My Suspicions Were Right All Along- He Had An Affair :(

[Bee1998]

I caught my partner of 2 and a half years with his co-worker last night at their work. After having suspicions of him having an affair with her for the past year, they have finally been confirmed (thanks to me catching them out). It started off last night with my partner never coming home from work. I called him and texted him several times and received no answers. I was worried sick. I was constantly searching Vic Traffic Incidents to see if he could have had a car accident. I nearly brought myself to calling all of the local hospitals to see if he was there. 5 hour shift passed and I was nearly vomiting with anxiety. So I decided to drive around to spots where I thought he could possibly be. No luck. Then, my step dad drove me to search one more time. We decided to go past his work to see if he was there. To my amazement, I found his car parked in the driveway, along with another car with a green P plate. I knew immediately that he was there with that girl. I ended up knocking on the door. Eventually, he unlocked it and opened the door. I asked him, “What are you doing here?” He told me he was talking with Taleah (his co-worker). This was 10pm when I caught him there at his work. I barged into the door and asked where she was. He told me she had locked herself in the toilet because she was scared of me. (She hid in there before I even went inside), so she was obviously hiding because she knew she was in the wrong. I was hysterical by this point. Asking to speak to her and ask her what was going on. My partner kept restraining me and telling me to leave her alone (as if she was his girlfriend and not me). He was defending her the entire time , and yelling at me to stay away from her. (Keep in mind, I wasn’t being physical whatsoever , and I was actually keeping my cool pretty well, seeing as though I just caught my long-term partner having an affair). She eventually came out of the toilet and was yelling at me to leave otherwise she’d call the police. (As if I was the bad person, and she was the victim)???... I was so confused and angry and hurt. My partner kept blaming me for it all , saying that he can’t ever talk to me about anything because I always rebut him. (He has never bothered to tell me anything, and I ask him frequently if he is okay , or if there is anything he wants to talk about or is unhappy about). He still hasn’t contacted me or said a word. I told him last night that we are over (and I meant it). But I am really struggling with coping.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bee1998,

I remember talking to you last year when you were suspicious of your partner and I'm devastated that your suspicions were correct - I was really really hoping that they weren't.

It also sounds awful the way that you had to find out and I feel frustrated that you had to go from fear of him having a car accident to finding out and then seeming like the bad guy in all of it!

I'm not too sure what I can say to help- maybe someone else can offer some more support and advice here - but I just want to say that I'm sorry that this happened to you. You didn't deserve it and it's unfair.

I hope that you're able to find some more support here. Maybe you can think of some nice things to do for yourself - giving yourself a big dose of kindness and self care (whatever that looks like). This feeling probably really sucks but it won't last forever.

rt

[Emmy_j]

Hi bee 1998
Firstly im really Sory whats happen to you.
I know exactly how hard it is finding out someone you love is lying to you.
I'm 27 i have been with my partner since we were 14 he is the love of my life in my eyes i see him as my best friend i tell him everything..we have 2 children together 10 and 8. But i have been suspicious of his behaviour for years, he is someone that likes to go out alot where as i prefer to be at home with the kids.
It all started with the phone being sneaky going out for long periods of time which lead to me digging deeper and found out hed been messaging numerous girls when i would approach him about it he would say hes never done anything physically behind my back he always said it was just over phone talking.this has happened to me nearly every year or every couple of years since my 8 year old was born, he always said he never done anything with them and for some reason i always believed him, i dont know why i always forgive him im just so in love with him i cant make the right decision to leave, i am sitting feeling like i dont what to do this morning as last night i had my partners best mate knock at the door to say my partner had been drinking with him at his place where there was a a girl and apparantly they were hooking up and she was on his lap im so so uspet i havnt moved all day i feel sick,
My partners saying he didnt kiss her and he told her to get off him.
Im just so upset that i just don't know what to do.
I've asked him to leave me alone for a couple of days.
I don't know why i keep allowing this to happen to me

[quirkywords]

Bee, I am so sorry your suspicions were right and that you were treated so badly by your partner. You will be in shock and take a while to plan what you want to do.

Welcome Emmy to the forum and thanks for having the courage to write your first post.

our partner seems to have a history of behaviour that you find inappropriate and that is upsetting you.

It seems like you partner's best mate was concerned about you partners behaviour so much he told you.

I realise you love him very much. Is it possible to sit down and explain how you feel about his behaviour . You may say that you wont put up with this behaviour anymore as it upsets you, Or what ever you want to say. It is your life and if you are ok with his behaviour repeating and you can cope with that, it is your decision.

You are welcome to keep posting here but if you wanted to start your own thread people would be able to help you. You could cut and paste what you have written onto a new thread.

You have been through so much and you need time to work out what you want and what you are prepared to put up with.

Another question is why does your partner keep doing things that upset you?

When you have children it is a very hard decision to leave .

Do you have a friend or family member who can offer support?

Take care

Quirky