Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Carolyn_Rae Self
  • replies: 13

Hi, My partner of 2 years and I have just returned from our first overseas trip. Whilst it had its high points it also had its low points. He is used to travelling overseas by himself and towards the end of the holiday he got angry and impatient towa... View more

Hi, My partner of 2 years and I have just returned from our first overseas trip. Whilst it had its high points it also had its low points. He is used to travelling overseas by himself and towards the end of the holiday he got angry and impatient towards me and said that he is better off travelling by himself. Upon return to Australia, we stopped by for two days to see my family. This is the first time he has met them and when we got home he asked me if my dad felt that my partner was worthy of my presence. I reassured my partner that yes, of course. Since then, my partner has been impatient, frustrated and picking fights with me - saying that I float along in life, that he is wanting to find someone else, that one minute he says that we're going to save up for a boat and then forcing me to change my mobile phone provider to one that he wants me to use (not much cheaper) and the next minute saying that he now wants to get a loan because he doesn't want to wait the 5 weeks to save up for the boat - a 5 metre run-about boat. I don't have my drivers license (learners only) and he did try to teach me how to drive but lost his patience and had me do an overtaking manuver in a 100 km/h zone but ended up doing 120 km/h and some other illegal moves. In the end, I stopped taking driving lessons with him (because of this). Admittedly my partner is 44 years old and hasn't been in a relationship this long. He has PTSD, depression, anxiety and smokes weed to calm him. I get that we had spent so much time together on the holidays that by the time we came home we wanted to do our own thing/s, but where I'm confused is that he would ask me to come with him to the doctors, movies etc and then in the next breath want nothing to do with me. All I wanted to do is finish reading a good book, get a haircut and do the grocery shopping and housework. I'm so confused.

C_E_B Breakup Blues
  • replies: 3

Hi I have joined for some support, I'm 24 and have been suffering depression for many years. Had a relationship breakdown 5 months ago and I had to move back to my parents house which was hard. This has really affected my mental health, confidence an... View more

Hi I have joined for some support, I'm 24 and have been suffering depression for many years. Had a relationship breakdown 5 months ago and I had to move back to my parents house which was hard. This has really affected my mental health, confidence and I feel angry. I dated someone and took on his child as well I gave my everything to him and his son. I was besotted by him and some days he was a good boyfriend and he was funny and made me laugh but other days he wasnt interested in the relationship or a future together and if I tried to discuss anything he would loose his temper. Long story short we broke up and he didn't seem to have a care in the world and I have not heard a word from him since it all, I thought after he would realise he made a mistake. While I accept it's over I feel stupid and like it's affected my confidence in myself because I was so besotted by someone who does not care. I feel like this breakup has got me into a rut I feel down all the time when people ask me how I am I say good but I know it's a lie. I am so tired all the time I spend a lot of time asleep when I'm not working because i don't wana deal with anyone or talk to anyone. I'm a nurse and I use every ounce of energy I have to get myself through a shift and put a smile on my face even though inside I feel empty and negative. I know I'm very depressed and in a rut but I feel ashamed to talk about it and I always think in my head I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow but it never happens. I think some advice or someone who understands would be really good I just want to be happy and feel normal again

Ava2017 Struggling to cope with relationship breakdown
  • replies: 4

My partner of 9 months dropped a bombshell on me 6 weeks ago when he told me that "I'm his best friend, the only one he trusts in the world, that he cares about me deeply, but he doesn't believe in love and therefore isn't in love with me". I left a ... View more

My partner of 9 months dropped a bombshell on me 6 weeks ago when he told me that "I'm his best friend, the only one he trusts in the world, that he cares about me deeply, but he doesn't believe in love and therefore isn't in love with me". I left a marriage of 14 years with three small children 7 years ago, and have never been as down and struggling to cope as I am now. Everything about our relationship was fantastic. We had an immediate connection, he was even the one who drove it to a great extent, calling me a few times a day. He had a busy life anyway, but always found time to drive up to me for a night during the week, every weekend we would spend together. We'd talk on the phone for hours. He was great with my kids, everything he did and said showed me that he loved me. He was talking hypothetically about a future together. Then about 5 months in I dropped the "L" word, and he started checking out on me. I don't think he was even aware that was what he was doing, but the hand holding dropped off, the little things fell away bit by bit. He told me that he'd managed to "Ruin every relationship he'd ever had and didn't want to screw this up" But that's exactly what he ended up doing anyway. He has always had self-esteem issues (why I don't know because he has a great job, although he's not super happy, he is a good guy) and he does suffer from the odd bout of depression. I have this deep conviction that he does love me but he is just afraid to admit it, afraid of the responsibility of it perhaps, and afraid that he would mess it up if he stayed in it. By ending it now, in his head at least, he get's to keep me as a friend rather than run the risk of losing even that later if he did something to the relationship. It is because of this conviction that I am struggling to get through or let go. I haven't stopped crying for 6 weeks, but I have stopped eating. I can't face the thought of food. Combined with the prospect of major surgery this coming week, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to handle the "friends" thing, and he is proving to be a trusted and loyal friend, and has promised to be with me every step of the way. I will be immobile for 6 weeks so I can't start anything in the way of exercise, hobbies or anything right now as I will have no way of continuing for at least that time. I'm lost and I need some tips for coping. I would appreciate all the advice/opinions you have to offer. Thank you.

