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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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mistyhaze What to do when your boyfriend is depressed?
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend of two years moved out on the weekend after being away for a week of work, and us arguing for most of it, he felt it was best if he left. His reasons were that he didnt feel the same way anymore. He wasnt happy, and he had never been hap... View more

My boyfriend of two years moved out on the weekend after being away for a week of work, and us arguing for most of it, he felt it was best if he left. His reasons were that he didnt feel the same way anymore. He wasnt happy, and he had never been happy. Moments where he looked happy were just fake and he was tired of faking it. He had suffered from depression in the past and was on medication when I met him. In the last 6 months he decided to go off his medication, but did agree to start seeing a psychologist and attended the GP appointment I arranged for him to get the referral. He has since been to 3-4 appointments wit the psychologist, and has barely read the information she has given him. He continues to feel nothing, and has a hard time communicating any feelings at all. He cant say that he cares about me when I ask, he has never said he loves me, and I do know that I put a lot of pressure on him in the past few months because I wasnt feeling my best. I was down and needed reassurance from him, but he couldnt say the words. Sex has been off the agenda for months but that is partly me not feeling good about myself either as well as his lack of drive. He has a history of running away from problems, and has moved so many times in his life, he really doesnt have a home. Through all this he focusses on work, and he's good at his work. He's intelligent and a hard worker. He's generous and kind but just doesnt feel and therefore doesnt act like he cares at some moments. I guess my question is, do I push to reignite the relationship and try to move forward? or is it time that I move on? My thoughts are that he needs to try harder on himself, but only he can chose to do that, and perhaps he's due to try meds again, maybe something different. I know its a long, hard road, but do I offer him support along the way in the hope we can resolve things or focus on moving down my own path?

notsorosey Does it get better?
  • replies: 16

My long term partner (over a decade together) left me a month ago. He is struggling with his own issues which he refuses to get help for but said he is lost and needs to separate. I’m really struggling. Im vomiting every morning and am awake at aroun... View more

My long term partner (over a decade together) left me a month ago. He is struggling with his own issues which he refuses to get help for but said he is lost and needs to separate. I’m really struggling. Im vomiting every morning and am awake at around 4 each morning half asleep and I can’t control the negative thoughts. He’s a completely different person atm and treating me like I’m the worlds worst person and I just want to move on but my brain and body just won’t let me. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I try to eat but can’t keep it down. I feel like a huge burden to everyone around me and it is hugely effecting the rest of my life including work. I am seeing a psychologist but I don’t seem to be getting any better. Would love suggestions from those that have been there. I have no answers, no closure, came pretty much out of the blue & I haven’t got a stable living situation ahead (only contracted till march and house sitting till jan). I honestly thought I wanted him back but the way I’ve been treated I have no idea why I still do. And I still need to see him regularly for the moment. Much appreciated.

Kidle Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends
  • replies: 21

Hi I am new here, for a very long time have tried to cope in life by icolating myself from people as I have never felt good enough to be considered friend matrial. I am now near fifty and have no real friends whom would want to spend time with me. I ... View more

Hi I am new here, for a very long time have tried to cope in life by icolating myself from people as I have never felt good enough to be considered friend matrial. I am now near fifty and have no real friends whom would want to spend time with me. I consider myself as worthless to others, but so want to change just to find one soul mate in life, don’t we all deserve that, I don’t know how, I am male , but just need some guardian angels to help.. anyone out there ...

DANIELLE2 Lonliness
  • replies: 3

HI I suffer from depression, PTSD and anxiety which makes socializing difficult. I have no famile except for one son. I think that lonliness has made my situation worse to the extent I do not want to get up of a morning. How do other people cope with... View more

HI I suffer from depression, PTSD and anxiety which makes socializing difficult. I have no famile except for one son. I think that lonliness has made my situation worse to the extent I do not want to get up of a morning. How do other people cope with lonliness please

HopefulE can I get some help in making decisions, I feel overwhelmed , want to leave ,but too afraid of loneliness etc
  • replies: 5

