At a loss, tired, lonely Mum
Hi RCG welcome
A few things come to mind. You are in a real pickle atm.
I dont know the ages of your children so bare that in mind with my answer.
It a big challenge not arguing with the eldest. To change your natural reaction to his behaviour. But less words and more direct meaning might be better. Stay away from the generalising eg "youve got to motivate yourself"...better is "finish that project". The first can be taken as a personal criticism the sevond one can only be taken as a direction amd a single focus.
Then add praise. Eg finish that project Billy, I know you can do it, you were great at your last one"
Praise can be indirect. On the phone to a friend and Billy is in listening range? "And Billy got a good mark for his project, I'm so proud of him"
Jealousy of his younger sibling is a real possibility. Quality time say 20 minutes a night, just you and him. Gold. Connect with praise, praise praise. Ignore negatives and your own issues. Dont mention his sibling.
Hubby. Our character foesnt change. Other things like environment can be changed. We also see things/people more critically when we are unwell which, you are imk showing such signs.
Its a two income world, in cities. Im a great advicate if country life, less debt, calm, tranquility, less work for hubby and back to basics living. Most people cant see the benefits though and difficulties are commuting, car wear etc.
I would definitely recommend a GP visit and a separate one for your eldest..
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There is a positive side to all this turmoil you are experiencing. You care. This post proves you might be in turmoil but you are proactive in seeking help.
That approach is significant and wonderful. So dont be too hard on yourself.
Thank you. Yes, I am being critical. Would love the country, but in reality, my husband won't work less and won't be able to unless he has a lifestyle career change, which he won't do. He is a high achiever. He is a very loyal husband and a good person, but he can be selfish and he will never change his life for me or for his family.
I have tried a psychologist for my son before to improve his behaviour. He was difficult from day one. He is one of the most strong willed children that one would ever meet. Work with psychologists has worked for a short time and then he chills out and realises he is out of the spotlight and goes back to his old ways. One of the brightest kids around. It is so much more work for me when we do see psychologists because there are tasks that he usually needs to do and I am the one overseeing the tasks and nagging him to do them, otherwise the psychologist says to me, why hasn't he done..... I have just given you the tip of the iceberg with this child. He is more than a challenge. Let's just say that between preschool and primary school, two of his teachers (perhaps the less stable ones) had breakdowns and had to leave the school, the year after having him in their class. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but I know he gave them a hard time.
I am not sure that anyone can help me stop overeating, as it is due to loneliness, anxiety and stress. I know that I am the only person who can do that and the only person who can build up my self esteem is me. I just feel stuck at the moment. I am stuck at home having to deal with my son's frustrated teachers, his rudeness, attitude and laziness and other issues that he has, there is always an issue or multiple issues in one day with him. I am worn out.
I can see how rundown and worn out you feel.
I am sure you have been told this before, but is your son being challenged enough. I know he doesn't want to do his required work but I hope his teacher is giving him a chance to explore something he is fascinated with.
I used to be a primary teacher so forgive if I am stating the obvious.
It must be so hard for you being the one who has to make your son do things, complete tasks, and generally be the one overseeing his behaviour. That would exhaust anyone.
Is there anything that you can do with your son that you both enjoy, and where you don't need to nag him- could be anything he likes, a game , a swim , a walk. Is there somewhere where he does behave or, something he loves doing ?
At the moment everything you do with your son makes you anxious stressed and so exhausts you.
I know it is difficult with a very clever child as they can manipulate people and their environment.
Is there a school counsellor or a helpful teacher who has given you some ides of how to cope.
Is it possible to explain to your husband how worn out you are?
Has you son be given a label for his behaviour? If he was would that mean you would get more help?
I hope I have not asked two many questions.
I can feel your frustration , being worn out and being stuck. It would be good if you had someone in your life who could share some of the load.
Do you get anytime to go out by yourself, maybe for a swim or the gym or a walk, anything to give you some time to recuperate?