Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Guest6093 Anger Ruining Relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm unsure where to go from here. My wife is my first relationship (I started late in life) and we have a nearly one year old. I feel I am getting angry with both of them as I feel like I am struggling to support financially. I try to he... View more

Hi everyone, I'm unsure where to go from here. My wife is my first relationship (I started late in life) and we have a nearly one year old. I feel I am getting angry with both of them as I feel like I am struggling to support financially. I try to help clean and keep things tidy but that they both make a mess and it doesn't worry them living like that. My wife has stopped being intimate with me as she doesn't feel satisfied in that department. I am the romantic one in the relationship and have had enough of trying this. She rarely does anything romantic for me and I'm too tired to keep the act up. What's frustrating is I am getting angry about everything, every comment, every detail, everything. It doesn't matter what it is, I am getting grumpy and angry about it. I don't know why. I have tried some spiritual methods and would like to know if anyone has suggestions on how to stop my brain from going in this dirsction? Does anyone know of any support groups that perhaps don't cost much? My wife thinks I am struggling supporting cause I have never had to. We live in not great accomodation but I like things to be clean and it doesn't bother her being unclean. How can we compromise? Hope you can help in some way. All your words of wisdom are welcome.

azreal75 Fifo family
  • replies: 11

My wife is now a fifo worker. She is 2 weeks away 1 week home and as much as she tries to talk to us at home (myself and the 2 kids) she's often tired or in a rush. She's nearly at the end of her second swing and it is wearing me down already. I've s... View more

My wife is now a fifo worker. She is 2 weeks away 1 week home and as much as she tries to talk to us at home (myself and the 2 kids) she's often tired or in a rush. She's nearly at the end of her second swing and it is wearing me down already. I've seen her for 6 and a half days in the last 5 weeks and most of those days I was at work; I'm a teacher. I'm exhausted after work and then I'm basically a single parent and we keep the kids pretty busy with their sport and music lessons several days a week and on the weekends. So my school week is super busy. But it is so lonely. Then there's all the house work, cooking, ironing, homework etc to do each day. I wasn't prepared for how draining this would all be and if I had thought it through I would have actively encouraged her not to take the job. However, this is it for now, the job, the lifestyle is here to stay for the foreseeable future. But I'm not coping. I can't sleep in my own bed, it feels empty without her. I don't sleep well. I can't stop thinking about her. I am getting emotional and I have had several nights where I cry myself to sleep. I'm moody. I really have to watch myself around the kids so I don't yell at them for doing trivial naughty things. So far it hasn't impacted on my work. But everyone else is doing fine. My wife thinks her job is ok but her workmates are good fun, she's made some good friends. It's long hours but they have good facilities and she's doing lots of social stuff and sport classes...and the food is good. My kids are doing well, they seemed to have handled the extra responsibility they now have with ease. Haven't had a single time when one of them has been upset about their mum being away. But I'm hating every minute of it. The moodiness, the distraction, the sadness, the loneliness and feeling of hopelessness. So what do I do? I don't have family support in the area and very few friends. None of which I can talk to about this on anything but a very superficial level. I don't really know what to do. So I guess that's what this thread is about. What can I do to make things better, to be able to cope better with a new lifestyle that I just hate so much.

brighterside Concerned about my bf & dont know how to help
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I am 99.96% certain that my partner is suffering from a medium-severe level of depression. I'm very concerned and don't know how to support and help. I feel like I'm crowding him and annoying him by trying to be supportive and loving. He's ... View more

Hi there, I am 99.96% certain that my partner is suffering from a medium-severe level of depression. I'm very concerned and don't know how to support and help. I feel like I'm crowding him and annoying him by trying to be supportive and loving. He's go-to coping mechanism is withdrawal, avoidance and silence and it's very difficult to not take it personally (hello, anxiety!!) - on that, I've actually blown up a few times at him from feeling overwhelmed with the disinterested behaviour, but I guess that's somewhat understandable given the circumstances and we always kiss and make up. I'd love to be able to get him interested in going for walks together and just basically helping him find some zest for life again..... But don't know how to go about it without seeming like I'm mothering him. My plan is to have a bit of a heart to heart with him over the weekend and see if I can convince him to seek help... But I also want to help from this end too. Any suggestions/comments/tips would be welcome... Both from people who are helping their partners and also those on the receiving end too!! Thanks

Bellis over 50, isolated, no friends, no family, no job, husband has cancer
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I had a very rough time the past few years. I lost my mum 2 years ago, last year my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no kids as God never gave us. Before used to be just as anybody else, lived and worked in Sydney, bu... View more

Hi everyone, I had a very rough time the past few years. I lost my mum 2 years ago, last year my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We have no kids as God never gave us. Before used to be just as anybody else, lived and worked in Sydney, but about 10 years ago decided to move up North. All went well , me and my husband both worked, but not long after we moved he had and injury which left him with a nerve damage and had to go on the DSP . I had to leave my job too and became his carer. Another year passed and I became very ill, breathing problem due to allergies specific to that location, went through surgeries, medications, nothing helped, so had no choice but to move. As none of us worked anymore, we could only afford to buy something in a small retirees village, about 100 km from the city. All was good for about a year, when my husband got diagnosed with that dreadful disease. My husband is currently receiving a treatment which is horribly expensive, our disgraceful government wouldn't put 1 cent to help, in a few month we might loose our house, savings, and pension. I'm lonely, depressed, have anxiety, probably would fit all the category in this forum. I really don't know what to do, and this isolation is killing me. I'm hoping someone could give me some advice.

