its so difficult. The problem is my wife is very nieve(all her friends tell me) and was manipulated into this relationship. She lost all her friends and family by being with this guy.They told her not to do it. And recently I cut her off from access to her son. She has no money no job no government benefits and is sponging off this new boyfriend. The problem is even after everything shes done I still love her very much. I'm dating I'm seeing other women. I'm going to the gym I'm getting trim taught and terrific. I keep on waiting for someone to tell me that my wifes relationship with her boyfriend is over.. I know Affairs don't last long but is it just me thinking that this relationship shes in wont last?
48 Replies 48

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Brad, I am so pleased that you are feeling better now and to answer your question which you may have found out already is that no, you're not responsible for the child she has with her boyfriend. Geoff.

Brad49
Community Member
The old saying.. Time heals all wounds.. I miss my wife. But compared to the horrible things she has done to me and my son.. Shes not worth it.I had a friend tell me a while ago but i wasnt listening.. There are far better women out there who will treat you better then what your wife did and wont do to you what she has done. And i think thats true. There is a better woman out there somewhere for me. and i think the same for you. There are good people in the world you just have to find them.

Hi Brad49

Im a latecomer to your thread...You are strong even though your separation was just last year and you are supporting others very well too

If I may say you are an amazing guy and its great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family too πŸ™‚

My Best for you Brad

My Best

Paul

 

jason600
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Brad just read a few of your posts and they have been pretty uplifting.My partner walked out on me six weeks ago saying she needs to pursue a spiritual path and in six months she will tell me if our relationship is worth saving.Just a few questions how long were you on the anti-depressants for ?. I am a keen surfer and swimmer but have lost interest in them both .How do you find the motivation to go to gym . You got any tricks for just concentrating on myself and not my ex.

Many thanks Jason

Brad49
Community Member

Well to be honest i started off by going to the gym, then i found a personal trainer. My personal trainer comes round and makes me exercise even when im not in the mood πŸ˜› Thing is i feel/felt much better after each session πŸ™‚ I was on the anti depressants for a few months ,they helped to a degree .I just don't know how much ,cause i could still feel everything.I do know they helped.Side effects for me were none. Guess i was lucky.

And tricks for concentrating on yourself? Just spoil yourself.Be selfish.Go out and do stuff that you've always wanted to do.Treat yourself,spend money on yourself .Do whatever you want that makes you happy.. as long as its all about YOU.

Brad49
Community Member

Another update.. Ive recently taken my phone off the hook so when my wife calls it goes straight to the answering machine. Right now i don't want to talk to her. I will speak to her on my own terms when im ready.

I just checked the messages and i got a missed call from her number. Shes calling me from her work at 11 am ? Its starting to really bother me that she is calling me so much now. I don't like being the B plan backup guy cause the relationship with the guy she left me for isn't working out.. i really dont like it. As you can tell my wife bothers me πŸ˜›

Hi Brad + Jason

Brad...Its still a tough time for you and thankyou for your posts on how to deal with this difficult situation

You mentioned "I will speak to her on my own terms when im ready"

I just wanted to say kudos to you

Paul

Brad49
Community Member
Any Suggestions on How to rid myself of the anger i have for my wife?Im just so angry at her for everything she has done

There
Community Member

Hey Brad,

Whats your normal process for dealing with anger? For example mine is a combination of things: I get huffy, blast some music, write down my feelings, talk about it a lot and I see my therapist. I know there’s a few things there but maybe look at how you’ve felt with anger in the past and it will give you a bit of a guide? I feel like realizing you are so angry at your wife still is one of the first steps. I know you like to work out, maybe boxing?

J x

Brad49
Community Member

Hey t(here) Yeah it helps to a point the boxing.. Well theres further development about my wife..

Last time i spoke to her i said "Never Ever Call me again Ever!" its been a week and a half and she calls me.. Tells me shes found a cleaner/baby sitter to help me out... asks me how my son is etc.. Then hangs up the phone quickly as her boyfriend arrives home.. my questions is WHY? I thought i made myself clear... she bothers me... Cause i don't know what shes doing..