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My son might be gay, I'm confused

solabear
Community Member

Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation.

He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've never had any suspicion about it.

He lives with me and we have a mutual friend who's gay. This gay friend told me that they are dating, but my son doesn't want anyone to know, not even me. But he decided to share this secret with me and asked me not to tell anyone, and not to let my son know that I know about it. I promised to keep it a secret and not to confront my son, but I can't stop thinking about it and I'm very confused.

I'm not sure if the gay friend is telling the truth and I'm really worried about this whole thing. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I promised to keep it as a secret and I don't want cause trouble to anyone.

My son was deeply hurt by both of his long term relationships with his girlfriends and I'm worried that he turned to a gay man because he doesn't trust women anymore. It's very confusing to me because I've never thought he was gay. And I'm worried for him not feeling comfortable talking to me about it or coming out if he's really gay. I want to be there for him and tell him that I love him and three is nothing wrong with being gay, but I can't because I have to keep this to myself and I can't let him know that I know.

Its a tricky situation and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't get it out of my head and I would appreciate some advice

Sola

8 Replies 8

Lonelydan
Community Member
Hi solabear, I'm a gay man and also a parent, I never heard of anyone turning gay. They maybe realising they might be bi/gay it's always been there never acknowledge or accepted. This mutual friend I would questioned more, if it were me I would ask my child, because like you this would come as a total shock and I would want to know what's going on this can be done without confrontation. Do you approve of this mutual friend I don't think I would I think he has told you this with a hidden agenda he has already betrayed your son by telling you and if your son finds out he has done this i don't think it will be well received. Dan...

Thank you for reply Dan, I appreciate it.

I'd like to apologise for my ignorance..... I've never heard of people turning gay, I don't know why I said that. I've always been a big supporter of the gay community and I know it's an orientation from the start.

I think my son is bisexual, that's what our gay friend told me. And yes he betrayed my son by telling me.... I thought of that straight away. I told him that I hope he won't tell anyone else, he should respect my son's wishes.

I hope my son will be able to tell me one day. He knows I wouldn't have a problem with it. .... I think he knows anyway.

thank you again

hugs from Sola

To what has been already said it doesn't matter which team your son bats with. He is now and always be your son. His humor way of thinking hasn't changed. Just keep on supporting him the same as before. My 18 year old came out telling me she thinks she is Bi possible L I just sat there told her that was fine. ( as a parent I didn't need to know that. to much info) But at least she knows no matter what I am there for her. Sola Thats all you have to be to your son. A mother no more no less. There have been times I have been approached by either gender and said no thanks. Other times yes to my preferred gender. Who is to say which is the best one. The one who is going to bed with you your choice.

Kanga

Hey Sola,

My first feeling I had,had nothing to do with the situation.

As a parent I just felt so sad and probably angry that your friend has put you in this spot.

Maybe put it back onto him and ask him to tell your son. How could he expect a mother to take any news and not feel total turmoil because you can't speak to your own son.

big hugs Sola

Later

Thanks Kanga, you are right....nothing's changed, he's the same gorgeous son and there is nothing wrong with being Bi. I feel a lot better now, thanks for your support.

hugs from Sola

Hey Later, you are spot on. He put me in the spot and that's why I was upset. But never mind, I feel better now. Thank you so much for your support. You guys are awesome.

Hugs from Sola

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Sola, maybe your son's friend was asked to tell your mum and gather what her response would be like and if you believe he knows then the subject should come into a discussion and could be raised if someone on TV comes out and says their gay, then start to talk about it, because not knowing is the worst part to this.
Being gay/bisexual makes no difference he's still your gorgeous son and I'm sure he would be so relieved to know he has your support.
If he is bi it doesn't matter but then I wonder whether this other chap maybe jealous and that's why he's told you.
Raise the topic in a casual way or how you normally talk with him. Geoff.

solabear
Community Member

Thank you Geoff, very good advice. He's away at the moment, but I will bring up the subject gently when he's back and see how he will respond. I won't tell him what I know ..... I want him to tell me when he's comfortable sharing that information with me.

Thanks again for your great reply, I appreciate your support.

Hugs from Sola