I've been with my partner for 7+ years , he's a binge drinker ,(had threats & ugly things said to me.) Kind of want to move back home , but feel like a failure, afraid I'll be financially ruined & homeless as well as lonely how can i deal with these ... View more

I've been with my partner for 7+ years , he's a binge drinker ,(had threats & ugly things said to me.) Kind of want to move back home , but feel like a failure, afraid I'll be financially ruined & homeless as well as lonely how can i deal with these self-destructive thoughts?I don't feel close to him any more

Throwing_Away Bit of a struggle
  • replies: 3

Hello all. Not sure where to post. Lately I have not been able to see where life is heading I have a child with autism who is going through therapy and improving. My wife is ill. Work has been a bit of a struggle. Money is tight. A couple of years ag... View more

Hello all. Not sure where to post. Lately I have not been able to see where life is heading I have a child with autism who is going through therapy and improving. My wife is ill. Work has been a bit of a struggle. Money is tight. A couple of years ago my brother was killed and I’m coping ok with that. A few months ago my father for some reason accused my mother of cheating about 43 years ago but it was baseless and they have moved on(stil together) and lately I have been trying to find and get in contact with old friends and an old gf. I think I am trying to find them to think of happier times when life was easy and there was no stress. i can normally cope with everything but I’m just in a bit of a rough patch.

Johnthefisherman What is wrong with me
  • replies: 3

I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells in life in general .in my relationship and it’s hard to write this ,I’m nervous. I love my fiancé very much but there are elements that are hurting me a lot and affecting me seriously.she is never inti... View more

I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells in life in general .in my relationship and it’s hard to write this ,I’m nervous. I love my fiancé very much but there are elements that are hurting me a lot and affecting me seriously.she is never intimate with me anymore only if I initiate but it’s rarely received.she wants to sleep alone 99% if the time in fact I do not get to sleep in her bed unless I ask .she has two children from a previous relationship that did not go well at all and every week has to watch her children leave which is really taking its toll on her.she sedates herself in the late afternoons with alcohol and can sometimes be nasty and dismissive when under the influence.she at one stage promised to have a child with me knowing that I would have loved to be a father but then changed her mind ,for logical enough reasons but at the end of the day it really hurt.within that same year well this year,I tested positive for the Huntington gene(high CAG) .my father has Huntington’s but it did not set in till he was in his 70’s as with any other relatives on his side so it is not actually a major worry in one way ,if I make it to 70 and THEN start to lose my mind I’m think I’m doin ok ,right? Most days I want to break down and cry and open up but I can’t I just seem to smoke cigarettes like a train and I find I can’t even socially interact with people properly anymore .i sometimes start to cry when driving to work it seems to be the only time I feel I can .on top of this I live 16000kms from my family in my home country .i need love and support from my partner but most of the time I feel like an inconvenience and it’s hard to open up to her now ,reading back on this I’m not painting her in the true light she is wonderful but certain aspects of her past life are destroying her and I want to help her and myself as well ,I’m just so deeply deeply hurt by everything in my life right now it’s hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. There you have it..advice would be welcome!

Anythinggoes Mother with manipulative husband
  • replies: 5

So, about 4 months ago my girlfriend came from out of state to live with me. Somethings happened which lead to me having a falling out with my mother. In text messages I explained to her reasons why i didn't wish to stay at her home. Which were that ... View more

So, about 4 months ago my girlfriend came from out of state to live with me. Somethings happened which lead to me having a falling out with my mother. In text messages I explained to her reasons why i didn't wish to stay at her home. Which were that I didnt feel comfortable at her home due to things always going missing and his disrespect to her over the years, entering prison mulitple times, fathering a child a relationship outside of theirs. And the apparent controlling of her trying to isolate her from friends making things her fault. So i repaired things with my mother, but, she insisted i repair things with him too.. I see him and he trys to tell me that I purposely constructed this falling out so him and my mother couldnt meet my girlfriend, thus isolating her. He told me that he believe i have all the hallmarks of a controlling and isolating person. Now i personally dont believe that keeping her away from him is isolating, as i dont control who she sees at all. Infact I encouage new people as shes new to where i live and id like her to have other people to talk to other than my family. Now he said that he would like to talk over all this in stages. But after the first meeting im reluctant to continue, I know it will damage my relationship with my mother but I dont want to be told that this is all my fault when, they dont see how events of my childhood affect me. Police raids, prison visits every weekend, mum always being preoccupied with shit happening surrounding him. Is it wrong that i dont want to patch things up with him? And any suggestions on a course of action.