Swish Not sure if I did the right thing (broke relationship off)
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am relieved to have found this space, I am looking for guidance. Around a year and a half ago I dated someone for a few months, we solely spent time together getting to know each other. He told me eventually wasn't in a space for a rel... View more

Hi everyone, I am relieved to have found this space, I am looking for guidance. Around a year and a half ago I dated someone for a few months, we solely spent time together getting to know each other. He told me eventually wasn't in a space for a relationship at that stage, no worries on my end, I just kept moving dating other people. He messaged on special occasions to touch base and we kept a friendship going. He was open about having experienced anxiety and depression. I am in recovery from a mental illness myself and have done a *lot* of work, no relapses in a number of years. Fast forward awhile and I realise it felt right to reconnect with him. It turned romantic and due to some really heavy stuff coming up on his end recently (the worst space he's been in in a long time, he is completely stuck and cannot think about anything apart from not feeling the way he's feeling) and not seeing him for a few weeks, he tells me he knows he shouldn't be alone when he's like this, but that's what he wants. That he wants to be alone, but in the same breath doesn't know if he wants space, or a breakup. He is adamant though that this is his private struggle and won't let me in, tell me what is really going on. I told him I am quite prepared to walk alongside him in this, that's when he said he didn't know what he wants re: space or a breakup. So I had to take a step back and tell him I love him and that I want for him to be well. So it's technically broken off, but I don't know if I have done the right thing, I was a bit knee-jerk when he was like "I have no idea what i'm doing or where i'm going". Any words of comfort or suggestions as to what to do from here? Thanks everyone!

auschic I can't love fully
  • replies: 1

Im having relationship problems with my boyfriend who I care about very much and its getting me down. He tells me that my love is conditional, which in a way i guess it is and i hate it. When we have an argument and his on my 'bad side' its like my m... View more

Im having relationship problems with my boyfriend who I care about very much and its getting me down. He tells me that my love is conditional, which in a way i guess it is and i hate it. When we have an argument and his on my 'bad side' its like my mind shuts off everything i felt for him and all our memories, all my feelings get shut off. I treat him like i dont care about him and ill be honest, in that moment a part of me doesnt. Lots of times i wish he would just leave me alone because he has no worth to me anymore (when were fighting). I say harsh things aswell. I wish i was normal where i could just have a conversation and tell him he hurt me/my feeligs and then be okay with it and move on but no, my mind goes defensive. Ive tried to do that but theres something in my mind that doesnt allow me to just 'be okay with it', its like i have to do more. Either get revenge or just shut my feelings off for him. This feeling can go for a few days, ill still be around him but ill feel withdrawn. We have usually said sorry by thus point but the feeling still lingers for me. I wont feel attracted to him in the slightest, Its almost like i need to get him to get me to fall back in love with him. Its such a huge process. I look at my bf and i know his normal. When we fight he explains to me how ive hurt him (even if its small) and he expresses his emotions. Then i say sorry and we move on and were back to normal,he doesn't withhold his love like I do. He tells me he always loves me even when we fight and that he never hates me. My emotions are so extreme,either i love you or i hate you theres no in between. I black and white think alot. Why do i do this?

unicornprincess29 Boyfriend's Family Makes My Depression/Anxiety Worse
  • replies: 24

Hi! I've been with my BF for over 2 years. He's my absolute rock & he has supported me through every single bad day I've had. His dad lives in Aus. & his mum lives overseas (neither of them speak English very well). A year ago, his mum came to Aus. W... View more

Hi! I've been with my BF for over 2 years. He's my absolute rock & he has supported me through every single bad day I've had. His dad lives in Aus. & his mum lives overseas (neither of them speak English very well). A year ago, his mum came to Aus. We spoke a lot using Google translate. We did a lot together...she even confided in me about personal problems. She told me I was like a daughter to her & that she was so happy I was with her son because she sees how much I love him. My BF told me a long time ago he's not close to them because of what they're like. I soon witnessed this. The 2nd day she was here, they started fighting. At one stage I even felt they were trying to cause fights between me & my BF. The fights between his parents carried on the whole time she was here & they would always ask my BF to fix it. Eventually he was so sick of it, he moved out, which was accelerated because they insulted both of us. They said horrible things about him, like that he hasn't achieved anything (he has 2 degrees & works full time in his field). But then it was my turn...they called me ugly, told him his exes were better than me, said it was weird I don't like going out a lot/don't have many friends, they told him I don't love him, they said they hated me & any other insult you can think of. We bought his mum a Thomas Sabo bracelet to which she later said I control his money & she wanted Adele tickets & I'm the reason he didn't get them (I don't control his money. We have a savings goal we're trying to achieve together & his parents thought that he should be using all his pay on them). She also said she doesn't want grandkids from me. My BF moved out & we've been happier than ever! I was broken for a long time though. The comments they made about the both of us affected me for months & at times I still get depressed & upset about it. He didn't deserve any of it & neither did I. Anyway she went back home temporarily but she's back. My BF is meeting them because they called/texted him relentlessly saying they need to talk. He told them that he has no intention of being a "family" again & that they showed both him & me no respect & he won't let them treat me that way. I won't be there when they meet. I'm worried for my BF though & that they'll try to hurt him again, and, I'm worried how stressful/upsetting it'll all be for me again.

