My story

[Em_]

I've been friends with this girl for a few years and recently everything has been going downhill. It started small, little comments, I've had issues with my weight and how I look for a while as well as struggling with mental health issues, and my friend has been commenting on my weight. About a month ago I was in a bad place with my mental health (and she knew it because I confided in her) and she told me to kill myself. This made my mental health even worse. I don't talk about mental health issues much with my parents and I was scared on how they were going to react so I got up the courage an told my mother what happened. She ended up telling my father and he called me out, it thought I was going to get into trouble, he ended up telling me that I had to tell someone at school (all that happened Friday). So on Monday I went to the office and talked to someone there. They told me they would talk to the girl about what happened and told me to ignore her (I can't really because she's in my class). A few hours later they called me back to the office to tell me that she didn't remember what she said and got off scot free. I ended up also talking to my year advisor as well as someone from my school's wellbeing hub. Today at school a boy in my class called me racist for no reason (he asked the girl why we weren't friends anymore and she said that I was racist, never was never will be) and I went to the office and someone from the wellbeing hub came down to get me and I spent the whole of recess and third period in the wellbeing hub calming down and reading. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I needed to get it off my chest. I need help to know what to do next if I need to talk to anyone

[indigo22]

Hello,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

This is a perfectly good place for your post and I am sorry you have had a bit of a wait for a response.

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through, we will be here for you whenever you want to talk about things, but there is always a delay because the forums are not designed for immediate support.

The first thing I want to say is that a true friend would never say that to you, would not make comments about how you look or make you defend yourself to others. It can come as a shock to discover someone you thought you knew is someone who will use any weakness they know of to their advantage. I am in my 60s and had a similar thing happen with a few people I considered good friends over the last 15 years, so it can happen to anyone at any age.

Have you spoken further with your parents about what happened after you told the school what had happened?

Some schools have a counselling service available for students, do you know if your school has one?

It is important that you talk with someone who can support you through this, preferably someone with a professional background. For this reason I am adding the information for a helpline that is managed by professional counsellors who you can talk to in real time. They may also have some suggestions for additional support in your local area. You don't need to try to manage this alone, we all need support at times, so please put this number into your phone so you have access when you need it.

Kids Helpline - available 24/7 up to 25 years of age - 1800 55 1800

I am so glad you found the courage to reach out to us and please feel free to continue this conversation. I will get a notification so you will not be waiting long for a response from me.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo

[Em_]

Hi, so I tell my parents everything that happens (mainly my mum and she tells my dad). I have put in a referral to my school's councilor a few weeks ago and got an email that I have to wait a few weeks (there are other scheduled appointments before me) before I can talk to them. 

My dad said that if my school doesn't do anything, he's going to go to my school and talk to someone (people at my school's office just told me to ignore the girl and the boy). 

On top of everything else, I've recently had a family member pass and today my father went to his funeral so I stayed home. For the first time in almost a month, I've felt the calmest I've ever felt.

[indigo22]

Hi Em_,

It sounds like you have good support at home, I am very glad about that, not all kids do. It's great you have got things organised with the school counsellor too, that will be really helpful. In the meantime, make use of the helpline when things get too much to handle on your own ok.

I am sorry to hear you have also been through a loss, are you coping ok? Is there anything you want to talk about? I am here to listen if there is.

So I think the reason you have been feeling calm today is that your nervous system was able to get back to normal because you didn't need to see the people who have been causing you distress. I want to give you an exercise you can do at any time wherever you are that will help you to feel calmer. This is called Vagus Nerve Activation Breathing. The vagus nerve controls the areas of your nervous system that can go into alert mode when you are anxious about things, this will send a message to the vagus nerve that everything is ok which will instruct the nervous system to return to a regulated state. This will not work well in a situation where you are feeling threatened, but it will work well when you are feeling anxious. No one will even know you are doing it.

