Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Styxx Lost Again.
  • replies: 3

I am feeling lost and hurt right now, yet again. Having moved back into our home with my teenage daughter late last year after my wife told us to leave for 12 months following a long period of chaos in our family caused by our daughter, the relations... View more

I am feeling lost and hurt right now, yet again. Having moved back into our home with my teenage daughter late last year after my wife told us to leave for 12 months following a long period of chaos in our family caused by our daughter, the relationship between my wife and I has taken another dive. Our daughter who has mental health issues, was suspended from school 3 weeks ago for verbally abusing a teacher. Shortly after I picked her up from school she hit me several times,. I told her to get out of the car and not come home. She has been couch surfing, staying with friends we think since then. The trouble now is that my wife once again does not want her back in our home. I understand my wife's concerns because she has been on the receiving end of much of my daughters behaviour for many years. My wife wants us to cut ties completely and let her go with no more contact. I am concerned for my daughters safety and education if we do that as she is still at school and under 18. My wife sees this as me aligning with my daughter and not her again. She has told me that she is moving out as I will never change and that she is done with our marriage. I love my wife but I don't know which way I should go. I know my wife and I have dealt with so many issues where our daughter is concerned it has worn us down. But also I feel a responsibility toward my daughters safety and well being as well as hoping one day as she gets older things will settle and we can be a close family again. We have arranged so much support for her but she refuses any help. It is so difficult living with someone with her mental health condition, it has destroyed our family. I guess I feel a sense of anger toward my daughter for having put us through all this but I also feel hurt by my wife because she is making me choose a path to go without us helping each other through this. I don't know which way to go.

Lost88888 Im lost on how to act
  • replies: 5

Becouse of events that happend in my life thru my mother cheating and when my ex fiance sat with me on a hoilday and told me that she "never wanted to get engaged and only said yes to keep me happy" i have lost trust Not only trust in faith in women ... View more

Becouse of events that happend in my life thru my mother cheating and when my ex fiance sat with me on a hoilday and told me that she "never wanted to get engaged and only said yes to keep me happy" i have lost trust Not only trust in faith in women but also trust in when someone says they love me i now have a gf whom i have fully fallen in love, but i keep going thru phases where my trust in her goes up and down i want to check her phone or spy on her i know shes not but if i get a .05% chance she could ill take it as absoulte. The other day out of no where her ex tryies calling her after a year of no contact with him so she tells me. she didnt answer and she said that she wont call him back and def not see him. after i asked of course i got upset over the fact he tried to call at all to be honest. i just cant stop these feelings and i feel like this is toxic and is going to ruin a good relationship over my own insercreties Im only asking on this becouse i use to talk to my grandfather but he passed some time ago n i have no one to talk about this stuff

justbe Vent
  • replies: 4

I feel angry and hurt whenever someone makes a mistake which puts me in a very stressful situation, and then blames my stressed response on my anxiety. Ie rather than ackowledge they stuffed up, and anyone with or without anxiety would have a stress ... View more

I feel angry and hurt whenever someone makes a mistake which puts me in a very stressful situation, and then blames my stressed response on my anxiety. Ie rather than ackowledge they stuffed up, and anyone with or without anxiety would have a stress response, they try to paint a picture that "there's no real biggie issue....boy you get stressed easily". It is weak, dishonest, disrespectful, a true sign of their own weakness or selfishness.

Sally2325 UPDATED: My partner who is suffering from depression has told me 'I feel nothing for you but have feelings for a one time mutual friend'
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I have been with my husband for 20 years and I on reflection I can see several instances in that time that my husband has been suffering depression. However, in the past 12 months he has become very depressed. It... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I have been with my husband for 20 years and I on reflection I can see several instances in that time that my husband has been suffering depression. However, in the past 12 months he has become very depressed. It started on the lead up to him turning 40. The depression has put significant pressure on our marriage and in January he told me that he thought that we should seperate as we don't get along. My reaction surprised him I think (I was very upset and was plainly obvious that I was) - initially once I was over the surprise I recognised that it may be the depression clouding his view on our relationship. When I look back I can see "coldness" setting in and lessening intimacy as time went on. It took several months for me to be able to get through to him but I finally got him to visit the GP with me. The good news is that he is now on medication and visiting a psychologist. I've done lots of reading and recognise that the coldness and talk of splitting may be a result of the depression. However, I feel alone. I'm happy that he is getting treatment for our his and my daughters sake but I'm really missing my best friend & to be honest my lover. I'm finding that I'm feeling more anxious than normal and that I'm paranoid about comments / actions that I would normally not even thing twice about. Does it get easier? I want to provide as much support as needed with the hope we can save our marriage in the end. Thanks for listening.

Hrtonsleeve Finding a way out Sole parent in a questionable relationship
  • replies: 1

There's always a story to tell... mine seems to be waiting long and I'm tired of fighting for two when it seems it was ever only meant for one. I feel I've been toyed with right from the start I turned a blind eye but the joking around now makes me t... View more

There's always a story to tell... mine seems to be waiting long and I'm tired of fighting for two when it seems it was ever only meant for one. I feel I've been toyed with right from the start I turned a blind eye but the joking around now makes me think he's got something to hide not only that but things don't add up he's always gone even at night tells me I'm stupid if I question him says he can do what he wants and I'm to put up with it he's not doing anything wrong.... I'm hitting a brick in all ereas my life even before him another story 4 another day thing is I'm 8 months pregnant no where to go anymore one to go to I've tried women's refuge but because he hasn't hit me they just say it's a relationship breakdown it's more than that in long term it turns into something more where doing go there's no support for single mum who have nothing and no money and no way as a result of controlling and manipulative partners or xs where do I go when alarm bells are ringing and your trapped to do or say anything about it your just the crazy one HELP!!

