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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ewok I need some clarity on my situation
  • replies: 6

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who pai... View more

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who paid no attention to him at all. In fact my husband's birth was blamed for them losing their house, the mother getting worse and the father losing his well paid job. In short 10 years ago my husband stopped all contact with his family and does seem better off. He's done a lot of positive work on himself incl. men's festivals and group stuff with psychiatrists etc. I also have issues to deal with myself which I actively do on a daily basis without using any medication. My attention seeking is much better and my self worth is on the up and up. My problem is that my husband is always criticizing me under the guise of helping me. I have been the main bread winner when I work. He doesn't want to do menial work like his father but has never taken opportunities when they come up. I did offer to put him through uni. I worked for 2 years in 14/15 and told him to find out what he was good at with regards to his writing and/or public speaking both of which he has talent. He talks sometimes about how I don't have big highs and lows. How that is normal. In my world it's not normal I have come from a family of people who supress things and heavily medicate themselves with addictions. We are house sitting at the mo and money is now getting lowish. He is doing nothing towards work and uses me as an excuse ie what am I doing, in the past you have sabotaged us moving ahead (yes I agree I did). My sabotaging affects his ability to work. He doesn't drive so if he were to start a business I would need to be there to support him which I would do. Little things are now causing us major problems. There is a Stephen Fry tape here on bi polar disorder and I am wondering if he has that. Look I'm not perfect as I said I have my own issues but it's getting too much to handle for me to be alone with this anymore. If you're going to advise me to take medication or see a doctor don't bother posting anything!! I am being open honest and vulnerable and the last thing I need is for someone to tell me I need to numb it.

Ewok Help my sister
  • replies: 5

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place wi... View more

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place with an anxiety ridden partner who smokes dope and drinks and they also have a friend of his boarding with them as well who also smokes. She also went to rehab.I go and stay with her every now and then. The first time I stayed she seemed like she was coping. However she drinks every day (but she says she's not an alcoholic), smokes dope sometimes (I feel she probably wouldn't do this if it wasnt around), smokes ciggies takes medication, and does colouring in all day between Facebook activity and over eat she is obese. She goes straight from bed to the couch and always makes announcements. I'm gonna take the dog for a walk etc. The poor dog never gets a walk!After my last visit her laziness is a lot worse drinking starts at 8am etc.I know I can't fix this but I feel hopeless. She lies to me as well. I know I'm dealing with an addict and not my sister.

Claire_A Don't know what you've got til it's gone
  • replies: 4

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it... View more

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it coming and it left me reeling. We had been friends for many years before we started dating and, knowing I would be moving interstate for university, I was reluctant to ever start a serious long distance relationship for fear of losing my best friend. But we went ahead and unfortunately that is what happened. We are both incredibly busy with our degrees and our uni lives and I can accept that long distance is a huge strain on any relationship, particularly when there is no end date in sight. I understand that he called it off in order to focus on his own life and friends but I'm having a hard time accepting that it's really over, especially seeing as now I've lost the person I loved more than anything and my best friend. Last semester my anxiety sky rocketed due to increased classes and I became quite depressed. He didn't know how to deal with it and I was continually frustrated by his inability to fix what I was feeling, although realistically the only person who could help me was myself. Because of this, I'm really blaming myself for the relationship ending- what if I'd tried harder, been more understanding, told him how much I really loved him etc etc. I feel like I pushed him into a position where his only choice was to get out and now he seems fine and I can barely breathe let alone function as a normal human and focus on work and classes. I'm trying my hardest to be positive and see this break up as an opportunity for a fresh start but it's hard to deal with the constant waves of grief and regret that keep threatening to overwhelm me and the constant hope that we will get back together. I know it takes time but if anyone has any tips on dealing with these situations in the short term I would love the hear them.

