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Parenting with a partner who’s changed

TLC2017
Community Member

Hi, I’m new to this thread and would love to get some help as I really am struggling with who to talk to about my current situation.

Ive been with my husband for ten years and we have two young children together. When my partner and I met, I never wanted children but he always did.

when my daughter was born he was a great father and always loved spending time with her but as she’s gotten older he has lost interest and barely speaks to her now. My son was the same, he is two years old and it is really hard to get him to play or communicate with him much.

The start of this year our family moved into an area where it can be difficult to get work. My husband was unemployed for a little while and it effected his confidence. A few months ago my husband got a job 4 hours away from us and now he is only home on the weekends.

One weekend when I was at work and My husband had the children, he left my son in the bath on his own to go listen to music and has also left him out the front in the car on his own while asleep, My sister luckily was home that day and made it very clear to him that it was not alright. There are several other situations where he has not thought properly and put the children in potentially dangerous situations.

Over the last 6 months my husband has increasingly became angrier and I am struggling to communicate with him. He apologises and says he will try do better but it only lasts a week then he is back to putting in minimal effort.

My husband has adhd and will use it as a reason a lot of the time as to why he does things a certain way but I can’t accept that anymore. Should I divorce him and try raise my children on my own? Or should I keep pushing him and the kids together and hope they will bond?

It is breaking my heart to see the man I married and started a family with treat our children this way.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello TLC, I'm sure this concerns you greatly, because it's not any way to leave your son, in a bath and then in a car, the potential that could have happened isn't acceptable and understand your fear.
Whether your husband has ADHD but medication can certainly help him, plus if he wanted to use exercise techniques can be very helpful as well, but what he has done is frigthening for what maybe the result if it all went wrong.
When anybody says that they will try harder and/or improve happens in so many different situations, but eventually it all goes back to how it was unless he decises and realises that he needs help, and maybe he's not taking any medication, then this is a concern.
The thought that he may want to be closer to your children is debatable, it can't be pushed or forced upon him to do it, especially not if his heart isn't there, and you would think that only seeing them at the w/end he would be thrilled to see them, and now when you first met he wanted children while you didn't, it's all turned around now.
I can't tell you what to do, you have to make that decision, however if there is no love between him and them, then perhaps it might be something to think about. Geoff.

TLC2017
Community Member

Thank you Geoff for your reply.

Unfortunately my husband is not currently taking medication for his ADHD. I’m not aware of exercise techniques to help him but will look into it further.

He says he cares about the kids but his actions don’t reflect his words. He will sit them in front of the tv or iPad given the opportunity. Hopefully he is willing to work on his behaviour and change the way he is with the kids.