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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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River_storm He left but now wants to come back
  • replies: 7

Hi, First time posting, my expartner and I have a daughter together who is 4, we both have children from previous relationships. Been together for 5.5years. He had left me about 11months ago and then we got back together a couple of months after that... View more

Hi, First time posting, my expartner and I have a daughter together who is 4, we both have children from previous relationships. Been together for 5.5years. He had left me about 11months ago and then we got back together a couple of months after that and moved into a new place however, he left me for what I thought was for good again 3 months ago and is now saying he has changed his mind and realises how he can't live without me and the kids and that he is a new man and can see the error in his ways... But he wasn't emotionally available when I needed him this last time and I honestly thought he was certain it was over. I have in the last couple of months managed to pull myself together to get by the days but now that he has said he wants me back it's bought back my depression and anxiety. My family have had enough of seeing me in tears everytime he leaves or something is said, they don't want to see me go through it again. Yes I still love him but how do I know that he isn't just lonely and realises he has no one to come home too. I'm scared to make the wrong decision. He cries and messages me to say he can't cope and says he has no one to talk to only me... I've remained strong but it's taking its toll. I don't like to hurt people's feelings especially the ones you love but I feel pressured even when I've asked for time for myself. He sees the children and myself at the house for tea one night a week. He has the children 1 weekend a fortnight but he also sees me in that time. I have depended on him for my own happiness and contact each other daily.

Dillz1 Confused- depressed boyfriend.
  • replies: 7

Hi all, My boyfriend has just recently told me that he suffers from depression due to a few things that have happened in his life. Last week he messaged me saying he was having a bad day and didn't know if a relationship is what he wanted at the mome... View more

Hi all, My boyfriend has just recently told me that he suffers from depression due to a few things that have happened in his life. Last week he messaged me saying he was having a bad day and didn't know if a relationship is what he wanted at the moment and asked for space and told me he would speak to me the following day. I gave him space and the next day he was more willing to speak about it and told me he has gone through a similar thing before and not to take anything personally, and asked me to go to his. I went to his and he was quiet but willing to talk and told me about his past experiences, treatment, therapy.. I told him I was there for him no matter what and he was grateful. The next few days he was detached but still speaking, Friday night we did our usual date night and although it was hard to get him out once he was out it was ok. Sat and sun he turned his phone off and went away to clear his head. Monday he was not ok and didn't really want to speak. Today he has gotten more bad news which has put him in a worse place, he is now saying that all this isn't fair on me and I deserve to be happy. I told him I want to be there for him and will be there no matter what but he says it just isn't fair on me. He also said he is going to turn his phone off and not talk to anyone for a while. I don't know what I can and should do in this case, but I really want to be there for him. Please if anyone has any advice or similar situations I would be extremely grateful.

So_stuck_and_sad I stuffed my life up. So bad..
  • replies: 3

I was in a relationship that felt so right and I thought it would last forever.. A few years in and my feelings started to change. He did and said things that made me feel not good enough etc - I wont bore you with the entire story. I ended up cheati... View more

I was in a relationship that felt so right and I thought it would last forever.. A few years in and my feelings started to change. He did and said things that made me feel not good enough etc - I wont bore you with the entire story. I ended up cheating, and leaving for someone else. I feel like its the biggest mistake of my life. The person I left for is amazing.. So so good to me. But because of what I did the whole situation just doesnt sit right, no matter how good he is to me. My ex doesnt know I cheated but says he cant forgive me for leaving him and hurting him. I dont know who I want to be with. Not being with my ex feels so wrong. I feel like my life is empty without him. But I do love the person I am with now. I know I dotn deserve to be with either of them after what I did. How do I get over this? I feel like I dont deserve to be happy. Who does that to someone they love?

Jem22 BPD breakup
  • replies: 5

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the las... View more

Hello, I broke up with my BPD partner two weeks ago. I have seeked counselling and read a lot of forums online and I know no contact is the best way forward for both of us. However, we work together. We see each other every day and I've spent the last week with him trying every opportunity to speak to me, corner me in the lunchroom, follow me outside, constantly at my desk, asking me for one last chance... I felt like everyday was Groundhog Day. Whilst the relationship has been over in my head for quite some time, I am now feeling very anxious. I'm afraid of his reactions. I have to keep things professional at work but I'm suffering with just "taking" whatever abuse or hurtful comment he wants to throw at me. That's what the relationship has been. He knows I would never jeopardise my career or make a scene at work, so he can do what he wants. I'm worried about leaving the house. I don't feel my work is qualified to deal with the severity of the situation, I also don't know if I should tell work that he suffers from BPD so they understand it's not a "normal" breakup. I have had several heated comments with him to explain the I feel harassed and he has said he will stop. But I've heard that before and he never does. Any suggestions how I can move forward and survive this in one piece? Thanks

jords22 support
  • replies: 1

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us chi... View more

My parents have been divorced for close to 15 years. They think they have a good relationship but from my point of view they don't. I live with my Mum since my dad left my mum for another women. After he left he didn't want anything to do with us children (i have an older sister and younger brother). After a couple of years of being MIA he decided he wanted back in our lives and Mum didn't object to that. He saw us every other weekend but his girlfriend was still in the picture. I never liked the girlfriend, she always tried to be my mum and i had no interest in her taking on that role. Dad and i had a big blow up over my dislike for her but we worked out our issues. A couple years passed and they broke up anyways. Dad was single for maybe a year or so then moved on to the next girl. Whilst he was single he was much more present in our lives and actually enjoyed spending time with us. His current girlfriend didn't start off too bad, but as the relationship has continued she has brought her daughter into our lives. I didn't have an issue with this initially but as the daughter got more involved in my dad's life my hate for them grew. Dad was a much better father to her than he ever was to us. Dad never came to any school events and even missed my sister's graduation because he couldn't be bothered. This started to drive a wedge between my father and I. I had always hated watching dad be with other women cause all i remember of him being with my mum was him treating her terribly, verbally abusing her almost every night of the week. But then i see him with these other women; being very sweet and romantic, and i wonder why he wasn't or couldn't be like that with my mother and maybe if he was then they would still be together. As i wanted to have a relationship with my dad, i always make the effort every second week or so (when we both have time) to have a lunch with him. Our most recent lunch ended terribly. It ended with him saying to "F*** off and that he never wants to F***ing see me again". He shouted at me for over an hour, dropping the F bomb every second word calling me a names in the middle of a restaurant. I don't know what i am supposed to do or how i am supposed to bounce back from this. What if that is the last time i ever see him again