JaimeLouise13 Over reacting??
  • replies: 4

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I coul... View more

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I couldn't understand him or his friends. Not thinking too much about it I left and thought he will make his way to me or worst case I'll collect him on way home. My husband found his way to me eventually with a friend, he was acting strange... not his normal drunk self and suspect he was on something stronger. I asked him... he said no... i asked his friend he said nah he's drunk a bottle.. and then left in his car. Mean while my husband acting strange but I trusted them both and went with it. Next morning he didn't have a normal hang over... i said wow lastnight I could have sworn you where more then drunk... he laughed it off. Thought nothing again as I trusted him. Following weekend I was told he and my girl friends brother had tried cocaine. I said no he said he was just drunk. When I returned home I asked him nicely and said there was a rumor he was on cocaine... he was acting strange again but said no... i trusted him with his answer. That night I was sick to the stomach thinking... my husband was a lier... i felt like the biggest bitch for doughting him but my gut said he lied. Today as I could feel my heart breaking and my eyes swelled with tears I told my husband I didn't believe him. I called him a lier to his face.... i cant described the pain my heart felt. He then replied that he had tried cocaine and my heart broken again. I don't mind the reason behind him trying it. But the lie of not coming clean when asked 4 times is hurting me.. The hate I have for his mates for leaving him with me and my daughter whilst he was high hurts.. and that his mate (who was in our wedding) lied to my face. What happened if he reacted badly and he hurt either of us or worse went into a coma and I didn't know what to tell the ambos. Or died and I found out through bloods he had taken drugs without telling me. I feel as tho I can't trust his friendship group anymore nor him after lying for so long.... Am I over reacting??? I can't sleep and when thinking about it i actually want to throw up. My heart has a consistent pain since yesterday and its getting worse. We have the best relationship so I'm so confused...

Sharny Advice on when or if our children should be told about mum's mental illness
  • replies: 9

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could advise me as to whether or not my children should be told about my mental illness. It is really important at the moment due to the age of my eldest in particular of 13. I feel the need to now know firmly whether or... View more

Hi, I was wondering if anyone could advise me as to whether or not my children should be told about my mental illness. It is really important at the moment due to the age of my eldest in particular of 13. I feel the need to now know firmly whether or not this would be to his detriment or make him understand some of the things he witnesses from time to time. I don't wan't to make a mistake regretting it later on if I think it could of benefited our family but I don't wan't to make a huge mistake either. At the moment both of our children are doing very well socially and at school so I don't want to destroy anything. Recently I went back to my psychiatrist after using natural therapies only for sometime, but now things have changed a bit and the kids were asking about the appointment. I'm worried that keeping my mental health issue hidden will only make it harder if I'm ever not doing as well in the near future. My instincts tell me to leave the children out of it but thoughts keep prevailing that it might help the kids see another part to mum. Any advice would be appreciated, Sharny.

leela19 Sister committed suicide, nephew terminal illness diagnosis and 6 months postpartum
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy ... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy then a traumatic labour and delivery where both she and I were at risk, but in the end both came through OK. My husband and I then muddled through the newborn stage, as you do and fast forward to June when my bub is 3 months old and we found out that my nephew has been diagnosed with severe Duchane Muscular Dystrophy. So we now know that he is unlikely to live past his mid twenties and will end up being a full quadraplegic before then. I have been focusing on trying to be there for my brother and his wife - Not to mention my 4 year old nephew... Soon afterwards my daughter became unwell, we had no idea why but in the end needed surgery - which had to occur whilst my husband was overseas so my step-dad came to help us during that time as she recovered. My husband was back in the country for three days when the unmentionable happened and my big sister committed suicide... I had to support my entire family through the time, arrange the entire funeral, support her young children and husband, write the eulogy and try to hold everyone together whilst my bub was still recovering herself. At the funeral, my biological father and step-mother caused a massive scene and to cut a long story short - We have now fallen out and I will never speak to them again... So I feel as if I am also grieving any possible relationship with my father... I then became unwell - landed myself in hospital, had to suddenly stop breastfeeding in order to recover and returned to work 3 weeks ago. I was thrilled to go back to work, as a bit of an escape - but then I found out this week that a promotion I should have automatically be appointed to, I am not even being given an interview - presumably because I just had a baby. It has been the final straw and I now am officially not coping. I am booked in to see the GP later in the week to discuss post-natal depression but I don't even know if it is depression or just my whole world crashing down around me. I don't know how to grieve - to actually try to deal with my emotions. At the moment I am just focussing on keeping on going... Has anyone else had everything pile up like this? I just want to know that one day life will eventually return to normal and maybe one day I can feel better...