Fifi14 Porn in marriage
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, a few months ago two days before our family vacation I accidentally stumbled upon porn sites on my husbands phone. There was a few videos in his history. When I confronted him he first denied it. The next day he blamed my teenage son for... View more

Hi everyone, a few months ago two days before our family vacation I accidentally stumbled upon porn sites on my husbands phone. There was a few videos in his history. When I confronted him he first denied it. The next day he blamed my teenage son for viewing it on his phone. Few days later he came clean but then said he did not really watch it and was researching sexual techniques to please me. What does he take me for? How can I believe him about this or ever again. I feel like I'm losing my mind. He just wants me to forget and move on. The images plays over and over in my mind. I'm broken angry and can't seem to get past this. I felt very distant in our sex life for a while and when sibling upon this it makes me think is this why I feel our intimacy is so cold and feel as if this thinking of someone else. I am hurting so much and feel like I want to hurt him physically mentally emotionally. He was my best friend and now I've lost that faith and trust. What if he is telling the truth but then again why on websites? I just need the truth. Is there anyone going through what I am at the moment I need some advice help or someone to tell me am I crazy to act this way? Thank you

pualn Depression and relationships
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I've recently become engaged to my partner. When I first met her she was the most affectionate and loving person I'd ever met. Needless to say we really connected and hit it off... She is currently working a job she absolutely hates that invo... View more

Hi all, I've recently become engaged to my partner. When I first met her she was the most affectionate and loving person I'd ever met. Needless to say we really connected and hit it off... She is currently working a job she absolutely hates that involves extremely early morning starts (3am most days). Her workplace is not the best environment as they are not very supportive of their workers, often putting them down and very rarely is there praise or reward for a job well done. The pay is quite poor and she barely earns enough to take care of her own expenses. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety during her teenage years and was on medication which she is no longer on. In the last couple of months she has told me she is bordering on depression due to her work and her satisfaction with where she is going. She often says she feels she has no purpose to her life. She is constantly anxious and stressed about work. When shes at home alone during the day she tells me she is in bed for most of it and all she does is think about how shit her life is and how she feels stuck, without anything to look forward to. Most days when I come home I'm often faced with a very agitated, annoyed and angry partner. I would ask what is wrong and she would say it's nothing. I would ask again and again and she would say it's just the same shit.. I hate my job, I'm anxious and stressed, I have no purpose etc. These days I have trouble connecting with her as she is completely withdrawn. Very little affection and love, it's like she's completely holding back. I done so much reading into depression and how it affects/alters personal relationships but I would really like real advice from people who have been through something similar with their partner? How they managed it and got through it... how it felt while it was happening... Thank you in advance. Paul

Elizabeth CP Daughter moving overseas. will miss her & struggle with process of her leaving
  • replies: 4

My daughter has just decided to accept a job offer OS. She usually visits on weekends (she lives 3hrs away) I already have a son living OS & another one has said he will move next year if he is offered a good enough job. I am happy for my daughter & ... View more

My daughter has just decided to accept a job offer OS. She usually visits on weekends (she lives 3hrs away) I already have a son living OS & another one has said he will move next year if he is offered a good enough job. I am happy for my daughter & hoping she has a good experience but this doesn't stop me worrying about missing her. My other concern is needing to help her by storing her belongings including furniture. I don't have a lot of room & my husband is blind so I need things kept in place so he can cope. I struggle if things are too cluttered as I can't find things & feel out of control. Has anyone else dealt with this or have any suggestions to help me

purplemoon How do I walk away and move on?
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of ... View more

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of family MI. He has a very stressful job & had a couple of melt downs I was able to sit through with him. He would withdraw the next day embarrassed I’d seen him so low & emotional but I’d reassure him then step back & give him space to ‘regroup’. He lacks selfesteem & confidence & doubts himself but kept telling me how wonderful life and a future with me is. Whenever he is down his coping strategy is to put on a mask to appear ok & go to see his teenage child so he has to stay in ok mode, but it is not dealing with the illness. Just before xmas he was contacted by his ex-partner, a woman who bullied him for years. I watched his anxiety & fear building up & everything fell apart, she reignited very distressing memories & I saw him imploding. He started to push me away saying he isn’t good enough & I should find someone better. I tried to reassure him of my love but he just kept withdrawing. My counsellor told me he’s probably overwhelmed by his feelings, afraid to let me love him. I gave him space to be with family over xmas but he stopped contacting me all together & went steadily downhill & I felt he needed to be hospitalised both for his mental state & seriously high blood pressure. He posted concerning things online & when I went to check on him he was in a very manic state but refused to talk, ran away & broke all contact. I rang a family member to let them know my concerns, they are oblivious to his severe anxiety & depression & told me to leave him alone. He was very distressed & I fear he felt confronted & exposed, yet I’m the only one who has seen how bad things & want to stick by him & help him get well. I know it’s going to be long rocky road ahead but I love him, he’s worth it. I’ve sent him a few messages over the months to let him know I’m here when he’s ready to let me in but a few weeks ago I reached out & got a very hurtful & threatening text reply & he’s demanded I never contact him again. I’m devastated, I don’t think he is ever going get treatment or be well again. but he’s pushed me out of his life & I just have to walk away. It’s heartbreaking, this is the man I wanted to grow old with & now I don’t know how to move forward. I feel I have failed him & this is a sad loss for both of us.