BoHellova "I'm Tired" excuse for poor behaviour
  • replies: 2

I have exhausted most avenues.. and find my self here. My husband has been "tired" for over two years now. I have begged and pleaded for him to get help. Its really hard living with someone who is negative, grumpy and apathetic 95% of the time. I fin... View more

I have exhausted most avenues.. and find my self here. My husband has been "tired" for over two years now. I have begged and pleaded for him to get help. Its really hard living with someone who is negative, grumpy and apathetic 95% of the time. I find myself thinking about leaving him... I am a happy person, optimistic but I have started not enjoying being around him. He is draining me and our boys with negativity. I wouldn't be thinking and feeling this way if he started to take some responsibility for his health and behaviour, I would be supporting him. I am exhausted trying... I know he has to be the one to want to seek help but at the sake of our family? Torn, scared, feeling alone and with no options.

Mumma2be1 Partner left me and im 9 months pregnant
  • replies: 2

My partner left me and we are bout to have a baby. He says it's because of my aniexty and behavior of the hours his worked. Im absolutely devastered and so lost. Im waiting now to give birth and it feels like its never going to happen. I cant go over... View more

My partner left me and we are bout to have a baby. He says it's because of my aniexty and behavior of the hours his worked. Im absolutely devastered and so lost. Im waiting now to give birth and it feels like its never going to happen. I cant go over my due date i need my daughter to help me through this tough time. She will make me smile again

Demi-lee Trying to help my grandmother with the loss of her husband and daughter
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone one About a year and a half ago i lost my mum ( grandmother's daughter) then a few months later we lost my grandfather. it's been a very trying time for her since. My partner and i have tried to help her with the little things e.g helping... View more

Hi everyone one About a year and a half ago i lost my mum ( grandmother's daughter) then a few months later we lost my grandfather. it's been a very trying time for her since. My partner and i have tried to help her with the little things e.g helping her tidy her house and do shopping for her,but recently I've had alot of appointments with doctors and physclogist appointments for myself and also seeing paediatritions for my son to get checked for aspbergers and i haven't really been able to help my grandmother as much as I'd like. But latley her and i have been arguing about the silliest thing's and she's starting to blame me for alot for her being upset and depressed. i have suggested to her about seeing a counselor for a grief and loss session but she doesn't want to even consider going to an appointment. Im very worried about her and upset that she is blaming me for her being so depressed i have no idea what to do I've tried everything spending time with her talking but nothing seems to work. If anyone has any suggestions that i could suggest to her it would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading

Brittzx Why me?
  • replies: 2

My ex met a girl while working fifo work when our son was 2 months old he kept it a secret until the Jo. Was over and be couldn't keep it a secret anymore he kicked us out of the family home and had her move in. He left me broken alone confused with ... View more

My ex met a girl while working fifo work when our son was 2 months old he kept it a secret until the Jo. Was over and be couldn't keep it a secret anymore he kicked us out of the family home and had her move in. He left me broken alone confused with nothing of our life left. I begged for months not to leave but he had no care. A few months later when he could see I was managing he wanted us back. I really wanted my family together but to much damage was done. I sit here and wonder to myself every day and night why me? Does he ever think about how he ruined my life and my 1 shot at having a family that wasnt separated and a marriage with my sons father. Why did he want to cause that much pain for me?