Shadow750 Really Need Help/Advice....Mentally being torn apart
  • replies: 8

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work ful... View more

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work full time. I cannot always be available. I feel like I’m depressed, torn, confused and just feeling guilty…..I knd of dont even know really how to express how I feel. I feel I have all these competing obligations but in all this there is no time for me. I pay all dads bills, am executor to the estate of mum and my uncle I try to see dad twice to three times per week and call him daily. But he says he’s bored, or all he’s done is watch TV each day and so I feel guilty or maybe a powerlessness over my situation. Selfishness comes to my mind....can I and should I do more ? Dad and I were never really close but he now needs me. I have tried to organise home help but he doesn’t want it. I’ve suggested community groups where they take you out for a few hours but he’s not interested. As an only child all the burden falls on me. And I feel like I have to please my wife, my dad, work and it’s just too much. Am I selfish ? Am I just whimping out ? Am I just whinging ? I do know all this mental anguish is a negative. I dont want to sound like a victim here but the competing interests make life hard. I dont think I have depression but sometimes I just want to scream out STOP, this week is mine all mine to do what I want. I've been trying to do this since mum got sick with dementia so maybe about 10 months I've been trying to juggle these balls. With mum now gone it's intensified or maybe I've made it intensify within myself. I really am confused and have decided I need to get counselling, there’s no point talking with those who know me because they have a biased view and need to speak with somebody that sees me as a blank canvas. Any advice would really be appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

Ryansmum Family Affairs
  • replies: 1

My son has admitted to an affair during his wife's pregnancy, he feels he is no longer in love with her. He is devastated and of course so is she, especially as their new baby is only a couple of months old. The affair isn't as much of an issue as hi... View more

My son has admitted to an affair during his wife's pregnancy, he feels he is no longer in love with her. He is devastated and of course so is she, especially as their new baby is only a couple of months old. The affair isn't as much of an issue as his no longer being in love with her. At the moment the only people involved are my d-i-l's family, my other son and his best man. I have suggested he contact Beyond Blue or another form of counseling as this needs to be dealt with as well as possible for everyone. Even if there is no reconciliation chance. Any tips?

SDW Anxiety after relationship breakup
  • replies: 15

Hi, every day I think about him, memories of what we did together, why can't I see him anymore, why doesn't he want to be with me. I stare at my phone, I think I hear knocking on my door and hope it's him, I get so worked up. I am not focusing on wor... View more

Hi, every day I think about him, memories of what we did together, why can't I see him anymore, why doesn't he want to be with me. I stare at my phone, I think I hear knocking on my door and hope it's him, I get so worked up. I am not focusing on work or studies, I can't get through a minute without him being in my head, really stressed and anxious. I drive around looking for him, I call or text every couple of days in the hope he will answer. This has been going on for a month now. I am trying so many things, I loved him, i still love him. This is my first heartbreak at 39 years age and I'm not coping...........

Terri_Dactal Mother In Law causing problems
  • replies: 2

My Mother In Law was someone I really loved. I came from a rough home and when I was kicked out before marrying my husband, she took me in. She tried to make me feel comfortable and loved despite barely knowing me. However I soon noticed her severe a... View more

My Mother In Law was someone I really loved. I came from a rough home and when I was kicked out before marrying my husband, she took me in. She tried to make me feel comfortable and loved despite barely knowing me. However I soon noticed her severe alcoholism and destructive behaviour my husband warned me about. She would drink 3-6 bottles of wine 4-6 nights a week. She would draw on walls and herself before having a screaming match with her female best friend that she's lived with since divorcing her abusive husband 15 years ago. Honestly I was stupid and excused a lot of behaviour because I was desperate for love and was never taught anything but dysfunction and abuse so I settled into this new cycle. She would have my crying having panic attacks at 2am in the morning when she went on a rampage around the house drunk. A year after moving in I married her son and not long after fell pregnant. I felt myself relapsing into depression again and when considering professional help she discouraged me saying "you're going to make mistakes anyway, you can't stop it" and claimed my self harm in the past was only superficial. I told her these things in confidence as a mother figure and when it suited she threw them back at me. Ive now been doing intense weekly psychotherapy for almost a year and long story short I now see why I can't allow to live without boundaries any longer, for the sake of my son (now 1) and family I started to make hose changes. I asked politely for them not to drink any alcohol when my son sleeps over. The response was that I was being silly and my MIL claimed she would never ask someone she trusts not to drink. This is not an unusual response as I understand she is an alcoholic. She has always done things I'm uncomfortable with, like posting photos on social media of my son without asking and calling him her baby, flat out lying and never acknowledging disrespecting our parenting, pretending things she said never happened, sending me abusive text messages when she's very drunk and so on. I used to to live in fear because I needed her approval but now I understand I am safe with my husband and family. Now I'm concerned about setting boundaries but he second I started (kindly and diplomatically), I was thrown into a hurricane of silent treatment, intimidation and abuse. Im now pregnant again and am seriously considering cutting her off. Hubby has never liked his Mum. I'm so stressed! My kids don't need these values do they?