JuliaB Irrational Boyfriend-confused
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years and in the last few months things have been quite difficult and a lack of communication has been a huge factor. He suffers from depression but doesn't talk about it very much. Out of the blue he ... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years and in the last few months things have been quite difficult and a lack of communication has been a huge factor. He suffers from depression but doesn't talk about it very much. Out of the blue he broke up with me but still wants to see me every week and talk every day. The break up was very irrational and his reasoning was about me kissing someone else almost 4 years ago, which he can't seem to get over even though he forgave me and I did everything to make the situation better. He keeps telling me that I did nothing wrong and that he himself can't deal with it. I am confused why this was suddenly brought up again when we put it in the past. I have offered everything I could to help with him coping after finding out such as taking time apart, talking about the issue, etc. He tells me he still loves me and wants me in his life but he can't be in the relationship. I feel like he is too scared to talk about the real reason he can't be in the relationship and is taking something from a long time ago as an excuse. Every time I talk to him I notice that he hasn't thought about the consequence of the break up- he doesn't realise that we can't be talking or seeing each other anymore. We both still love each other and I want to be with him, but I don't know how to go about this? I am scared if I distance myself from him too much that he won't want anything to do with me anymore. Should I give it time and let him know that I am always going to be here waiting or is that too forceful?

stephanie_qu Navy Partner
  • replies: 2

Hi All! I have a new relationship with a navy officer and after having him 15 min down the road, he has recently moved states and is about to be onboard for the next 3 months. I suffer from anxiety and depression and PTSD after being raped a few year... View more

Hi All! I have a new relationship with a navy officer and after having him 15 min down the road, he has recently moved states and is about to be onboard for the next 3 months. I suffer from anxiety and depression and PTSD after being raped a few years ago. He has been so supportive since I told him but I am anxious about how I am going to cope as I am unsure how much contact we will have. Are there any defense partners who could suggest strategies to make the distance and limited contact bearable?

Beats Depression with a break
  • replies: 2

Alright, this is my first time posting here, so here goes. I am a 27 year old male, and I have been struggling with varying degrees of depression and anxiety for a few years now, mostly stemming from my own opinion of myself. I was always one to kind... View more

Alright, this is my first time posting here, so here goes. I am a 27 year old male, and I have been struggling with varying degrees of depression and anxiety for a few years now, mostly stemming from my own opinion of myself. I was always one to kind of struggle in silence, as I don't particularly like relying on people or asking for help, so I had never really chased down my issues, more than doing my own research on the internet. The one consistent support I have had is my partner, and she is incredible. We have been together for almost 10 years. It seemed like things were going really well about 2 weeks ago. I felt happy, because I finally had most things sorted out. We have just bought a house, which we are waiting to move into; I am getting recognised for my work efforts; and things were good with my partner. But then out of the blue, just over a week ago, she told me she wanted to take a break. And I am not doing so well. Her issue was that I was smothering her. She has a lot of friends, and is generally a social person. We also live with her family, until we move into our place. I, on the other hand, have inadvertently pushed everyone else away over the last year or two, aside from her. We set parameters around the break, and I have been trying to deal with my issues. I am finally seeing a psychologist, although I am unsure if that is going well yet, as we have only had one session. I am working to see my friends and family more. I have been up and down trying to work out where this is headed. There is just under a week till we agreed to talk, but I am really struggling with this on my own. I love her more than anything, and I want her to have what she needs. But I don't know what to do about myself. Nor can I face the possibility that this could be it for us.

Queseyoya Husband left
  • replies: 32

Hi a week ago my husband suffered a mental breakdown. He has anxiety and is trying to get himself better. However he has decided that being away from the home is the best way. He is also unsure whether we will be a family again. He says I have done n... View more

Hi a week ago my husband suffered a mental breakdown. He has anxiety and is trying to get himself better. However he has decided that being away from the home is the best way. He is also unsure whether we will be a family again. He says I have done nothing wrong but is unsure whether we we back together.

Nellsy How could I make my family understand and see that I have mental illnesses?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to ... View more

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to a psychologist and I am on medication as well. I want to go see a psychiatrist to get me the right medication as it is not as effective as it should be. Since I've been diagnosed about 6 months ago, I feel very exposed because my family know and think I must be weird or seeking attention, in which I am not. Since I mentioned I want to see a psychiatrist my mum commented "But there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly normal. It's not necessary" When in reality I've been hiding my emotions from society, crying myself to sleep, acting in secret, contemplating harm or running away, abusing substances to help me cope with all this pain, struggling to go to school and work, and even doing my normal morning routine like applying makeup. I tend to hide everything from my family because I know that if I open up to them they will think I'm crazy, or worry about me at night. How can I open up to them in a correct manner so that I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about my mental illnesses? There are many nights I wish I could call the ambulance because I wish someone else could tell them how serious this is. Thank you, any advice will be appreciated.