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Hello! I'm NOT the Invisible Sister!

Community Member
I understand life is busy. Everyone is juggling work & family commitments and is time poor. I guess I just feel that most of the time I don't matter as much to my siblings as they matter to me. This affects me more than they all know. I try to get on with my life (with my Husband) as best as I can however I still struggle with not having the quality time with my Brothers & Sister & their families that I'd love to have..I identify as Indigenous..and as all indigenous families know..FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! It is the fundamental aspect of our lives. It makes me extremely sad when I think about my family. The fact that they never visit. If I want to see them I have to go to their place. It's all one-sided and to be totally honest it hurts my heart immensely. Last weekend my Husband & I were invited to our friends for a BBQ and I had a melt-down. I'd been holding it in for far too long. It was embarrassing however..to my surprise I got their utmost respect and support. It makes me sad to think that our close friends are more supportive than my own Family. The advice that I got from our friends was that maybe I need to distance myself and back off a little from my family. I'm unsure whether this was the right advice or not. I have and always will be the most family-oriented person of the 5 of us and it is difficult for me to actually become disconnected from them. We no longer have our parents around and I don't have any children of my own..and so this makes it even more difficult for me to deal with. I just feel that sometimes I don't matter to them. It's not nice when you start feeling irrelevant. I would welcome any advice on this subject. Please share your thoughts. Much appreciated. Sincerely..Blue Babe.
4 Replies 4

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear Blue Babe your story hit home to me. Even though I am not an indigenous person. The way my parents raised me and my siblings was. Family comes before everything. Both of my parents are now gone as well. I think they would be very saddened by my siblings and how splintered they have become. I have tried to support all of them, in one way or another. Yet they have ignored any request for help me that has been made. I

If I were you I would always leave the door open, for them to be part of your life. Thy to keep them in on where you are, what you are doing. Let them know if you need help. Its there responsibility to then act appropriately. At the same time if you rely need help and can get help from else where. Then go there and get the help you need. If you have enough hole a BBQ, invite family along try to have fun together as a family. All the (white man's version) aunties and uncle's together. Just having a fun day together.

I did the same with my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Nothing came of it, but at least I gave it a try. It might not work. But family is important.


Dear Kanga Brumby..Thanks for your thoughts. Your situation IS certainly similar to mine and I appreciate your help. I have always kept the door open for my family. I am the one that is always there for them all whenever they need help from me. I have never hesitated when they've needed me. I don't understand why they don't reciprocate. It simply hurts. I am the most obliging, loving & caring Sister and am always there at the drop of a hat. Maybe they know my nature and tend to take advantage of it. You're absolutely right .. Our parents would be disappointed to know just how I am feeling and how my siblings aren't very supportive towards me. I remember My Mother saying to me just before she passed away.."Just look after yourself and your Husband..Don't worry about what the others are doing." That's all well and good however it doesn't stop the pain that I feel. Mum also said to my Aunty.."I'm not worried about any of the others..but I AM worried about Blue Babe..I hope she will be ok." I miss my parents immensely as they were my greatest support and I just wish that my siblings would be more considerate towards me. It makes me feel really sad. My Sister lives an hour away but my Brothers live within a 20 minute drive and yet they can't make the time to come and visit me. I always have to visit them if I want to catch up with them. So over this one-sided relationship with them. At the same time it hurts my heart. I've invited them all over on numerous occasions and still they don't show. I'm at the point where I'm done with trying. It's just not fair. Thanks for listening. Regards Blue Babe.

Blue Babe we are kindred spirits, both of us are experiencing similar things. All I can say is don't burn the bridges that lead back to family. There are stories they have that you need, to help to get through life. As there are stories you have that are important for them to hear.

Over the years I have had some contact with various people who identify as Indigenous. They have taught me some of there culture. I still have a lot to learn. Some of them even called me uncle, I understand why. They would come to me for advice, especially when dealing with government departments. Back then I had the contacts, not now. I was in the scouts and helped in the cubs, In there I was called Barloo who was the wise bear, who taught you what to do. Today I now resemble the bear, Big around the middle, and growl a lot, which I am trying to fix.

But keep in touch with your family, give them space, eventually you may find they will contact you and need you for something. I haven't given up on mine I know I deserve better as you do. But you can choose your friends. Your relo's you are stuck with, no choice.


Dear Kanga..Thank You. I will never burn my bridges when It comes to Family. I have too much love for them to ever do that. Thank you for reminding me. I have so many kids that I've known over the years that still call me 'Aunty' and they're not even blood. It is a real privilege. I feel so proud that I have gained the love and respect of these kids. A huge thank you as well for actually making me smile for a change. It is so true though that we can choose our friends but we can't choose our family. I just love them so much that it really hurts me that they don't bother to visit me. I will never stop loving them all. It's just my nature. I suppose it is a rare quality to have in this day and age. I am proud of the person that I am and the qualities that I possess. I just wish that they would show me the same consideration. Thank you 'Barloo'. Much respect and appreciation for listening and understanding. Regards Blue Babe.