Take in a very deep breath, the kind that makes your diaphragm and belly expand as well as your lungs, hold the breath for a few seconds, then release the breath as slowly as you can until your lungs are empty before taking the next breath. You should notice a difference in how you feel even after doing this once, but you can do it as many times as you need to in order to feel calmer. This is also a good one to do when you are laying in bed before you go to sleep, it will help your body relax so you get a good night's sleep.

Let me know how you go with it and if it is helping.

Talk to me anytime you wish and I hope you get a good rest tonight,

indigo 💜

[Em_]

Hi indigo,

So I think I have good support at home, most of the time at least. Like everyone's parents, mine get mad at me, but they never get angry at my younger sister. Anything that see does wrong they blame it on me and even though I try to tell them that it was my sister, they still punish me, my dad mainly (he took away all my electronics for a week for not cleaning something because i forgot), my mum takes my things away from me too (she take my things away from me for a few hours). However, if they do catch my sister doing something, they don't do anything but tell her not to do it again.

Em

[indigo22]

Hi Em,

How did things go for the rest of this week at school?

It's unfortunate that parents don't always get it right and the wrong person ends up being punished and it is usually the older sibling. Could you perhaps try having a quiet talk with your mum about how that makes you feel?

Even when they don't get it right, they are still there to support you, like your dad saying he will go to the school if they don't take care of things, that's him sticking up for you because he doesn't want you to be hurt.

Family dynamics are hard to deal with at times, especially in your teens. You are in that in between phase where you are not quite a grown up but no longer a kid either and unfortunately others can't see that sometimes. It won't always be like this, there will come a time before you know it, that you will be able to start making some of your own decisions.

Just as a suggestion to keep you out of trouble, put a sticky note on your mirror or wall to remind you about things you are supposed to do. It's easy to forget things when there is so much going on.

I hope you are having a good weekend Em,

indigo 💜

[Em_]

Hi indigo

It's been a while and I just wanted to update you. Last week I went to my first counseling  session and talked about everything that happened and jav scheduled my next one for next week. I also have had some time to not think of everything that happened as I have been practicing my dance routine as my schools showcase is next Thursday and I and I need to get it ready. I've got a new group of friends but some other drama started in the group with some people so ive been hanging out with other people (also in the group but we have multiple groups in one). And along with that I also got my reports back yesterday (1 d, 1 c, and the rest b's. My highest was food tech where for the course ranking for everyone in the year that picked it as an elective was 5 out of 86) so I think it's been a good time? I'm not sure.

So that's about the recap of all the time since the last message.

-Em

[indigo22]

Hi Em,

Lovely to hear from you and thank you for the update. I am so glad you are getting some counselling now, it really does help. It's great also that you are able to occupy your thoughts with something creative like dancing, that will help your mental health a great deal.

So great that you got good marks on most of your subjects, it is so long ago since I was at school and I am not up with the grading side of things (we didn't even have electives back then), but it sounds like you are getting through the year ok so far. Now you able to see the counsellor, you should be able to cope with the rest of the year and learn a few coping strategies for days when you are not feeling great.

Please keep me updated as to how things are going and how you are feeling.

Take care Em,

indigo 💜

[Em_]

Hi Indigo,

I know it's been a while but I've been really busy with both school and things going on at my house. I'm not really that sure what I should write about but, I found a new friend group (I was friends with all of them before) and I've been more happy then I could last remember (if that makes sense). I also dyed my hair a few weeks ago and I'm hopefully going to dye it again next week. Last week i ask got my nose pierced which was something I wanted to do for almost a year. I can't really think of anything else to say but I'll update you if anything exciting happens.

-Em

[indigo22]

Hi Em,

Glad to hear from you and it is okay that you have left it for a while. I am here when you need me to talk to.

Good to hear you have been feeling happier and have settled with a group of friends. It's fun to try out new hair colours, sometimes they suit and sometimes they don't, but when you find one that suits you it can give you a real lift.

For me, it was getting my ears pierced so I know how it feels when you finally get to do what you have wanted to for a long time.

Stay well Em, and I hope you keep feeling the happiness you are currently feeling. I will look forward to hearing your news when something exciting happens.

indigo 💜