I never thought I’d be in a position like this, but here I am, finally being honest with myself and maybe helping someone else see things a bit clearer.
It started out intense. The kind of connection that grabs you by the heart and makes you think, “This has to be it.” It was deep, emotional, full on. He said all the right things, made me feel like I was everything he ever wanted. And at the time, I truly believed it.
But over time, the reality hit. The lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. Everything became about what he needed from me, from life while I slowly stopped recognising myself. I gave him so much of my time, my money, my energy… and it was never enough. He was either in jail or on the outside acting like I was a second option. He’d treat me like shit, disappear, and then when he was in trouble suddenly I was the only one he could count on again.
Every time I wanted to leave, he’d reel me back in with sweet words, promises of change, dreams of a future that never came. And stupidly… I held onto it, thinking the good version of him was the real one and that one day it would stick.
Truth is, I was more in love with the idea of who he could’ve been than who he really was.
I kept making excuses for him. Telling myself he was struggling, or misunderstood, or just needed someone to believe in him. But all it really did was break me down. I started losing who I was trying to love someone who didn’t even love himself.
If you’re reading this and any of it hits home please don’t wait for things to get worse. You don’t owe anyone your peace. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who keeps showing you they don’t value you.
It took me way too long to realise that love isn’t meant to hurt like this. And just because someone keeps coming back doesn’t mean they care it might just mean they know you will.
I’m still picking up the pieces, but I’m done making excuses for someone who never showed up for me the way I showed up for him.
Just wanted to put this out there in case it saves someone else from going through what I did.
