After a year

[Belsamuel]

Hi all.

Not sure how to start all this. I decided to join here just to try and get some stuff off my chest. I've been thinking of Beyond Blue for a bit now, just every now and again when I feel at my lowest, but I don't think up to talking to a disembodied voice over the phone yet.

Just over a year ago my fiance left me, 6 weeks before our wedding. In a 2 week period we went from happily laughing, paying the last payment on the dress, planning the arrangements at the venue.... to her coming home from her hens night, telling me she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to get married but wanted to stay together because 'it's easier than breaking up', she then left for her ex-boyfriend's house and I didn't see her again for 8 days. When she got home I asked her to leave.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Here standing in front of me was the woman I wanted nothing more in the world than to grow old with and I was asking her to go. It was the first time in 10 years I got drunk. But I am the single father of a beautiful little 12 y/o girl who had a terrible upbringing with her mother and I could not put her through the uncertainty of my relationship with my ex. In a way I thank my daughter for that because without her to make me take that step I probably would have put myself through hell to keep Daniela around.

In 48 minutes it would have been our one year anniversary. I've tried my best to stay strong and most of the time I've succeeded. There are some days late at night where I will feel it hit me and I'll curl up and cry silently, listening to 'say something' on repeat with headphones trying not to wake my daughter. I have tried twice to talk to people about it. My best mate went silent for a bit, made a joke and changed the subject. My mother said "Still? Aren't you over her yet?" and then tried to remind me of all the things she hated about her.... not helpful.

Even on my best days I can feel it inside me. Even the little things affect me more. I mean, I'll still be the same me but the tiniest things can make me cry now. My daughter laughs and calls me a wuss and I joke it off and call her the human granite while I have tears streaming down my face when a comedy includes even just a sad song.

And I just read where it says 2500 character limit, so to cut it short (yes, short) the worst times are those nights where I sit and all I can think is "She stole my happy ending from me! She stole my life when she left!"

Should I seek help?

[demonblaster]

Hi Bels welcome 🙂 good choice coming here, great safe site

First up I'm deeply sorry for your pain. Sux

A year's still early days & glad to hear you're crying, (how warped does that sound 🙂 because it's an outlet for release. Stress needs outs. In answer to your question should you get help, I think yes, if we're struggling I believe in most cases we can put demons at least to bed but getting through is the hell hard part & not only the pain you had a huge shock on top which in itself is very in your face and difficult

Understand & feel for you re talking to a couple of people, (been in that situation) it's like rejection isn't it & it's often hard to reach out. Good that you are btw. A lot of people I guess different attitudes, coping mechanisms or simply haven't been through deep pain they just don't get it or don't know what to say is common shame they don't handle it differently though aye.
Another good reason to get help, a good psychologist or counsellor can help you with coping strats and of course listening and being there for you as we are here, you can talk anytime here, this is your space 🙂 Sometimes posts can take a while, they have a big volume.

What a brave and great Dad, that heartbreaking decision you made I reckon was the right one for your daughter & yourself. Sounds like yous have a great relationship, loven the granite "I'll have what she's having"/got 🙂 I'd say you could take credit for that, she's had the hards, sorry for that too jeez, but a loving Dad who's guided her to be strong. Nice one

Sorry but people that say rot like "aren't you over that yet", pfffttt, have to be lady here, nah WRONG, deep pain brings on a gambit of emotions, it takes time to work through, everyone needs different amounts. You will get there cause you're looking for ways to get through not burying.

The ONLY positive I can see from pain is we can become stronger from it, tho tbh we remember it but in time it reduces like grieving which is where you're at atm

Everything you're going through is completely normal and kudos for reaching out

If you return which I hope you do so we know how you're going, I may not be back straight away but will eventually all going well

Again truly sorry Bels, one good thing about time, is it does pull us outta stuff

Tc (Take care