Rosalena77 Possibly a marriage breakdown- When to leave ?, When to stay ? How to navigate this situation?
  • replies: 2

Firstly much respect to your organisation for offering an online forum available to individuals who live remote & do not have access to assistance. Secondly & straight to the point, I think my husband of 22 yrs wants to leave, I am not sure if I am o... View more

Firstly much respect to your organisation for offering an online forum available to individuals who live remote & do not have access to assistance. Secondly & straight to the point, I think my husband of 22 yrs wants to leave, I am not sure if I am ok with this. Part of me wants this rollercoaster relationship to end, part of me is uncertain of whether to keep working at it. We have 3 beautiful children & still care for each other. Our jobs in the last 3 years have become increasingly demanding/ stressful as we work with disadvantaged youth in crises. We have discussed the possibility of burn out & have made progress to minimise work related stress, making an extra effort to have more quality time at home doing things that interest us & our children. We have also discussed an exit plan from this employment. Family time feels strained, results in us organising something & him being there but letting everyone know that he would rather be elsewhere, In the last 6 mths somedays I feel sad, like someone has placed an incredibly heavy blanket over me. On these days, I am reluctant to do normal activities. I recognise that this can be the early onset of depression, I have sought medical advice & have been managing it with increased physical activity & peer support. (Though I do not feel comfortable to talk to close friends about the details of our relationship hence why I am here) . Recently our petty arguments have become frequent & I find myself wanting peace just be and gather my thoughts and ground myself but I feel torn between my needs, my children's needs, his needs and work needs. I feel that I am at my limit with his behaviour which includes hurtful name calling,public outbursts and over spending of our shared finances. This situation is incredibly hectic. At times I feel overwhelmed and deeply sad that, someone whom I love very much is intentionally trying to hurt me, acting selfishly, not really being present in our life. When we discuss parting, he says he loves me and wants to grow old together but his actions say otherwise. I feel that I dont have the energy to effectively deal with healing myself & repairing our marital breakdown at the same time. I am confused and seek genuine solutions to improve our current lives. Our children are aware of the tension and growing distance between my husband and I . I am very worried of this fact. The last thing we both want is to cause them distress. Has anyone navigated this type of situation before ?

J3 My husband says that his depression is my fault
  • replies: 3

3 Years ago I had to have a serious operation with 2 months of recuperation. I had lost my job of 12 years and thought this was the best time to have it. But finding a job wasn't easy as I live in a small town and lost count of the many that I applie... View more

3 Years ago I had to have a serious operation with 2 months of recuperation. I had lost my job of 12 years and thought this was the best time to have it. But finding a job wasn't easy as I live in a small town and lost count of the many that I applied for. My husband started to resent me and accused me of just being slack. ( I have now been studying to retrain for the past year) I felt bad as he was working really hard to pay the bills and our mortgage and I could see he was getting depressed and was cranky all the time. He wanted to travel to the the UK to see his family for xmas but without me working he couldn't afford (his words). I have a casual job at the moment but he just seems more and more distant from me. On weekends he likes to spend all his time with his mates at the local club and have been told I am not welcome. He is now withdrawing himself from my family and refuses to attend any family functions, he has always had a very good relationship with them all. I finally decided to have "the conversation" with him. He knows he's depressed but the problem is he's a mans man and I can't see him asking for help. He has also become impotent which I'm sure is making things worse and he is drinking way too much. I'm desperate to get him some help. We have been married nearly 30 years and love him more that ever. He thinks I should just leave him to become a lonely only man but I never will. I am now suffering anxiety and feel sick with worry until he is home each day wondering if he is going to leave me.Help