MummaKez Issues with inlaws
  • replies: 6

I need some help... I have had problems with my inlaws ever since I started dating my husband. They had trouble accepting the first time we moved out on our own (they would tell my husband I would leave him after 6 months and take 1/2 of everything),... View more

I need some help... I have had problems with my inlaws ever since I started dating my husband. They had trouble accepting the first time we moved out on our own (they would tell my husband I would leave him after 6 months and take 1/2 of everything), when we got married they were so sad and did not talk to me, later I was told my FIL told my husband it was ok if he didn't want to go through with marriage, we had issues buying a house because inlaws had to be happy with the house we bought aswell, it goes on BUT now we have twins in the mix. They are 3. We have had alot of control issues with grandparents now wanting more say in how they are raised and now recently the grandparents will make plans to hangout with my kids and then cancel at the last minute resulting in me having to calm down one of my kids because they thought nana and pop didnt like them and that there is something wrong with them. I have never stood my ground until recently when my FIL canceled going to an event telling my husband that I was not keen on going (which is further from the truth). I then confronted my FIL saying that I was looking forward to us going, he pretending like he didnt say anything to my husband but that they still weren't going. I told him I had not told the kids they were coming yet so the kids would not get upset again if they cancelled. We all went as a family but grandparents didn't come. I feel like this behaviour is now effecting my whole family and need advice on how to fix it so we can all be happier again.

HayPat What do I do next?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my bf 4 years. Just under 2 years ago we built a house in the country. Everything was great! Pretty much as soon as we moved there is when the problems began. It was a long commute to work (we carpooled every day) and that, plus fina... View more

I have been with my bf 4 years. Just under 2 years ago we built a house in the country. Everything was great! Pretty much as soon as we moved there is when the problems began. It was a long commute to work (we carpooled every day) and that, plus financial, work/life, job issues got to both of us. The only time we got together was in the car, our days off never coincided. My partner started getting distant, irritable...he started sleeping in the spare room away from me each nighr. In hindsight we should have talked about it but I don't think I even realised that it was depression seeping in. And if he knew, he didn't say anything. I was just trying to survive the hard times, too. Lack of communication on both sides. Also he applied for the police force so he could earn more money, it was a long process and he had the final interview in march and passed. He should be getting a call any day now to join the academy. How will he cope there?? 3 weeks ago he said he wanted to break up and that he was going to live with his parents. Right after he said that, he shut himself in the spare room and I didn't see him the rest of the night. That is so not him. Anyway...i am now alone in the house and he is an hour away with his folks. He obviously needs space to think about things and says he'll talk soon just not yet. He is in a very dark place, I think. I think when he thinks of me and saving our relationship it all just seems too daunting for him and too hard. I think deep down he still loves me but he's scared and confused because of how the depression makes him feel. He says he needs to be alone to fix himself and he thinks breaking up is the only way to do that. I think we can do this together. I want to help him and i want to be together again, even if it means baby steps and limited contact for a while so we can both have some space. I know this is not the real him. What do i do? Should i just not contact him? Should i go to his house and offer support in person? I am so broken by this whole thing, i have done a lot of research about depression since he left, and looking back there are so many things we did wrong. Once he is ready to talk to me, how do we save our relationship?? I am trying to respect his space but it's killing me. I just want to tell him it's ok to feel like he does and that I am here for him. I have offered to go to treatment with him. Is there any chance of us saving our relationship? I don't know what to do, help please

SweetAmara Couldn't be more alone.
  • replies: 5

I don't even know how to start this but anyway... I have severe general anxiety, social anxiety and depression. I struggle to make friends and I am the person out of my friends that typically tries the hardest to catch up with people. Nobody really s... View more

I don't even know how to start this but anyway... I have severe general anxiety, social anxiety and depression. I struggle to make friends and I am the person out of my friends that typically tries the hardest to catch up with people. Nobody really sees each other unless I organise something. I do understand that everybody has jobs and lives they're desperately trying to organise; but I genuinely feel forgotten. When I organise to catch up I am often left down. I organised a dinner party with a group of people I went to school with, nobody showed up, I was left sitting in a restaurant alone. I feel worthless and unwanted. I struggle to make friends in general so just starting over doesn't seem like an option. Many of the people I met during high school have ceased speaking to me, I do understand that that's normal, but at the same time it's beginning to feel like it's because nobody wants me. My boyfriend lives overseas so it makes those feelings of loneliness more acute. He does do things with me when he can but he also has a very hectic job and is studying himself. While I work all week and come home to basically sit alone all weekend. I am even in a wedding but the bride doesn't want me to contribute anything to help. No matter how I advance in my career or other factors of my life, this is always what I experience, never really belonging anywhere. I've lost all faith in it ever getting better. I spent my primary schools years isolated, my teen years and now it seems it'll continue into adulthood. It shatters me. I am a very independent, caring person, I don't need to be around people all the time, I enjoy "me" time; but at this point I don't see any valuing in trying to be who I am or make an effort when loneliness is all I get back.