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How can i encourage rather than be a winge...

Community Member

Hi, first time using this. I figured it was a good start for my sutuation. Hopefully anyway.

I have been with my bf for almost a year. Our relrionship started healthy and slow. Friends getting to know each other. Working on who we are etc etc. We waited until both or personal dramas where dealt with before comitting to a relationship.

My boyfriend is a workaholic he cam work 7 days a week straight. No in between. I knew that from the beginning but it worked for us. Sometimes well more often than not i dont see him till late at night. And i know he is working because he comes over exhausted and filthy from work.

I started noticing changes in him a while ago and i tried to talk to him about it. He says its him and not me. He says he has depression and anxiety and he cant not work. He just cant stop. He was seeing a psych but stopped as it wasnt helping him.

He tells me hes never been in love like this before. I know hes had alot of reltionships fail because of his work.

He has shut down emotionally and in communication i do all the talking and he goves very brief answers. I feel like im pushing and its making him more distant. He trys to crack jokes or deter from the conversation.

Its making me crazy inside as i dont feel like it is how it was. When i say this he says everything changes. When i ask why are you here with me knowing i am the eccentric i am he says because i love you and i want to.

This man is a very black and whit no in between if be doesnt want to do something or be somewhere he wont.

When i get emotional he shuts down more.

i love this guys alot. And i want to be able to support him through whatever it is he is going through. And he says things will change.

How do yoi help a depressed guy who is slowly shutting down??

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there

First of all welcome to our forums, I hope you find them a supportive and useful resource.

Thanks for taking the time to share what is going on with you. I know what it is like to love someone with depression. You try to solve it for them and talk to them but their reaction is to push you away - it is a very common part of the illness.

You need to remember that their illness is nothing personal, your boyfriend probably doesn't realise the impact this is having on you.

Continue to be there for him, try things like going for walks together, eating fresh and healthy food and listening when he is ready to talk. It would also be great if he went to his GP and spoke about what he is experiencing but that might take a while.

In the meantime, the info above in the menu might help you: The facts/supporting someone.

It is also really important to look after yourself. Keep up your social interactions etc and make sure you stay healthy - it won't be useful if you are both unwell.

Hang in there. He is lucky to have you in his life.

Blue Jane

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi name welcome 🙂

As Blue Jane said with depression often that;s the case, people push others away that'd be very hard on you.

Also agree be there for him, at least there's good security in knowing he loves you but difficult going through this for you for sure

I think without pushing too hard which is a hard balance to act on I'd be continuing as you are by the sounds to get him to open up, I imagine the workaholic is too distract from pain.

Wondering if the psych he saw wasn't the right fit?

Does he take any meds?

Maybe he isn't talking about it because he knows if he does it's going to hurt deeper but actually I think it's the start to healing.

He's very lucky to have you name, really hope you can get him to open up

Good you're here to talk it through 🙂