Summer83 Insomnia/relationship issues
  • replies: 3

Heya, Just wanting some help. I worry about myself when I don't sleep for a while as I have had psychosis a few times in the past. This week I was on too much of a high - I started a new relationship a few months ago and on Sunday felt like I'd just ... View more

Heya, Just wanting some help. I worry about myself when I don't sleep for a while as I have had psychosis a few times in the past. This week I was on too much of a high - I started a new relationship a few months ago and on Sunday felt like I'd just reached a point of falling for him pretty hard. My attraction to him had been building and it felt like it had tipped over into something quite strong. I was really excited and happy. On Wednesday things fell apart when he told me what was going on in his week. Monday night he only slept 3 hours - I had the naivete to think maybe it was because of a similar excitement to me but it was because he found out his ex got engaged. He also said something about not bringing me to a party with his friends because he was at that same party last year with his ex. Apparently she had borderline personality disorder and was cheating on him. I don't want yet another relationship to fall apart - there's so much promise in this one - but I don't know how to preserve my dignity. I have this fierce pride that won't let me stay with someone who isn't over their ex. He doesn't want to be with her, in fact he's very angry at her, but he isn't over her.

tashi New mum. Hard time
  • replies: 8

I'm a first time mum my baby is nearly 6 months old . I am exhausted i feel like I haven't slept since he was born. I feel like my fiancé is just a house mate finding it hard not to snap at each other .i feel incredibly lonely somedays barely leave t... View more

I'm a first time mum my baby is nearly 6 months old . I am exhausted i feel like I haven't slept since he was born. I feel like my fiancé is just a house mate finding it hard not to snap at each other .i feel incredibly lonely somedays barely leave the house I have a constant headache. It's all just to much ! I love my baby so much and some days are great but some days or so so testing.i constantly question what I'm doing ! .im sure this is all common new mum stuff I suppose I just need someone to talk to

Gezell My depressed partner has left me and I'm pregnant
  • replies: 1

met my ex 3.5 yrs,In Aus1.5yrs. 2months into relationship he told me he has depression. Said he'd been to counselling&taken meds in the past but manages it himself.Afew mths later, I tried to end things as I was moving to Aus. He wanted to come with ... View more

met my ex 3.5 yrs,In Aus1.5yrs. 2months into relationship he told me he has depression. Said he'd been to counselling&taken meds in the past but manages it himself.Afew mths later, I tried to end things as I was moving to Aus. He wanted to come with me&didn't want us to end.10 months into the relationship he said'I need to tell you something but cant'.This went on for2mths.I was relentless&started guessing.He said he didnt think he wanted to marry/have kids.When hes depressed he can hardly look after himself&was afraid of passing it on-His dad has depression.I took this as a fear of committment.He hadnt spoken to his dad in12 yrs,Dad left his mum&they'd a bad marriage.later mum told me he was reclusive for 5 yrs in his 20s.We kept going.Had regular sex&got on good.4 mths before our move, he said he had doubts about Aus.He'd say I was the best thing to happen to him&I thought'cold feet'We moved to Darwin.Beginning was tough.Id a job he didnt.We fought a bit. Hes V introverted/awkward socially-I'm the opposite,but the smartest person I know!Back on track&things were good.I went to counselling to help me support him.We travelled&became so close. Arguements wouldnt last long as I found better ways to say things.I noticed every 6 months he'd have an episode&doubt us.His dad died&he didn't go back home.Another episode!I thought hed committment issues.I said if we split, I wouldnt want to see him.He was devastated by this.We kept going.Had the best4-5mths when I got pregnant.He said he didn't love me&he wanted to break up.Wants to be there for me&baby as much as I want.Says I make him happy,I'm his best friend,the best thing thats ever happened to him,if there was no baby he'd follow me anywhere as he wants me in his life.says Im beautiful.I found his depression difficult at the start.I couldve been more supportive.Im his1st serious partner/lived with/1st I love yous.When we met,hed many social issues/no job/living with mum/couldnt drive.Now hes a good job,in Australia,has a truck licence.I KNOW Im a positive influence on his life.Ive tried to keep my distance but Im in Darwin til Jan.Ive no friends or support. L night I asked him over. I had a terrible time last week. Was so down, angry&full of resentment. Crying&panic attacks.We watched a movie.He gave me kisses&hugs&sounds excited about baby.he smokes weed every day.Im moving to Perth in Jan&having the baby in Feb. Hes coming too.Ive lots of support there.Id love2leave now but don't want to screw up my visa.